AstroMcLaughlin

Hi i have no idea how tumblblrlrrlrl workss but i heard its a cool place Send help

Stories About all Kinds of Animals (Рассказы о всякой живности)

N. Ustinov / Н. Устинов

Because I'm on this stupid little blue marble amidst all of that and this planet happens to be the only one we know of with fucking F A S C I S M like ohmygodddd we are the literal WORST

And you know what else sucks? If we aren't alone in the universe and there's intelligent life out there, life that has developed its own form of society or order or whatever, there's a chance that they too could have a fun form of SPACE fascism, like maybe the natural order of things is that things are great and then some people with pure fucking EVIL in their hearts/souls/brains decides that no, nobody but us should enjoy things, and then BAM. Fascism.

Is fascism a form of entropy? Or are we the only dumb fucks in the universe to be so stupid as to vote a diaper-soiling sweaty orange coke addicted geriatric pedophile into office to enact some of the most destructive, sadistic, asinine policies upon people based on their natural non-orange skintones??

We all benefit from space. Countless technologies that we use every day come from NASA's R&D. And some fat orange fascist fuck wants to cut that so his pig friends can pad their wallets.

Just imagine where we would be if NASA had 10% of the defense budget. If international cooperation was pursued again.

It's tough, but the part of me that wants to heal, and that is healing, day by day, knows that to get what I want I have to be strong, and endure the loneliness. I have to repeat this to myself. It gets ugly before it will all be beautiful. And in this ugly state where I'm at, I also see beauty already. Because I see it in me, in the way I'm being strong, in the way I'm protecting myself, in the way I'm resisting. I'm not perfect, and some days are just so much harder than others, but I'm really proud of how I'm handling this.

Better things are coming.

I've gone through life without anyone to consistently be a supporting or motivating factor in my mental/emotional well-being, and that so easily slips into self-hate because I think I'M the problem somehow when nobody goes out of their way to encourage my healing.

And I suppose that is fair. Nobody is owed anything, but I often reflect on how much I care for others and make great efforts to check in and keep their well-being on my mind unconditonally and find myself wondering:

"Why has nobody ever done the same for me?"

It has always been one-sided in almost every relationship, platonic or otherwise, for me, and I wonder if perhaps showing my empathy to the world only opens up people to use it when they need it, tossing me away when I'm no longer needed.

But that feels like such a pessimistic way of thinking of my life and the people within it. But at the same time, I find it hard to balance it with holding those accountable who treat/have treated me unfairly and/or poorly.

It tears at me often.

Realizing that often healing is done alone in a selfish world and I must find love and peace within has pushed me to do so.

Im not perfect. Im filled with more scars than most, and I bleed from them often, and I do it alone most days. But Ive found myself in that silence and a strength in my breath.

I know how it feels to always be there for someone but having no one by your side when you need it. What's worse is truly being able to help what you think is a friend, and when they get better they just disappear out of your life, as if you are no longer needed, as if there had never been care, love, friendship between us. It's a very sharp and cruel heartbreak. It's so easy in those moments to fall in the trap of self-blaming questions.

Last time this happened to me, very recently, I was also thinking "I don't want to be so empathetic anymore. I don't want to help anyone anymore". I was just so very hurt and heartbroken. It was very painful.

But what I'm learning now, is that those weren't the right questions, the right resolutions. Everyone has a different story, different motivations, different root causes. My issue wasn't my sensitivity, my empathy, my care. It was that I lacked boundaries. I gave (love, care, attention, protection...) uncoditionally, even when it was hurting myself. I felt that that was the only thing I could give, the only thing that made me worthy (to be loved).

I am worthy of love because I am me, not because I am useful.

So my story is teaching me not to be less of what I am, cause I love my empathy and my caring nature. It's teaching me to love myself enough to have healthy boundaries around me. To not settle for crumbs because I don't feel worthy if I don't keep on giving.

Love is truly the answer, but it has to start from within, from ourselves. That's why it feels so lonely, at first.

But I know this is the right path. To love and be loved in a true and healthy way.

Good luck with your healing journey @gorbadorb , I wish you to find your people soon, the ones that will give you back all your empathy and love. You deserve it. Don't give up! ❤

I think what you said really speaks to what I've learned so eloquently. Not settling for crumbs has caused a lot of people who I at one point considered, friends, best friends, and even partners to leave when I started putting up these boundaries for the first time in my life.

For example, I suppose.

It especially helped me escape from an abusive relationship I had about a year ago. I stood by my boundaries. It was unequivocally one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but looking back now, I couldn't be more proud of myself. She was very abusive (her family threatened to kill me after everything I did for her, lol) and a manipulator, but I did it anyway in spite of that danger and I needed to in order to survive.

Even after everything she did, I still reached out and apologized for any of my shortcomings, and I forgave her for all the pain she caused me. I wished her the best and hoped she would become a better person. I still do today, even with these scars she caused.

That's another thing I'm very proud of when it comes to setting my boundaries and still loving.

My love is something amazing, and I need to stop undervaluing it sometimes just because others have and tried to make me feel the same way.

Like you said very well, love IS the answer. We just have to love from within and love ourselves first.

Wherever you may be, and whatever you may be going through, I hope you never give up as well! If you are still searching for those good people and good things, I know they will come your way! :)

And I'm sorry you had to go through such a painful situation. And yet, even after all of this, I can feel light in your words. It's really beautiful.

You know, the first time it happened to me, to feel abandoned in such a harsh way after everything I had done, I didn't handle it very well. I was very angry towards him and deeply hurt. This time, instead, as you did, I forgave. Not with anger, but with understanding. And love. I wish him well, even after all the pain he put me through. And this is such a beautiful growth for me. And I'm glad I was able to acknowledge that. It's not easy, it's still a process, since it all happened so recently. But even if there are tears, and a broken heart, and pain, I like the way I'm standing up for myself, the way in my heart I'm still kind to him. I'm really proud of this. I'm proud that I chose myself and stayed kind. I love my soft heart. And I won't let grief to change that.

Thank you for your wishes ❤ I can't wait for the good that will come!

If you ever feel comfortable talking about something or the other, I always love to have an open ear for those who need it. It goes a long way, I've learned.

Space Shuttle Enterprise (OV-101) assembly nearing completion.

Date: June 26, 1976

Photos from Karl Dodenhoff collection.

NASA ID: link, DFRCEC77-6684

It's tough, but the part of me that wants to heal, and that is healing, day by day, knows that to get what I want I have to be strong, and endure the loneliness. I have to repeat this to myself. It gets ugly before it will all be beautiful. And in this ugly state where I'm at, I also see beauty already. Because I see it in me, in the way I'm being strong, in the way I'm protecting myself, in the way I'm resisting. I'm not perfect, and some days are just so much harder than others, but I'm really proud of how I'm handling this.

Better things are coming.

I've gone through life without anyone to consistently be a supporting or motivating factor in my mental/emotional well-being, and that so easily slips into self-hate because I think I'M the problem somehow when nobody goes out of their way to encourage my healing.

And I suppose that is fair. Nobody is owed anything, but I often reflect on how much I care for others and make great efforts to check in and keep their well-being on my mind unconditonally and find myself wondering:

"Why has nobody ever done the same for me?"

It has always been one-sided in almost every relationship, platonic or otherwise, for me, and I wonder if perhaps showing my empathy to the world only opens up people to use it when they need it, tossing me away when I'm no longer needed.

But that feels like such a pessimistic way of thinking of my life and the people within it. But at the same time, I find it hard to balance it with holding those accountable who treat/have treated me unfairly and/or poorly.

It tears at me often.

Realizing that often healing is done alone in a selfish world and I must find love and peace within has pushed me to do so.

Im not perfect. Im filled with more scars than most, and I bleed from them often, and I do it alone most days. But Ive found myself in that silence and a strength in my breath.

I know how it feels to always be there for someone but having no one by your side when you need it. What's worse is truly being able to help what you think is a friend, and when they get better they just disappear out of your life, as if you are no longer needed, as if there had never been care, love, friendship between us. It's a very sharp and cruel heartbreak. It's so easy in those moments to fall in the trap of self-blaming questions.

Last time this happened to me, very recently, I was also thinking "I don't want to be so empathetic anymore. I don't want to help anyone anymore". I was just so very hurt and heartbroken. It was very painful.

But what I'm learning now, is that those weren't the right questions, the right resolutions. Everyone has a different story, different motivations, different root causes. My issue wasn't my sensitivity, my empathy, my care. It was that I lacked boundaries. I gave (love, care, attention, protection...) uncoditionally, even when it was hurting myself. I felt that that was the only thing I could give, the only thing that made me worthy (to be loved).

I am worthy of love because I am me, not because I am useful.

So my story is teaching me not to be less of what I am, cause I love my empathy and my caring nature. It's teaching me to love myself enough to have healthy boundaries around me. To not settle for crumbs because I don't feel worthy if I don't keep on giving.

Love is truly the answer, but it has to start from within, from ourselves. That's why it feels so lonely, at first.

But I know this is the right path. To love and be loved in a true and healthy way.

Good luck with your healing journey @gorbadorb , I wish you to find your people soon, the ones that will give you back all your empathy and love. You deserve it. Don't give up! ❤

I think what you said really speaks to what I've learned so eloquently. Not settling for crumbs has caused a lot of people who I at one point considered, friends, best friends, and even partners to leave when I started putting up these boundaries for the first time in my life.

For example, I suppose.

It especially helped me escape from an abusive relationship I had about a year ago. I stood by my boundaries. It was unequivocally one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but looking back now, I couldn't be more proud of myself. She was very abusive (her family threatened to kill me after everything I did for her, lol) and a manipulator, but I did it anyway in spite of that danger and I needed to in order to survive.

Even after everything she did, I still reached out and apologized for any of my shortcomings, and I forgave her for all the pain she caused me. I wished her the best and hoped she would become a better person. I still do today, even with these scars she caused.

That's another thing I'm very proud of when it comes to setting my boundaries and still loving.

My love is something amazing, and I need to stop undervaluing it sometimes just because others have and tried to make me feel the same way.

Like you said very well, love IS the answer. We just have to love from within and love ourselves first.

Wherever you may be, and whatever you may be going through, I hope you never give up as well! If you are still searching for those good people and good things, I know they will come your way! :)