Ask the Minions!

no one is bulletproof, but he has pretty sharp protective instincts. we’ve seen them in action. if there’s anyone we’d like q to go home with, it’s definitely one of the kill-three-men-with-their-bare-hands 00s. anyway, he knows what’ll happen if he deliberately puts Q in harm’s way.

(yes, of course we do)

we’re playing a dangerous game.

we’re a bunch of nerds, the lot of us, so there’s a lot of sci-fi. but we also have classic film nights, or a good rom-com here and there. love actually is a yearly staple, as is rocky horror picture show on halloween. we also like a bit of telly show binging. it’s practically a job requirement that you’re willing to watch star trek.

but after a lot of careful observation and debate, we’ve decided he’s an acceptable match. the looks and the sexual prowess, for one thing, but he and Q also seem to be on the same wavelength where wit is concerned. and he’s very protective. we will bless the union if they ever bloody get around to it. 

hard to say. the double-ohs smack of scandal with everything they do, for sure. but one time someone left a corrosive chemical on terry’s spare trousers. don’t ask why his spare trousers were anywhere near extremely dangerous chemicals.

thank you! we do this out of love. 

that’s assuming he found out AFTER the mission was successful. we maintain that we’re doing this for his own good, but he might not see it that way without seeing the, ahem, results.

both? he’d probably lecture us until he was hoarse, infect all our computers with the malware usually reserved for cyber-terrorists, and then god knows what else. rent us out to accounting and HR? we shudder at the possibilities.

(well, he technically could. but he probably wouldn’t. we just try not to think about that eventuality.)

Q was gobsmacked. and of course, Bond looked smug as hell. finally Q managed a “good work, double-oh-seven,” but if you had felt the tension in that room...phew.

one of the best. Q works us very hard (he holds us to the same high standard that he holds himself) but he makes it a good work environment. very tolerant, a lot of room for creativity when coming up with new tech. we love him, obviously. which is why we’ve pledged to him as our overlord and why we want to help him get horizontal.

everyone’s a critic. look, they really only need a few little pushes. what else would you have us do, clever anon?

but Q is endlessly stubborn, so the next phase is a bit more complex. it involves a series of burner phones used to text anonymous suggestions to Bond, such as “Q likes the chocolate croissants from the bakery on the corner” or “back off today - he’s in a terrible mood.” 

marry eve, obviously. that’s everyone’s dream. and though it’s weird to say it, most of us eventually admitted that we’d shag Q. it’s weird to say out loud. so we suppose we’d kill Bond - it was bound to happen eventually. you should have seen the havoc he caused in [REDACTED]!

we’re having a great time. we’re doing it for Q, of course, but what’s the harm in taking a little enjoyment for ourselves? he’ll thank us one day.

Q doesn’t have any inkling about our branch-wide get him laid initiative, so we definitely wouldn’t be talking about it on here if he knew about it. you wouldn’t tell him, would you?