Marley Is Alive... But That's Not All!

Scrooge: Oretta, this has been a very bad week for me. What can you do when everything seems hopeless? Oretta: licks Scrooge on the cheek Scrooge: That's good advice!

Marley (singing to Winnie): Rockabye baby, rest your sweet head. You’re very tired, and it’s time for bed. No boughs to break, secure on the ground. You’re not in a tree, so sleep safe and sound. Amelie: (whispers) You changed the lyrics. Marley: (whispers back) A cradle in a treetop, Amelie? That’s insane!

Ann: Why is Buttons wearing glasses? Amelie: Oh, cause his insurance won't pay for contacts.

Scrooge: Look, a butterfly, Oretta. Oretta: eats the butterfly and runs off Scrooge: chasing after her No! No! No! Oretta! Oretta!!

(Scrooge is playing with his dog outside. He hears a strange noise.) Scrooge: What the…? Wait here, Oretta. (He spots Marley walking down the sidewalk…) Scrooge: Jacob, what are you doing? Marley: (with his cat on a leash) I'm walking Buttons! Scrooge: You're walking your CAT? NOBODY walks CATS, Jacob! Marley: Why not? Scrooge: Because cats have nowhere to GO! All they do is sit around the house, LICKING themselves! They're not like DOGS! Dogs go to the park, to the lake, to the woods… Marley: Buttons has somewhere to go. He has a playdate with a friend. Scrooge: A PLAYDATE? Marley: They always have fun together! Scrooge: Doing WHAT, coughing up HAIRBALLS? Oretta: (spots Buttons and dashes towards him) Wurf! Marley: Usually, they just wrestle! (The cat and dog playfully wrestle with each other on the ground. Scrooge facepalms.)

(Scrooge is sitting on the couch and petting Oretta. Tim walks in.) Tim: Look how Oretta's tail flips around! I wonder which muscles control that. I can sort of clench my butt, but I don't think it could wiggle a tail. Hmm, how strange! I've never really thought about butt muscles before. (Tim leaves. Scrooge looks at Oretta.) Scrooge: Some things don't need the thought people give them.

Christmas carolers: singing Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle- Scrooge: shoving them aside Out of my way!

Scrooge: Oretta, come out from under the couch. It's only a little thun- Thunder: BOOM! … Scrooge: (under the couch with Oretta) Hey, I found a ten-pence coin! Oretta: (thinking) My hero.

Scrooge: Hey, Bob, isn’t it great to have a boss who’s recklessly impulsive? Cratchit: Actually, it’s aged me horribly. Scrooge, picking up Oretta, who is just a puppy: Then say hello to the newest member of the Scrooge & Marley team!

Scrooge: So, let me get this straight; you find yourself in the kitchen, you see an eclair in the receptacle, and you think to yourself…"what the hell? I’ll just eat some trash.” Marley: No! No! No! No! No! It was not trash! Scrooge: Was it in the trash? Marley: Yes. Scrooge: Then, it was trash. Marley: But it wasn’t down in! It was sort of… on top! Scrooge: But it was in the cylinder! Marley: Above the rim! Scrooge: Adjacent to refuse is refuse! Marley: It was on a magazine! And it still had the doily on! Scrooge: Was it eaten? Marley: …one little bite. Scrooge: Well…that’s garbage.