Steven R. Tabano & Associates | Attorneys

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New tax law eliminates alimony deductions after 2018

The new tax law will affect people differently, depending on whether they’re paying or receiving alimony.

In divorce situations, one spouse or ex-spouse may become legally obligated to make payments to the other party. Because these payments are often substantial, locking in tax deductions for the payer has often been an important issue. Before the new Tax Cuts and Jobs Act (TCJA), payments that met the tax-law definition of alimony could always be deducted by the payer for federal income tax purposes. And recipients of alimony payments always had to report the payments as taxable income.

This old-law treatment continues for alimony payments made under pre-2019 divorce agreements. But for payments made under post-2018 agreements, things will change dramatically. Here’s the story.

TCJA eliminates deductions for alimony payments required by post-2018 divorce agreements

For payments required under divorce or separation instruments that are executed after Dec. 31, 2018, the new law eliminates the deduction for alimony payments. Recipients of affected alimony payments will no longer have to include them in taxable income.

This TCJA treatment of alimony payments will apply to payments that are required under divorce or separation instruments that are: (1) executed after Dec. 31, 2018 or (2) modified after that date if the modification specifically states that the TCJA treatment of alimony payments (not deductible by the payer and not taxable income for the recipient) now applies.

For individuals who must pay alimony, this change can be expensive — because the tax savings from being able to deduct alimony payments can be substantial.

No change in tax treatment for payments required by pre-2019 divorce agreements.

There’s no change in the federal income tax treatment of divorce-related payments that are required by divorce agreements that are executed before 2019. However, for these payments to qualify as deductible alimony, payers must still satisfy the time-honored list of specific tax-law requirements. If those requirements are met, alimony payments can be written off above-the-line on the payer’s federal income tax return. That means the payer does not have to itemize to benefit from the deduction. Payment recipients must include alimony payments that are required by divorce agreements executed before 2019 in their taxable income. So this is a continuation of business as usual.

When payments fail to meet the tax-law definition of alimony, they are generally treated as either child support payments or payments to divide the marital property. Such payments represent nondeductible personal expenses for the payer and tax-free money for the recipient.

Requirements for deductible alimony

Whether payments required by pre-2019 divorce agreements qualify as tax-deductible alimony or not is determined strictly by applying the applicable language in our beloved Internal Revenue Code and related regulations. In general, what the divorce decree says and what the divorcing couple might intend does not matter. For a particular payment required by a pre-2019 divorce agreement to qualify as deductible alimony, all the following requirements must be met.

1. Written Instrument Requirement

The payment must be made pursuant to a written divorce or separation instrument. This term includes divorce decrees, separate maintenance decrees, and separation instruments.

2. Payment Must Be to or on Behalf of Spouse or Ex-Spouse

To qualify as deductible alimony, a payment must be to or on behalf of a spouse or ex-spouse. Payments to third parties, such as attorneys and mortgage lenders, are permitted if they are made on behalf of a spouse or ex-spouse and pursuant to a divorce or separation agreement or at the written request of the spouse or ex-spouse.

3. Payment Cannot Be Stated to Not Be Alimony

The divorce or separation instrument cannot state that the payment in question is not alimony or effectively stipulate that it is not alimony because it is not deductible by the payer or not includable in the payee’s gross income.

4. Ex-Spouses Cannot Live in Same Household or File Jointly

After divorce or legal separation has occurred, the ex-spouses cannot live in the same household or file a joint return for payments to qualify as deductible alimony.

5. Cash or Cash Equivalent Requirement

To be deductible alimony, a payment must be made in cash or cash equivalent.

6. Cannot Be Child Support

To be deductible alimony, a payment cannot be classified as fixed or deemed child support under the alimony tax rules. The rules regarding what constitutes child support–especially what constitutes deemed child support–for this purpose are complicated and represent a nasty trap for unwary taxpayers. Contact a tax professional if your proposed divorce agreement includes payments that you intend to be alimony as well as payments that you intend to be child support.

7. Payee’s Social Security Number Requirement

For the payer to claim an alimony deduction for a payment, the payer’s return must include the payee’s Social Security number.

8. No Obligations for Payments to Continue after Recipient’s Death

The obligation to make payments (other than payments of delinquent amounts) must cease if the recipient party dies. If the divorce papers are unclear about whether or not payments must continue, applicable state law controls. If under state law, the payer must continue to make payments after the recipient’s death (to the recipient’s estate or beneficiaries), the payments cannot be deductible alimony. In other words, the payment obligation must cease if the recipient party dies in order for the payment to qualify as deductible alimony. Failing to meet this requirement for payments to cease if the recipient dies is the most common reason for lost alimony deductions.

If you are in divorce proceedings and want deductible alimony treatment for some or all of the payments that will be made to the other party, the TCJA gives you a huge incentive to get your divorce agreement wrapped up and signed by 12/31/18.

On the other hand, if you will be the recipient of payments, you have a big incentive to put off finalizing your agreement until next year, because the payments would be tax-free to you.

Either way, you should contact a tax pro with experience in divorce tax issues sooner rather than later to get the best tax results for yourself. Waiting too long could turn out to be an expensive mistake tax-wise, and you may have to live with that expensive mistake for years. Finally, be warned that many otherwise-competent divorce attorneys are not up to speed on the tax issues, and they may be reluctant to admit it. So don’t assume that your divorce attorney is ready, willing, and able to get you the best tax results.  Some divorcing taxpayers will want to delay their divorces, while others will want to get it done as soon as possible

New Post has been published on https://tabanolaw.com/new-tax-law-eliminates-alimony-deductions/

New tax law eliminates alimony deductions after 2018

The new tax law will affect people differently, depending on whether they’re paying or receiving alimony.

  In divorce situations, one spouse or ex-spouse may become legally obligated to make payments to the other party. Because these payments are often substantial, locking in tax deductions for the payer has often been an important issue. Before the new Tax Cuts and Jobs Act (TCJA), payments that met the tax-law definition of alimony could always be deducted by the payer for federal income tax purposes. And recipients of alimony payments always had to report the payments as taxable income.

This old-law treatment continues for alimony payments made under pre-2019 divorce agreements. But for payments made under post-2018 agreements, things will change dramatically. Here’s the story.

TCJA eliminates deductions for alimony payments required by post-2018 divorce agreements

For payments required under divorce or separation instruments that are executed after Dec. 31, 2018, the new law eliminates the deduction for alimony payments. Recipients of affected alimony payments will no longer have to include them in taxable income.

This TCJA treatment of alimony payments will apply to payments that are required under divorce or separation instruments that are: (1) executed after Dec. 31, 2018 or (2) modified after that date if the modification specifically states that the TCJA treatment of alimony payments (not deductible by the payer and not taxable income for the recipient) now applies.

For individuals who must pay alimony, this change can be expensive — because the tax savings from being able to deduct alimony payments can be substantial.

No change in tax treatment for payments required by pre-2019 divorce agreements.

There’s no change in the federal income tax treatment of divorce-related payments that are required by divorce agreements that are executed before 2019. However, for these payments to qualify as deductible alimony, payers must still satisfy the time-honored list of specific tax-law requirements. If those requirements are met, alimony payments can be written off above-the-line on the payer’s federal income tax return. That means the payer does not have to itemize to benefit from the deduction. Payment recipients must include alimony payments that are required by divorce agreements executed before 2019 in their taxable income. So this is a continuation of business as usual.

When payments fail to meet the tax-law definition of alimony, they are generally treated as either child support payments or payments to divide the marital property. Such payments represent nondeductible personal expenses for the payer and tax-free money for the recipient.

Requirements for deductible alimony

Whether payments required by pre-2019 divorce agreements qualify as tax-deductible alimony or not is determined strictly by applying the applicable language in our beloved Internal Revenue Code and related regulations. In general, what the divorce decree says and what the divorcing couple might intend does not matter. For a particular payment required by a pre-2019 divorce agreement to qualify as deductible alimony, all the following requirements must be met.

1. Written Instrument Requirement

The payment must be made pursuant to a written divorce or separation instrument. This term includes divorce decrees, separate maintenance decrees, and separation instruments.

2. Payment Must Be to or on Behalf of Spouse or Ex-Spouse

To qualify as deductible alimony, a payment must be to or on behalf of a spouse or ex-spouse. Payments to third parties, such as attorneys and mortgage lenders, are permitted if they are made on behalf of a spouse or ex-spouse and pursuant to a divorce or separation agreement or at the written request of the spouse or ex-spouse.

3. Payment Cannot Be Stated to Not Be Alimony

The divorce or separation instrument cannot state that the payment in question is not alimony or effectively stipulate that it is not alimony because it is not deductible by the payer or not includable in the payee’s gross income.

4. Ex-Spouses Cannot Live in Same Household or File Jointly

After divorce or legal separation has occurred, the ex-spouses cannot live in the same household or file a joint return for payments to qualify as deductible alimony.

5. Cash or Cash Equivalent Requirement

To be deductible alimony, a payment must be made in cash or cash equivalent.

6. Cannot Be Child Support

To be deductible alimony, a payment cannot be classified as fixed or deemed child support under the alimony tax rules. The rules regarding what constitutes child support–especially what constitutes deemed child support–for this purpose are complicated and represent a nasty trap for unwary taxpayers. Contact a tax professional if your proposed divorce agreement includes payments that you intend to be alimony as well as payments that you intend to be child support.

7. Payee’s Social Security Number Requirement

For the payer to claim an alimony deduction for a payment, the payer’s return must include the payee’s Social Security number.

8. No Obligations for Payments to Continue after Recipient’s Death

The obligation to make payments (other than payments of delinquent amounts) must cease if the recipient party dies. If the divorce papers are unclear about whether or not payments must continue, applicable state law controls. If under state law, the payer must continue to make payments after the recipient’s death (to the recipient’s estate or beneficiaries), the payments cannot be deductible alimony. In other words, the payment obligation must cease if the recipient party dies in order for the payment to qualify as deductible alimony. Failing to meet this requirement for payments to cease if the recipient dies is the most common reason for lost alimony deductions.

If you are in divorce proceedings and want deductible alimony treatment for some or all of the payments that will be made to the other party, the TCJA gives you a huge incentive to get your divorce agreement wrapped up and signed by 12/31/18.

On the other hand, if you will be the recipient of payments, you have a big incentive to put off finalizing your agreement until next year, because the payments would be tax-free to you.

Either way, you should contact a tax pro with experience in divorce tax issues sooner rather than later to get the best tax results for yourself. Waiting too long could turn out to be an expensive mistake tax-wise, and you may have to live with that expensive mistake for years. Finally, be warned that many otherwise-competent divorce attorneys are not up to speed on the tax issues, and they may be reluctant to admit it. So don’t assume that your divorce attorney is ready, willing, and able to get you the best tax results.  Some divorcing taxpayers will want to delay their divorces, while others will want to get it done as soon as possible

This is probably one of the most common mistakes in settlement agreements and even final judgments, since often times attorneys prepare the final judgment which the judge simply signs. It often erroneously states “retirement plan” without ever defining the type of plan(s) to be divided. Retirement plans can be defined contribution plans, defined benefit plans or some type of hybrid. These plans are vastly different and have different implications when trying to divide them. In defined contribution plans, an employee and/or employer make contributions into an account maintained in the employee’s name. These plans have a known account balance at any given time, since the underlying account is nearly always invested in publicly traded securities. In a defined benefit plan, the employee accumulates credits towards their retirement based upon years  of service to an employer, and often based on compensation earned.

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Misunderstanding the Type of Retirement Plan to Be Divided  in a Divorce:

This is probably one of the most common mistakes in settlement agreements and even final judgments, since often times attorneys prepare the final judgment which the judge simply signs. It often erroneously states “retirement plan” without ever defining the type of plan(s) to be divided.

Retirement plans can be defined contribution plans, defined benefit plans or some type of hybrid. These plans are vastly different and have different implications when trying to divide them. In defined contribution plans, an employee and/or employer make contributions into an account maintained in the employee’s name. These plans have a known account balance at any given time, since the underlying account is nearly always invested in publicly traded securities. In a defined benefit plan, the employee accumulates credits towards their retirement based upon years  of service to an employer, and often based on compensation earned.

Typically, when a settlement agreement says the parties will “divide a retirement plan” it can be interpreted that the non-employee is going to receive a lump sum amount. However, if the plan is a defined benefit plan, they may not be receiving any money until the working party retires. Further, they may never receive a lump sum – but rather a monthly benefit payment.

Knowing the plan type and the benefit that can be divided (a lump sum now, a lump sum later or a stream of income) can substantially affect how you may choose to negotiate a resolution.

Tips:

* Include the plan type in your agreement if it is not part of the name of the plan.

* Describe in the agreement if the receiving party will get a lump sum now, a lump sum at a future date or payments over time and when those payments will begin and end.

Has Your Spouse Changed Their Financial Habits? Divorce Might Be Next!

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Has Your Spouse Changed Their Financial Habits? Divorce Might Be Next!

Has Your Spouse Changed Their Financial Habits? Divorce Might Be Next!

While divorce rates hover around 50% for first time marriages (and higher than that for subsequent unions), the reasons for splitting up often center around finances. Disagreements over what to spend and how much to save are often blamed for the failure of a relationship.

But finances play another role in divorce, too, according to a recent report in Barron’s. A change in financial behavior might signal that divorce is on the horizon.

Things to look out for?

·     Account statements, tax returns or other financial documents go missing.

·     A spouse who has been hands’ off with finances suddenly taking an interest in household money management.

·     One spouse suddenly acquiring new credit lines.

·     Statements from unfamiliar financial institutions begin to arrive, or passwords to existing ones are suddenly changed.

·     Changes in the contribution amounts to retirement accounts without explanation.

While these signs don’t always point to divorce on the horizon, they do at least merit a frank discussion between spouses.

March 31 is the deadline to request reimbursement for medical expenses for bills received during the prior year.

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Pennsylvania Support - Requesting Payment for Unreimbursed Medical Expenses

March 31 is the deadline to request reimbursement for medical expenses for bills received during the prior year.

In child support cases, the party that is receiving child support pays the first $250 in unreimbursed expenses per child.  Medical expenses include insurance co-payments and deductibles and all expenses incurred for reasonably necessary medical services and supplies, including but not limited to surgical, dental and optical services, and orthodontia. Medical expenses do not include cosmetic, chiropractic, psychiatric, psychological or other services unless specifically directed in the order of court.  If your child has specific needs, then those needs will need to be specifically stated in the support order.

After the first $250 in unreimbursed medical expenses the expenses are split in proportion to the parties’ incomes.  The parties will have to keep track of the expenses each year, and then submit them to the other party.  To ensure that you receive reimbursement, you should document the expenses and provide copies of the receipts to the other party.  I strongly recommend that you five this information and email the information to the other party so that you can prove that it was provided by the March 31 deadline.

Pursuant to  Pennsylvania Rule of Civil Procedure §1910.16-6(c),  documentation of unreimbursed medical expenses that either party seeks to have allocated between the parties “shall be provided to the other party not later than March 31 of the year following the calendar year in which the final bill was received by the party seeking allocation.”  So to make sure that you receive reimbursement, make sure that you get it to the other party by March 31st.  If the other party does not pay in a reasonable amount of time you can contact the court for assistance.

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Tips to Consider when Separating

Separation: Nine Tips to Help You as You Move Through the Divorce Process

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover but there’s a heck of a lot more to it than just being creative with the word good-bye. More often than not, the way you handle your exit will determine your ex’s entrance — into your wallet, your circle of friends, and the judge’s predisposition on settlement day. Before you win a petty battle only to lose the whole dang war, here are nine tips to arm you for victory where and when it counts!

1. Shut up, zip it, mum’s the word.

“Stay cool. Do not discuss details with friends and relatives, they will only confuse you and your words can be used against you if they get leaked to the opposing camp,” says Joe DuCanto, named by the Leading Lawyer Network as one of the Top 100 Leading Lawyers in Illinois and an Illinois Super Lawyer. “Listen to your lawyer and share details only with him or her.”

2. Always tell the truth.

“Answer questions from the other side truthfully but briefly. Long answers can reveal too much. Always tell the truth, but don’t always be telling it,” advises DuCanto.

3. Don’t handpick your share.

“Telling the other side what you want may lead to handing them leverage to use against you later. If you really want the antique tea set or the newer car, just tell your attorney that, and no one else! Don’t discuss with your spouse what you will take, do, want or need,” says DuCanto. “Leave that to your lawyers.”

4. Don’t shoot the goose.

“Don’t set out to ruin or destroy the other party. If you do, you’ll hurt yourself, the kids, and maybe the goose that used to lay the golden eggs,” warns DuCanto. “Too many husbands go to jail because the wife was angry and spilled the beans.” Much too late, the woman comes to realize that the man can’t pay alimony or child support if he’s behind bars instead of working! The same holds true for men trying to hurt or demean their wives. You might have held all the winning cards if she has a drinking problem or cheated on you, but you’ll blow it if you come across as abusive verbally, emotionally or physically.

5. Do think of you first.

“It’s easy to cave to the emotions of the moment and agree to too much trying to assuage your guilt or ensure the kids have enough. But that strategy can backfire and leave you destitute in the long-term. Forget about anything other than yourself; no more Mister Nice Guy,” says DuCanto. “If you take care of number one, all the rest will follow.” Think of it like the airplane drill where you are told to put your oxygen mask on first, and then your kid’s. The thought process is the same: you cannot help your kids if you are out of commission. Tend to yourself first; you can always give your kids more later as you can afford it. for starters.”

6. Don’t second guess the process. “Do you even have grounds for divorce? Have you lived in your state long enough to meet the residency requirements? These are important questions you need to ask an attorney BEFORE you tell your spouse you are leaving,” says Mark Guralnick, a veteran divorce attorney licensed to practice in seven states and four countries. He is also author of six books on divorce. Spending time with a lawyer will enable you to negotiate with your spouse more knowledgeably.”

7. Accept the change.

“No matter how you cut it, one-half of something is not greater than the original sum. Mentally prepare to adjust your lifestyle following divorce,” advises Steve Rhode, President of Myvesta.org, a non-profit consumer debt assistance service. “When two people split there is often a change in the financial power of each newly separated spouse.”

8. Do watch the money.

“When you know separation is in the near future, think about dividing any cash available into separate sole accounts,” says Rhode. “I just had a client last week where the wife cleaned out the joint account before she left.” Separating the money, or at least starting an individual bank account with your next paycheck can contain your losses. If your spouse does clean you out, keep a journal and bank records to show to the judge later. Most courts accept journals as evidence which can help your case dramatically. It can also help your memory if you have to take the stand in court.

9. Do collect vital information.

“Inventory all debts; margin investment accounts, credit cards, auto loans, auto leases, personal loans, loans made to others,” says Thomas Duffy, CFP and president of Jersey Shore Financial Advisors, LLC. “Also get copies of credit reports on both spouses; credit card statements for last few years showing spending patterns for each; copies of tax returns for last two to three years; pay stubs for last several months;detailed employment history for both spouses indicating benefits such as deferred compensation, health care in retirement or other retiree benefits. For contested split-ups photographic evidence, for example, videotape, of hard assets, detailed records showing large and or unusual asset movements, withdrawals etc., need to be gathered too,” he says.

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Divorce and Tax Filing Status

Tax law distinguishes filing status because filing requirements, certain credits and above-the-line deductions, tax brackets, and the standard deduction depend on the filing status. Additionally, filing status determines the income threshold for which Social Security is taxed.

The main purpose of grouping taxpayers according to filing status is based on the presumption that, with the same income, single people can afford to pay a higher tax rate than those with children and, by allowing joint filing, it simplifies tax filing for married couples. There are 5 filing statuses:

Single

Head of Household

Married Filing Jointly

Married Filing Separately (MFS)

Qualifying Widow(er) with Dependent Child

Filing status determines what standard deduction you may take and the boundaries of the income tax brackets for which your taxable income is determined. Because the 15% tax bracket depends on filing status, filing status also determines the tax rate on qualified dividends and capital gains, since if the taxpayer’s tax bracket is 15% or less, then there is no tax. This tax rate also applies for the alternative minimum tax calculation.

Single Status

State law determines single status but it is sometimes modified by federal law. Generally, single means unmarried, divorced or legally separated at the end of the tax year. Taxpayers filing as single or as married filing separately pay the highest tax rates.

Head of Household Status

The head of household status can be claimed if:

you are unmarried, or are considered unmarried, by year-end,

you paid more than ½ of the expenses for maintaining a household,

you provided more than 50% support for a child, parent, or other qualifying relative, and who, except for a parent, lived with you for more than ½ year, and

you were a United States citizen or resident for the entire year.

A qualifying child or relative must be legally related to you. Hence, boyfriends, girlfriends, or their children do not qualify you for head of household status even if they live with you and you provide more than ½ of their support.

You are considered unmarried if you are:

single at the end of the tax year

legally separated or divorced under a final court decree by the end of the tax year

Note that the court decree must be final; provisional decrees for custody or support do not qualify as a legal separation.

married but lived apart from your spouse during the last 6 months of the tax year

married to a spouse who was a nonresident alien at any time during the tax year and you did not elect to file a joint return, reporting your joint worldwide income

In determining whether a child lives with you for more than ½ year, temporary absences, such as vacation or when the child stays with the other parent pursuant to a child custody agreement does not count. If a dependent dies before the end of the tax year, head of household status can still be claimed if the taxpayer provided more than ½ of the cost of maintaining the household before the dependent’s death. A parent may be claimed as a dependent if you paid more than ½ of your parent’s household expenses, even if the parent lives elsewhere.

Household expenses include utilities, repairs, mortgage interest, property taxes, rent, property insurance, domestic help, and food eaten within the home, but does not include the cost of clothing, education, medical expenses, life insurance, vacation costs, or any provided transportation. In other words, expenses that are specifically for the individual are generally not included: only expenses for the household are counted. Moreover, you cannot count the value of your work around the home, since it is too easy to overstate its value.

Abandoned spouse rules allow a taxpayer who was abandoned by her spouse to file as head of household. Congress enacted these rules because otherwise the separated parent may be forced to use unfavorable tax rates if she has to file married filing separately. To qualify as an abandoned spouse, you must satisfy the following requirements:

you did not file a joint return

you can claim the child, stepchild, or adopted child as a dependent

your qualified dependent lived with you for more than ½ year

you paid for more than ½ of household expenses during the last 6 months of the tax year

your spouse did not live in the home during the last 6 months of the tax year

As a custodial parent, you can allow your ex-spouse to claim 1 or more of your dependents without giving up your head of household status, which may be advantageous if your ex-spouse is in a higher income tax bracket, but whose income is still below the phase-out limit for claiming dependent deductions or who is not subject to the alternative minimum tax, which is not reduced by exemptions. Who claims who can be changed from year to year, between you and your ex-spouse, but the noncustodial parent must file Form 8332 (Release/Revocation of Release of Claim to Exemption for Child by Custodial Parent) for every year that he claims the exemption, and you must also sign the form.

Married Filing Jointly or Separately

For spouses who live in a separate property state, a joint filing saves on taxes, if 1 spouse earns most of the household income. In community property states or if earnings are more equal, then taxes should be calculated for both a joint and separate filing to determine which yields the lowest taxes. Although the tax brackets for married filing separately are lower for incomes above $34,500, filing separately allows larger amounts of medical expenses, casualty losses and miscellaneous deductions to be deducted because these deductions must exceed a certain percentage of adjusted gross income, which would be lower for a spouse filing separately, especially if they both earned substantial sums of money. However, a disadvantage of filing separately is that both spouses must either itemize deductions or claim the standard deduction. Furthermore, MFS filers cannot claim either the deduction for college tuition expenses or the student loan interest deduction.

Certain tax benefits are only available to joint filers, especially if 1 spouse has little or no income. For instance, the working spouse can claim an IRA deduction for a nonworking spouse. Although a couple filing separately can claim an IRA contribution, the phaseout limit for a married person filing separately is $10,000 of modified adjusted gross income (MAGI), which, for most individuals, is equal to adjusted gross income. Since this is much less than what most people earn, filing separately effectively eliminates IRA deductions. For couples filing separately, the alternative minimum tax exemption and the right to deduct up to $3,000 of net capital losses against other income is ½ of the amount available to joint and other filers. Moreover, a spouse filing separately may not claim the

credit for the elderly or the permanently disabled

child and dependent care credit

earned income credit

adoption credit

educational credits

healthcare premium tax credit, unless the spouse is a victim of domestic violence

Additionally, 85% of Social Security benefits are includable in gross income for married couples who file separately, and disadvantageous premium surcharge rules for Medicare Part B and Part D premiums apply to spouses filing separately who live together at any time during the year.

Spouses can file a joint return only if:

their tax years begin on the same date

they are married and not legally separated on the last day of the tax year

neither is a nonresident alien during the tax year, unless the nonresident alien is willing to be taxed on his worldwide income and supply all the necessary information to determine tax liability. If a nonresident alien earns a considerable income outside of the United States, then the couple should not file a joint return, since the nonresident’s global income will be subject to United States tax.

A married-filing-separately return can be amended to a joint return by filing Form 1040X, Amended U. S. Individual Income Tax Return within 3 years of the original due date, without extensions, of the separate returns. However, the reverse is not true: separate returns cannot be amended to a joint return unless one spouse is deceased, in which case, the executor of the estate has one year from the due date plus extensions to change a joint filing to a separate filing.

Both spouses must sign a joint return. If a spouse is incapacitated and unable to sign, then the other spouse can sign for the disabled spouse by writing the disabled spouse’s name followed by the words “by (signer’s name), Husband or Wife, whichever the case may be, while supplying the following information:

tax year for the filing

type of form being filed

reason why the other spouse cannot sign, and

the other spouse has consented to the signing

If a spouse is in a combat zone or a qualified hazardous duty area, then the other spouse can sign the joint return for both by simply attaching a signed explanation to the return. If the other spouse is simply unavailable, such as being out of the country, then a spouse can sign for the absent spouse with a power of attorney from the absent spouse: IRS Form 2848, Power Of Attorney and Declaration of Representative may be used for the authorization.

Even if both spouses did not sign the joint return and the signing spouse did not act as an agent for the other spouse, the courts have ruled that such a joint filing will still be valid if:

the other spouse’s income was included in the return

the information provided in the return conforms to the intention that it be a joint return

the other spouse agreed that the filing spouse would handle the tax return, and

the other spouse’s failure to sign can be explained

On the joint return, both spouses have liability for unpaid taxes plus interest and penalties. Joint liability may be avoided under innocent spouse rules if the other spouse is largely responsible for understating tax. If a spouse filed a joint return but is divorced or separated from the other spouse on the joint filing, then the spouse could petition the IRS for separation of liability treatment. A separation of liability request will also be necessary if the correct tax was reported but not paid.

If you suspect that your spouse may be cheating, it may be prudent to file separately, since by doing so, joint-and-several liability for unpaid taxes plus interest and penalties on a joint return will be avoided.

Same-Sex Marriage Is Now Legal in All 50 States

On June 26, 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that “same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marry”, thereby legalizing same-sex marriage throughout the country. Henceforth, they will enjoy all of the benefits (and drawbacks) of marriage. Note, however, that registered domestic partnerships, civil unions, or similar relationships that are still recognized under state law, but are not considered marriages under that law, will not be treated as marriages under federal tax law. IRS.gov: Answers to Frequently Asked Questions for Individuals of the Same Sex Who Are Married Under State Law

If a spouse dies, then, under certain conditions, the surviving spouse can still file a joint return for up to 2 years after the death of the spouse: Filing a Tax Return for a Deceased Taxpayer.

Nonresident Alien Spouse

If one spouse is a US citizen or resident alien by year-end, and the other spouse is a nonresident alien, then a joint return may be filed by choosing a special election to treat the nonresident alien spouse as a US resident, allowing both spouses to be taxed on their worldwide income. If the nonresident alien becomes a resident during the tax year, and the other spouse is a US citizen, then the special election must be made to file jointly. Records must be maintained on worldwide income that are available for review by the IRS.

The election is made by attaching a signed statement indicating that both spouses agree to be treated as US residents for the year. The election will apply to the tax year for which the return was filed and all later years until it is revoked by either spouse or it is suspended or terminated under IRS rules. The election is suspended if either spouse is not a US resident during the year; the suspension can be ended when either spouse becomes a US resident again. The election can be terminated by the IRS if:

adequate records are not maintained on worldwide income

if the spouses are legally separated under a decree of divorce or separate maintenance, or

if 1 of the spouses dies, in which case, if the surviving spouse is a US citizen or resident and has a child, then the surviving spouse can file as a qualifying widow or widower, allowing a joint return to be filed for up to 2 years after the year of death.

If the election is terminated, then neither spouse can ever again file jointly as a couple.

Community Property States

In community property states — Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, Wisconsin, and Alaska, if community property status was selected — all of the income earned by the spouses during their marriage is considered equally earned by each spouse. Spouses can also own separate property, which is property that they acquired before marriage or received as a gift or inheritance. In most community property states, the income produced by separate property is separate income of the spouse that owns the property. However, in Idaho, Louisiana, Texas, and Wisconsin, the income produced by separate property is considered community property and, thus, must be apportioned half-and-half to each spouse. Note that registered domestic partners in California, Nevada, and Washington are subject to federal income tax community property rules, so even though they are not legally married under state law, they must report half of the combined community property income on their separate returns.

Spouses that file separately must report ½ of their community income and claim ½ of their deductions on their separate returns. So if the wife earns $100,000 and the husband earns $50,000, then each spouse is considered to have earned $75,000, which must be reported on their tax returns. Additionally, Form 8958, Allocation of Tax Amounts Between Certain Individuals in Community Property States must be filed to show the allocation between community income and deductions and separate income and deductions.

After the death of a spouse, any income earned by a surviving spouse is treated as separate income, but any income earned from community property is still subject to the community property rules.

If the couple is separated, then community income rules may not apply, since it may be difficult for 1 spouse to know the income of the other. In these cases, income will be attributed to the one that actually earns it if the following conditions apply:

there was no transfer of funds between the 2 spouses except for child support payments;

the individuals lived apart for the entire year; and

they did not file a joint return.

Innocent spouse rules apply to community property, where a spouse filing a separate return may be relieved of tax liability on community income attributed to the other spouse if the taxpayer could not have reasonably been expected to know about the community income earned by the other spouse. However, innocent spouse rules do not apply if the spouses lived apart for the entire tax year and file separate returns, since community property rules will not apply, so they will only be reporting their own income.

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Splitting Up Military Retirement Accounts

Today you may not think twice about splitting military retirement benefits during a #divorce. But it wasn’t always that way. A 1981 U.S. Supreme Court decision, McCarty v. McCarty, actually precluded state courts from dividing military retired pay as an asset of the marriage. In response, Congress passed the Uniformed Services Former Spouses’ Protection Act (USFSPA in 1982. This legislation specifically gave a state court the authority to treat military retired pay as marital property and divide it between the spouses.

Of course, the actual process to divide these unique accounts is slightly different than standard retirement accounts. Rather than using a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (“QDRO”), military retirement accounts are divisible using a Military Retired Pay Division Order.

The Defense Finance and Accounting Service (“DFAS”) has very specific rules about how and when military retirement pay can be divided. For a division of retired pay as a property award to be enforceable under the USFSPA, the former spouse must have been married to the service member for at least 10 years, and during that time the service member must have performed at least 10 years of creditable service. This is referred to as the 10/10 requirement.

In addition, no more than 50% of retired pay can be awarded as marital property. Because the DFAS has very specific requirements relative to division of military retired pay, it is important that the parties understand these technical requirements early on. There are many ways that a former spouse can lose his or her right to division of retired military pay, so relying on an expert in this unique area is very important.

No matter your status…thinking about divorce, going through a divorce or moving on after a divorce, there will be work to be done on your part. Your own words, actions and thoughts undoubtedly play a role  

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22 Divorce Experts Share What They’ve Learned About Divorce -

No matter your status…thinking about divorce, going through a divorce or moving on after a divorce, there will be work to be done on your part. Your own words, actions and thoughts undoubtedly play a role

  If you’ve made the decision to divorce your first priority should be creating a process that is beneficial to all parties involved. According to the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, divorce is far and away the most stressful life event, other than loss of a loved one to death, that we can experience.

No matter your status…thinking about divorce, going through a divorce or moving on after a divorce, there will be work to be done on your part. Whether you end up in tears or with a satisfying post-divorce life depends on countless factors. Your own words, actions and thoughts undoubtedly play a role.

One thing that will give you an advantage when it comes to divorce is soaking up all the wisdom you can from those who are experts in the divorce field. That’s why DivorcedMoms.com has taken the time to distil it down to the very best 22 experts and what they’ve learned and think you should know about divorce. We hope their words help you uncover the key to navigating divorce and creating a fantastic post-divorce life.

22 Divorce Tips from Divorce Experts

1. There is a Light at the End of the Tunnel.

You move on socially and romantically while your kids become more independent. You have two weekends a month to do what YOU want to do. Just remember, divorce only hurts for a little while and you have complete control over how much someone can hurt you.

~ Karen R. Guthrie, Esq.

2. Civil Communication Between Parents is Imperative

The best thing any family facing divorce is to assure open communication about the children. It is essential to make sure that both parents have equal access to both the schedule as well as to information.  I used the iCal app and created a schedule that would allow my ex-husband to subscribe. Google Calendar works just as well. This allowed us all to be connected without having unnecessary conversations. It also allows invitations to be accepted or declined. You didn’t get my invitation? Well, here is proof that it was sent. This leaves the obligation on the receiving party to always check their email. My favorite method of sharing and saving information has been through Evernote.  It is a free application, and you can create shared notebooks to exchange and store information.

~ Virginia Masters, DivorcedMoms blogger

3. Co-Parting is a Business

The one piece of advice that I always return to, and that I feel puts my situation into perspective time and time again is this: co-parent like business partners instead of like exes. When you parent as business partners, parents shift their focus on what is most important; the kids. So, if parenting is a business, the children are the product of the enterprise. The goal, then, is to produce happy, healthy, and well-adjusted “products”, which requires pooling resources in the most effective way possible and letting go of the petty things that get in the way of success.

~ Audrey Cade, DivorcedMoms blogger

4. Remain Sensitive to Your Children’s Needs

It is not uncommon for divorcing parents to switch their focus from being a conscious parent to becoming a distracted one.  So, remember to remain sensitive to your children’s needs as well as your own as they are also learning to cope with your divorce too!

~ Reiki Rita, Spiritual Life Coach and Parent Educator

5. Prioritize Finances

One way to prepare for your divorce is to create a list of all your assets and debts before you contact any financial or legal expert. Preparation can save you time and money. Make a list of all debts, and their interest rates. Know the equity of the home (appraisal if needed). Know what is marital property, premarital property, and second properties. List all retirement accounts and any undisclosed monies. Prioritize what is important to you. Do as much work on your own as you can prior to meeting with your legal counsel or going to any of your network of experts.

~ Kathey Batey, Divorce Support Anonymous

6. Be Certain it is a Divorce You Want

Be certain it is a divorce you want or are you feeling unloved and unappreciated? Over time behaviors become automatic consequently the response to a situation also becomes automatic, i.e. anger and frustration.

Do you find yourself arguing, and saying things, that are repetitive such as “you never listen.” “Why do I bother, you are never happy with what I do.”

Instead of continuing with the same behavior, make a conscious decision to change how you react in doing so you can change your relationship for the better.

~ Karen Bashford, Inner Child Connector and Guide, Hypnotherapist, Money Mindset and Abundance Coach, Financial Educator.

7. Focus on Building the Life You Want

Divorce your spouse, not your life: if you are at the point of divorcing, there was a part of you, hidden or not, that new it was the next step for the life you wanted to create. Focus on building your life even when you are in the process of divorcing, it will give you the headspace to make choices that work for you instead of choices that are a result of your divorce.

~ Sophie Mihalko, Divorce Empowerment Coach

8. Self-Care and Support

With divorce comes loneliness. You may feel that the only cure for loneliness is either get back the life you lost (which you can’t) or find a replacement (which won’t work). But there is a different way and one that does work. It starts with understanding that loneliness is within you, and that means that you have the power to heal it, just like you have the power to feel loved, appreciated and supported again. It’s a journey and it starts with two essential steps: self-care and reaching out for support.

~ Halina Goldstein, Loneliness To Love Mentor

9. Mediate, Mediate, Mediate!!

Don’t run out and hire an attorney, mediate! Attorneys only make the divorce process last longer than it should. I am over three years into a divorce and at our court appointed date we will play “let’s make a deal” with my life, listening to an offer from my almost ex. All the time and money and pounds of paperwork and it comes down to something as simple as this. If someone had warned me that it would end up this way I would have insisted on mediation.

~ Carol Johnson, Featured DM Blogger

10. Try to See Things From Their Perspective

Get curious about why your ex is saying what he is saying or doing what he is doing. So often we only see things through our own lens, especially when we’re hurting. So, ask, try to see if from their perspective. Ask questions without anger or judgment about what it is they want, or why they are doing something, or how they want to do it or have it done. Then the most important thing is to keep quiet for at least 30 seconds, giving them a chance to think, pause, and respond. Then repeat. Ask if there is anything they want to add. Then wait 30 seconds more while they think, pause and respond. RESIST the urge to interrupt. I have been amazed at how this type of communication is transforming my relationship with my ex. Maybe if I had done this years ago, things would be different now. Who knows? Try it.

~ Esther Litchfield-Fink, Life Coach, and Writer

11. Get Your Financial Ducks in a Row

If you are planning on getting divorced, preparation is everything. Don’t run to the courthouse to file a Complaint for Divorce. Make copies of tax returns, bank statements, credit card statements. Make a list of all your joint and individual assets/debts.  Create a “divorce” file and stay organized. If you prepare now, the process will be smoother later.

~ Jason Levoy a/k/a The Divorce Resource Guy

12. Never Play the Victim Role

Don’t play the role of victim and begin to make decisions that reflect your strengths. The first step is to examine your divorce experience and self-defeating messages derived from it. Develop a mindset that relationships are our teachers. Divorce can be viewed as a catalyst for personal growth. Counseling, blogging, and reading can aid you in this process. It’s important to develop a healthy response to mistakes and failing. Give yourself permission to “think big” and want more. It’s an exciting time with all sorts of possibilities.

~ Terry Gaspard MSW, LICSW, Therapist, Author, College Instructor

13. Before You File, Get Legal Advice

Get legal advice. Before you file for a divorce, whether or not you want a full representation and to hire a lawyer for the final process, you still need legal advice.  If you have to pay for a consultation, do it.  It’s wise to talk to a lawyer before you attempt to handle the divorce yourself without much knowledge. Laws change constantly and there may be new laws passed that you are not aware of. Sometimes the internet doesn’t have all the answers because YOUR case is YOURS and no other person has had the same exact situation.

~ Vania Silva, Family Law Attorney

14. Separate Your Emotions from the Process

The best advice I have for women going through a divorce is to separate your emotions from the process. It’s tempting for both parties to use divorce for revenge, which can lead to costly legal bills and aggravation over who gets the flat-screen or a statue in the yard. Alternatively, many women approach divorce through fear of conflict which hands over the control to your husband. Divorce is a business negotiation and it’s best to handle it as such.

~ Beth Cone Kramer is a journalist and co-founder of Divorce.ly, a seven-step program to help women develop skills and knowledge for a successful divorce and life after.

15. Do a Bit of Advanced Financial Planning

Before leaving the marital home or announcing your intention to divorce, ensure you have your own bank account set up. Deposit some of the joint account funds into your new account but don’t take more than half. Also, investigate your financial status as a married couple so you don’t face big surprises during the divorce process.

Uncover all assets, your spouse annual income, any debt and liquid cash before announcing to your husband that you intend to leave him. This bit of advance planning will get you set up for independence with much needed financial knowledge.”

~ Lisa Thomson, Writer, Author, Blogger

16. Align Yourself with a Financial Advocate

Most “non-financial” spouses often find themselves out in the cold, as the advisor, they intended to lean on was retained by their ex-spouse. Because of this very common dilemma, The Wall Street Journal suggests divorcing your pre-divorce financial advisor as the best way to achieve post-divorce financial success.

Just as you smartly obtained a competent legal advocate, you should now align in similar fashion with a financial advocate. Specifically, a board Certified Financial Planner.  From properly structuring your settlement so it last as long as you do to selecting the correct social security option, knowledge in this instance is power.

~ Mark Kinney, Certified Financial Planner

17. Believe in Yourself

The thing that will hold you back from telling your spouse you want a divorce or calling an attorney is the overwhelming fear that you can’t do this. You can. Millions of other women have managed it, and so will you. It won’t be easy at first, but if you can take the first leap of faith (in yourself), the next one will be easier. You don’t have to stay in a miserable marriage. You can have a better life – on your terms. You deserve better and you’re worth it. There will come a day when you won’t question that.

~ Michaela Mitchell, Freelance Writer, Divorced Mom

18. Help Getting Through the Dark Days of Divorce

My best tip consists of four musts to get you through the dark days.

Self-Care.Taking care of YOU emotionally and physically is a must.  If you feel better you will do better!

 Accept and Surrender to Change. Change is a constant. Embrace it.

It may be scary to let go of control but it will often lead you where you need to be.

 Be Fearless.Think of yourself as a warrior goddess. Have great strength

with a feminine heart. Believe and take a leap of faith.

 Be grateful.Your yesterday does not dictate your today. Give thanks for all you

do have. Sometimes the small things in life are priceless. Look forward to the future.

~ Laney Zukerman, Author, Lessons for an Urban Goddess & The Urban Goddess Lesson

19. Don’t Treat Divorce as a Failure, But as an Experience

You should stop thinking of a divorce as a failure—period.

Women who struggle with low self-esteem often blame themselves for the end of their marriage and treat it as kind of a failure in their lives.

Divorce is the end of your marriage, not the end of your life.  It should be perceived as another experience on our path; a closure of one thing to make a space for another one. Many new wonderful experiences will come, as soon as you genuinely open your heart for them!

~ Sarah Williams, Freelance Writer, WingmanMagazine

20. Protect Your Retirement with a QDRO

If you find yourself at divorce’s door, do not assume that your divorce settlement will protect your rights to your portion of your ex-spouse’s retirement account. This is especially important if you are a mom and have spent time away from a career taking care of your family while your spouse has earned all or a majority of the income. Be sure to work with your attorney to enact a QDRO. A QDRO is a “Qualified Domestic Relations Order,” which provides a legal mechanism for dividing the retirement benefits of private pension and/or 401K plans earned by your spouse during the years of your marriage.

~ Cathy DeWitt Dunn, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and Founder of Women Money & Power

21. Never Fight Around the Children or Badmouth Their Other Parent

Studies show that conflict creates the most pain and turmoil for children of divorce. Keep parental battles away from your kids – even when you’re on the phone or in another room. They deserve the peace of mind. Speaking disrespectfully about your former spouse hurts your kids with anger, guilt, and confusion. They think, “If there’s something wrong with Dad or Mom, there must also be something wrong with me for loving them.” This can result in a damaged relationship with your children and resentment when they are grown.

~ Rosalind Sed ACCA, CDC, Divorce & Parenting Coach & Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network

22. Don’t Bicker Over the Little Things

Never sweat the small stuff, especially when it’s on your dime. The antique clock passed down from your great-grandmother might be worth it, but if it’s a rug you bought from IKEA, let it go. It’s all just “stuff” in the end. Draw a line around it and let it go. Bickering about the little things just takes years away from your life and dollars out of your wallet.

~ Liv, Divorced Mom, Blogger at Live By Surprise

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8 Things No One Ever Tells You about Divorce

 Source: Divorce 360  8 Things No One Ever Tells You about Divorce

      When you decide to divorce, it’s almost as if you’ve entered a club with a super-secret handshake…only no one is quite certain how to do it. So we asked the divorce360.com community what  they wished they had known before they decided to file for divorce. From the emotional breakup of their marriage to the financial one, here are some of the best tips from people who have through the real life turmoil of uncoupling.

  1. If You Are Parents, You Have a Relationship with your Ex Forever….But It’s very Different First, you and your spouse go from being best friends to enemies almost overnight, said community members “Banshee1,” a 30-something dad who is getting divorced. The difference is: “He doesn’t have to listen anymore. He doesn’t have to work out problems,” said “Paula1,” a single mom who was married for four years to a man who cheated. To make matters worse, “Your ex will not cooperate…they want to stick it to your for whatever they think you did. They will not be fair at all or logical…,” wrote Georgia resident “Rebec311.”He or she will “always be lingering in the background waiting for you to slip up so they can pounce on you again through the legal system because now they have a new life and no longer want to be responsible for their first life,” wrote “Eve31,” a single mother whose spouse has refused to mediate their divorce.

What’s tough is “how the little questions from the kids like, ‘Why do we have two houses?’ will drive you…nuts…” she said. If you’re angry with your former spouse for driving those questions, your children can sense it: “Don’t even think bad thoughts about their dad when they are within five miles of you,” community member “timless” said. 

The best advice, said Maryland salesman “wave” whose wife left him after 30 years is “Keep your children first, always.”  2. Divorce Starts after You’ve Signed the Papers. You can got to Las Vegas and get married in 30 minutes, according to “Eve31,” but getting a divorce takes a lot longer. “Purebredinip,” a California woman whose husband told her he “wasn’t happy”, said: “They should make divorcing easier, but getting married difficult.”

What no one tells you, said “Eve31,” is “what it’s really going to cost you to be divorced… your youth, your sanity, your faith, your trust, your ability to wake in the morning with hope.” You now second-guess all your decisions: “Your ex destroys your trust but also your ability to sometimes trust yourself,” she said.

The real pain starts after you sign the divorce decree, “Paula1” said: “Every fight can now lead to court, which costs you money. Every disagreement now leads to heated arguments where nobody wins. Every new life stage (dating spouses, remarriages, kids asking more questions, kids suffering with divorce) equals more pain.”

3. If You’re the Custodial Parent, Every Other Weekend is a Blessing. Essentially, you are raising your children alone — even if your former spouse has them for a few days a week or every other weekend. If you have young children, it will be a long time before you can take a shower that’s longer than three minutes. “You’ll fight it during the divorce proceedings, but will count down the hours for his weekend after,” “Paula1” wrote.

And if you’re ex has found a new partner, “…You spend all your  time raising the kids, through sickness, surgeries and through all the heartache and picking up all the broken pieces that the divorce has caused,” said community member “Paris299.”

Work becomes a refuge. “Taking care of kids all weekend without any help is hard and exhausting. Monday mornings now become something you look forward to,” “Paula1” wrote. 

4. You Lose a Lot of Friends and Family in Divorce. “Girl70” said her husband filed for divorce after having an affair. His family sided with him: “I was with him for 22 years. It is like I didn’t exist. It’s as if I was the one who had the affair. I …truly cared for my father in law and stepmother-in-law. I miss them the most.”

The reaction from friends can also be tough: “Some people will treat you like divorce is catching…like leprosy,” said “Tracy74” of Michigan, whose husband fell in love with another woman. “Your married friends will fear you being around their husbands/wives,” said community member “kdb,” a 50-something mother of three whose husband told her he wasn’t “in love” anymore.

Community member “Banshee1,” felt a sense of being “completely alone” and “misunderstood by my married friends” who took sides during the breakup. “You will lose a lot of friends/people that you like a lot because of your soon-to-be ex,” said “Rebec311.” agreed. “The friends you keep will either…love you more and be there more or have no clue how to talk to you.”

What’s more, “You think they are all a bunch of whiny children, since you’re doing it all alone now, and they have husbands to help,” said “Paula1.” 

5. The Courts Do Not Care. You will waste money if you treat your divorce attorney as a therapist. “Timless” said “…that’s what your girlfriends and personal therapy is for. If you don’t have them, get them before you start the process,” she said.

The court system is “cold,” said “Rebec311,” and its participants “don’t care about your feelings.” “It’s treated as a business,” she said.” “Are your kids sick and is your ex clueless about how to take care of them? The courts don’t care. He still gets them,” said “Paula1.” “Is your ex-spouse not paying child support because he’s unemployed again? The courts don’t care. Visitation and support are not tied. Is your ex-spouse living with a drug addict with nose rings? The courts don’t care. As long as he is a good parent and doesn’t abuse them, he still gets them and can have anyone around that he wants.” 

Maryland salesman “wave,” whose wife left him after almost 30 years of marriage, was surprised that the courts didn’t take into account who was at fault in the break up. “She turns 49, her mother dies, she got her inheritance, and two months later, she wants out. I have no drug or alcohol problems, no money problems, no abuse, no womanizing, but I lose half, plus I pay her child support…and she keeps the inheritance…The courts don’t care about right or wrong.”

6. Money Is Always an Issue. “You don’t just worry about money. You obsess over it,” wrote “Kitty7470,” a 40-something mom from Ohio whose husband had an affair after 20 years of marriage.

“If you had a traditional marriage in which both parents were working, etc., get used to living on half. Child support, if paid, does not cover much. It’s not as much as you think it will be (which is another ridiculous tragedy by the courts), and your savings is probably wiped out by divorce costs,” said “Paula1.” 

A New York executive, “Banshee1,” doesn’t feel his financial settlement was fair. “…It was tough for me to give up everything and move into an apartment that’s about a quarter of the size of my house — taking almost nothing,” he wrote. Plus, as the breadwinner in his family, “I will be taking the majority of the debt load, taking on losses due to the sale of our marital residence and providing significant child support payments to my soon-to-be ex.”

However, “there is hope for recovery,”  he said. He’s slowly “rebuilding and making a home” for his children. He believes he’s better off today. “(My ex) and I had very different views on money, and now that I’m on my own…, I can save the way I feel most comfortable.”

For “Soon2Bfine,” a 40-something administrative assistant whose husband cheated on her, said money wasn’t her biggest financial problem. When her spouse stopped paying the credit card debt after their divorce, he ruined both their credit ratings. “Having a great job means the money is there to make the payments, but good luck getting a loan for anything,” she wrote. 7. Your Ex — and You — Have Personal Lives. Building a new life doesn’t include whining about your ex. “Learn to deal with it and not hold on to it,” “timless” advised. That can be difficult if your ex finds a new partner, “Kitty7470” said.  “…They now have a say in your entire life, because your ex lets them.”

“Banshee1” said he’s surprised at how bitter people can be. “I’ve talked to so many people that get upset because they believe their ex is doing better than they are or are suffering less. My feeling is — focus on you and your life… You can spend the rest of your life comparing to your ex-spouse and miss out on opportunities that are right in front of you.”

Advice from the trenches: “Your ex has a life and so do you ……..don’t share,” said “timless.” “I’ve learned to keep things focused on my daughter and vague pleasantries. Any unnecessary details come back to bite me in the butt.”

8. You Will Get a Second Wind. When you think it won’t get any better, just keep moving forward. “The train wreck that was your life during the divorce suddenly gets a makeover as soon as your divorce is final,” “timless” said. “Somewhere near the end you have one final cry and then get a second wind… This is your saving grace, your reward for the pain and suffering.”

Unhappily married to her high school sweetheart for 15 years before she finally asked for a divorce, “Wow65” agreed, saying when the divorce was final she realized “I could do what I wanted with my life and have a great time doing it.” 

“Now is the time to focus on you,” “Banshee1” advised. “Look at divorce as a chance to rebuild, to start fresh. Yes, there will be hurt, loneliness, frustration — but that’s life, isn’t it? For me, I’m taking the experiences that I’ve had has a husband and turning them into a guideline for how I want to live my life as a man. I will always and forever be a father to my children — and my focus is 150 percent on them. But, to be the best father that I can be I must learn to take care of myself, too. I’m learning to pursue my dreams, and through that inspire my children (and possibly others) along the way. My legacy to my children will be strength and perserverance even when the chips are down.”

Social Media and Divorce

As a Pennsylvania Divorce Attorney I constantly come across the issue of social media and how it can and does play a part in divorces.  I advise all of my clients to be aware of what they put out there on the internet for everyone to see. This is because all to often pictures, status updates and videos are used against clients in trials. In our family law practice, divorce evidence derived from social media is becoming commonplace. What people don't realize is that seemingly harmless party photos and location-based status updates can jeopardize a person's divorce settlement, resulting in the loss of child custody, parenting time or even alimony.  The following advice applies to Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, Linkedin and even dating websites. Not surprisingly there have been numerous articles published on this topic. One of which can be found on The Huffington Post and is titled, "Don't Let Social Media Sabotage Your Divorce." The author of this article, Attorney Bari Zell Weinberger, Esq., lists three important steps that a divorcing party should take in order to avoid self sabotage. 1. "Think before you post." Don't post any pictures or comments that you know could come back to haunt you as evidence at a trial. Even if your posts are not used as evidence at trial, comments you make can often be used to anticipate your next move in court. 2. "Keep your social networking circles separate from your ex's." Keep your ex and his/her friends off of your personal site. You don't want your ex or his/her friends to have the ability to gather any evidence that can be used against you.  This includes mutual friends who often just can't keep their mouth shut!  Also, don't "friend" anyone you don't know.  We once had an ex make a phony Facebook profile and our careless client accepted the friend request not knowing who it was. 3. "Don't reveal your location." If you're not where you are supposed to be do not announce to the internet world where you actually are at all times.