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how do you know if the path you’re on is the right one for you.. that you’re living the life meant for you.. that you’re the person who you’re supposed to be? Am I abnormal for one day waking up and feeling an overwhelming sense of doubt and emotion about almost every aspect of my life? Why do I not love like I once did? The same things that used to make my toes curl with excitement now bore me. It’s as if I have grown out of the habits I once practiced so precisely and routinely. The things that used to make me laugh no longer do and I feel a chaotic sense of loss, and fear of making the wrong decisions. I am finally starting to recognise the childhood and teenage trauma I endured resurfacing in my adult life and dictating the way I behave towards certain situations. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, I’m saying I have more respect for myself than that 14 year old girl did and therefore feel like my adult self is no longer willing to put up with the pain that my younger self chose to overlook for so many years. But this means I don’t love people the same way I did back then. How do I find the strength to fully let go? I don’t know if I can. I have so many thoughts….. soooo many feelings. My head is in shambles and I simply don’t know what my next move may be. I crave excitement and adventure and spark in my life and at the moment I feel like it’s passing me by. When it all gets too overwhelming, I keep telling myself that my future self will one day make the right decision.. two or three years from now. That I will be living a life that brings me immense joy and inspiration, and most importantly, the possibility of endless happiness. Real happiness. But deep down I fear that I will remain stuck in this limbo due to my own cowardliness, the fear of being alone or making the wrong decision for my life strikes me down like a bolt of lightening. I pray for better days soon. I pray for the extraordinary.