s h i n e

                      [harm]  you —

                                        not   while

"I'm not saying you're an idiot, I'm just saying a smarter person would have seen that coming."

"I took a blood oath that I wouldn't tell you what she said about you, but if you bring me some tequila and nachos, I might be inclined to break that oath."

"If I told you I took a picture of you sleeping last night, would that be creepy or romantic?"

"I was trying to teach myself how to knit and, long story short, I'm in the ER now."

"I don't actually know what I've done to make you hate me so much, but I don't care anymore, so either get over it or fuck off."

"I love you, but the fact that you don't like ice cream creeps me out a little."

"If you're going to McDonald's and you don't at least bring me back fries, I'll never forgive you."

"I dropped your phone in the toilet, and I'm really sorry, but I'm not reaching in to get it out, so it's just... it's gonna stay there until you or someone else gets it out."

"If you pray for someone to meet an untimely demise, and then they do, are you karmically responsible for their death?"

"I've always thought that Harry Potter was overrated."

"I'm not saying you're evil or anything, but I'm pretty sure if you crossed a church threshold you would burst into flames."

"We should have a Disney movie marathon this weekend."

"I just really need you to shut the hell up right now."

"I'm a better kisser than you are; you're just going to have to accept that as a fact of life."

"Would you rather die by drowning or strangulation? I'm just curious, not, like, plotting your death or anything, I swear."

"I would do any number of borderline illegal things to get tickets to that show."