dear diary

i emailed him five days ago with some updates about my life/achievements and telling him about the reproductive medicine lab i'm working in this summer. he hasn't responded. i'm telling myself that it's summer he's not checking his email, and god i hope it's true. i don't think i could bear it if he was ghosting and never responded to me. i'm scared i was too forward in the end of the email and he found it weird, as i told him he was important to me, that i would like to stay in touch, and gave him my personal email.

very kind and gentle - he literally never raises his voice and it always willing to lend a hand to anybody

feminist and woke up- he supervises our schools fem soc and once he took some pics of them packaging pads but deleted them bc he was scared he would make the students uncomfortable

nerdy and smart - computer science teacher

older (extra brownie points in an authority position) - tick

patient - he listened attentively to me yap about my summer research on alzheimers and even asked questions throughout

loves music - big smiths and radiohead and david bowie fan (perfect match for my clairo ldr role model abba tastes)

low social media presence - can’t find shit on this man

athletic but not a gym bro

wears sweaters

reads!!!

hi im 17, i love music and reading, and this page is just for me to vent my frustrations at liking people im not supposed to like

my tcs <3 (past and present)

cy - ngl he was so long ago i completely forgot everything about him

a - he was and honestly still is the one ive always been so deeply attached too. as i grow older even thought he hasnt been my teacher for over a year, i struggle to really fully comprehend how much he changed my life. i was very su!cidal and depressed when he came into my life 2 years ago, and i truly consider him my saviour in many ways, because in the time since i have become so much happier under his encouragement, and i really found my self esteem with him, and i have a future to look forward to

idk when it developed from just me liking him for being a good teacher and a good head of year to “i cant stop thinking about him” but i guess recently ive been really struggling with validation with university applications and my overall mental and physical health has decreased exponentially and his support and encouragement has meant so much to me. also i guess it helps that he has lovely cheekbones and arm muscles and always wears dress shirts with the sleeves rolled up and glasses and looks like rupert campbell black from rivals who im obsessed with. there’s a big shadow looming over him which is basically that in his previous school he slept with a student post graduation. unfortunately i think that’s just a rumor bc ive never met someone who abided more to the rules.

i officially had my last ever class with him as my teacher for my life. and honestly it wasn’t sad or anything i gave him a parting gift with a nice note and it was all very clean and wrapped up.

i know ive said this before but i think for real this time im moving on from this teacher blog. ive already moved on from him for some time now, which is why todays goodbye felt very natural. i have two very stressful years of academics coming up and there’s a girl i really like and im planning on asking her out soon