@hookedpirate - Into the Deep (AU)
Killian stared at her for a moment, trying to figure out what could be talking about. And then it dawned on him. “Oh, no. I’ve never been a father.” He chuckled a bit, though the memory of what had happened pained him. He glanced around and found a fallen tree, then guided her over to it to sit down with her. It was not a conversation to be held while standing. His fingers absentmindedly trailed over the collar of the coat she was wearing, his coat, the one he had treasured for centuries. Milah had, a long time ago, gotten it for him as a gift. He usually was not in the habit of giving it to somebody else, for Swan he had made an exception, and he had no idea why. The pirate then dropped his hand, realizing that he had been quiet for far too long by then.
“When Milah died I needed to find a way to stay alive long enough to find a way to avenge her death.” He began to explain. “So I took me and my crew to Neverland. And a couple of weeks, perhaps months or years, it is impossible to track time in Neverland, we pulled a young boy out of the water. He’d been brought to the realm by Pan’s shadow, a fearsome creature that kidnaps children throughout the realms in brings them to Pan. The boy… well… he turned out to be the Dark One’s son, Milah’s son. And while at first I merely intended to use him to get information about his father, I grew to love him. He was like my own son to me.” The pirate looked down then, trying to hide his sadness from her. “His name was Baelfire. And one day he found his mother’s drawing in my cabin. In his mind I was the pirate who stole his mother, who murdered her and destroyed his family. I tried to tell him the truth, tried to tell him that Milah and I had always wanted for him to come with us, but he would not listen. He wanted to leave the Jolly Roger and I let him go. He ended up in Pan’s hand due to my stubbornness, due to my own damn pride.”
She could tell that there was something behind that ‘never been a father’ so she waited, allowing him to lead her away. She could tell that another big confession was coming, a topic close to Milah probably, and even if she still wanted to keep distance from him – emotionally speaking, and for reasons that had little to do with her ‘not trusting a pirate’ and everything to do with her feeling far too willing to trust him and care – she listened, nodding slightly at the mention of Neverland. It was oddly painful to think of Peter Pan as the villain, considering how the tale had kept her company in her childhood, when she had been a lost girl who hoped for someone to find her and take her away. Gold had a son with Milah? Her heart clenched when he looked away, because he had been a father or at least a guardian, a family. And he was being honest, because she saw in him some of the regret she felt when talking about Henry. She looked towards the wood they had left on the ground, quiet while gathering her thoughts. “It’s not blood that makes two people family, it’s not even be the one who raises them. It’s love. Regina is not related to Henry by blood but she is his family, I didn’t raise him but he is family to me. So in a way you were his family… and you did a mistake. Believe me, all parents do. I nearly left Henry again because I didn’t believe in the curse and my constant fighting with Regina was hurting him… and then he took the sleeping curse for me. It killed him, in our world magic works differently. The true love kiss happened only by accident and just in time. Some mistakes are done out of good intentions, others because we are human… Some of us more flawed than others,” she looked down at the sleeve of his coat then, fidgeting with it. The guilty she carried could hardly be contained no matter how calm she tried to sound, and she thought of her parents too, their mistakes and regrets. “I guess I’m trying to say that I’m sorry about Baelfire. And Milah. Maybe, if you ever see him again, you could try to… help him. Make things better for him. Like I did with Henry… with little success, considering what happened with the curse, but we do love each other and he forgave me for giving him up too.”
