Ask Pap 'n Sans!

(( AHHHHHH! Thank you so much, anon! ;w; I know I havent’ updated this blog in a… while, heh, but it makes me!!! so happy!!! to know!!! people are still enjoying the content up here!!!!!!

I put a lot of love into this blog, and I’m really happy y’all still like it and are interested in it. ;w; I need to revamp the sprites, but I’d like to get back to this sometime soon! I think I was trying to do too much with blog initially, so when it comes back, it’ll be a lot more chill!!!

Did you know snails are not, in fact, bugs? Even though they live in the garden with bugs like beetles and ants, they are actually mollusks! MOLLUSKS! Like squids and clams! Isn’t that interesting?

*sorry bro. *that’s pretty cool.

*welp, it’s probably a dead end. *but don’t let that dampen your spirits, bro. * i boo-live it was just a fan sayin’ hi. *’sides, what kind of ghost goes into a living room, eh? *i sheet ya not.

*you’re askin’ the wrong question, bro.

WHY is Updog?! IS updog even real? Or is he just the idealized good boy we all aspire to be? A romantic literary figure? A man of mystery and shadows?

I’m... GREAT! I’ve just got many feelings in my SOUL, and many somethings in my eyes. Those somethings are called tears. Did you thank the very nice human for your present too? You know better, Sans!

*ok, mom. *thanks @youreaheckindingus. s’real nice of you.

*gettin’ a little short there, bro?

UGH! You just used short- pick a different word! Don’t you get tired of making the same joke several times in a row?! 

*no.

Well, I do! And I don’t like you putting yourself down so much! Yes, you are short- but there’s lots of great things about being short! They always give you the children’s placemats and the packs of crayons and let you order off of the kid’s menu! You can still fit in the little car shaped shopping carts! And you always have people checking to make sure you are not lost and looking for your family! No one ever asks me where my parents are or if I’m lost!

Sans! You promised you wouldn’t share anything embarrassing! 

*aw, come on- i’m just ribbin’ ya. *besides, there’s nothin’ wrong with being picky.

There is absolutely nothing good about being picky!

*ya got G instead, huh?  *no, i don’t remember, lucky guess. *fill me in on the details?

....Very well, brother- I know you have strangely convenient telepathic powers that only seem to activate at inopportune (for me) times, but ok. I his him square in the face! His glasses flew off! His face did a weird crackly thing! It turned kind of black and scary? It was horrible!!! So, I fled. I went to go look for you, for advice.

*did i give any good advice?

Yes! You hit me in the face, point blank, with a snowball! It was freezing and it got into my eye socket, and it made my sweater all wet! I was very cross with you! Especially because you seemed to be ignoring my plight! But then you took me inside, got me a blanket, and made me some hot chocolate! And you apologized! And then after you asked me if I would remember you did that, you told me, “Yeah. I can’-t Wait.

So I said, “I can’t undo my mistake.”

“I can fix it!”

So, I went running out of the house and back to Grillby’s restaurant and I explained to him what had happened, how sorry I was, and how I wanted to make it up to him! We made cookies and I gave him an apology cookie and then I called you over to commemorate the moment! The moment  I was always going to be good!  I’ve thought about your words a lot since then, and my conviction grows stronger every day! Monsters (and People) are always going to remember when you hurt them! Even if they forgive you and you can make it better, they won’t forget! But they’re also going to remember when you were accepting, kind, and just, well, nice! And, well, I wouldn’t be the GREAT Papyrus if I wasn’t remembered for great things, right?   

*... that’s... that’s great, Paps. *i’m really proud of you, buddy. you’re the coolest and greatest monster i know.

Happy Souper Bowl Sunday. friends! This is, apparently, a very big event in some places! Humans engage in sportsbowl competition for many hours determine which soup is the best soup! They even test your resolve and commitment to your soup by highlighting other products you can eat (or not!!) during very long commercial breaks! I wonder why?

I soup-pose it’s to let you stew for a bit. Really taste your pho-cus on your favorite soup. It’s a soup-remely-

OH MY GOD! STOP IT! This is like the 15th time you’ve used soupremely! Can’t you broth-er to come up with something more original?! Why must you plague miso with the same stew-pid pun again and again!!!!

Wow. Sorry, I don't have very many in stock. Udon need to be salty, I'll try cooking up some more.  Really strain my noodle for something bread-er, something really...souper.

*didn’t have anythin’ prepared. never been on a stage before.  *the way you were always complainin’ about my jokes, i didn’t think any of my material was suited for the big stage. *but you believed in me, like ya always do. so i couldn’t let my favorite brother down.

Sans, I’m your only brother! And I remember you did a wonderful job! There was thunderous applause! Cheers! Laughter and smiles! And they asked you to close the event too! I was so proud! You were the Master of Ceremony for the next four years too! 

*yeah, it was ok. didn’t MC it comin’, hehe.

And then, for whatever reason, you decided to pursue stand-up comedy seriously! Which sounds like a joke but isn’t! You even got to perform at THE Mettaton’s resort!!!! It is a wonderful mystery!!! Because your jokes are terrible!!! Oh! This is several years overdue, but um- I apologize. For volunteering you when you were not ready. 

*well, you were walkin’ on snow like you’d been in snowdin your whole life.a real champ. *ice was a different beast altogether. there was a patch by the house, ‘n while you were playin’ with fuku you fell on your face. hard.  it looked worse than it was... but it was pretty bad.

There is a lot of bruising! I can understand why babybones me would be so upset. Were the bandaids your idea?

*nah. yours, actually. *well, you had me pretty rattled, but grillby calmed ya down. *long as i can remember, you’ve had a pocketful of bandaids. you had me give you first aid, heh. i can’t remember if ya fell with your bunny, or if those were moral support bandaids.

I still don’t understand why I wanted you to take a picture?? While a cute story, (as should be expected of me!) it’s certainly not my greatest moment! 

*yeah, this is all you, bro.  *even the cover was one of your masterpieces.

*who, me? no way bro. i’ll just focus it on the real character buildin’ events. i’d never tell ‘em anythin’ like how much you hated the dark ya needed 3 nightlights. *well, i guess that’s not quite past-

YES EXACTLY!!! PROMISE ME YOU WON’T SAY ANYTHING THAT WILL ut! MY SOCIAL LIFE AND RESPECTABILITY AND KILL MY BUDDING DIPLOMATIC CAREER!!! 

Does that mean you find King Asgore, Queen Toriel, and Grillby sexy too?! You can’t!!! Our monarchs a’re like the parents to all monsters! And Grillby is like a Dad figure too!!  Parents are supposed to be NOT sexy! The opposite of sexy!

*Hahahahahaha!!!