Keru Geraruda

Here it is: Best stuff first

Extremely handy if you follow a lot of people and hate missing anything good. 

Best Stuff First moves the best stuff on your dashboard—mhm!—right up to the top. 

It’s rolling out this week on iOS and Android, and comes with this Help Center article.  

This bullshit is being rolled out this week and it’s going to be default!

a thing happens + two people exchanging money in the back

fourth wall breaking

“give up all your weapons” and that one guy that spends the entire evening taking his weights worth out his pockets

*a terribly loud crash* meowing/ car sirens heard offscreen

alternatively: a terribly loud crash and one of the characters going “oops” in the most casual voice

people completely missing the completely unsubtle, very visible dangerous thing in the room with them

alternatively, people absolutely seeing the completely unsubtle, very visible dangerous thing in the room with them and just not giving a shit

bonus points if it’s a beleaguered minimum wage employee who just goes about their business like “yep same shit as always”

someone pretending they don’t know another character is eavesdropping, only to casually reveal at the end of the scene that they know (*leaving* “tell tom that he can come out now” *tom drops from the ceiling in spy gear, irritated*)

choosing to deal with the villain by just leaving them alone in a room with another character

the “hands go down” trope

That one character who is like actively dying but insists they’ve had worse and wants to keep fighting

Knocking down a big group of opponents with a bowling ball sound effect

Vampires speaking in dead languages.

Vampires being able to translate untranslatable scripts.

Vampires who react to straightwashing historical figures like “Are you kidding me everyone knew that man was queer!”

Vampires from cultures who were once antagonistic towards each other stubbornly maintaining a friendship that’s lasted longer than their civilizations.

vampire who couldn’t tell you what caravaggio was known for but duelled with him at least three times and slept with him at least ten. “cara-who OH YOU MEAN MICHAEL yeah he was cool”

vampire who spent 100 years in a convent and is still so bitter that in all that time they never made her mother superior “GODDAMMIT I HAD SENIORITY! I HAD SENIORITY!” “okay so first off janet, that was six hundred years ago, but more importantly, maybe if you didn’t always start those complaints off with blasphemy…”

vampire professor who just sort of showed up at oxford when it was founded and is still there (and nobody’s noticed because he still never actually shows up to his lectures)

queer vampire who constantly talks about the fashion for straightness and you need to be really careful because if you tell them straight is default they WILL scream at you for five days straight about what a modern concept heterosexuality is

vampire hoarder who has an entire town where they just kept having to buy new houses to keep their stuff in and some of it’s probably worth tens of millions by now but you’ll never find it in among the 1950s kitschy kitten sculptures and boxes of newspaper (the newspaper is a wonderful mix of yesterday’s guardian and daily courants from 1725)

vampire sailor from manderville’s time who just has so many stories and some of them might even be true

vampire bluestocking girl who took to the internet like a fish to water and spends her whole unlife engaging reddit antifeminists about women’s rights because that’s one fight she’s determined to see through. also with the advent of cheap dyes she literally wears blue socks every day and hopes one day someone gets the joke

vampire doctor who just gets SO CONFUSED about the literature because do you know how hard it is to keep up with medicine kevin? when i got my doctorate we thought leeches were good and then they were bad and now they’re good again? i was published in issue one of the lancet kevin that is 387 lancets kevin how the hell am i meant to remember which one’s current kevin why are they saying cannabis is good for pain like this is news??? (but also lives in a state of wonderment every day in hospital because wow look at all this stuff we can do now look at it kevin!)

These are what I would consider to be the most basic, bare-bones questions of character creation.

What would completely break your character?

What was the best thing in your character’s life?

What was the worst thing in your character’s life?

What seemingly insignificant memories stuck with your character?

Does your character work so that they can support their hobbies or use their hobbies as a way of filling up the time they aren’t working?

What is your character reluctant to tell people?

How does your character feel about sex?

How many friends does your character have?

How many friends does your character want?

What would your character make a scene in public about?

What would your character give their life for?

What are your character’s major flaws?

What does your character pretend or try to care about?

How does the image your character tries to project differ from the image they actually project?

What is your character afraid of?

What is something most people in your setting do that your character things is dumb?