external screaming

Placeholder moustache

Call that a 5-o'clock foreshadowing

half of me is a hopeless romantic and the other half is just hopeless

Btw wanted to reblog this to say that she's now in remission. ✨️

I once had a professor SLAM a thermos down on his desk and say to us “there’s more pressure in my sinuses right now than there is at the bottom of the sea. This thing’s full of NyQuil. I’m going to drink it while I teach, and when your heads are replaced by swirling rainbows, I will cancel the rest of class.” The class ended up being 17 minutes long.

Your professor was trying to fight God

I was in a class in undergrad, fellow classmate walks in 20, maybe 30 minutes after class started and slightly out of breath. Professor gives a vague look of curiosity and the kid says “my bad. They set up a bouncy castle outside.” The Professor perks up “there’s a bouncy castle?! Class dismissed!” and straight up ran out of the room. It was a 10am class.

i call to my children on christmas morning and they all snap their legs running down our ribcage stairs

the OSHA inspector takes one look at this and starts strangling the architect with his bare hands

Looking at this broke both of my ankles

Old Tumblr post layout with a lot of reblogs

wait isnt gender over today

every time i see this post i kinda wanna cry? look at how little that dog is. its so small. it was so defenseless and that dude fucking punched a bear to save it. does that dog know? does it know how loved it is? i want someone to love me that much. i want to be that small.

i agree with gay dicks 420

I’ve never seen this with the update and it makes it so much funnier

I love that man with all of my heart

i hope this guy got that kiss

"behind you" (urgent warning) is sending me

I would love to see how many prototypes they attempted before finally getting to this version, they make it seem so easy, and yet I know that this was attempt #47+. Love it.

other peoples laughter is sweet as nectar and ambrosia... call that acceptance sensitive euphoria

An intoxicated society isn’t a positive. It lowers the IQ of the individual, it’s renders you easier to think critically, you are letting them control you and in return they have you destroy yourself as you live a life that’s a lie.

Let customer service workers smoke weed, we fucking deserve it.