i even don't know what he needs to do, he already said sorry and i feel and know that he meant it. but the trauma is still here, and i die. i die every damn day.
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open


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i even don't know what he needs to do, he already said sorry and i feel and know that he meant it. but the trauma is still here, and i die. i die every damn day.

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it kills me everytime i remember those words from him that he sent to those strangers. yet here i am, planning our wedding
Shit! My fiancé cheated on me. Shit! hahahaha
I'm not sure if I can live with this fear.
I don't know if I can breathe.
I don't know if I won't cry again.
I don't know how to forget what happened.
If it's still there?
If it's still happening, without me...knowing?
What if I saw that again?
What if I can't breathe if I saw that again?
What if I cry if I saw that again?
What if I won't be able to forget what happened?
my mind is killing me

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How funny it is to know that most of the time, our dreams are about our real life issues?
How certain am I in this decision?
finally said something, and it's something wrong
when my trust issues were triggereeeeeeeed
restricted accounts : bf and f
just wanna be alone for now, ugh!!!!!
i feel something's not right here, so...
1. 9:50pm - stopped watching B99 to buy ice/ice cubes outside
2. 9:52pm - went out of my apartment. not wearing underwear (ya, up and down), just light blue tshirt and black satin sleep shorts (specific haha)
3. 9:54pm - at the nearest store (which is already close, but the vendor is nice so ...)
me: hello, open pa po kayo? may yelo pa po kayo?
ate: sarado na po kami eh
me: saan po kaya may bukas pa na tindahan?
ate: (looking at the stores sa street) ay sarado na rin pala. ito sayo nalang, sarado naman na ako eh
tadaaaa, she gave me the last bag of ice. freee!!
4. 9:56pm - time of arrival. lumagpas pa nga 'ko sa apartment amp.
5. 9:57pm - drinking a glass of beer.
a sad night story of this young woman who just wanna feel relevant to everyone
i feel terrible because of my pride, ugh!
#101122

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this is between me and my trauma
i need to read, so i won't live in my daydreams
here’s Inspirational Quote/text that matches the first letter of your name:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
I was always hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it — to be fed so much love I couldn’t take any more. Just once. Haruki Murakami
You are the sum total of everything you’ve ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it’s all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive. Maya Angelou
“You have to accept that sometimes that’s how things happen in this world. People’s opinions, their feelings, they go one way, then the other. It just so happens you grew up at a certain point in this process.”
Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go
You have to accept that sometimes that’s how things happen in this world. People’s opinions, their feelings, they go one way, then the other. It just so happens you grew up at a certain point in this process.
Ernest Hemingway
The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much…
We don’t know the power that we have
Dunga
When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side. And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left! How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly? Life moves very fast. It rushes from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds.
-Paulo Coelho
Ten years from now, make sure you can say that you chose your life, you didn’t settle for it.
- Mandy Hale
About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won’t like you at all.
- Rita Mae Brown.
You have to accept that sometimes that’s how things happen in this world. People’s opinions, their feelings, they go one way, then the other. It just so happens you grew up at a certain point in this process.
–Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go
Mandy Hale
Always show kindness and love to others. Your words might be filling the empty places in someone’s heart.
Martin Luther King Jr.
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
“When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side. And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left! How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly? Life moves very fast. It rushes from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds.”
Paulo Coelho
Ernest Hemingway
The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much…
travel far enough and you meet yourself.
You are the sum total of everything you’ve ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it’s all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive. - Maya Angelou
Always show kindness and love to others. Your words might be filling the empty places in someone’s heart.
Mandy Hale
Ernest Hemingway
The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much…
You have to learn to get up from the table when love is no longer being served.
- Nina Simone
“When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side. And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left! How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly? Life moves very fast. It rushes from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds.”
-Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes
Nina Simone —
You have to learn to get up from the table when love is no longer being served.
Ten years from now, make sure you can say that you chose your life, you didn’t settle for it
-Mandy Hale
“You have to accept that sometimes that’s how things happen in this world. People’s opinions, their feelings, they go one way, then the other. It just so happens you grew up at a certain point in this process.”
There is no need of any competition with anybody. You are yourself, and as you are, you are perfectly good. Accept yourself.
Osho
There is no need of any competition with anybody. You are yourself, and as you are, you are perfectly good. Accept yourself.
Extremely relatable to my BDD. Wow. I needed that.
The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much…
Mandy Hale
Ten years from now, make sure you can say that you chose your life, you didn’t settle for it.
It’s funny how you forget the things that make you happy
Mandy Hale
Always show kindness and love to others. Your words might be filling the empty places in someone’s heart.
Frases inspiradoras y emocionales que combinan con la primera letra de tu nombre.
You have to accept that sometimes that’s how things happen in this world. People’s opinions, their feelings, they go one way, then the other. It just so happens you grew up at a certain point in this process.
-Kazuo Ishiguro
You have to accept that sometimes that’s how things happen in this world. People’s opinions, their feelings, they go one way, then the other. It just so happens you grew up at a certain point in this process.
-Kazuo Ishiguro
Martin Luther King Jr.
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
You have to accept that sometimes that’s how things happen in this world. People’s opinions, their feelings, they go one way, then the other. It just so happens you grew up at a certain point in this process.
Haruki Murakami
I was always hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it — to be fed so much love I couldn’t take any more. Just once.
7th of March 2021 | Sunday
Let's name this guy, Ski. Ski's also from the same company where I am. We've been talking for almost 2months. As of this date, we're using TG. We don't have the same shift, not the same field and not the same age (age from birth and age from company). Amidst that differences, I have this feeling of closeness talking to him.
Of course, consistently talking to a guy will lead to different topics and will include some personal matters. We've talked about our families, friends, work, and past relationships. At first, im kinda hesitant to have feelings for him bc of his previous partner. They're a long term couple, a red flag hahaha. Instead of thinking abt that past relationship I just focus on what he is right now.
So yea, I told him that I love going to coffee shops. He wanted me to take him to wherever coffee shops i'll go. Going back to the topic...
It's sunday, Mar 7. I went to church, attended 8am service. Then go to CBTL FT, read a book while sipping in a cup of iced original vanilla. One of my girl friend named Eka (not her real name), go there to have some coffee time and chika hahaha.
I chika to Eka abt everyone I talked and talking to, guys specifically. I am also talking to Ski thru TG that time, then he told me that he wants to see me. I wanna see him too, so I told him that we can meet at 2pm that day at Vertis.
I don't tell Eka that I'll be meeting Ski that time. I told her it's my workmates, lol .
I got to Vertis first, he's late bc of traffic. When he chat me that he already arrived and walking from parking to entrance, he forgot his face shield and came back again. After a while, we finally met at the mall's entrance.
There's a lot of people at Starbucks there so we decided to try Trinoma SB. Fortunately, the upper deck spot good for 2 person is vacant. He ordered his favorite drink for us, iced white mocha americano (no water, 1 or 2 shots ristretto, 1 or 2 shots brevè) with a slice of blueberry cheesecake each. I insist to pay for my drink and cake so I asked for his gcash number after hahahah.
Like how we interact in messaging apps, we talked a lot abt different stuff, more likely abt work. I always look him in the eyes, until I felt that he's kinda shy. We took almost 2hrs at SB, then walked around Trinoma. When we're in the parking lot, more serious topics are discussed. He opened more about his a.k.a 4 points (family, friends, work, lovelife), where I felt the pain and anger in him.
On the way to SMF, we just tackled about chill topics like hobbies, interests, character, favorites, etc.
When we arrived, I thanked him for today's gala hahahah
That day with Ski is just light and easy. For a short peiod of time, I saw the aspects that are seen by the naked eye and those seen by the soul.

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2nd date with a stranger
14th of February 2021 | Sunday
I've attended morning service
Then, went to Giligan's for lunch
That time, I was consistently talking to 2 guys. One was from Val and the other was from Meycauayan.
So yea, the 2nd guy was the one from Meyc.
While I was having my lunch, he told me that he's in Nova Bayan. Few kilometers from FT.
He told me that he wanna see me that time. Yep, he went to Giligan's and we ride a taxi bound to FEU-NRMF Starbucks
We had a great time talking about life experiences and how does it feel to be a Christian (me) and a part of INC (him) hahahahaha
We both know from the start that we are both serious of our own religions. Friendship has taken its place from the very start.
I'm happy that I met this good guy and talked about decent things within the boundary of friendship.
I'm going home.