linney, she/they/he, adult (pls no minors), grad student so assume i'm suffering but having a good time
dragon age. origins, awakening, & da2 primarily. always asking hey where's zevran. what's he doing. early modern vibes and by vibes i do mean vibes. what if i apply a bunch of otherwise usually fun but not esp practical info into helping a faux-medieval/renaissance setting make a little more sense to me specifically. ask me abt my playlists if u enjoy the shawm. ask me abt shakespeare/early modern english theatre if u want a new friend.
i am shy but friendly. house-trained!
ao3 here
fic tag here
will eventually compile some info abt ocs but for now:
my main girl is cat cousland, a walking anxiety disorder who is having a bad time. an autism diagnosis would not save her but it would make her brother go ohhhhhhhh wow.
my hawke is an andersmancer but more importantly, bethany is there (: ask me abt fenbelathany.
if you're here bc of my leandra posts. idk welcome and i'm sorry ig.
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Thank you everyone who has tagged me for this in previous weeks, @softeasun, @mythologeekwriter, @mylosingdogs, @atiya-nagrano, Tagging you guys back to share what you're working on currently, along with @syrupwit, @medowlarken, @rainstormcolors.
Currently working on the fic about Isabela and the Hawke that joins the Qun. Here's a snippet of a weird fade dream Isabela may or may not be having with Fenris and Anders and Danarius and probably not a guy who we know for sure is already dead:
==
Isabela knows exactly where she is.
In the city of Dairsmuid, the capital of Rivain, there’s a section of the cities coastline which accommodates foreign dignitaries and scholars and merchants. And across the street from the Antivan Embassy is a party hall with white clay arches and wide bay windows. And it was there that Luis threw Naishe a party called a quinceañera, where he introduced her to all his business partners as ‘Isabela’. Five months later, they had the wedding in Rialto.
Isabela’s not sure why they’ve come back here, but she’s seated next to her husband in a white wicker chair in the middle of the pavilion. Her wedding band is secure on her finger.
There are two across from them, but only one is seated. An aged man in finely pressed Tevinter robes leans back in a red velvet armchair. He’s some business associate of Isabela’s husband, no doubt, and carries on an animated discussion with Luis. But Fenris is standing – hands at his sides, shoulders back. His expression is blank with endless patience.
Anders is chained to the dungeon wall in the corner. He’s all alone. He has no handler.
Isabela wants to stand and go to her friends, but she remains seated. It isn’t her place to stand.
The conversation between Luis and the Tevinter carries on. They’re worried about tariffs and taxation. They’re worried about Ansburg and the Dwarves breaking the monopoly on corn and sugar. They’re worried about the impending threat on the horizon. There, just outside the window, out on the open ocean, you can see the approaching dreadnoughts. You can see the swelling landmass of Par Vollen draw nearer every day.
Isabela shifts anxiously in her seat. In her dream, it does not occur to her that Par Vollen is across the Northern Passage, not south into Rialto Bay. She feels, looking out the window, such a sense of impending doom.
But though she wants to voice it, she can’t. She’s not here to bother the men with her foolish worries, and she’s too innocent and simple to have much to contribute to their discussion.
She’s just here to be pretty and pleasing. To support and inspire her husband with flaccid airy femininity.
The Tevinter crooks a finger and Fenris nods. He picks up a bottle of wine, and refills Isabela’s glass first, then Luis’s, then the Tevinter’s. It’s a tasteful gesture, unfailingly polite.
“You won’t find a Qarinus red this sweet again, if the Qunari take the city,” the Tevinter raises an arm and urges Luis to drink. “They don’t believe in commerce and free trade, the way the more civilised among us do.”
“And what would you have me do about that,” Luis returns with a laugh, as he takes a sip from his glass. “Buy every cask Tevinter and send it South, so at least the Fereldans and Orlesians will have a taste, should the Qunari get to the rest of us?”
“What a horror. Being stuck between those savages and a country more akin to a dog kennel… Who can say which is worse?” The Tevinter lets out a sigh and shakes his head sadly. “You know my Fenris was captured by some of the Kossith on Seheron, and then by a family of Fereldans further south? He just hasn’t been the same since.”
Fenris hangs his head apologetically. He looks so very sad. Like he genuinely wishes things were different, if only they could be.
“My Isabela was almost taken to the Qun,” Luis says, commiserating. “The mother was ready to leave for Kont-aar, when she decided to leave the daughter with me. I paid her enough coin to hire a proper coach for the journey, but I think she would have kept her daughter, if her daughter would have gone with her.
“But Isabela chose me then,” Luis announces. “She chose me over the Qun.”
Isabela shuffles uncomfortably in her seat. The wicker scratches over the bottoms of her thighs.
“My Isabela chose me once,” Luis says. “But she hasn’t been the same either, since my death.”
Isabela thinks she hasn’t chosen him since their wedding night. But she sits in still silence and wonders if she looks as apologetic as Fenris.
“I don’t expect you to buy every cask of wine in Qarinus,” the Tevinter corrects belatedly. “Better to die in the North, than flee to the South.” He raises his glass for a toast. “Should the Qunari come calling, we’ll barricade ourselves in a Minrathous wine cellar. You and your bride will both be welcome.”
“Perhaps we’ll take you up on the offer,” Luis agrees, deciding for himself and Isabela both. He raises his glass in turn. “But surely the businessman that plans only for disaster brings it upon himself. We should discuss more imminent pursuits.”
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i think there's also the implication here that wynne understands that flemeth is not a particularly good mother, and while she doesn't approve of killing flemeth, you can garner a whopping -5 disapproval, the highest of everyone, for letting flemeth go but telling morrigan that she's dead.
quite literally debating myself here but actually i don't think i agree w my interpretation. i think wynne might have picked up on the fact that flemeth is no good, yes, and part of that has to be connected to her view of morrigan's apostate life more generally, but i think the disapproval abt telling a child that their mother is dead so the child won't seek the mother out has way more to do w rhys than morrigan.
idk the divide i personally most often conceptualise is that fenris-isabela are like... soooo in the know about what it is to do violence to protect your own safety and material interests and they've spent a decade having their noses rubbed in every bad thing they've done to protect themselves and just had to accept they are bad people(tm), and meanwhile anders-merrill are impossibly twee about how they can somehow liberate themselves without hurting anyone else (who didn’t already deserve it). IF I JUST STAB MYSELF AND ONLY USE MY OWN BLOOD AND SWEAT AND TEARS, I CAN GET THE AGENCY I WANT AND ALSO BE GOOD! LOOK, I'M NOT DANGEROUS!! I CAN BE ONE OF THE GOOD (BLOOD) MAGES!! (body count 500 in Hawke's latest gang war) and implicitly this looks better on Merrill than it does Anders because of the genders, but it's just deeply embarrassing all around, and also why it's a relief when anders says 'fuck being good' and violently blows up a chantry because freedom is more important than goodness.
also like. For The Record. i rly like wynne. if i were interacting w her irl i would hate her but that's true for characters i make up, too. i'm critical of her but i do think that her faults make her far more interesting than the facade she tries to convince the warden is real, i.e. Virtuous Grandma
i would say i'm gonna be normal in a little bit but i'm listening to someone read the paulo and francesca canto from the divine comedy in fluent italian and then translate it for me so passionately, after an afternoon thinking abt how much pericles pulls from the book of job in such a poignant and painful way, i am literally never going to be normal again
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the thing is that i think morrigan and wynne don't even realize that they are painful mirrors for each other and if they knew it would be even worse. wynne demonstrates p clearly, at least to me, that she learned v little from her failure w aneirin — or quite frankly, what she learned, she feels isn't worth applying to morrigan. that has everything to do w the fact that morrigan is a young woman.
when wynne tells a morrigan-romancing warden that morrigan is 'a maleficar' who will 'use [the warden] for her own ends', she has no idea that morrigan indeed plans on convincing one of the wardens to impregnate her. i place morrigan around 19, which is the age wynne was when aneirin was apprenticed to her. a year after aneurin disappeared, wynne found out she was pregnant.
there are two key dialogues to me between morrigan and wynne. the first is this one:
Wynne: I have been thinking about what you said, Morrigan. About the Circle.
Morrigan: Allow me to leap to the supposition that you disagree.
Wynne: Let us say that the Circle did not exist. What sort of a world would you envision for mages? Would you advocate a return to the days of the Imperium?
Morrigan: I advocate nothing. Nature dictates that the strong survive, if they have the will.
Wynne: So you prefer a life of hardship and fear, so long as you believe you aren't tethered and free to do as you wish.
Morrigan: That is so.
Wynne: But are you not here because your mother wished you to be?
Morrigan: I could leave if I desired to.
Wynne: Of course. It simply strikes me as odd that one who believes in such freedom has never spent any time alone and unprotected.
like it's not that wynne looks at morrigan and sees only a manipulative temptress bent on vaguely evil ends. this dialogue reads to me as tho she is fully capable of recognizing that morrigan is a) deeply naive and b) totally unprepared for the world that wynne believes eats up vulnerable young mages like her lost apprentice. i think there's also the implication here that wynne understands that flemeth is not a particularly good mother, and while she doesn't approve of killing flemeth, you can garner a whopping -5 disapproval, the highest of everyone, for letting flemeth go but telling morrigan that she's dead.
the second dialogue is this one:
Morrigan: I have spent time alone and unprotected.
Wynne: I'm sorry, what?
Morrigan: You said earlier that I had spent no time alone, I have. I left the wilds more than once when I was young to seek more of the world of men.
Wynne: Did you return to the Wilds on your own? Or did your mother seek you out?
Morrigan: She would never leave the Wilds. I returned on my own. The world of man… is dangerous.
Wynne: And frightening, I imagine. Especially for someone ill-prepared for it.
Morrigan: But the Circle is no place of safety. 'Tis a place of subjugation.
Wynne: Is it? It is by no means perfect, I agree, but consider the alternative. At least other mages can understand our struggle. We can help each other.
Morrigan: It is… something to consider, I suppose.
Wynne: Well that's certainly something.
here, morrigan kind of accidentally admits that she was rattled by what wynne said to her, and while she's trying to assert her independence, what she's describing is neglect. wynne picks up on that. wynne had a community of mages who could understand her struggle. morrigan had flemeth, and flemeth let morrigan go out on her own 'ill-prepared'.
but when wynne talks to a morrigan-romancing warden, even tho morrigan's romance involves her getting extremely reluctant abt physical intimacy, wynne frames the relationship as she sees it as one where morrigan is constantly lusting after the warden — wynne says it's 'as though [morrigan] has completely forgotten there's anything of [the warden] above the waist.' and wynne also confronts morrigan about the romance:
Morrigan: You do not approve of me, do you?
Wynne: You have to ask? I didn't realize I was being subtle.
Morrigan: Ah, the old cat still has her claws, I see. And you also do not approve of my involvement with our stalwart Grey Warden.
Wynne: You are dangerous, Morrigan. Dangerous, cunning and thoroughly deceitful. But you are beautiful, and he is young. It's a pity he doesn't know any better.
Morrigan: Why, Wynne, I do believe that is the first time you have ever offered a compliment. Thank you.
Wynne: Only you would take that as a compliment.
Morrigan: Listen, old woman. what happens between myself and him is not your concern. You can approve or not approve as you wish, but this is one thing you cannot influence and mold to your liking.
Wynne: So you say. I do hope that one day soon you will discover that neither is he.
Morrigan: You mistake my intent, old cat. And you are a fool.
Wynne: Am I? Well, let's hope so.
wynne was a young mage who was taken advantage of by someone w far more power than her, and it resulted in a tragedy. granted, not every warden is necessarily less vulnerable than morrigan, but every warden that has the capability to knock morrigan up will suffer none of the consequences of a pregnancy endured alone.
wynne can recognize that morrigan, for all her protestations, was ultimate a child w an inadequate protector — not unlike aneurin, whose fate she agonizes over even tho she's taking on more guilt than is necessary. but wynne connects morrigan's beauty w how dangerous wynne believes morrigan to be. morrigan at one point snipes that she 'is still young, beautiful, and my life is [her] own while [wynne is] bound to that circle', but it's clear that she feels her beauty gives her status. for wynne, it's a weapon in morrigan's arsenal.
the templar who knocked wynne up writes her an incredibly nasty letter that wynne keeps until her death. it reads:
it's a good thing we haven't spoken much since my return. anger put my mind in disarray and civility would have been damn near impossible. but it is time, and perhaps in writing, i can put into words what i find difficult to say in person.
you told me you had no choice but to let them take him. tell that to yourself if you must; we both know it isn't true. you had a choice from the very start. from the moment you found out. but you withheld knowledge of my own son from me because you knew i would have found a way. you knew i would have given up the order for the both of you. so blame my love for the chantry, the templars, my vows, if it helps you live with it. maintain the fiction that you couldn't drag me down with you. pretend that you are the martyred party. i'll always know the truth: you chose your place in the circle over your own son. your belief that perfect obedience could win a mage the trust of the chantry was more precious to you than what we had. you decided to be helpless when you had a choice to fight. it wasn't your decision to make. he was mine, too. the chantry may have taken him, but you kept him from me.
and idk. i just think this is all connected.
wynne never finds out that morrigan was essentially groomed into becoming a vessel. she might have wanted an old god's power; she might have wanted some way of protecting herself from flemeth. it is nevertheless overwhelmingly clear that morrigan has zero positive associations with motherhood, and the fact that she manages to become a loving parent to kieran is always in spite of flemeth. she didn't want to be pregnant. flemeth sent her w the wardens so that she would get pregnant.
it's not rly clear why wynne kept the pregnancy if she was so concerned abt her 'place in the circle.' but she did! and it resulted in her child being forcibly taken from her by the ppl who groomed her into devastating compliance. motherhood is no less fraught for wynne than it is for morrigan.
wynne looks at the warden and morrigan and knows the consequences of reckless, ill-advised sex. but i think she's so filled w self-loathing over the circumstances of her own reckless, ill-advised sex that she can't bring herself to see that morrigan is still young and vulnerable — as she was when she was a child encountering a world she wasn't prepared for — even if wynne doesn't know the full extent of it. morrigan has to be the aggressor. morrigan has to be the liar. a male warden is simply too in the thrall of morrigan's beauty to have much agency from wynne's perspective.
#a lot to contemplar re: the patriarchy here too#how wynne sees the male warden as a victim of morrigan's temptations but can't look beyond morrigan's implied danger#to see that she's much more of a victim of the system/her own mother#idk i think a lot about how the chantry is a matriarchy but the overall world of thedas is heavily patriarchal still#the average maker fearing man has SO much disdain for women considering how much power they hold in the church#adds something to all this i think
i would go so far as to say that rather than adding to my analysis, it kind of just is my analysis, just worded much more succinctly and directly lol. wynne's internalized misogyny is reworked self-hatred for having been victimized as a young woman. which women are deserving of her hard-earned advice (the warden) and which are lost causes (morrigan) is an interesting divide to me, bc in both cases, the way she treats younger women is all the more jarring when she tries to frame it as her doing the warden a kindness.
it's a familiar unease. frequently, older women who have clearly decided that the horrible things that happened to them weren't the result of men choosing to abuse them but their own failure to prevent men's abuse will try to protect younger women by telling them to be smarter/more modest/more accommodating/better at Being A Woman. and if smth horrible still happens to that younger woman, it then follows that it's her fault, bc she could have avoided it. we've all prob seen it or experienced it, just stating it explicitly.
full disclosure that i haven't played thru all the romances so i am limited to checking youtube playthrus, but i do know that her 'are you sure abt your relationship w LI' conversations varies depending on who the love interest is. i already talked abt what she says to a male warden about morrigan, but playing as a female warden...................................it's so bleak in such a different way.
if you romance alistair, she's primarily concerned that the warden is going to hurt him. he's 'inexperienced', as opposed to the warden, who can also be incredibly inexperienced??? she can even try to soften this by saying the warden won't mean to hurt alistair, but nevertheless 'there is great potential for tragedy here, for one or both of you.' and idk man it's kind of clear who she thinks will cause the tragedy and who will bear the brunt of the grief, and it's not your warden. this to me is esp raw when you consider that alistair has multiple crossroads where he can abandon the romance if not the warden altogether.
if you romance leliana as a woman, she's similarly concerned for leliana's wellbeing. tbh i don't know if there's a difference between this conversation when the warden is a man vs when the warden is a woman. i suspect, like other aspects of leliana's romance, that the f/f option was not given as much attention, presumably bc the assumption was that the player would romance leliana w a male warden.
here is where it gets particularly nasty for me: if a female warden romances zevran, wynne starts off by telling her that the sex is too loud, and then she tells her she 'questions the wisdom' of being in a relationship w someone like zevran, who is surely only in it for One Thing. like. the warden gets to stand there and listen to wynne find the most nauseatingly grandmotherly way to say, 'you're foolishly choosing to be an inconsiderate, naive slut, and that could have serious consequences for the rest of us, too.'
(grain of salt w all of this bc i rly do not know if there's different versions based on the warden's gender, but even if there aren't, it has SUCH a different tenor when wynne is speaking this way to a younger woman in a relationship with a man)
all of these conversations are ultimately leading to her primary concern, which is that love will distract the warden from their purpose. she tells the warden that love is 'selfish.' accordingly, when she later apologizes for overstepping, it's difficult for me to read it as an apology for how she spoke to the warden, mainly bc it isn't. she essentially tells the warden to enjoy while it lasts, bc it won't. sweet that it's happening, tho!
i don't think wynne does any of this out of a conscious hatred for women; she does genuinely believe she's trying to help. but wynne does reserve a specific contempt for sexually active younger women that has everything to do w how she was victimized by a man in the, absolutely, explicitly patriarchal circle (there's prob some mage gender stuff at play here, too, but this is long enough; shoutout mage wardens who are women, this is Particularly fucked up for them!). wynne doesn't recognize it as a misogynistic contempt, but — palpably — it is.
so if theres going to be long-lasting tension in the ways bela vs fenris view the way they move through the world one source is going to be the way they relate to violence right
everyone bear with me this is only like half a thought . but, like. so, for bela, violence is liberating, right... she was all but sold off as a sex object to a man who expected her to play pleasant pretty passive Wife for him, and she was freed by an assassin. she's built her life and ongoing freedom as a pirate. it's not that bela jumps to violence when she could do anything else, or that she's particularly aggy (she is Not!) but like. violence as a key part of claiming and protecting agency, and part of what let her claim some independence!
but for fenris. from having to use his capacity for violence to fight for the right to be enslaved to help his family. to being used as a club by his master. to being ordered to kill the fog warriors that accepted and protected him when he ran away and seeing no option but to do so... and even things like, the process of tattooing him with lyrium robbing him of his past, the way he was really only allowed to develop skills as a combatant, leaving him with few other options. for fenris, all of that is a Leash. it's a limitation on his life right. it's part of how he's Denied autonomy and personhood
surely this is going to come up for them at some point. is all
the thing is that i think morrigan and wynne don't even realize that they are painful mirrors for each other and if they knew it would be even worse. wynne demonstrates p clearly, at least to me, that she learned v little from her failure w aneirin — or quite frankly, what she learned, she feels isn't worth applying to morrigan. that has everything to do w the fact that morrigan is a young woman.
when wynne tells a morrigan-romancing warden that morrigan is 'a maleficar' who will 'use [the warden] for her own ends', she has no idea that morrigan indeed plans on convincing one of the wardens to impregnate her. i place morrigan around 19, which is the age wynne was when aneirin was apprenticed to her. a year after aneurin disappeared, wynne found out she was pregnant.
there are two key dialogues to me between morrigan and wynne. the first is this one:
Wynne: I have been thinking about what you said, Morrigan. About the Circle.
Morrigan: Allow me to leap to the supposition that you disagree.
Wynne: Let us say that the Circle did not exist. What sort of a world would you envision for mages? Would you advocate a return to the days of the Imperium?
Morrigan: I advocate nothing. Nature dictates that the strong survive, if they have the will.
Wynne: So you prefer a life of hardship and fear, so long as you believe you aren't tethered and free to do as you wish.
Morrigan: That is so.
Wynne: But are you not here because your mother wished you to be?
Morrigan: I could leave if I desired to.
Wynne: Of course. It simply strikes me as odd that one who believes in such freedom has never spent any time alone and unprotected.
like it's not that wynne looks at morrigan and sees only a manipulative temptress bent on vaguely evil ends. this dialogue reads to me as tho she is fully capable of recognizing that morrigan is a) deeply naive and b) totally unprepared for the world that wynne believes eats up vulnerable young mages like her lost apprentice. i think there's also the implication here that wynne understands that flemeth is not a particularly good mother, and while she doesn't approve of killing flemeth, you can garner a whopping -5 disapproval, the highest of everyone, for letting flemeth go but telling morrigan that she's dead.
the second dialogue is this one:
Morrigan: I have spent time alone and unprotected.
Wynne: I'm sorry, what?
Morrigan: You said earlier that I had spent no time alone, I have. I left the wilds more than once when I was young to seek more of the world of men.
Wynne: Did you return to the Wilds on your own? Or did your mother seek you out?
Morrigan: She would never leave the Wilds. I returned on my own. The world of man… is dangerous.
Wynne: And frightening, I imagine. Especially for someone ill-prepared for it.
Morrigan: But the Circle is no place of safety. 'Tis a place of subjugation.
Wynne: Is it? It is by no means perfect, I agree, but consider the alternative. At least other mages can understand our struggle. We can help each other.
Morrigan: It is… something to consider, I suppose.
Wynne: Well that's certainly something.
here, morrigan kind of accidentally admits that she was rattled by what wynne said to her, and while she's trying to assert her independence, what she's describing is neglect. wynne picks up on that. wynne had a community of mages who could understand her struggle. morrigan had flemeth, and flemeth let morrigan go out on her own 'ill-prepared'.
but when wynne talks to a morrigan-romancing warden, even tho morrigan's romance involves her getting extremely reluctant abt physical intimacy, wynne frames the relationship as she sees it as one where morrigan is constantly lusting after the warden — wynne says it's 'as though [morrigan] has completely forgotten there's anything of [the warden] above the waist.' and wynne also confronts morrigan about the romance:
Morrigan: You do not approve of me, do you?
Wynne: You have to ask? I didn't realize I was being subtle.
Morrigan: Ah, the old cat still has her claws, I see. And you also do not approve of my involvement with our stalwart Grey Warden.
Wynne: You are dangerous, Morrigan. Dangerous, cunning and thoroughly deceitful. But you are beautiful, and he is young. It's a pity he doesn't know any better.
Morrigan: Why, Wynne, I do believe that is the first time you have ever offered a compliment. Thank you.
Wynne: Only you would take that as a compliment.
Morrigan: Listen, old woman. what happens between myself and him is not your concern. You can approve or not approve as you wish, but this is one thing you cannot influence and mold to your liking.
Wynne: So you say. I do hope that one day soon you will discover that neither is he.
Morrigan: You mistake my intent, old cat. And you are a fool.
Wynne: Am I? Well, let's hope so.
wynne was a young mage who was taken advantage of by someone w far more power than her, and it resulted in a tragedy. granted, not every warden is necessarily less vulnerable than morrigan, but every warden that has the capability to knock morrigan up will suffer none of the consequences of a pregnancy endured alone.
wynne can recognize that morrigan, for all her protestations, was ultimate a child w an inadequate protector — not unlike aneurin, whose fate she agonizes over even tho she's taking on more guilt than is necessary. but wynne connects morrigan's beauty w how dangerous wynne believes morrigan to be. morrigan at one point snipes that she 'is still young, beautiful, and my life is [her] own while [wynne is] bound to that circle', but it's clear that she feels her beauty gives her status. for wynne, it's a weapon in morrigan's arsenal.
the templar who knocked wynne up writes her an incredibly nasty letter that wynne keeps until her death. it reads:
it's a good thing we haven't spoken much since my return. anger put my mind in disarray and civility would have been damn near impossible. but it is time, and perhaps in writing, i can put into words what i find difficult to say in person.
you told me you had no choice but to let them take him. tell that to yourself if you must; we both know it isn't true. you had a choice from the very start. from the moment you found out. but you withheld knowledge of my own son from me because you knew i would have found a way. you knew i would have given up the order for the both of you. so blame my love for the chantry, the templars, my vows, if it helps you live with it. maintain the fiction that you couldn't drag me down with you. pretend that you are the martyred party. i'll always know the truth: you chose your place in the circle over your own son. your belief that perfect obedience could win a mage the trust of the chantry was more precious to you than what we had. you decided to be helpless when you had a choice to fight. it wasn't your decision to make. he was mine, too. the chantry may have taken him, but you kept him from me.
and idk. i just think this is all connected.
wynne never finds out that morrigan was essentially groomed into becoming a vessel. she might have wanted an old god's power; she might have wanted some way of protecting herself from flemeth. it is nevertheless overwhelmingly clear that morrigan has zero positive associations with motherhood, and the fact that she manages to become a loving parent to kieran is always in spite of flemeth. she didn't want to be pregnant. flemeth sent her w the wardens so that she would get pregnant.
it's not rly clear why wynne kept the pregnancy if she was so concerned abt her 'place in the circle.' but she did! and it resulted in her child being forcibly taken from her by the ppl who groomed her into devastating compliance. motherhood is no less fraught for wynne than it is for morrigan.
wynne looks at the warden and morrigan and knows the consequences of reckless, ill-advised sex. but i think she's so filled w self-loathing over the circumstances of her own reckless, ill-advised sex that she can't bring herself to see that morrigan is still young and vulnerable — as she was when she was a child encountering a world she wasn't prepared for — even if wynne doesn't know the full extent of it. morrigan has to be the aggressor. morrigan has to be the liar. a male warden is simply too in the thrall of morrigan's beauty to have much agency from wynne's perspective.
yes bureaucracy and protocol is boring, yes having to consider sober responsibilities that include v long days of listening to other ppl's problems is daunting, yes it would be easier to forget abt the side of the warden-commander's job that is running an entire fucking arling, but if you skip all that, you are missing out on making your hof sit thru things like this
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Zevran: How long were you in that cloister, my dear woman?
Leliana: Just over two years. Why do you ask?
Zevran: And... and all the brothers and sisters there, they had taken vows?
Leliana: Most of them, yes.
Zevran: For two years you had no contact with anyone but men and women who... who are promised to some uncaring god?
Leliana: What are you getting at?
Zevran: Didn't you... didn't you desire companionship, during those two years? Two years! The very thought makes me weak.
Leliana: My time in the cloister was a time of contemplation. I occupied myself with thoughts of the Maker, and other... worthy pursuits.
Leliana: But like I said, most of the brothers and sisters had taken vows. Not all of them. Some were just affirmed, like me.
Zevran: A-ha! That is not so bad then.
Leliana: Nothing happened, Zevran. It would not be right to engage in that behavior in a house devoted to the Maker.
Zevran: Why? The Maker made us who we are. He made our urges; He gave us these parts. You think He made them for looks?
sometimes the big takeaway from this banter is that zevran has a v healthy and expansive view of the intersection of faith and sex, which, yes, maybe, but tbh what is funniest abt this dialogue to me is that yes, zevran is borderline sexually harassing leliana bc he's such a worldly and blasphemous rake™ but he doesn't even push back the tiniest bit on her assertion that if you've made a vow of chastity to the maker, you keep it.
like it's only when leliana clarifies that there were other ppl who hadn't taken vows that he goes GOTCHA! so not ALL of you took the vows, ergo, not ALL of you were chaste!
and indeed, again, while he's borderline sexually harassing her, he doesn't disagree w the sincerity/seriousness of a vow of chastity, only w the idea of a maker that would require them. he takes her at her word when she says she was chaste w everyone else, he's just sort of staggered at the accomplishment.
he takes at face value that when you enter a cloister, you're celibate. is that not kind of sweet of the jaded assassin who's Been Around? don't worry, if you haven't taken the vows, he thinks it's still okay to have sex in the cloister bc he's edgy and liberated btw if anyone even cares.
Zevran: So what is it, exactly, that the sisters of the Chantry do for amusement?
Leliana: Do they not have sisters in Antiva, Zevran?
Zevran; Naturally. Yet we are... hesitant to speak to the sisters back home. They are "atiya nagrano"... how do you say it? Pure. Not to be spoiled.
Leliana: And you would spoil them just by speaking to them? Zevran: You really have no idea, do you?
Leliana: I wasn't born in the Chantry, Zevran. Sisters... we had many ways to pass the time. Work, for instance. And prayer.
Zevran: No time for leisure at all?
Leliana: I was not there for idle pursuits and pleasure, Zevran. I was there to contemplate my relationship to the Maker.
Zevran: And that's it? Sounds bloody boring.
Leliana: What did you imagine your Antivan sisters did, exactly? Zevran: Well, in Antiva the chantries make much of the wine, so I suppose I assumed they... drank it?
Leliana: I... doubt that very much.
Zevran: And there goes one childhood dream. To think I once longed to be a brother.
did u guys.......................drink wine 😳 in the chantry 😳 for fun 😳