brokenhearted & running wild

boygenius - “Ketchum, ID”

Great question!

1) I am NOT saying we support murderers, rapists, and abusers; people who decide to commit crimes such as those do not deserve our support, and that’s fine.

2) I am also NOT saying we let creators/celebrities/influencers etc say and do racist/homophobic/transphobic etc things and get away with it.

3) I am NOT saying we go back to the “good ol’ days” where openly being racist, for example, was acceptable. I don’t want that. If you reblogged this post thinking “god, yes, I want to say bigoted things again without sjws attacking me for it” tough luck buddy, but this post ain’t supporting that or you.

This post is actually directed to activist communities, particularly online ones. This criticism is coming from someone who is a part of those activist communities because I think it’s time we have an intra-community discussion about how we react to problematic events.

So say a celebrity does something problematic. Let’s use a real-world example, okay? A while ago, Terry Crews came under fire for saying people needed paternal and maternal love “no matter where you get that [from].”

People immediately jumped on him for implying that children of single parents or same-sex parents were lacking, that he was being homophobic, that he’d blown it, that he was cancelled and could no longer be a role model despite his past activism and support of various good causes, and that was that.

From 0 to 100 real quick. From a valid criticism sprouting from his miscommunication and his audience’s misunderstanding – to saying his role as an activist was forever over.

Do you understand how toxic that is? People – even our ALLIES – cannot make a single mistake, not say a single thing out of line without being dragged forth and humiliated and “cancelled.”

We as activists cannot, CANNOT, demand perfection. We ourselves are NOT perfect, we ourselves have done and said problematic things in the past and so we cannot demand absolute perfection from others.

Our response to problematic things and people has to change.

How should we change?

We should educate. When someone, ally or enemy, does something problematic, instead of dragging them or cancelling them or making fun of them we should politely educate them on why what they did is wrong. More often than not? They’ll understand and apologize!

Always assume ignorance on their part instead of malice, because actual malice in the world is rare, while simple ignorance is widespread.

If we come at them and attack them? Very likely they will double down on their position and refuse to change, because of the toxicity of the response they got from this movement. And they won’t learn and grow from this experience and will likely dig themselves deeper in this hole.

We have to be more patient with others. I know it is tiring and frustrating and exhausting to deal with problematic attitudes and comments, which often come in the form of microaggressions, but we have to rise above our initial instinct to lash out and attack if we want any lasting positive social change to be made.

Because we don’t want a society where people are afraid to speak their minds, do we? We don’t want a society where people are afraid they’ll say the wrong thing and be excommunicated from a group forever, do we? We don’t want a fucking authoritarian Twitter regime, do we, where the slightest misstep kicks you to the cub for good?

I know I don’t. I want a society free of prejudices and bigotry, but one that is patient and understanding when people make mistakes. Even when their mistakes cause momentary harm, because it’s going to happen and it sucks, but it’s a part of the process.

Bottom line is: if you do not become a more patient, compassionate, and understanding person, you are going to alienate your allies. You are going to drive away more and more people from this movement because of how toxic the response to even the smallest of mistakes is. Nobody’s going to WANT to be a part of that movement, and for good reason.