A Thread of Scarlet

Unlike the first day of their honeymoon, when she had admired the softness of Neji’s features as he slept, his body is now never without tension. He sleeps rigidly beside her, just as she assumes he has been trained to do, and awakes at the slightest noise of her rolling or settling herself under the covers. His obvious stress from the war preparations does little to ease the growing knot of anxiety twisting within her. She feels insulated from the happenings of the world inside the labyrinth of the Hyuga compound, but she knows outside the battlefront is moving ever closer, and soon the war will be at their doorstep. … She is drinking her tea in the garden one morning when Lee comes to her with a letter. “It arrived along with a shipment from your father’s smithy,” he explains, and she immediately recognizes the writing on the envelope as that of her mother’s. She sets her tea down and quickly tears open the envelope, fearing that the war has reached her home, but the letter is only filled with descriptions of the mundane, and Tenten can hear her mother’s voice in her head angrily asking why she hasn’t written to her yet. Lee is already slipping through the garden gate when she yells out to thank him. He waves and is gone. She takes her tea inside, intent on writing her mother back. She writes that she is happy and healthy, and that Neji is taking good care of her. She does not mention anything about the war preparations and her fears, or her growing loneliness. There is no reason to make her mother worry. … She often brings Neji’s dinner to the small room in their home that he has fashioned into an office. He does not look up from his work when he thanks her, and Tenten feels a twinge of hurt. She has always known, of course, that the preparations would keep him busy, but she had not realized how much she would miss his company (and his attention, although she quickly banishes that thought, her ears red). She eats her dinner alone in the kitchen. Neji does ask her each night, when they are lying together in the darkness of their bedroom, if she is doing well. But they do not speak more than that, and soon he doses off to sleep. … In the Hyuga library she finds many books on the great wars of the previous century, as well as medicinal tomes on treating battle wounds. She devours them all, though she knows it will only worsen her concern. She is all at once horrified and transfixed by the gruesome nature of what she reads, the myriad of ways in which a person can be killed and the ease at which generals decide to sacrifice entire legions of their armies. She wonders, if given a choice, whether Neji would still have become a soldier.   … Neji does not breathe a word to her about his tense relations with the Hyuga clan elders, but she finds out soon enough when he returns home one evening after a particularly long council meeting and snaps at her after she asks whether he would like jasmine or green tea. He would like neither, he tells her in a tone she has never heard from him before, and noisily slides his office door shut. She stands tensely in place for a few minutes, unsure on whether she should approach him or let him be. In the end she decides Neji is not the type to be coddled and it would be best if she lets him cool off on his own.

Idle time does not suit her, so she goes out into the garden to practice her swordsmanship. She mindlessly runs through the motions, unable to distract her thoughts from Neji. His growing absence and his distant moods gnaw at her, and though she wishes her emotions would abate, deep down she knows that she has come to care deeply for him. She desires him in a way that she had foolishly hoped she would never desire anyone.

Neji finds her still in the garden an hour later. The sky is pitch black now, with only the dim orange glow of the lanterns to light the path. Though she is aware of his presence, she does not stop her movements until he speaks.

“Forgive me, Tenten. I am not angry with you.”

She knows as much, but still, her eyes well with tears. The knot of anxiety grows tighter within her. She is afraid, for both of them, of what will become of their future. Will the war leave her a widow? At the sight of her tears, Neji’s shoulders tense in alarm. She wipes her face quickly, embarrassed.

“What happened at the meeting?” she demands. Neji shakes his head and tells her it is nothing in particular, just that the elders tend to be overbearing. “They are too preoccupied with politics.”

He asks her to please come inside for dinner.

“How long will this war last?” she presses, ignoring his invitation.

Again he shakes his head, and tells her it is impossible to predict. “It could be months or it could be years.”

He stands before her now, and as he gently pries the sword from her hands, he asks if she is concerned for her safety. When she continues to cry silently, he assures her that he will protect her. “I have not forgotten the promise that underlies our marriage.”

She tells him that she is more worried for him. “You are exhausting yourself before you’ve even fought a single battle.”

He brushes aside her concern, just as she knew he would.

“Promise me then, that you will come home from this war,” she insists stubbornly, threatening to sleep in the garden if he refuses.

Just as she has set her mind to go out into the garden and practice her swordsmanship, determined to banish the anxious whorl of thoughts about her marriage and the war, Hinata Hyuga arrives at her doorstep. “Neji asked me to give you a tour of the compound,” she explains, although she insists she will come back another time when she notices Tenten’s training attire. Tenten shakes her head, and tells her she is happy to have her company. “Let me change and then we can head out.” 

The Hyuga compound is a labyrinth, Tenten muses, as she follows Hinata through the maze of corridors. “We are a large family, but we all try to give each other space and privacy,” Hinata explains as she points out the residences of other couples. She leads Tenten passed the communal baths, and shows her the forested path that ends at the training grounds. “If you are ever looking for Neji, he is most likely there,” she says with an exasperated tone that leans more towards fondness than irritation.

They encounter many family members throughout the tour, though perhaps due to Hinata’s presence, none stop to say more than cordial greetings. Tenten knows they are curious about her from the way she feels their gazes linger on her back. When Hinata senses that Tenten is beginning to become overwhelmed by the whirlwind of information and introductions, she invites Tenten to her room to have tea.

Tenten finds Hinata instantly endearing. She is a picture of serenity with her kind and patient demeanor, and she is unquestionably emotionally intelligent. Her presence is a soothing balm, though underneath her sweetness, Tenten can see she possesses the same analytical mind and steely resolve as Neji. 

“Neji is lucky to have you,” Tenten tells her earnestly, as a servant sets a tray of tea and snacks on the table.

Hinata laughs. “When we were kids we would bicker all the time. I think it is only in recent years that we have really started to get along.”

When Hinata sees the surprise on Tenten’s face, she tells her that after Neji’s father’s sudden death, Neji had become consumed by grief and anger, and resented the family, especially his uncle, and by extension Hinata and Hanabi. “He was not himself,” Hinata concludes, smoothing the creases in her yukata and folding her hands in her lap. Tenten suspects she is being more generous than she should.

A comfortable silence settles between the two women for a few minutes, before Hinata speaks again. “Neji is lucky to have you. You suit one another,” Hinata tells her seriously, as she takes a sip of tea to hide her amused smile. “I know he never wanted to marry,” Tenten counters, though she can feel her ears burn and a burst of butterflies erupts in her stomach.

That is true, Hinata agrees, but maybe it was because he did not think it was possible to find a wife with whom he had shared interests.  “Neji is intelligent, but he can be unimaginative, and too quick to assume the worst.” She explains that as a child, Neji had held a strong belief in fate. “But he always twisted it to mean something negative. We would argue about it sometimes, and I would ask why he didn’t think his fate would lead him to good things, but he did not like to have his beliefs questioned.”

Tenten is surprised with herself when the story of the fortuneteller tumbles from her mouth. “I suppose I too did not think fate would lead me to a good marriage.”

Hinata smiles knowingly, and she does not need to repeat aloud that Tenten and Neji are well suited for one another, for Tenten to know she is thinking it.

As she and Hinata make their way back home, she asks if Hinata would like to see the smithy. Hinata tells her she has never been in a smithy, or even held a blade. “I have been curious to see it ever since Neji told me that you made his sword,” she admits.

Hinata enters the smithy tentatively, careful to not disturb Tenten’s work. Tenten explains the various tools, and hands Hinata the twin blades she had crafted during the last two days of their honeymoon. Hinata holds the blades gingerly, carefully turning them over in her hands.

“You are very talented. I can see why my father took an interest in your family’s smithy.” 

Tenten smiles sheepishly, suddenly self-conscious. After Hinata leaves, Tenten returns to the house, her head now filled with a whorl of a different set of thoughts. She had hoped her day with Hinata would take her mind off Neji, but now she cannot think of anyone or anything except for him. 

Her conversation with Hinata replays over and over in her mind. She thinks back to how much of her youth had been spent trying to defy the station she thought she had been destined to occupy as a woman. And yet it was exactly because of this defiance that she had ended up wedded to Neji.