Another AsPD Blog

I hate that I'm forced to pretend that I'm actually a "good" person (at least what empaths deem to be "good") when it takes all my energy to do so around people I actually like. I don't want to have to mask in online spaces too, so please stop talking about ASPD as it's nothing.

Of course people with ASPD aren't abusers, but you'd still cry if I tell you what I really think. If I'm outside of those spaces I of course won't do that, but this doesn't change that I am like that deep inside.

Just let me be an asshole in peace, please. Especially in spaces like that.

Good people are vulnerable, good people get hurt and taken advantage of.

Hippy friend: yeah man we need to love each other and accept as we are—

Me: nah actually, I was thinking more along the lines of setting everything on fire and watch everyone tear each other apart until there’s nothing but silence and ash left

Hippy friend: that’s fucked up

And I fucking mean it. 

I’ve actually saw positivity posts about ASPD which are saying that people with ASPD “can’t feel empathy the same way as other people can, but they still care about you.” 

First off, no I don’t care about people. I care about one person in my life, but the rest can go fuck themselves. 

Second, this leads to the idea that ASPD is actually not “that bad”. I expressed in a personality disorder section on a discord server my violent and homicidal intrusive thoughts which are related to my ASPD and people actually told me that it’s not related at all and I shouldn’t make it seem like people with ASPD want to kill people.  I can’t even fucking unmask in PD spaces because of people who walk around and talk about how nice and uwu ASPD is. 

we don't have some kind of supervillain compulsive urge to do "crime" its not like things like kleptomania where u have an impulse to steal and then can't ignore it. we don't like inherently crave murder

aspd is at its core about rejecting all forms of control over u. we are inherently untrusting and have a natural aversion to doing things simply because were told. hence the issues with authority. this means we won't do something unless we think it makes sense and are naturally averse to doing something if were told to by another person

one of the criteria for aspd is having a strong internal sense of morals and values that exists outside of societies. we take in the world and then based upon our own logic we decide what we agree and disagree with, regardless of what society thinks. we disobey laws that we find unjust or that don't make sense to us or that we don't value and follow laws and rules that we agree with and see merit in

because of this we also believe rules shouldn't, don't, and won't apply to us. and so when we decide we want to do something its difficult to be dissuaded by consequences because we believe those will never apply to us, and often we can't even conceptualize them.