live, love, laugh, life

There is an event looming,

Something I need to do.

I can hear my heartbeat so clearly.

Thump thump thump,

When will I let it all go.

Thump thump thump,

I hate feeling this way.

Inhale exhale,

My system is in shambles.

Inhale exhale,

I feel like I'm dying.

Inhale exhale,

its all in my head.

The table.

The chair.

The fluorescent light.

The cold ice.

The sound of something.

My eyes are brimming with tears,

This is harder than I thought it would be.

I'm certain I might throw up.

My god when will I grow up.

I'm tired and I'm scared.

But its okay,

I'll do it anyways,

I'll do it scared,

Until the fear goes away. N.M

☆♡☆'SWEATY UPPER LIP ALeRT' ☆♡☆

You keep praying to God for miracles of money and happiness, while I've been praying just as hard to make you love me the way I need to be loved.

Your looking at the skies,

I am looking at you.

You don't bat an eye,

As you spew your words of hate.

I didn't bat an eye,

while I sat and ate.

We've been sitting at this table for so long,

I think I forgot what the sun felt like outside,

I've been breathing in your toxicity,

Forgetting just how nice it is to breath some fresh air.

This is me getting up and walking away.

Your not special or amazing.

Your not a saint or a savior.

Your human just like me.

Your not better than me,

You don't get to judge my darkest moments.

Sit here and stay the same,

Eat the same food,

Spew the same words.

I'm going to go find whats better for me.

I'll look at the stars, and admire them,

I'll feel the sun and the wind ruffle my hair.

I'm going to go and live. N.M

She's a stone cold killer

She kills me everyday.

I bring myself back to life,

Thats how she likes to play.

She sits heavy on my chest,

Heavy in my bones,

I think she may be here to stay.

I don't want to know her,

I don't want to feel her.

But she's everything and everywhere,

Omnipresent and forever there.

I'm hoping that won't be the case.

For my sake I need her gone.

I try to run,

I try to sit still.

She's ever the leech,

Digging into my brain,

Laughing as she says

All sorts of mean things turning them to prayers.

Negative thoughts come in a multitude of layers, so hard to uproot.

I keep choking down the fruits of my despair.

I am in control but she is demanding,

Taking the wheel from me,

Damaging the world all around me.

She never takes a break,

'Its all for your sake,'

She says to me as I lay in a state of pure misery.

She says she's protecting me,

With all these lies weighing down on me,

How will I ever breathe? N.M

I'm sorry I can't celebrate your wins with you,

My tears and sorrows are endless and never ending,

I feel selfish.

Your getting better.

I'm not .