Salvatore prodigy

True. Oh, I think I remember her. She’s supposedly a pretty blonde that tolerates Chris’ stripper phases. Beca…I love Beca. She’s so nice and evil. That’s why I love her. Enzo loves Caroline. He really loves her. He says it’s like Stefan all over again. Oh right, the Lily thing. I love Lily but I don’t think she loves me…or maybe she does but she won’t let herself..or she doesn’t want too. I can’t remember. Ouch. Strange? I’m totally fine Gus Gus. Did you know you have the same name as that mouse in the Disney Cinderella?

Eh, whatever, my father doesn’t want us, Damon does. I’m over it. That would be her...I think. I didn’t know about the stripper thing. They’ve got cats together or something, though. If I remember correctly. Yeah, I’m pretty fond of her too..and Nick, but we don’t tell him that often. Have you met the baby yet? Oh, does he? Oh. Well you got Damon’s brain too, apparently. I’m just going to guess and say you and Lily haven’t talked about that. Am I right? That’s the nicest way of putting it. He’s a freak who is afraid of bananas and has sworn off children because he is convinced that they are all demons who come from hell now that he’s witnessed childbirth. ...So we definitely need to convince Beca to let me put Damien in a banana costume and take him to see Josh. Because I’m an awful person. Yeah, believe me, I know. When we were younger you liked to tell me that all the time. As long as I don’t look like him.

Awesome. Kimmy is Chris’ like best friend right? I don’t know Enzo gave me water saying it would help with the Lily thing. Ouch, that sounds painful. Yeah, I’m still looking good so it’s all fine. 

Just be glad it’s Damon and not Stefan you’ve gotten half your genetics from. It’s easier to not have to lie about it all the time. Yep, that’s her. She talks about him a lot. Well, him and a few other people. But it’s usually him. Ah...well. I probably shouldn’t be surprised, I mean, Beca and Caroline like to talk about Enzo. I’ve heard a lot of stories. The...Lily thing? What is that? It happens to him more than it should. His relationship with Vicki is a very strange thing to witness. But Josh in general is weird. ...Right. Well as long as you’re okay. 

At least I’m a handsome disgusting little freak. Chris and Peter blew up a hole in the ground a long time ago, which I did not know about. I was just really dizzy with Enzo’s ‘cure for a heartbreak water’ and I plopped in the hole. 

Wow...that might be the most Damon thing I have ever heard come out of your mouth. Huh. Oh right, I think Kim told me about that. Wait, Enzo’s...what? Eh, well, at least you just fell into a hole and weren’t shoved off of a cliff like Josh is all the time. Are you okay though?

Then I’m not telling you nothing. 

You disgusting little freak...I probably set myself up for that though. Do I even want to ask what happened?

If that’s some new creepy form of innuendo and you didn’t literally fall into a hole, please don’t tell me.