i apologized didnt i

Is it bad if I might be slightly turned on right now?

You said you were eighteen, right?

Maybe you should take up smoking weed twenty-four-seven since it hasn’t made me royally fuck up to the point where I get separated from part of my family and taken away from the things I know and love. Just a suggestion. 

By blotting paper do you mean your hair? Because no, thank you. How long has it been since you last washed it? I know children have bad hygiene, but come on. 

Or maybe you should stop smoking, and then maybe you’ll be competent and powerful enough to literally create a portal to another world. Maybe I did it all for this moment. So I could meet you. And kill you.

See, I don’t know all the answers. I guess when people do something wrong or stupid they get banished to another dimension now. Too soon?

I better look sixteen. I don’t take care of my skin to look old. At least I don’t look four. 

I guess I should have asked someone who actually knew what was going on and wasn’t just smoking weed twenty-four-seven, that’s on me. 

I mean, define murderers? I know some campers kill monsters but we don’t talk about that much now that actual monsters live at camp. I definitely know we have some kidnappers around. 

Eighteen? Sounds fake but alright, cupcake. 

Well, yeah, we definitely killed monsters on the island, but I guess I never questioned whether or not that was murder... Do you not have like, a court, or something? Possibly a baby jail? I feel like you can’t just casually have kidnappers around your camp.

Actually, we do sometimes but that wasn’t the case. I don’t think you should be asking strangers to invite you to the middle of the woods. I’m sorry, who do you belong to? Your guardian must be worried. [looks around] Excuse me, did someone lose their toddler?

Oh... Fair point, that’s actually a really good point. But, I mean, it’s not like you guys are murderers righ-- Are some of you murderers? Man... Wild. Excuse me, sir, I’m eighteen.

Uh, that’s… I mean, no offence taken! Would it be weird to take offence? I mean, I don’t really know her. Or- I don’t know. I left her a letter so I’m hoping that helps. Like, I don’t know. I might be pretty iffy too if my mom had actually hooked up with Uncle Drake and like, produced me. —Ew. Okay, forget I said that. Of course you didn’t! It’s okay. Everything’s okay now.

Well… Only during organised dances?

Oh, well, I hope she reads it and doesn’t immediately throw it in a fire-- she’s done hat before. I’m sure this experience helped her in some way though. Thank gods you’re actually understanding, unlike some people here. Like, that one mopey dude with the bad haircut-- Rick? I dunno.

Oh my gods, exactly. Plus, other me totally needed some kind words of encouragement form me me and like, what other opportunity would I have to leave them for her? It was an acci- Wait, what? You didn’t mean to?

Uh, when she was…kidnapped. I’m actually super foggy on the details and so is like, everyone else but the important thing is she got back safe.

Oh, yeah, no offense, but I’m kind of glad I’m at this camp, and the other Charlotte is at the island, because she’s kind of, well... a bitch. No offense. Oh. Um. Yes, that was, uh, me, but again, I didn’t mean to.

Does anyone know why I was in the Winter Forest? My body feels frozen and I can’t remember anything. 

Do you guys have sleepovers in the middle of the woods? Sounds dangerous, I wouldn’t recommend it. But, also, invite me next time, I hate feeling left out.

Mom, please. I’m just- I’m just going to get a smoothie, okay? Yes— Yes, I’m taking my phone. Yes, I’ll message you when I get there and when I’m coming back to the cabin. Okay- Okay I’m going— I love you! [ Upon finally freeing herself from Stella ‘I swear to the gods if anything else happens to my children here’ Evans, Charlie lets out a sigh. ]

—You’d think no one had ever been sucked up through a magic portal into an alternative reality before, gosh.

Maybe I was too coddling with Aria after we got her back…

I know, people are so dramatic, it’s like, come on guys, I didn’t mean to create a portal to an alternate dimension, lighten up.

evelynjsyk:

nocturnalnatasha:

We’re just trying to make light of this situation. If you think about it too much, it’s kind of fucked up.

Um, I mean we don’t really have a choice? Unless we talk to Marina about moving into the Hecate cabin or getting our own cabin. We don’t have any money, though. 

they know we’re fine, doc is smart enough to contact our marina when we don’t check in on him.

ooh, we should have an hbi cabin. natasha, i have cash. situations like this are exactly why i carry 5k on me at alll times.

let’s just hope neither one of them cries. I don’t think I could take that. actually, I’ll probably preemptively cry for them, just give me a second.

that would probably work, but we’ll be stuck with the rest of our weirdos. anyway, whether I believe you’ve got 5k or not, you know what else we could do? show these people the magic of baking. [ waggles brows ]

Why do you carry five-thousand-dollars with you? That has to be a lie-- Uno.

evelynjsyk:

nocturnalnatasha:

I want white people food in honor of our White Father™. I miss him. Oh my gods do you think our dads know that we’re gone? Do they know we’re okay? 

they probably think we’re dead and are planning our funeral arrangements as we speak. ooh, do you think they’ll throw us a huge party when they find out we’re actually alive? —also, i’m definitely on board the white people food train. how about italian?

do you think they’ll just give us a joint funeral? that would probably save a lot of money. I wish I could be there to see it, though. anyway, we can always throw a party ourselves, right? who would stop us?

yes! italian sounds so good right now. I want pasta with so much oil it’s all I can taste the next day. where are we getting it from?

That would be so sad, stop it. They probably know we’re fine, right?

Nicholas scoffed at that. “Not at all.” He said simply as he narrowed his eyes at her. “And who made the portal?”

Astrid frowned. “Okay, then.”