Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader
࿓ Summary: You weren't sure how you ended up so deep in love with Steve Harrington. Maybe it was somewhere in between the demodogs and the Russian tunnels, maybe it had grown in the moments you saw the raw tenderness slip through. But you love him, which is what makes watching him fling himself into danger so excruciating.
࿓ CW: friends with benefits, mdni, porn with more plot, angst, arguing, hurt/comfort, steve is careless with his life, relatively happy ending
࿓ A/N: Honestly look out for a lot more Blondshell inspired fics cause so many of her song's remind me of Steve
࿓ Song Inspo: ↻ ◁ | Violins by Blondshell | ▷ ↺
Loving Steve Harrington was easy.
So easy, in fact, that you hadn't realized the fall had happened. It came up behind you, crawling up your spine and implanting itself in your chest. One moment you were watching him check over his curly haired shadow, the next you felt the foreign feeling finally revealing itself.
You didn't know when it had happened. Maybe it was when he took your chin in his hand, eyes scanning over your face for any sign of injury just outside of Starcourt Mall. Maybe it had been later that night when you found yourself under him again, nails finding their signature spot in the skin of his back.
Whenever it had happened, it was catching up with you now. Devastatingly so. Because now that there was more than just skin attached to him, things became harder to ignore.
Like the way he never thought twice about flinging himself into danger head first. The way that he never seemed to give his life a second though before doing something stupidly dangerous. The way he was determined to never run away from something ever again.
Because when Steve looked at you, really looked at you, his mind told him to run. Not because he didn't love you, but because loving you was terrifying. Because loving you felt so easy, which made it dangerous. It was dangerous, love was dangerous, you were dangerous.
Unlike you, Steve knew the exact moment that he fell in love with you. The moment was etched permanently into his brain... a dream and a nightmare rolled all into one. It was the night after the group battled in Starcourt Mall:
You stood between Steve's legs, a first aid kit sat beside him on the counter. You held his face in one hand, the other gently cleaning the wounds left by the soviets. Each time a cotton ball soaked with antiseptic touched the cut just below his eye, your thumb would gently run along his chin. It was the simplest of touches, and yet it carried a heavy weight with it. The way you held, touched, cleaned, looked at him, made him feel fragile. Like his life had meaning beyond being a human shield. If not to himself, then to you.
That night, there had been a shift between the two of you. Instead of sex filled with heavy breaths, random words, and distraction, that night had changed the course of whatever the hell was going on between you two. You had finished cleaning his wounds, and now rubbed his back as he threw up more and more of whatever drug he had been injected with, brushing his hair from his face as he sat back on his heels.
Steve collapsed against the lower sink cabinets, taking the glass of water you had miraculously conjured from thin air. He looked up at you, taking in the small cuts that littered your face, the red hand print on your cheek given by one of the soviets, the cut on your side from Steve crashing into Billy's car. All that hurt, and yet here you were taking care of him. He thought that it should be the other way around, but selfishly, his heart was begging to be taken care of. And who were you to deny the poor boy's heart?
"You're hurt." Steve nodded towards your side.
"Maybe, but I'm not the one still drowning in some russian drug." You smiled, nudging his foot with your own.
He managed a gruff laugh, "Not sure how you're still not reeling from it."
"Because I made myself throw up way before you and Robin." You leaned forward, wiping away a bit of lingering drool.
"This should be the other way around." He searched your face for any trace that you were frustrated with the situation. He found none and it cracked something inside him. He didn't understand it. Why were you here helping him when there were others you could be helping? You could've been with Robin or Dustin or Max or El, anyone but him. So why-
"Steve." Your voice pulled him from his thoughts. "You deserve to be cared for too, y'know."
Steve looked at you, really looked at you. Before now, he wasn't exactly sure what you meant to him. Of course he cared for you, of course he loved when you were around, and of course he loved that you were game for whatever this unspoken thing was between you both. But he hadn't allowed himself to really enjoy your company beyond that, not with everything going on. But now, sitting across from you in his own bathroom, he couldn't ignore what he had been pushing down for so long.
Steve moved cautiously, scooting across the floor until he was sat next to you, propped up against the tub. He felt the way your eyes tracked his every move, and secretly filed away the slight hitch in your breath when his shoulder touched yours.
You relaxed beside him, moving your arm to allow him to lean into your side. Slowly, Steve melted into you, letting his guard down inch by inch. You felt the way his hair brushed against your neck as his head nuzzled into the crook of your neck. Carefully, you wrapped an arm around his shoulders, your hand threading through his hair.
Steve wasn't sure when the tears had started, but he found himself quietly crying into the crook of your neck. You didn't shush him, you didn't try to convince him he was okay, you didn't try to cheer him up, you didn't tell him that everything was going to be fine, you simply held him.
It was the kind of hold that Steve had longed for his whole life. It was a touch that told him he was truly cared for, a touch that told him there was at least one person in his life that saw him as more than a human shield or a punching bag. And he needed more of your touch. Once his tears stopped, his love started.
He kissed you hard, taking your face in his hands. His hands slipped under your shirt, his palm holding you like you were fragile as he pulled you up from the tiled floor. He led you over to his bed, the two of you standing in front of it as he gently undressed you. He slipped your shirt over your head, pressing small kisses along your shoulder as he took care of your denim shorts. You did the same for him. Carefully pulling off his clothes while pressing sweet kisses to his skin. Your fingers brushed against a bruise, pulling a strangled sound from his stomach.
You glanced up at him, "I'm here for you, Steve." And that was it. Any shred of retraint he had flew out the window. He lowered you onto the bed, cradling your head carefully as he crawled over you. You pulled his face back to yours, kissing him as his body settled between your thighs. Something about the night felt different. The way he touched you felt less like a grip and more like a caress. He was both nosier and quiet at the same time. The only sounds that escaped him were low groans as he pushed into you slowly, breathy whimpers when you kissed a bruise, and achey moans that fell into your neck as you squeezed around him. Everything felt slow and deliberate. Each slow thrust into you pushed you against the sheets. He kissed you slowly, taking his time to cover every inch of your skin as you let out breathy moans against his ear. Steve clasped his hand in yours once he finally picked up speed. The headboard knocked into the wall steadily, as he pushed deeper and deeper. Steve watched your face twist delicately as he hit the perfect spot. He groaned lowly, as you clenched around him, his name falling from your lips like a prayer.
You nodded slowly, arms looping around his neck as you both drew closer and closer to the end. "I'm here, Steve. Give it to me." Your words unravelled him. A desperate, achey moan fell from his lips into your neck as his hips stuttered. You followed after him, gasping slightly as he carefully bit down on your shoulder. You didn't leave that night, not like was normally expected. No, you stayed put. You threw on one of Steve's shirts after he cleaned you up, and you got him water from his kitchen before he went to bed. Once the lights clicked off, he wordlessly pulled you into his arms, wrapping you up tightly. His head pressed into the crook of your neck, his breath becoming even against your skin as he fell asleep.
That had been the night that casual, coping sex had turned into something different. The sex that had once served as a distraction turned into love that served as a reminder. A reminder that even if neither of you could speak the words, there was a care so deep that it had solidified in both yours and his bones. And that kind of care was more than just mutual feelings, it was an infused reverence, and devotion towards one another.
After that night, both of you had silently stopped seeking out others in a sad attempt to escape the other. Instead, you leaned into it even more. The both of you weren't shy about it, there was obviously something going on between you two. It just didn't have a name. And how could it, when there was no possible label that could cover exactly how deep the feelings ran.
It was hard to explain when asked about it. Because sure, on paper, you considered Steve your boyfriend, by definition you were dating. But out loud was so much more complicated. Because now didn't seem like a time for silly labels like boyfriend and girlfriend. Steve felt like now wasn't the right time to dive into anything "too serious," even if that line had long been crossed.
The Upside down didn't care about whatever the name was, it just took and took and took. And deep down, Steve believed that if there was no actual name for what he felt for you, then maybe you would be safe. Maybe if Vecna or the Mind Flayer or those stupid bats and monsters couldn't hear what you meant to him, they would leave you alone.
Steve knew deep down that none of that actually mattered. If Vecna wanted to take you... he was going to, and reasonably there was nothing Steve could actually do to stop that.
So Steve decided that in case the worst were to happen, maybe if there was no label it wouldn't hurt as much. And Steve figured that the same could be said if the roles were reversed. Maybe if he held out from you it would be an easier pill to swallow when something inevitably happened.
Yes. Steve had decided something would eventually happen to him. The same way something had happened to Billy, Hopper, Barb. Because if there was one thing he knew, it was that he would under absolutely any circumstances lose someone else. So Steve got reckless. Too reckless.
He jumped head first into any sign of danger, throwing himself at the first movement of evil, using his own body like it was simple collateral. He hid the reality, shoving the words "instinct" in front of what it really was. And almost everyone bought it and gave a simple reminder to "be more careful next time," but you saw through him.
There were plenty of giveaways, but there was one particular one that stood out.
Steve Harrington was a man of his word. If he swore he would do something he would do it despite whatever stood in his way. And one thing he had yet to swear on was to be careful. Even when you tried again and again, he would simply smile at you with that stupid grin, and leave without a word.
"Don't get yourself killed." Was met with a small chuckle before he kissed your temple and ran into danger.
"Take care of yourself out there." You got a smile and a quick kiss.
"Don't do anything reckless, please." A squeeze and a roll of the eyes.
"Please, just be careful."
"Make sure you come back to me."
None of it was met with any sort of indignation that he had the intention of coming back. And it was tearing you apart. Because you loved Steve. Really, really, really loved him. And you wanted to make it through this shit show, and you wanted him to make it out with you.
You wanted to be able to go on dates and call them that. You wanted to say he was your boyfriend when one of your friends asked. You wanted to fully call him yours.
But it seemed Steve was hell bent on spoiling those plans. Especially after he had volunteered to swim down to the bottom of Lovers Lake to find the gate. Especially after he had been pulled down. Especially when you dived in after him, finding him being ruthlessly attacked by three of those stupid monster bats. And even after you had killed two of the bats and he had taken a chunk out of the other and more bats came flying in. Even then, still breathless and bleeding, he shoved you behind him. Even when the ground shook violently he covered your body as if it mattered more than his own.
And seeing him hurt, biting back the pain as you and Nancy did your best to tend his wounds while in an alternate dimension, it had you practically breaking in half. Because you had seen it. You had seen the way that stupid bat's tail was wrapped around his neck, his face draining of color. And yet when he had noticed you beside him, slamming a wooden ore down onto one of the bats at his side, he had still yelled for you to leave. He had still cared more about your life even when Death was looming over his own head.
It was breaking you faster than any monster from the Upside down ever could.
The group of five made their way to the Wheeler's house, the journey unpleasantly quiet. Nancy led, Robin and Eddie taking the middle, and you and Steve trailing behind. You kept your focus ahead, trying everything you could to push away the image of Steve strangled and struggling on the ground.
And while you walked absentmindedly, Steve couldn't keep his eyes off you. He had seen just about every single expression you had to give, and this one was new. It wasn't a defeated look, or the sad look you gave him when he refused to promise he would be careful, it wasn't even the angry expression you wore when he had done something clearly reckless. This look was different. You looked lost. And he hated it, because Steve knew he was the cause of it whether you would admit it or not.
"What's on your mind?" He asked, bracing for the lash out.
Your brows twitched downward. As much as you wanted to chew him out, to be angry, to call out his behaviour, you couldn't bring yourself to do it. Not when he was still hurt, not when there was a ring around his neck where the bat had been, not when every glance served as a reminder that you almost lost him tonight.
"You need real bandages, and antiseptic or rubbing alcohol." You blinked slightly, rattling off a long list of medical help he needed.
Steve stared at you, bewildered. Because the last thing he had expected was for you to still be so worried about his wounds. If anything, he wanted you to yell, to scream, to berate him, call him stupid, cry, give any indignation that you were frustrated. And instead he was met with the brutal reality that no matter what, above anything else, you cared. Deeply.
"That's really what's on your mind right now?" He pressed, trying to get something from you. A slip of anger, an eye roll, anything.
And instead you took his hand, eyes forward. "Yeah, it is. Because the last thing I want is for you to turn into some mutant bat-human-monster thing."
The joke would have been funny had Steve not seen the way your lip trembled slightly.
You shook your head, tightening your grip on his hand. "Please, not right now. I never push you to say you'll be careful. So please, don't push me to talk about it. Not right now. I just want to get home, and make sure that you're alright." Your voice stayed calm. There was no hint of malice or frustration, just a calm plea for him to drop it.
Steve nodded. He watched the way your thumb moved to the pulse point on his wrist. Steve stepped closer, allowing you to hear the evenness of his breath. He noted the way you silently counted his breaths, tucking away the information for a later time.
He wanted to keep pressing you, but you were right, you had never forced him to swear on his own safety. Even when it hurts you. And now, he was understanding just how much it hurt. Because he wanted more than anything for you to let out all your emotions, but you couldn't. It seemed like you were physically incapable of it, the same way he was incapable of providing you the promises you longed for.
Almost a full day has passed now. You had stayed true to your word and had successfully tended to Steve's wounds the second you had the chance to. The group had planned out an attack, had showered, had gotten the ridiculous weapons needed, and now were preparing for battle. And through all of it, you had yet to give Steve the fight he wanted.
And Steve had had enough. Especially with this ultimate battle looming over everyone's heads, the last thing he wanted was to go into that shitty hell hole with unspoken feelings.
Steve spotted you sharpening some weird metal looking thing, and decided that if you weren't going to bring the fight to him, he would bring it to you.
He carefully took the sharp object from your hand, tossing it to the side and sitting in front of you. "Alright, what's the issue?!"
"Not now, Steve, please!" You reached to grab your makeshift weapon.
Steve grabs your arms, "Yes! Yes now! Come on, give me something!?"
"No, no, no. We aren't doing this!"
"Because I don't want our last real moment to be a fight! God- Steve do you realize every time we get split up I have to wonder if it'll be the last time I see you?!"
"You think I don't think the same thing!?"
"No! Not the way I do! Because you're prepared to die, Steve!!" You push at him slightly, tears already stinging in your eyes. He freezes. "You leave with every intention of walking into fire! You go out there ready to die because you've preordained it!"
"That's not true!" The lie slips out before he can even stop it.
"You think I don't see it!? Steve if there is one thing anyone knows about you is that you don't make promises that you can't keep. So you don't make promises to me." You quickly swipe away the falling tears, trying to keep yourself composed. "You don't promise to be careful, to take care of yourself, to come back home. None of it! You avoid it like the fucking plague! And each time you avoid another promise I have to wonder if that was really it! If that was the last time I get to see you, the last time I get to feel your touch! You've decided it's your time before there's any danger in sight!"
Steve stared at you, the woman he loved, breaking down over his death despite the fact that he was right in front of you. The weight of your words settled heavy on his chest. Seeing you like this made him sick, sick knowing that his own carelessness had bled over to you. It made him sick knowing that despite his best effort to protect your heart by denying there was anything serious going on, you were still hurting. He spoke your name softly, grabbing your hands.
"So what am I supposed to do about it!? It's not like I have any right as a girlfriend or a partner. I can't tell you to come back to me because we have a date planned because we don't even call them that! I can't seem to convince you that I care more than you even know! I can't convince you that I'm worth sticking around for because I don't even know if you feel the way I do!"
"I do! God I do! And I know you care, and that's what scares me. Because no one has cared about me the way you do. And I know it's stupid, but I thought that maybe if there was no name behind it, maybe if I kept pretending that I don't love you, the care would fade away and you would be safe. But you won't give up on me and I don't know why! You hold me closer, your care grows, and it's terrifying!" His hands moved up your arms, gripping your shoulders
"You don't get to decide when enough is enough for me, Steve." You cupped his face. "I love you, I care about you, I always have. I care so much that I look out for myself, because I think about you. You keep me coming back, even when I know that I'm not enough for you to do the same. And I wait on you like I'm watching paint dry, waiting for you to realize that I'm not a fluke. I'm not going anywhere, even if you seem determined to leave."
He shakes his head, "I don't want to leave." His voice catches, "I- I don't want to die. I want to come back. I want to see you again."
"Then why don't you try?" Your thumb smoothed over his cheek.
"Because I can't lose someone else." He spoke softly.
"But you do realize that you could be that someone else. The way you don't want to lose someone, I don't want to lose you." You pressed your forehead to his. "I can't lose you. Even if you're technically not my boyfriend, losing you would be like losing a part of myself."
"I don't want to lose you either." Steve's head dropped into your shoulder, resting there for a moment.
"You do realize if you die then you do lose me... right?" You gently scratched the back of his head.
"Losing you would destroy me." He admitted softly, looking back up at you.
"So then don't die." You held his face in your hands firmly.
He paused for a moment before slowly nodding. "I won't." The promise was quiet.
You pulled his face to yours, kissing him deeply. He met you with the same intensity, pulling you closer by the waist. His mouth was heavy on yours, each kiss a promise that he would truly try to stay alive. You pulled back, laughing as his mouth chased after yours. He pulled you tighter in his arms, hugging you tightly, his head buried in your shoulder.
"I know this is definitely not the best timing, and I'm way late to the game... but I want you to be mine. For real. I want the name, the label, the openness, the love. I want all of it, and I want it with you."
You smiled, "You askin me to be your girlfriend in the middle of the world possibly ending, Harrington?"
His eyes widened, "I thought you said you wanted-"
You laughed and cut him off with a kiss. "Relax, I do."
"Soooo, you'll be my girl?" He smiled brightly.
"Yes, Steve. I'll be your girl."
He fist pumped, and looked over to Dustin, yelling, "Hey Henderson! I told you I still had game! I just got a girlfriend in the middle of the world ending!"
You rolled your eyes, laughing lightly as Dustin yelled back. "Doesn't count!! You guys have been grossly in love for like a whole year, you just finally had the balls to make it official!"
Steve gave you a shocked look, "Can you believe that kid?"
"Yeah, cause he's right." You stood up, grabbing your weapon.
"Hey, you're my girlfriend now, you're supposed to take my side!" He gave you a pout.
"Mmmh, I'll take your side if you help me make this thing as sharp as possible." You smiled sweetly.
"Deal, now come here, we need to figure out where we want to go on our first official date once this whole thing is over. I was thinking a real nice dinner at Enzo's, and then a movie marathon after." He pulled you next to him, his hand squeezing yours.
"That a promise?" You teased.
He looked over at you, eyes meeting yours. "It's a promise."
