iii. l'ImpĂŠratrice Solaire --- xii. leur Sculpteur / xxi. le Monde Attendant --- iv. le Danseur Macabre
please click through these
I had a lot of aesthetic and symbolic ideas that went into these, but in general I wanted to draw on their individual relationships and feelings about their cosmological roles / expectations, and drawing connections to certain major arcana.
in order, the tarot cards I wanted to invoke were:
iii. l'ImpĂŠratrice Solaire (Life) - The Empress (III) + The Sun (XIX) ; mastery over nature, persistence through challenges, fruitful action, self-confidence and fulfillment. her golden halo and garb meld well with Universe's copper, reflecting her satisfaction with her lot in the order of things, and she stands firm and steady. I also like her holding a silver sickle as a representation of her relationship with Death, her control exerted through overreach / overstep of her role.
xii. leur Sculpteur / xxi. le Monde Attendant (Universe) - The Hanged Man (XII) + The World (XXI) + The Fool (0) ; upright: wisdom, prophecy, willful sacrifice, mania / reversed: stagnation, absence, but assured success. I wanted Their card to reflect Their position as both an origin and (re)union of opposites, full of potential energy that can only be released when split apart and then brought together over the process of the Great Work. Their adornments and the symbol They hold reflect this duality, with a fun bonus that the cross within circle is also used to symbolize the Earth!
iv. le Danceur Macabre (Death) - The Emperor (IV) ; responsibility and structure, struggle with authority, rigidity, weakness of decision. he hangs onto his position with one hand, drags his scythe instead of wielding it with confidence. unlike Life, he experiences his role in the cosmology as a kind of compression or binding, the Emperor's more negative traits shining through.
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another set of tarot cards >:3c actually the last of these have been done for several days but y'know. also on double check I Just realized that ive been forgetting to write the premier e lon ĂŠpĂŠe par ĂŠ (accent aigu), je suis un idiote, mais, im too lazy to go back in rn and fix + re-export all of these. sigh whatever pretend it's there
I have lots of commentary so it is under the cut
in order:
Karyn : l'ĂpĂŠe de la Fille Morte :: the 8 of Swords + the Knight of Swords + Death
in Rider-Waite tarot, the 8 of Swords is depicted as a figure in binds, with the swords that would cut them free just out of reach; meanwhile the Knight represents impulsive action, someone quick to fight. the binds in the 8 are in part mental, and I wanted to highlight the tension here between violent tendencies and true freedom. as Death, she has the power to bring change, and in the plot she symbolically represents and inspires changes to those around her, for better or for worse. but these things are contingent on her having an open mind, and choosing to take initiative instead of playing the role of the victim. I also gave her a halo in the form of the crown of stars for this reason >:)
also, on a compositional note, in many illustrations the Reaper is drawn walking over a king or priest, representing how death does not respect social position; I wanted to allude to this with her standing on top of the symbol of Helike, with daggers positioned like the spokes on a crown. Karyn has always been pretty irreverent to authority.
Diana : XIV. the Temper of Hearts :: Temperance + 8 of Cups + 3 of Swords
the playing suit equivalent to the suit of Cups in divinatory tarot is the Hearts. btw. thats the connection.
Offense vs defense. National duty vs Personal desires. temperance as in balance, but a temper as in anger, pent up rage. the 8 of Cups indicates emotional attachments, but also disillusionment and a radical breaking from tradition; and Diana's pivotal eighth cup is a vase marked by the 3 of Swords, a symbol of loss and sorrow, out of which grow two of the golden-striped lilies that are the namesake for the term yuri. you see it.
in traditional depictions of Temperance, an angelic figure is balancing two cups (one wine, one water); likewise Diana here is holding her royal trident in one hand and a shield in the other, but her hold of the shield is only lip service. she wants to act, but her position demands that she think about her country. she wants to be a good queen, wants to fit her role, but her heart wants something else. deciding how to deal with the difference between these drives is the core of her character arc!
and, well, there's something distinctly flowery tipping the scales :)
Oscar : le Valet de l'Amoureux :: the Page of Coin + the Lovers (+ the 2 of Cups)
my high concept for this was: "wouldn't it be funny to have his card be The Lovers where he isn't one of the eponymous Lovers?"
and it is. in his own card, Oscar is the third wheel, the Page. the Valet. the 2 of Cups highlights romantic tension, the budding relationship, but his own hand is empty, and instead he unwillingly embodies the Page of Coins, the young person taking on new responsibilities, the student. He wants to be one of the lovers, driven by his infatuation with Karyn, but his role as Triste's heir separates them, and ultimately his character arc is about accepting his role & that Karyn instead falls in love with Diana and he has no say in either of these things.
Triste : XVI. la Foudre des Coupes / La Victoire des ĂpĂŠes :: the Tower + the 5 of Cups + the 5 of Swords
(+ the 7 of Swords)
in the Belgian Tarot, the Tower (XVI) is called La Foudre, and depicts a tree being struck by several bolts from the heavens; in the traditional Five of Cups, a figure stands hunched over three spilled cups while two other remain upright behind them. meanwhile, the 7 of Swords alludes to covert actions, and the 5 to hollow success, a lonely victor. I wanted to bring all of these together.
typically, the suit of Cups concerns emotional matters, while the suit of Swords alludes to martial or material ones; in this case, the two exist in direct tension with each other. emotional loss goes hand in hand with material success, and his current source of hope, his one unbroken cup, is also what eventually causes his undoing, drives him toward failure.
I also wanted to draw him facing away from the Tower, the barren tree representing the material attacks on his people, to inflect the typical meaning of the Five of Cups as the figure who obsesses on loss. Triste focuses too strongly on his personal sorrows and hopes, and behind him the nation withers.
going to post a ton of cards now that I've finished the "main set" and am moving on to more event-specific / inspired (rather than ones that are focused on character arcs / symbolism)
this pair: la Soldat et l'Ange aux ĂpĂŠes (left) for Karyn's [birth] parents, and the Storm of Swords / the Wake of Cups (right) for Diana's !
will put extended notes below the cut, but both of these have two sort of different cards / meanings that are working in tandem, aligned to the people depicted, that I think come together into holistic images.
la Soldat et l'Ange aux ĂpĂŠes
[i.e., the Soldier of and the Angel upon Swords]
inspired by: the Page of Swords + 9 and 10 of Swords
meanings: The nightmare and the relief from it. Fatigue and injury; fear and worry. the Page represents levelheadedness in danger, the ability to conceal; the ten indicating divorce; however, both figures are impaled on the swords, unable to escape the dream. A mutually assured end.
Karyn's birth mom [Diem] is so interesting to me (actually both of them are. uh. Characters) and I wanted to invoke the scene from an earlier draft of their admittedly pretty gory shared deaths, while also implying that on her end there might be a betrayal aspect at play. Yale [Karyn's dad] wants to leave the fighting behind, and literally pulls both of them free from the battle, but Diem is maybe not so personally committed to walking away and never looking back. though tbf, she is not known to be big on commitment in general. as soon as her relationship with Yale starts to have Consequences (read: surprise pregnancy, followed by a very unpleasant surprise visit from Death), she's going to start looking for a better roof to stay under, because the thing that brings her and Yale together (the desire to Get Out) might be what makes her leave if staying together is starting to itself feel like a threat...
unfortunately for her (and them both, in the end), trying to stand under the protective umbrella of Helike brings its own threats, and, well, when Death wants to send a message, and you are an easy target, the reward for standing under the umbrella might be a lot of stab wounds.
the Storm of Swords / the Wake of Cups
inspired by: the King of Swords + the King of Cups
meanings: Excessive judgment and decisive action rewarded with grief and loss. the king of Swords is imposing and rules by intellect, but war leads to death; meanwhile the king of Cups represents rule by diplomacy, but also withdrawal. together, the balance between a closed fist and an open hand, and especially the pitfalls of each.
my exact thought that led to this card was the phrase "the storm and the wake," inspired by the overlapping meanings of "wake" as a nautical / oceanic term and a funerary rite. Ouch!!! what more is there to say! Diana's mom [Anne] had cultivated her control over water in a way that gave her the reputation of a storm-bearer, heralding Aquarius's military with rain clouds. and of course, Diana's father, Abayan, ended up as prince regnant because, well, Anne was murdered during the war. Due to the war? Due to her unwillingness to bend, to stand down--or, well, it depends on who you ask.
meanwhile, Abayan was a diplomat by study and position before he married into royalty, and also, sometimes grief pushes you to just call it quits and sign whatever agreements are necessary to stop the fighting. Doesn't mean it's the best. But at least people stop dying. And, well, it's much harder to stomach sending others into battle while grieving your own losses...yay......(?)............
another pair of cards, this time for the twin sisters, Mintaka/Delta (left) (V - La Papesse des ĂpĂŠes) , and Alnitaka/Zeta (right) (XI - l'Ermite des Deniers) !
these two were initially conceived for a different book I wanted to write in the same world as ATTWDC, which would have been following their experiences training under Death / Life respectively, and then realized that I like them a lot more as fully-grown adults, who have complex personal histories but are primarily in supporting roles. and also I had no central conflict for that book to make it a real story lmao
extended notes below the cut
V - La Papesse des ĂpĂŠes
[i.e. the Pope of Swords]
inspired by: The Hierophant / The Pope (V) + the Queen of Swords
meanings: A figure defined by intellect, but also servitude. Strength of mind; sacred hierarchy and orthodoxy; power, but also a state of captivity. A guarded mentality built upon a history of sorrow.
I wanted to draw Delta here in her role as a teacher, especially to reflect how her power largely comes from her relationship to others and is not of her own. Plus, since the Pope is typically depicted with two priests at his feet, I thought it'd be fun to include Oscar (left) and Triste (right) as her students, with the differences in how she taught them (slash their differing values) reflected in her holding a sword in the hand over Triste's head and the sign of benediction over Oscar's. [also for some fun left-hand / right-hand path symbolism :') ]. Furthering this, I gave her earrings depicting a black heart and a throne decorated with bones, reflecting her relationship with Death and her implicit reliance on being his representative as the source of her seat of power.
on the other hand, I like the Queen of Swords for her because while its meanings reinforce all this as a figure of guidance, the queen also has her own history, reflected in her posing. the changes in Delta's personal and pedagogical approaches between Triste and Oscar have been very influenced by getting older and realizing she Really Doesn't Like how Triste turned out moving from being optimistic and ideologically-driven to being pessimistic and survival-driven, which is in turn because, well, seeing the outcomes of war and loss firsthand gave her some stronger opinions on leaders who send soldiers off to their deaths! surprise!
all she wants now is to keep her last remaining family alive and see the war end. Peace, even if it supports the status quo. Supporting status quo, if it will bring peace.
XI - l'Ermite des Deniers
[i.e. the Hermit of Coins]
inspirations: the Hermit (XI) + the 8 of Coins
meanings: A reclusive artisan and duplicitous figure. Knowledge and circumspection; skilled employment; patience; but also and strongly indicating treason, corruption. The Hermit's lantern is one of Truth, and the 8 of Coins bears good services, but both hold a sour note, or perhaps a rogue one.
When I showed this to friends, I described Zeta here as "a skilled doctor with a mercenary ethic," and that's still the best way I can describe her. She bears a rod of Aesculapius, marking her as a healer by trade, but the product she's actually selling here is chains [these will return, in use, in another card :^) ]. now what is that about! girl you're going to get in trouble with Life, stop putting that golden lantern of safety behind you, your sister is worried sick!!! Delta can't take another heartbreak!!
on a compositional note, I made six of the coins the symbols of the four elemental nations + Earth and the Moon, to represent both her prestige and how her decisions ultimately play a pivotal role in shaping the turn of the war/revolution, and the novel as a whole. I think in the traditional 8 of Coins, the coins are supposed to wares (and indeed one of them is, here -- the chains), but, whatever. it's fine. In this card, and in her role in the narrative, it's really Zeta's personal beliefs and non-medical practice (i.e., not her trade per se) that are being highlighted, so.
My goal for both of these is to highlight their differences as people, one which Delta reflects upon in the book: while Delta is more principled, and tries to actively heed her mother's warnings about not getting lost in the wider world (imagine "Stay Alive" playing here...), Zeta is the one who, precisely because she is not principled, ends up actually rejecting the system and heeding their mother's deeper advice to not trust the gods, no matter what they say.
>:) and now, an interlude to talk about Darvaz and Avalon ...
this pair: l'Empereur des Deniers (left) showing the Emperor of Darvaz [they/them], and XI - La Justice des Bâtons (right) depicting the statue that stands in the central forum on Avalon, of the ideal Representative !
a lot of the novel focuses on Helike and Aquarius, but there are four elemental nations, and I have so much worldbuilding and love for all 4. and fashion constraints placed by either often being on fire, or having wings. so here we are! time to talk about them! (under the cut.)
l'Empereur des Deniers
[i.e., the Emperor of Coins]
inspirations: the King of Coins
meanings: A figure of considerable material power. Wealth, in very material senses; business-minded conduct; respectability, social high standing; but also ego, and focus on good graces. Someone driven to balance safety with potential gains.
Darvaz is an imperial power controlled by a Council representing its many member planets, and its Emperor is tasked with abating the gods and other nations' interference in the Empire's affairs. Also, the current Emperor [they don't have a name yet :( soon.] wasn't born on Earth, so to them especially all this business about investing more on Earth is...... well.......... "idc". They'll make political alliances as necessary to ensure that Darvaz doesn't lose their ground (or, more importantly, the ability to call upon Helike in turn), but actually stick out their neck? lmfao no.
on a compositional note, I wanted to draw the Emperor sitting on a table (a negotiating table, with its four legs for the four nations?) that is dripping blood to reflect how Darvaz's martial and economic strength is ... well ... because it's an imperial power. And all that entails. Maybe not a colonial power, since Darvaz Prime is the main planet inhabited by humans and the Council amasses leaders from each member planet on purpose, but, the government is comprised only of fire demons, and it is notable that this means some amount of structural power over those who were getting along just fine before fire demons first arrived, and even if there are some constraints enforced by the gods to prevent total destruction or subjection, there is a reason why some planets instead seek out Aquarius's help and protection instead...
...so what does it mean when Triste is seeking out their help in the war?
XI - La Justice des Bâtons
[i.e, the Justice of Wands]
inspired by: Justice (XI) + the Ace of Wands
meanings: Principles of equality and fairness often clouded by legal consequence and bigotry; the law in all its facets. Bias in rightness; equality by severity. Impotence in the delivery of justice.
Avalon is a direct democracy* with no permanent head of state, and so I wanted this card to represent the Assembly itself instead! There is a world where I drew fifty heads in detail, and I would have never finished this card. As a nation, Avalon is the weakest and also the most driven by moral imperative, and I wanted meanings that would both draw out the genuine virtues and the underlying flaws. Unlike the other three, it is almost entirely active recruitment, and only their winged caste [who are the demos, hence the asterisk above...] live on Avalon (most of the others live on Earth. One cannot do this if you have wings. girl the stares), with a relatively small focus on independent industry or settling.
on a symbolism note, I wanted to use Justice specifically because of its reversed meanings of bigotry. While Avalon's general activities focus on smaller (Life-approved) types of direct action, as a culture and nation, Avalon is by far the most, well, prejudiced, forming the least bonds with other nations (or planets) and passing the most judgment therein. This is particularly true in the modern age, where the prevailing opinion toward Triste and the plot is the equivalent of "get off the Internet and stop being a hypocrite, asshole" with opinion split on whether it's worth actually posing an opposition or just... opting out of it all.
and maybe it's fair. I mean, you want to improve the world, but you still practice the divine right of kings? isn't that fucking weird?
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a set of four, bc these all go together thematically and share a context ! also please full view that first one I am SO proud of it and tumblr is RUINING it on dash view with horrible Moire patterns
from top to bottom: the Fall of the House of God, ou, La Morte ; the Lunar Eclipse / la Reine de la Lune ; the Devil in Five Chains ; and at last la Force des Deux Bâtons .
four cards tied together by one thing, one possibility... what if you tried to kill god(s), and succeed? what if, against it all, you win?
the Fall of the House of God, ou, La Morte
inspirations: the 8 of Wands + the Ace of Swords + the Tower / the House of God
meanings: Decisive moves culminating in triumph; conviction and anger in purest form. Movements, action; success and triumph. And of course the fall of the Tower, striking down of tyranny. This time, it is not the god who curses the mortal; the overwhelming power of the 8 of Wands comes together behind the decisive force of the Ace of Swords to shift the traditional meanings of the House of God.
This card makes me feel electric. The Tower fits Triste very well, and in his more personal card he was definitively the one being struck down, hunched over graves while his nation bleeds. By contrast, this one is his long-awaited moment of success; yes, his path is littered with skulls, but who cares if it all ends up worth it?
(Depends who you ask.)
(And, of course, on if you are the one being struck down...)
the Lunar Eclipse / la Reine de la Lune
[i.e., the Queen of the Moon]
inspirations: the Moon (XVIII) + the Queen of Coins
meanings: Detachment from reality and distraction as the enemy creeps forth with the dark. Self-centeredness, error and instability; darkness. The Queen of Coins is typically careful and vigilant, with her feet on the ground, but on the Moon, as the Moon, she instead represents a figure from who others seek their independence. And so marches forth the night.
I knew exactly what I wanted to do with this one as soon as I saw that The Moon can symbolize darkness. How else to perfectly encapsulate the solar empress dying to the king of the dark? it's awesome.
really not much to be said, like with the previous one. looking at it just makes me excited to finish this draft of the book. (actually, the scene to which this maps has basically already been written.) It was important to me that I wanted Life's demise to be represented symbolically, though, to not feel gratuitous or graphic. She chooses to die on her own terms, instead of continuing to exist on someone else's, and it's part of what to me makes her interesting: even when pressed do or die, she cannot be forced to bend. (unlike someone else...)
Instead, my goal with her posing here is to make her look merely sad it turned out this way, with even that hidden by her back being turned: at most you get her reservation, not her feelings. After all, who owes their assailant their tears, their reaction? Instead her golden halo remains, unbroken, unrestrained, radiant. Unwilling to fit the mold of victim. It is her error and oversight that has led to the situation, and likewise it will be her choice that it resolves as it does.
the Devil in Five Chains
inspirations: the Five of Coins + the Devil (XV)
meanings: Destitution and ruin wrought by extraordinary effort. The loneliness of the struggle; solitude; also discord, chaos; weakness; vehemence and pettiness; violence, rage. A figure ravaged, shown in chains, usually those belonging to the Devil, here turned upon him.
Am I calling Death the Devil with this one implicitly? I guess so. This is based on a very long-standing scene from the book in which things go quite badly for everyone involved and in the end Death ends up chained in a dungeon on Helike, restrained by magic only one human has the skill and means to produce... whoever that could be. Surely the fact that Death does make it out of the chains (this time) to pursue will not have any consequences. :)
I initially wanted to just have the five shackles be the "coins," but it felt a little too on the nose, so instead I added the four nations' symbols and made the fifth with Death's halo, which here is notably constrained, not radiating freely like Life's in the previous card. The Five of Coins usually separates the figure from the "coins" by them being in a high-hanging window over the infirm person's head, so I made them gold (i.e. aligned spiritually against him). Which, also, is Life's color. And she is kind of at fault slightly since it is her apprentice who enchanted those chains, so !
as a last note: the red shirt Death is wearing (to shreds, you say?) is the bottom layer. I hemmed and hawed for a bit on what to do with the implied exposed torso below, because in soft canon I think his shirt is kind of his skin unless he consciously chooses otherwise, and decided the funniest option was to have it match his socks. or, uh. what one must presume is Death's socks. ...they're socks, right? Right?
and, at last,
La Force des Deux Bâtons
[i.e. the Strength of Two Wands]
inspirations: the Two of Wands + the Nine of Cups + Strength (VIII)
meanings: A wish fulfilled; power and satisfaction. Success; the goal and its achievement; partnership, but also solitude; a bond formed in service of a shared objective. The placation of emotion in favor of material opportunity.
The more I look at this card, the more accidentally nefarious it feels. I think it's how Diana and Triste are standing over the Earth. whoops!! My friends also pointed out that it kinda looks like Triste's fingers are being crushed by the cups in their hands, which, was not my intention, but we can chalk it up to reflecting the underlying emotional discomfort that is intended here. Because, well, Diana and Triste only mostly get along, and that "mostly" basically only means "politically".
Not much to say here! I made the wands copper-colored to reflect the nature of the power they represent as material in nature, concerns with the material world. the Two of Wands typically depicts a figure wealthy with worldly power, often explicitly with a globe, which fits very well the "goal" that Diana and Triste share of at last (re)connecting the four elemental nations to Earth, and especially the implicit hope of shaping Earth's future. and, of course, this resonates with the Nine of Cups, which also represents the pleasure of success and material wealth. At the same time, these things only come through death, the silver of the cups they hold, and it is yet unclear what precisely their full cups hold.
I decided to allude to Strength in the name of this card to pull out some of the emotional aspects of their relationship. because, critically, Diana starts off the novel HATING Triste's guts and wanting him DEAD. Very explicitly, in fact. And she has good reason! He killed her mom and got away with never even owning up to it! Which, by the way, Diana here is wearing one of her mother's arm bands...but not on the arm which she is extending to him. hmmmm! in any case, I wanted to reflect the fact that even if she on some level is willing to work with him politically [and he is certainly happy to have her support--i.e., the hatred is not mutual] Diana still has her misgivings, and it's only through controlling those feelings that they can manage to work together.
something I'm realizing I want for :sparkles: book 2 :sparkles: is to give diana and triste opportunities to be hot tempered, highly driven, politically minded together and (at least for a time) having an actual working relationship (as opposed to what exists in the main novel / book 1, which I would describe as. a Tenuous Alliance).
diana very desperately wants her anger and more righteous mannerisms validated, but while karyn can provide this in some ways, some part of her feels guilty about baldly expressing personal hatred (as opposed to sublimating it into professional or politically-acceptable forms as queen) and (fairly) sees karyn as mostly trying to be a Supportive Friend without considering diana's status as queen. also it is not helped that they are drifting apart vis-a-vis opinions on political violence. however, or rather by contrast, the frustration and sublimated anger is something that triste is Intimately Familiar with (and would share the burden of) and would be extremely sympathetic toward. very much a dynamic of "please stop me before I kill this guy" "no I think he deserves it. but yeah probably dont." "...yeah... ugh."
I think the cinch here is that critically, I don't think he would at all try to talk down to her about the Anger itself, and instead just try to offer or suggest other ways to work through it. which. god. she needs so badly.
and it would work because he is also, even more critically, also very hotheaded. also simmering with hate & pent up frustration all the time. if not sometimes even more so because he's had even longer to become resentful and ornery, and fuck's sake, at least even the most scornful and judgmental aristocrats saw me like an equal (which would synergize with diana being Angry at not being respected / dealing with misogynistic + racist BS) (which if it happens in front of him would anger triste also). they both have so much capacity for anger, and exposed or subjected to the same things would share that anger bar for bar.
also, more importantly, I think them having a genuine non-combative relationship would probably allow both of them to grow. in the novel, there is quite a bit of bad blood that I think holds them both back (making Diana more standoffish, making Triste more defensive), the repair of which is necessary for them to become. like. functional and healthy. psychologically. having a more firm common ground would make it more likely for Triste to open up & be more willing to admit (and accept some amount of retribution for) his past misdeeds, which in turn would sate some of Diana's longest-held grudges; in turn, facing the similarities between herself and him would push Diana to reconsider her admittedly very myopic view of Triste as a person (and force her to consider the potential downsides of her own anger if left unchecked). yaaaaayyyyyy!
something I've been meditating on a bit is like, obviously, I want karyn and diana to get together [and they will], but I think it's like. a little steven universe-y, in that they start off the novel already best friends and bonded, so as a whole it's only external constraints that really restrain their relationship, which I worry could make their dynamic boring. I want them to have at least a few road bumps, some that are circumstantial and not really either of their faults ("why didn't you tell me about your real life ever?? I thought I knew you" "you do know me :(" "I know, but it doesn't feel that way") and some that are more personal and result from real and not-so-minor differences in their characters ("...wow you are way less deterred by the idea of resorting to violence" "? you know this about me" "yeah but that was, like, several orders of magnitude lower" "well the stakes are higher" "yeah but are you really okay with murder?" "I mean, politically its normal" "......") just to like. give their relationship a real challenge. shake things up.
you love me, don't you? and you support me, don't you?
but what if I don't support what you're doing? what if I kind of wish you would consider a different avenue? would you change your ways if I asked you to?
finally unstuck myself [read: after a delay of like. a week] on how to transition to the scene where karyn and death finally arrive on aquarius for the first time. ended up essentially writing a new version of the scene I was dissatisfied with [500w] and now chewing through actually rewriting this scene with diana. yippee !!
goal for tonight is to try and finish this scene and then jump forward a bit to a bit of action / exposition that I've been mulling over for the past few weeks and got some insights on a few days ago -- will have to come back later, but I think for my purposes it's fine to probably write most of the aquarius scenes later. the one and only thing that theyre really for is to start hinting at larger plot things (that will be calcified further in the action scene I want to get to) + any foreshadowing or early-mention for things that I will probably not have decided the extent to which I want to fill out until I have much, MUCH later parts of the book written. so
Universe grinned widely then, brushing Their pants off to a bright and glittering white, and pulled from the air a white suit jacket that shone silverâhummed in thoughtâthen retrieved from nowhere a straw boater hat with one hand and a dark cane with the other, the top fashioned with a swirling black hole. As They placed the hat atop Their head, the cosmos seemed to birth and proliferate across Their jacket, near-blinding even in shade, matching Their neon shirt below. With a sly expression the god caught Karyn's eye then, and she could not decide whether to flinch at the sight or bow her head.
the horrible suit!!! I initially designed a version of this back in like, 2017, but was inspired to draw it (updated) while working on pride stuff. I also needed to. divert my brain. for a little. hence finished this today
new drafting involves (returning to) a timeline where L+D are destroyed and so (some undisclosed time later) Universe returns and goes wtf yall with the hope for Them to actually be around for a bit, so admittedly part of my goal here is to think through some of Their canonical "looks". I want Them to look very different from either Life or Death, in part b/c They are very different and in part b/c They're fucking pissed!!!! how could Their creations let things spiral like this!!
I think something I want to play around with is the idea that Universe is, maybe more so than either of their kids, only kind of sorta sees humans as beings with, like, feelings and opinions, and primarily sees them as "entertainment" in the form of creatures just sensate enough to be fun to fuck around with. a very different attitude from either Life ("humans are fated and while they're annoying, at least they are interesting and have a sense of respect") or Death ("lmao you think you're so smart and care about things so strongly. that's cute") ! to Universe, all of humanity is like an oversized ant farm, and They basically see humans as ants who can be fun to tease or confuse but offer little else.
how dare ants kill Their children?! why did Life and Death let them?!?!!?
under Their chaotic and joke-loving exterior, I think there may lay a very angry, and potentially very vengeful god.
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posting a little bit of writing from last night bc I can and because after writing it, I had the horrible thought of "this is universe's real heritage all along"
spent the last day and a half getting obsessed with this book again and rewrote a scene from the climaxish that just needed some emotional fine-tuning, pretty pleased with this wholesale addition:
After many seconds Karyn retracted her extended arm, her hand falling to the floor. Her face buried as much as it could into her sweater, her knees, scrambled close as they could be as if she might squeeze herself through a rip in time and emerge from the dark in a better world. For a long minute there was only the stillness and the sound of her sobbing. Through the thick a single, sardonic laugh shook out of her shoulders, escaped her lungs. âYou know whatâs funny?â Karyn said at last, sniffling. âYou know what gets me? I donât even get to say that it mattered.â She raised her head to glare at him, her face red from anger and tears. âAt the end, in the end, you get to win. You get to keep your horrible system. It worked out perfectly in your favor. And I helped you.â
To this Death said nothing. It was the first time she hadnât minded the silence.
300-ish words today, rewrote a scene between Delta and Oscar to be from Delta's POV since I wasn't satisfied with the version I had written back in 2022.
As he unlatched the door, she spoke out with grave tone: âDonât let me catch you next time.â The words paused him, but he remained silent, only glanced briefly back, then departed out to the night.
Delta should have stopped him. Said mind his back, and the paths he tread; mind deals he might be making, how oneâs youth could haunt. Told him it was unwise to turn from the path, for how the thickets scratched, not all dark corners alike, not all protective like the cast of his ilk. Repeated all the things sheâd been told, and ignored anyway, but this time make them stick listen, before it all went as it goes, before opportunity had gone.
Something I've been thinking about is how the manner of giving and receiving advice is handledâespecially related to tradition, duty etc., and differences in how the characters relate to those things. Originally I had written this scene to have a moment when Oscar looks to Delta here for further advice after she says this, but something about it didn't quite fit anymore... I think a necessary dialectic between him + Diana is that while Diana struggles with authoritative guidance that she desperately wants yet can't follow, Oscar gets that kind of advice unwillingly and wants nothing more than to escape it. Not because he's "above" itâor doesn't need itâbut because he craves what (he thinks) Diana has: autonomy.
And, of course, Delta recognizes that, having once been him, spurning her mother's warnings, and so struggles between letting him go and wanting to do what she wishes she could have done for her younger self: slow (herself) down, be more careful, not ensnare (herself) in regrettable pacts just to save someone else. But she knows that (she) won't follow her advice, anyway; so.
(And perhaps even she does this because she wants to teach Oscar better than she taught Tristeâwants, though she won't admit it, to see him escape the mindset of over-caution, of playing with the guard rails on, minding approval; having seen how going about things as you're supposed to doesn't prevent disaster and doesn't improve your chances of successâshe wants Oscar not to bear the same fears and paranoias that she passed on to Triste.)
In an effort to try and encourage myself to write more (and to post more) now that I'm trying to actively work on ATTWDC again, I want to start posting on here my progress / writing updates, I think.
over the last few days I've been having a lot of thoughts about endgame stuff, but I also finally finished up a scene I started retooling back in April-ish; with that + a potential near-climax dialogue I've done about 500 words today, and pretty pleased with it.
an excerpt (this is arc 3):
Many years ago, when she had been just a small child, she remembered her mother, swarmed as always by attendants and her trusty advisors, Dianaâs childhood tutors then, when she had been preparing Diana to appear for the first time before the gods, preparing to be presented, to present herself. No older than five then, for it had been before, before the war would sweep her mother away, first in attention and time, then of time, forever. Before, when she had been a boisterous child, bright eyed princess of the water. Still then, being princess, and that meaning preparations, and presentation. Meaning putting oneâs best foot forward, and keeping oneâs gaze carefully metered, and remaining still while being dolled up, settling herself down when told to settle.
She turned to Oscar, then, unsettled.
I enjoy writing scenes where Oscar and Diana get to talk honestly about their feelings vis-a-vis power and expectation and the deleterious effects of being told from a young age exactly what you have to be. I think I want to write more of their 1-on-1 interactions, in addition to scenes with both of them + Karyn. these 2 are definitely good friends post-canon. why not during canon?
I've been perusing the Oxford Dictionary of Phrase, Saying, and Quotation and ended up writing this loosely-connected dialogue.
Karyn grimaced, her brow creasing with desperation. "I don't understand it. If you tacitly agree with what he's fighting for, why keep fighting?"
Death replied with no uncertain tone or words: "It is the position of all revolutionaries to either realize the extreme of their means or fail. It is not about agreement or disagreement: if is political power he seeks, he must at last realize the violence it calls for."
"It only calls for violence because that's what you want," she replied angrily. "Ultimately all of this is just whatever rule you and Life play by. You could change it if you wanted."
At that Death smiled thinly. "I suppose I could. But far be it me of all parties to turn down the promise of a good fight."
"And if Triste succeeds?"
"He won't." Death narrowed his eyes. "Fun as it is to bait the game with the lure of possibility, he's already shown the truth. He's too good of a politician to end his campaign by ending me."
"Like what you're doing with him," Karyn said flatly.
"Yes." Death looked over at her. "I'll make no pretense at being any different in this regard. If I willed it, he would be dead many years past. I suspect that he knows as such, as well. But unlike him, I have plenty reason to let him plod along," he said, voice taking a tone unpleasantly pleasant then: "As he fights on, it is only to continue my amusement and minor interests. As I move on, he only increases my source of power and kills his own."
"Still, if you agree, it doesn't seem productive to pretend you don't," Karyn demurred.
"In another scenario, perhaps," Death said. "But it isn't truly his ideology that is the issueâthe apple of discord is power, and there is only one way to resolve that contest."
Karyn grimaced again. "So that's the real reason for the warpath." Her voice fell. "Maybe it's just where I'm standing, but it seems everyone would be a whole lot happier if you both gave up the assumption of control and power."
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Can we get scenes from Oscar's childhood too? đ
Hm, alright.
Iâm in a weird mood POV-wise so this might be a bit odd to read. A meshing of first, second, and third.
Youâre going to be king someday. Doesnât that excite you?
âNot really.â
It should. Once the planâs complete, youâll have an empire to inherit. Wonât that be nice?
âI donât want an empire. Can we go home soon?â
Youâll change soon enough.
They say some people are born leaders. Youâve known for as long as you can remember that youâre supposed to be one - after all, those who came before have all been, more or less. Itâs just a phase, they say. Come along now, youâve got quite a bit to learn. After all, youâll have large shoes to fit, when it comes time, wonât you?
Youâve grown accustomed to being lonely. Not on purpose -no, youâve been pushed to engage and interact with other kids, to practice for the future- but rather by choice. Being pushed into taking leadership positions isnât fun when youâre the softest spoken of the bunch.
You ask when youâre six and stray dogs walk with you every day to and from school if you can adopt one; you canât talk to them exactly but they seem to understand you better than most of the adults youâre stuck around. Animals donât prod and tell you to sit up straight. Cats lounge all day and occasionally bring you dead mice. Dogs donât care if you speak quietly, as long as you speak lovingly in your whispers to them.
Stop playing with the strays, love. They probably have diseases. What if one bit you?
Theyâd never hurt you, you say. âA few dogs scared away some bullies.â
We taught you how to deal with the bullies by yourself. You shouldnât need them to defend you.
âI donât want to hurt the bullies. They can be nice sometimes.â
People who hurt you deserve to be hurt back, donât they?
You shake your head. You go up to your room and dream about the worlds youâve been told about since you were a baby. Theyâll be yours to control someday.
They never ask if you want to control them. Your parents insist that you should practice with your classmates, if nothing else then be a leader in sports or in the class. Theyâll never ask if you want to, and while part of you does, mostly you just stare out the window, looking at seagulls and crows and the browning grass field. Though theyâll never ask, maybe someday you would be content with just controlling those things, instead.
alt title: I Read Too Many Submissions for my Collegeâs Lit Mag About Rape and Started Thinking About Ingrained Fear And Being Raised A Girl
related music: âPretty Little Thingsâ by The Crane Wives
Canon-adjacent for ATTWDC. Would be around chapters 26-27.
The cottage was silent around them, winter night draping its muting hands over the forest. Even the winds had already settled, leaving alone the trees and bushes to rest. In an hour or two Diana would arrive from the lake, but until then Karyn sat in the dark just enough leaning into herself that the canvas of the cot felt the only thing else in the world.
Well, the cot and the unescapable sense of being watched.
Her knee pulled up to her chest and forming a resting-place for the side of her face, Karyn stared into the darkness across to where she knew Death lounged, as always. Faint silver traced him against the wall, but without any reference points the silhouette seemed detached; floating. At some perceived distance away, still, but for lack of comparison could have been unbearably close. Not as if distance mattered. Only presence.
She took in a breath, the rushing of air sounding like a howling wind. âI never told you,â Karyn began, the words disappearing immediately into the stillness, âthe reason why I was so uncomfortable with you being around while Iâm asleep. Back then.â
When Death replied, it sounded from a safe distance. âI think I have figured out the reason.â
âDid you?â Doubt; a raised eyebrow.
âI didnât want to raise the subject as I understand it is a.. sensitive subject.â Death paused, in a manner which he had taken to when unsure of her reason for mentioning something, waiting for further prompt. âI understand if you donât want to discuss it further,â he said.
âI donât.. not want to talk about it,â Karyn said, and then amended, âI think we need to talk about it. It feels relevant.â
Her words quickened. â ... Why should suffering be inevitable, for fear and anxiety to always be proven right?â She leaned forward, frustration consolidating into something volatile. âI thought ... maybe my fear was finally being proven wrong. That everything would be okay, and would resolve fine and Iâd get out of this mostly unscathed.â
Death watched her for a few seconds longer, then turned away and grimaced. "I don't know what you want me to say here," he said, a passive grudge not quite keeping out of his voice. "I have done what has been possible, and tried not to do what should not have been. Everything else is out of my control."
"Except it isn't," Karyn protested angrily, no longer hiding her tears. "You say that you're doing what you can, or I guess doing what you have to, but the truth is, ultimately, neither of us would be in this situation if not for you." She sat up, fixing her sights on Death. "Every time I've been hurt or in danger, it's because you got distracted, or stood by, or didn't give me ample warning.
"Even when I was about to die, that first day, when I saw you, you didn't say anything. Definitely not anything before that, even though you must have known about Triste's plans in advance, even though you must have known about me dying for ages, you never told me anything. Hell, you and Life are the whole reason I ended up with the parents I had, and you just used that to tell them not to tell me anything, even going so far to swear my best friend into not saying anything.
"And speaking of Diana, what about all that she's been through?" Her face curled then with building anger. "Everyone I talk to speaks about how there's supposed to be honor and respect between the different nations, but how the hell am I supposed to believe that? You of all people must have known what happened to her mother, how she was murdered. Hell, Triste's not even that subtle about it! And despite that, you did nothing? And I'm supposed to keep trusting you to protect me when you wouldn't even do anything when he killed a queen?"
Her eyebrows creased, tone turning with desperation. "And for what? Just because you wanted to live by the illusion that all these things are happening outside of you? Just because it's what you've always done? What's the goddamn point of that?"
As Karyn had spoken Death had turned his gaze off of her, expression worsening. "What would you have of me?" Death demanded. "To reverse time and undo all bad things with a snap of the fingers? Or perhaps you wish only I could bring back the dead, for you. To unwrite it all, as it would seem I am able, to you."
"Change, Death," Karyn replied, voice flattening with exhaustion. The air bore down heavy, the forest outside gone silent. "That's all I've ever asked of you. For you to finally change."
In response, Death stood. There was no visual certainty, but in the air it was as if Death were gathering his things, retreating into himself. The moment stayed for but a second, the time in which Karyn wished he might sit back down and speak, say something at last not antagonism.
Death instead, turning from her, moved to the door, and said only, "Then perhaps you should ask for something else."
