Astro

Morning! Today's forecast calls for blue skies.

Schlatt’s brows furrowed together, hearing a piano and clapping in his ears as he was trying to sleep. But it only got louder, a drum cymbal coming in hard and completely jolting him out of his bed, landing face first on the floor.

“Ow… fuck..” Now that he was awake, the room was silent, just the sounds of his cats hiding away from the sudden flop out of his bed. Well, shame on him. 

It was a weird way to wake up for sure, but things got pretty odd last night, from what he could remember anyway. He brushed off his weird dream hallucination, getting up from the floor and changing into his clothes for the day.

He knew something was off when he noticed no one was in the house besides himself, but he brushed it off and assumed everyone else had an earlier start to their first day back for the semester. He grabbed a bagel by the kitchen island and parted outside of the Alpha Epsilon Epsilon House.

What was even weirder was when he went outside to the Quad and only saw Danny towards the center of it. But Schlatt kept walking along the path, not really bothering to think twice about it. The guy was a weirdo anyway.

However, even from all the way across the field, Schlatt could hear Danny start to sing. Clear as the day outside in that moment, making him stop in his tracks.

“Sun is shinin' in the sky…. There ain't a cloud in sight.” His tenor voice sang slowly and lightly, looking out to the sky above him.

Schlatt quietly glared, trying to piece together how he could hear him from this distance and how the rest of the world seemed to become more silent when he sang. He shook his head, clearly still hungover, and turned to keep walking.

“It's stopped rainin'!” He jumped back, suddenly seeing that girl from Smosh leap out in front of him, looking up with her hands cupped over her eyes. “Everybody's in the play!” Angela giggled as she sang out lightly, skipping over towards the field as Schlatt somehow heard a backing soprano flute whistling in the background. Like it was birds chirping with her.

Schlatt, despite his annoyance, couldn’t help but watch her prance off. Maybe they were practicing for some performance, but he had no time for this tomfoolery. Besides, the song wasn’t even that slow of a tempo. Prissy ass rendition, he thought personally. 

He took maybe two more steps forward before he felt a slap on his back, which made him drop his bagel, and an arm pulled around him, looking to his side to see that the perpetrator was none other than Ryan. 

“And don't you know.. It's a beautiful new day..” he leaned in close to his side, singing with a perky tone, like he was purposefully being a nuisance about this.

Schlatt looked down at the shorter man, confusion clear in his expression, forming only the first two words fully in his next sentence.

“What the he-”

“Hey-ey-hey!” The other two popped out behind him in harmony, making him jump forward with a start and walk faster away from the group and towards where the rest of the campus buildings were.

That’s when he heard the clammoring of what resembled pots in his head, making his heart start to race and picking up his speed. But it didn’t end there, hearing drums and a guitar kick in full gear with the tempo picking back up. The piano keys were in tune with the instruments.

“Runnin' down the avenue! See how the sun shines brightly?” A chorus of other students, maybe the general population, sang out while they ran behind him. He quickly moved out of the way, seeing them all dressed in various jogging outfits. He couldn’t help but back up, feeling like the world around him was moving too fast now. Yet now, he somehow managed to back right up into the “Corpse Husband” of all people!

“In the city, all the streets where once was pity..” his voice was low and slightly growly when he sang, Schlatt spinning himself away from him to quickly escape, but somehow ending up in the center of a crowd.

“Mr. Blue Sky is living here today!” Schlatt looked around him, eyes wide as he watched them stand with their chests puffed out before yelling cheerfully and loudly: “HEY-HEY-HEY!”

They all swung their leg out, pointing their heel down on the ground from side to side with their arms curled up and hands palm out in front of them, moving in sync as Schlatt watched in horror. How did he end up getting in the center of some fucked up flash mob?! And why was it being done on the first day of classes?! OF ALL DAYS?!?!

He quickly pushed past everyone, getting out of there before they decided to do some off-kilter conga line and make him join them! He would much rather drink toilet water than put up with that. He dashed for the closest building, getting inside and leaning against the door when he got in, relieved to see an empty hallway in front of him.

He breathed out, glad to be away from the dancing monkeys out front and ready to just continue with his day like none of that had happened. He shook out the tension he felt in his head over the whole ordeal and just traveled further into the building. Just as he came across a vending machine (breakfast gone thanks to Mr. Magee), right across the hallway from him, Quackity happened to be walking towards him on the other side. Somehow, he felt relieved to see him. Like he could level him out from the odd experience moments ago.

“Yo, Q!” he called out to him, arm going up to wave to hi-

The pots knocked loudly in his head once again, almost like counting in-

“Hey! YOU!! With the pretty face!!!” his arm went up in an excited wave too, but ended with an enthusiastic point towards Schlatt.

Oh god.

“Welcome to the human race!!” He started to do full pirouettes while stepping closer towards him.

His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. What the fuck was going on?!

Schlatt ran past him, heading for the opposite exit, but the music never stopped. 

“A celebration! Mr. Blue Sky's up there waitin'!” He tried to run away from the large crowd, but more just seemed to join the farther he went before he ended up in a crossroads of paths to different class buildings, standing at the center of them with no way out. “And today, is the day we've waited for!” Everyone was facing and staring at Schlatt now as they sang in harmony, arms dropping down first. “Ah-ah-ah!” Their arms went up in a circle from one side to the other before they clapped four times in rhythm to the beat. Unfortunately and embarrassingly enough, it made Schlatt jump all four times.

“Mr. Blue Sky! Please tell us why you had to hide away for so long? (So long) Where did we go wrong?” It was eerie watching them move together as one as they did what looked like a wave, but bodies drooping at the end of it dramatically, voices singing in rounds. 

“Hey there, Mr. Blue!” They all were vertical again, looking directly at Schlatt once more. “We're so pleased to be with you!” Their arms went out towards him, palms up like they were reaching for a hug. 

Oh fuck no, he would never do such a thing, even in a freaky musical performance.

But the students started to raise their arms out, like they were gesturing to everyone around them now. “Look around, see what you do! Everybody smiles at you!”

And they were.

And to Schlatt, that was probably the most traumatizing part in all of this mess. It was like some freaky cult was trying to indoctrinate him into performing musical theatre for tricks. No thank you!!

He shoved past everyone again, deciding that classes sounded like the most appealing thing right now as he kept running. Still behind him, he could hear the chorus repeating, instruments ringing in his head, and those damn pots banging.

He slammed the door behind him when he knew he was inside, the music halting like he closed off the sound to the outside world. Out of breath, he held the door handle for a moment longer, like the musical zombies would come inside and decide to eat his brains until he sang a Hamilton number. But they never came, only a ringing headache left behind. 

Despite his relief, he kept checking around every corner until he safely got into his class. Thankfully, there was no singing, no strangers awaiting him standing on chairs and doing full backflips off them. Just regular students, sitting at their desks with their bags and books out, some even looking exhausted from being awake this early in the morning.

Thank god.

The rest of the class carried out normally too, ringing in the new semester with syllabuses and formalities and expectations throughout the course. He was even able to travel freely to his next two classes as well, which happened to be in the same building. Schlatt found solace in the boring, quiet classrooms, but still felt on edge even as the teacher’s voice droned on and didn’t carry a note. But he decided to handle this the way he does with every crazy ass situation he’s been in. Pretend nothing happened and never bring it up to a living soul unless he was maybe highly intoxicated. Then again, maybe he should stay away from the booze for a while. He drank his share in body weight and then some the night before, so of course, he was paying the price for it now. This had to be hallucinations from alcohol poisoning! Or some sick trick everyone organized to get in Schlatt’s head. Why was everyone always out to get him?! Regardless, he was almost beginning to believe that the roughest part of this fever dream was almost over (along with this class) until-

“Stand up straight now.” A student talk-sang, sitting two rows away from Schlatt.

“Ooh-ooh-ooh!” The rest of the students sang in harmony around him, drums kicking out to start the music.

“Fuck no!” Schlatt groaned, hands going over his ears, just trying to block out the sound.

“Can't break down!”

Schlatt was about to break down.

“Graduate now!”

If only it were that simple. Schlatt would’ve never attended this insane university if he had the choice.

“Just stop!”

“I don't wanna be here, I don't wanna be here!” Every student in the classroom sang as the teacher tapped her pointer stick to the beat.

Not being here sounded great! In fact, Schlatt swore he heard the class bell (he didn’t and there was no class bell), and quickly departed from the classroom.

He didn’t stop moving this time, hauling ass towards the exit while the students sang behind him: “Can't change what you've done! Start fresh next semester!”

He ignored their haunting melody, ignored the warnings the chorus sang, unable to even think clearly in that moment with those drums and guitar playing in his head. Why did he have to be an alcoholic and have to suffer from musical schizophrenia?!

When his feet stopped again, he landed in front of the counseling center. It was suspicious timing of all things, but he didn’t question it, just heading inside like it was some safe haven.

It was quiet inside. The waiting room was empty, only full of chairs that were meant for people who were waiting to be seen for their appointment. He considered the option of booking one right there, maybe get seen for the delusions he was experiencing, and figure out what was happening.

“Hello?!” he yelled, feeling completely off his rocker and hanging on the edge. “HELLO?!” he hit the bell by the counter, looking around. “Please, GOD, I just want a QUIET room!!!” it might’ve been dramatic, but he couldn’t handle any more showtune numbers!

He was shaking in anger, or was it fear? Schlatt couldn’t tell the difference anymore. He collapsed into one of the seats, leaning his elbows on his knees and holding his face for a moment to try and recuperate while he could. But he knew it wouldn’t be that easy.

Just as his hands went up from his face and brushed back his hair, he felt someone sit beside him, plopping on the seat in a grunt.

It was Arin Hanson, his arms were crossed over his chest and he was fully man spreading next to him.

He heard a guitar start to riff in the background then.

“No…”

The riff repeated.

“God, no more of this!! JUST STOP!!”

Silence.

Another guitar riff.

“There's a moment you know… you're fucked.” Arin sang almost knowingly to Schlatt. Who, by the way, let out the loudest groan at the beginning notes of the song.

“Not an inch more room to self-destruct.” one of Arin’s arms uncrossed, holding his hand over his heart as he sang. But he wasn’t looking at Schlatt. No no! He was looking across from him at Suzy, who had suddenly appeared in this office too.

“No more moves, oh yeah, the dead-end zone..” Schlatt watched her start to sing too, hearing her go into a gentle head voice.

“Man, you just can't call your soul your own.” Then they both sang, in a perfect mournful harmony.

Schlatt was starting to feel uncomfortable, like he was treading into some lore that he shouldn’t be witnessing firsthand, and he aptly got up from his seat and beelined for the door. Yet of course, he was stopped by a hand right over his chest, blocking him from the exit. 

Matt Watson stared him straight in the eyes, wearing a wicked crooked smile.

“But the thing that makes you really jump… Is that the weirdest shit is still to come.” he started walking forward, making Schlatt walk backwards. “You can ask yourself: ‘Hey, what have I done?'” Matt shrugged at him just as Schlatt fell back in his seat, getting real up close and personal now with him. “You're just a fly. The little guys, they kill for fun.” he poked at Schlatt’s chest.

Matt kicked Schlatt’s chair out, making him land into completing a circle of other chairs where other students were sitting.

“Yeah, you're fucked all right and all for spite! You can kiss your sorry ass goodbye!” He sat between Suzy and Arin, Matt landing in the chair behind them. They all definitely were doing matching choreography again, but Schlatt couldn’t bring himself to watch anymore. He was exhausted of this. “Totally fucked, will they mess you up? Well, you know they're gonna try!” the robots all sang in perfect harmony, making Schlatt turn his chair around again so that everyone was facing the center and forcing him to look up at Matt, who was now decorated with what looked like Dean Lee’s glasses, and cardigan, and even a clipboard.

“Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!” he was looking down at it like he was reading notes, giving his best therapist expression and pretending to write down on it. And the others repeated it back to him, like engaging back during one of their sessions, but making their hands talk like a puppet all the while.

But then they stood, just repeating “blah blah blah” over and over again, their voices going to different harmonies as Schlatt started to boil up inside.

He was about to explode. There was literally no escape.

“Mr. Schlatt?”

His eyes widened, looking up suddenly to see Dean Lee (the Dean and one of the therapists at our school) poking her head out of her office. There were no notes to carry, no dancing coming from her, though it was still adamantly happening around him. Matt was even doing some weird tossing thing with the clipboard with everyone else, which made Schlatt wonder why the Dean wasn’t saying anything.

“Are you alright? I don’t have you booked for the day…” she noted, looking only at him and not seeming to notice the full dance routine behind him.

“Can I please come in? I need… to think somewhere quietly.” he worded carefully, but stood up suddenly, already making his way over to her door before she fully permitted him.

Before she could object, which she likely wasn’t going to anyway, he was already seated in the chair in front of her desk. Her smile grew softer, going around the other side and taking a seat in her rolling chair.

She let the room be silent for a moment, his expression clearly riddled with some sort of anxiety she had never seen him broadcast so openly before. She would simply just bask in this win quietly, clicking away at folders and tip-tapping on her keyboard while Schlatt gathered his thoughts.

He tried to catch his breath again, still hearing the music blaring away outside, but it sounded more muffled. Like it was only just a room away from him and not surrounding his entire being like before.

“...Well, I can’t say I’m not surprised to see you here so suddenly… It’s usually hard to even get you to schedule an appointment with us, but now you showed up right outside my door..”

His eyes met hers, unintentionally wearing a glare on his face. 

“It’s just! ….Interesting!” She noted, wearing a big smile.

His eyes scanned her, trying to anticipate the moment. Any second now she was going to break out into a song and dance.

Right?

“Did… something happen? Anything bothering you?” 

He was still glaring, his head pounding still from all the sounds he’s had to experience today. The thought to explain everything that’s happened this morning alone had crossed his head, but he could only assume what she would do with the information that he’s been experiencing everyone doing musical numbers all day. He’d be locked away in a padded room, left in solitary alone with the music in his head.

Nope, end scene. Not happening.

“Um… I think I’m just… stressed.” he chose his words carefully, never planning to fully open up with any of the counselors here and not planning to start today after everything. He already felt like he was saying too much.

Dean Lee nodded thoughtfully, holding her hands over her desk and appearing fully engaged in this conversation. “That’s understandable… start of the new semester can be very daunting already on top of a student’s social life..” she fiddled with the fidget ring she wore, hearing it spin around quietly. 

Schlatt couldn’t help but scoff, hearing this song and dance before.

Trust me.

“But, we as people, not just as students or even as content creators, all take it one clear day at a time. We get up, putting one foot in front of the other and walk through life just trying to get by for the day. It happens, it’s the human experience…” She continued on, speaking almost thoughtfully now.

Even compared to all the singing he heard today, somehow this sounded more like a load of garbage.

“It’s a terrible way to live..” She admitted suddenly, a small frown curled over her lips, now looking past Schlatt and out to the door. 

This made Schlatt sit up slightly, unsure of her change in tone and how she seemed to stare at the door that led outside her office. Outside, where the performance was waiting for him, ready to consume him into another choreographed number once again. 

Did she… know something?

Her eyes landed on him again, the gentle smile returning naturally as she sat back in her chair. “Just know I’m here to offer an ear to rant to…” She waited for some sort of response back from him, and only pouted a little bit when she wasn’t met with one. “... Or even just a quiet room to sit in to think..” another smile, scooting herself in closer to her desk to work on something on her monitor. “I don’t want you to feel doomed..”

Schlatt could only stare at her, slightly suspicious, but her eyes didn’t return back to him. She must’ve genuinely meant the offer, just hearing the gentle ticking of the clock hanging over her office door. So instead of asking off-putting questions, he stayed shut tight, deciding to at least wait it out in there until the song was over outside. For at least a good 15 minutes, he was met with total silence, exhaustion hitting him like a truck. He almost wished an actual truck had hit him instead of any of this. He rubbed his face, his eyes, and checked his pulse. He tried to find some semblance that he was still alive and still totally in control of what was happening around him. At least, right now, in this brightly colored therapist’s office, he felt something close to it.

When it was starting to hit close to 20 minutes, he got up from the chair, gathering his belongings and giving one final look back to the Dean. “Um… thanks for the space.”

Dean Lee looked up from her computer, her smile brighter now at the acknowledgement. “Anytime. Our offices are always open.”

With a nod, he turned back towards the door, hesitating to go out for just another minute before he finally turned the knob to leave. He had made it out of the building safely, contemplating the short conversation that he had in the counseling office. It felt like the quietest area he had been in all day, but he hated how forced the conversations went whenever he visited. Dean Lee couldn’t stand a beat of silence normally, she couldn’t even mind her business when he came unannounced. Whatever, it at least gave him sanctuary away from the musical troupe of students for a little bit.

As he got closer to Greek Row, things were almost looking up for Schlatt. Maybe his day of people breaking out into song was finally over. But as he stepped into the Quad, he saw almost everyone from the Greek Houses outside with him. Some were sitting out on the field, and others were sitting in front of their respective houses with their books out. Some were walking by him, while others were just standing there.

However, all of them, were clapping in beat.

With a drawn out sigh, he clutched harder onto the straps around his arms from his bookbag, ignoring the clapping and just walking towards the Alpha house.

“La-dee-da-duh.. La-duh-duh-duh-duh.. La-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh!” Everyone started to sing around him again, standing in place as he side-eyed every single student he passed by.

“When Rome's in ruins: We are the lions, free of the Colosseums..” Mark (that’s right, The “Markiplier”), sung out, his voice clear even over the drums and guitar that started to play around them again.

Rosanna stepped in front of Mark, but her head was still turned to look up at him, a loving look in her eyes. “In poison places, we are anti-venom.”

Her hand cupped his cheek while he held tightly to her shoulders. “We're the beginning of the end..” both sang together in yet another harmony that Schlatt’s heard a million times today.

The man kept walking away from the two, not invested in the show of their love-sickening attitude at this moment. He tried to skrrt past the Theta Mu house, but stopped just as that girl Kennedy raced out the doors of it and down the porch in front of Schlatt. “Tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds!” she sang in an excited hush, rushing forward to jump into the arms of-

“...Ted?”

“It's all over now..” Ted caught her, totally ignoring Schlatt’s call out to him and just gazing down at the red-haired girl instead.

Fucking typical.

“Before it has begun..” Kennedy sung again before they both joined together in: “We've already won!” Picking her up under her arms and spinning her around in the air.

Of course, he couldn’t even properly talk to his best friend about this. Motherfucker had to be caught up in all of this too. Why must he suffer watching his friend perform in front of him, on top of having to listen to a musical.

And the worst part?

The bastard actually sounded really good.

“We are wild!” The chorus around him sang, including the backing vocals, looking around as everyone in the Theta house now danced around him. Running various diagonal formations as he tried to walk by him, but stopping suddenly with a stomp down. “We are like young volcanoes!” he was now stuck in a crowd of dancers again. Somehow, walking in front of Theta house had to be the worst idea he’s had yet today. Theatre was LITERALLY in its name!

“We are wild!”

It didn’t just stop at Theta, students of the Gamma Omnitron House, and even Alpha seemed to have made their way around Schlatt. All dancing together just to make his life a living hell. They were all paired up together, facing their partner. Of course, Ted was with Kennedy and Mark with Rosanna, but his eyes made out others in the crowd. There was Jaiden with her friend Jacob, singing happily. It was a bloody shame to see this infecting her too.

“Americana, exotica!” They took one hand at a time on each word they sang, one arm over the other. Like it was some elaborate handshake. Yet, somehow Jaiden’s eyes weren’t focused on the dance or Jacob anymore. They were looking past him, across from the crowd where Tara was.

Of course.

And she was paired up with none other than “Eugene” aka Mr. Watson, but you didn’t hear that from me.

“Do you wanna feel a little beautiful, baby? Oh!” Matt leaned in closer to the girl, wearing a smirk on the side of his lips before they lifted their arms in the air and broke apart into a do-si-do with the rest of the crowd, spinning around and switching partners with their arms as they went. 

Still, Jaiden stood still, even as everyone moved around her and kept singing their “La-dee-da-duh”s. Schlatt’s eyes were only on her now, watching the anguish take over her expression and body language, holding one hand over her chest as she tried to hold it together.

“C'mon, make it easy, say I never mattered..” the music grew quieter, just the soft chattering on what sounded like a symbol on a drum, everything freezing around Schlatt. Or maybe everyone was just standing very still, holding their position. She started to slowly walk through the crowd of partners, but her eyes were only on Tara across the way, who now happened to be partnered up with Ted with their arms still linked up. “Run it up the flag pole..” she sighed, stopping just as she neared the two in a halt, afraid to confront it, just turning fully around and walking away.

Schlatt happened to be near where Ted and Tara landed, watching them unfreeze as Jaiden walked away. Their arms unhooked and slid down from each other, landing hand in hand, and Tara leading Ted away while she held it. “We will teach you how to make boys next doooor out of assholes..” she sang with glee and winked at Schlatt at the end while she passed, almost like she was implying something, then giggled hard right after. Swinging Ted around in a circle as they bounced away.

…Hey wait a minute!

“Tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds!” the music was in full swing once again. “It's all over now.” Schlatt felt like his brain was short-circuiting as they all sang together. “Before it has begun…” 

Was this ever going to end?! 

“We've already won!!”

Everyone broke out into full harmonies and repeated the chorus again while Schlatt broke out into a full mental breakdown. He could only stand there, unable to make heads or tails of the situation at all. Why couldn’t it just stop? Why couldn’t he break out of this? Even trying to block his ears or cover his eyes never worked; they all still danced in front of him and sang in his inner canals. 

“Americana, exotica!” When he opened them again, it was Q and Suzy in front of him now. But instead of taking each other's hands, they placed each one over the other’s shoulders.

“Do you wanna feel a little beautiful baby? Oh!” They both leaned in and sang suggestively about themselves, but then took off spinning around as the rest of the crows spun with them.

He fucking hated musicals.

He just had to make it back to the Alpha house and stay inside his room until this whole thing was over. Yet miraculously, everyone seemed to be right in the way of it, like they were standing around waiting for something.

Waiting for…. him?

“We are wild!” There was no music as everyone sang out together in rounds. That could only mean one thing.

Everyone was about to kick into high gear.

A showstopping number.

“...Oh fu-”

“We are like young volcanoes!!”

Schlatt was right. They all swung into action, breaking out their best dance moves. Kennedy did full spins that looked like ballet moves, Markiplier was busting it down with some sick and twisted leg work while Rosanna’s operatic voice sang over top of it, and Quackity even did an entire split!!! Could he normally do that?!

“We are wild!”

Everyone had formed one big circle in the Quad, Schlatt being pushed right at the center of it somehow despite his best efforts to avoid everyone. His back still faced the wall of people that pushed him there, watching how they all were individually dancing now instead of being in sync. Like they all were showing their own style of dance.

“Americana, exotica!” Everyone still sang together, stopping now just as the music became quiet all at once again. It made Schlatt jump, like they were waiting or expecting something to happen. Just as he pieced that they were all facing towards him, he turned around, eyes widening as he saw possibly the worst thing he’d seen all day.

It was Ethan at the center of the circle. 

On top of a chair.

Back facing everyone else.

…

“Motherfu-”

“Do you wanna feel a little beautiful, baby? Oh!” Ethan’s voice rang through Schlatt’s ears, doing a backflip off the chair just in time for the music to come back in altogether.

Everyone sang out again, chanting “We are” over and over again as the circle went into layers now, spinning in opposite directions as they all held hands.

EW god!

Once they all unlinked from each other to clap in time with the song, bringing the circle’s movement to just a prancing skip around, Schlatt ran past everyone while he had the chance. He dashed for the Alpha house, racing up the porch steps, and only turning around to see if any of them had chased him again like before.

However, he turned around just in time to watch the full routine end, everyone landing in perfect poses that resembled animals… 

Before they all just broke apart. 

Walking away from each other like none of that happened.

Schlatt’s head was pounding from it all. The anger, the frustration, the stupid alcohol from last night! He truly was going crazy, vowing to deadbolt his room’s door when he got inside. He would become a full hermit if it meant never experiencing a day like this ever again. 

“Schlatt?”

His blood ran cold then, recognizing Ethan’s voice even while his back was facing the other way.

“Fuck off, I’m not listening to you sing with your pitchy voice again. No thank you! Way to go, back flip boy..” Schlatt started to open the door, just wanting to hurry inside and hide away already, but Ethan’s words cut through him like a sword and made his blood run cold.