No more publications, sorry guys

I'll share with you a part of my life which is as complex as the schizoid thing. It's about my sexuality and my life at the sentimental level. Maybe some of you will identify with my case so we'll be able share our experience !

While I was on vacation with my cousin and his family,  I bought boxes of cornflakes I found quite good and cheaper in the south of France than in Paris. But I didn't share them with my second cousins : they were the children of my cousin who were 8 and 10. I had thought about this before and I suspected my cousin would reproach me that. However, I prefered not doing anything because I feared the moment when my second cousins would thank me. This anxiety was so strong I remained inactive because I don't like when people express attentions to me.

A topic posted on a loving relationship forum caught my attention yesterday while I was surfing on the net. Here below you will find a personal translation of the two principal posts. 

Title : Loving without being demonstrative is it possible ?

Author :  I've dated my friend for 6 months. We know where we are going a priori. The two of us want a calm and serious relationship with a view to start a family. I'm really in love with him and I often show it to him. For his part, he's not really demonstrative (in writting ou in talking). [...] I don't want to change him, I like his mysterious side. I'd just like to know if it's not uncommon or impossible to love without being demonstrative. Thank you very much for your replies.

Forum user : [...] Your boyfriend doesn't show you his love because he doesn't know how to do it. He didn't learn. There are neither schools nor lessons for that. But there are teachers who don't know they are indeed. These teachers are people he spent his time with as a young child or a teenager. They're his family, his parents. And he didn't hear them saying the words he doesn't say to you. He didn't see them doing the gestures he doesn't do to you. Maybe he wants to because he knows these words and gestures are what you expect of him. Maybe he trains himself in front of the mirror, but only when he doesn't shave because he's prudent. In spite of this, he has a mental block. Because he's honest and knows who he is. His feelings do exist. He knows you know that, but he can't do more. He'd have the impression of being excessive or a liar. He thinks, wrongly, he has to give you a proof of his love. He thinks it's pointless because it's already established. However, it's rather a testimony of his love, because only he can see what he has deep in his heart. Tell him that you can't, that you need him to tell you what it is. Not to get a confirmation but only to share it with him. [...] Because it's your couple's love affair he has deep in his heart.

A l'occasion du 14 juillet aujourd'hui et du centenaire de la Grande Guerre, je poste un extrait du livre de Erich Maria Remarque, A l'ouest rien de nouveau (Deutsch : Im Westen nichts Neues, English : All Quiet on the Western Front).

"[...] Le front est une cage dans laquelle il faut attendre les événements. Nous sommes sous la grille formée par la trajectoire des obus et nous vivons dans la tension de l'inconnu. Sur nous plane le hasard. Lorsqu'un projectile arrive, je puis me baisser, et c'est tout ; je ne puis ni savoir exactement où il va tomber, ni influencer son point de chute.

C'est ce hasard qui nous rend indifférents. Il y a quelques mois, j'étais assis dans un abri et je jouais aux cartes ; au bout d'un instant, je me lève et je vais voir des connaissances dans un autre abri. Lorsque je revins, il ne restait plus une miette du premier ; il avait été écrabouillé par une marmite. Je retournai vers le second abri et j'arrivai juste à temps pour aider à le dégager, car il venait d'être détruit à son tour.

C'est par hasard que je reste en vie, comme c'est par hasard que je puis être touché. Dans l'abri « à l'épreuve des bombes », je puis être mis en pièces, tandis que, à découvert, sous dix heures du bombardement le plus violent, je peux ne pas recevoir une blessure. Ce n'est que parmi les hasards que chaque soldat survit. Et chaque soldat a foi et confiance dans le hasard. [...]"