Ask Deanna About Racism But Only If You're White (.com)

Whew, you’ve got a lot for me to unpack! I normally try to avoid this kind of breaking-things-apart, because it sounds like I’m nit-picking, but I feel like we’ve got a bunch of different things to address here.

The short answer: You don't. Thank you, good night!

The longer answer: Every single situation is different, and there's not going to be one rule that can be written to say, "Here's when you speak up, and here's when you stay quiet." You're going to have to feel it out each time-- use your best judgement, but also work on and deploy your emotional intelligence about how and when to speak up. It also means you're going to have to take a risk each time. This is something white folks aren't used to when it comes to racial justice and that makes it scary; keep in mind, though, BIPOC are risking their security in their jobs/careers, and lives, pretty much every day.

You may be afraid of making a mistake and having it blow up, and that may prevent you from taking the risk to begin with. Note that 99.9% of the time, things don't blow up! That fear you're feeling is part of our white fragility; also, when things do blow up, I've noticed that, well, it's often warranted-- the white person's reaction/overreaction was so entirely out of proportion that it often put BIPOC's lives at risk.

There are some guidelines for speaking up, though, that you might consider. Number one: Do not center yourself and your own experience! This is NOT about you.

If you're talking about what you're sharing online on your own social media, you can both speak up AND lift up the voices of BIPOC at the same time-- share their work! Share their writing and public posts! Share their anger and heartbreak and rage, adding your support, your willingness to fight for their equity and your willingness to sacrifice your own privilege. (Don't share pictures or videos of violence against BIPOC, though-- this is extremely traumatizing.) You don't need to write your own screeds of why the world is terrible; chances are, BIPOC have done it already, and been ignored. Help other people, especially white people, see and hear them.

Because you work in social justice, your job probably entails confronting issues of racial justice in your meetings, programs and more. Look for the patterns in your work: Is it only BIPOC who are speaking up about the racial implications of the work? If so, then that may be a place for your to speak up in the next program meeting or what-have-you. You can be really blunt about it, too. "I've noticed that only BIPOC are the folks speaking up about the racial justice aspects of our work, and we need to address that." You can offer a short statement about whatever the issue at hand is, and then explicitly say, "I want to support the BIPOC voices in the room, though, and at the same time, not make it their singular burden to solve this. I have some ideas, but I'm ready to first listen and support." The point is, again, to not make it about YOU and YOUR feelings, because it's not. It's about the work, it's about justice and equity. Process your own feelings elsewhere, with other white allies.

If there are situations of racial bias and injustice interpersonally in your organization, this will be a tougher nut to crack. If you notice that BIPOC aren't being heard, or are being tokenized, or experiencing racism in other ways, you may start by going to BIPOC colleagues and saying, "I've noticed this happening. Would it be helpful for me to speak up at the next meeting? I'm also willing to speak to HR/the director/whoever's-in-charge if that's helpful, or support the voices and people who may be already working on this." This won't be a magic pill--you may get rejected, your help may not be welcome, this may not be the right time. Listen, listen, listen to your colleagues and support their needs and leadership. No white saviors allowed! [For those of you reading who are white who work in entirely white workplaces: You have an extra duty to call out racism in your workplace and address the systemic issues, assumed shared bias, etc, even if it's met with resistance or dismissal. Go to other white allies in your friend circles to get help and support!]

My experience is that nonprofit organizations, especially mainstream liberal ones, who have racial justice issues often have them baked into the DNA of their organizations. And those, just like the structural racism we're experiencing in the wider world, need to be torn down and rebuilt. They're not going to be fixed with one-off interventions, unfortunately. If you look at the mainstream organizations in the environmental movement, for example, it has taken decades upon decades for the voices of BIPOC to be centered and heard. (My friend Ludovic wrote about this on Facebook: check it out.) That said, consider contacting Race Forward and arranging for a training to be held at your organization; they also do consultation work that's incredibly valuable.

Let me know if I've addressed your needs, and if not, I'll do my best to follow up!

First, let’s start with a couple of basics. I’m not an expert in sexual justice (please, musicians of the world, make that phrase into a song), but I’m going to take a stab at this anyways. Basic premise number one: We don’t really have a lot of control over who/what turns us on. Sexuality is hugely complex, and Lord knows, if I could, I would definitely do something about my attraction to emotionally unavailable men. Ba-dum-dum!

What you do with that turn-on is what ultimately matters, so it’s good that you’re asking yourself questions. There are a couple of things that trouble me a bit about how you phrased your question–this may be more a matter of internet semantics than knowing exactly what’s in your heart and brain, but let’s take a look.

You used a lot of space to defend your attraction in your question; you’re coming at this from a fundamentally defensive place, which doesn’t feel so good. It sounds a little bit like the “But I have Black friends!” defense when a white person is called out for racism. You may just be trying to set the stage here, but it sets off some alarm bells. You’re “knowledgeable of what is offensive/degrading to say,” you try really hard “to be respectful and remember theyre unique human beings,” and you don’t “offensive/apparent forms of fetishism.” Hmmmmmm.

I’m calling on my linguistics background to break these down a little bit. Despite the overt intent in these words to create a larger sense of understanding, there’s some underlying sentiments of performing (versus being) Good White Person, and othering. You know what’s degrading to *say,* but do you still believe those things about Asian men? We all have broken records playing in our heads with all kinds of racial stereotypes, thanks to crappy white supremacist mainstream culture. It’s easy to spot them, like in this scene from “Office Space:“ 

If you’re dating Asian men because "they” are a certain way, that’s feels like the relationship/sexual equivalent of the scene above. Check out the ways that white people fetishize people of color in relationships in this post from The Root.

Which brings me to the other two things that bugged me: the “they’re unique human beings,” and that you don’t “do” “apparent” racial fetishism. Again, this feels like you’re trying to perform some magical PC script that will get you in good with an Asian man, versus unpacking what it is about Asian men that feels so attractive to you. Further reading is here at The Clutch. 

You don’t. You can’t.

But this isn’t the first president we’ve had who has had these sympathies. From my friend Ludovic Blain:

If you think Trump was the first KKK sympathizer, KKK member, first president who's a son of a KKK member, Trump showed more understanding of American history than you and Gov Terry Mcauliffe when Trump noted that if you start taking down Confederate heroes, it’s a slippery slope that leads to Washington and other American heroes. Terry mentioned those same guys as American heroes, which is why and when the black guy behind him stopped nodding (remember that?). Yup, Trump ain't stupid, unfortunately too much of the left, especially the white left, and white Democrats, have lots to learn from him about American history. And until y'all do, American history will, and is, repeating itself. #NoTrumpExceptionalism

This is a tough line to walk– and it’s great that you’re looking out for the white-savio(u)r complex. Many white people are gun-shy speaking up or acting up because they fear doing it wrong; that’s definitely a concern, but I think that fear ultimately ends up paralyzing us. In times of crisis, like Charlottesville, I think we have to be more willing to risk doing it wrong, and getting called out or called in on what we say, versus waiting for the right moment or sentiment to strike us. I like to think of it this way: People of color are at risk every moment, every day of their lives. We’re going to have to risk our everyday comfort in order to dismantle white supremacy.

So, I’m gonna start here by questioning the Mexican theme for a kids’ birthday party. Cooking theme? I gotchoo. But an all/mostly white group choosing an Ethnic Food™ to cook? OK… no. That’s exoticizing non-white culture from the outset. It makes that culture something that’s Other, rather than something that’s integrated and a part of our everyday lives. If the parents did this because the kid’s favorite foods are tortillas and guac, then have a tortilla and guac party. But don’t brand it as a Mexican-themed cooking party… because that can only go horribly wrong, as you experienced.

Thanks to racism and Apu from the Simpsons, this one is rampant! And it’s through Apu that we’re learning why this is so messed up, because comedian Hari Kondabolu is doing a documentary about Apu and South Asian stereotypes. (Have you heard his albums? He is AWESOME.)

Hari also talks about why he doesn’t do his mom’s accent in this clip:

Accents have meaning in any culture– they signify lots of different variants: where you’re from, who you hang out with, your level of education, etc. Typically in America, any accent that isn’t rooted in whiteness is looked down upon and made fun of; we see this with East Asian accents, with Latinx accents, with African-continent accents. There isn’t just an element of “this sounds hilarious,” there’s an element of power struggle in there. When I do a British accent, there’s cultural equality in how we view Britishness, and because I’m white. If I do an Indian accent, even if I mean it in a complimentary way, there’s still a power difference between my whiteness and an Indian person’s brown-ness; then there’s the added trauma of colonization of India, appropriation of Indian culture, erasing of Indian culture, and centuries of generally teaching colonized people to hate themselves. The colonial history of Indians and white people is complex, and still has significant socioeconomic implications today.

Which brings me to the second point: Intention never tops impact. That’s privilege speaking. You can intend not to be racist, but if a white person drops the N-word to mimic Black culture, and Black folks are like, “NOPE,” then we all say “NOPE.” Oppressed people get to name their oppression, always. 

Would your partner do this accent in front of Indian people? I bet he wouldn’t, and there’s your answer right there. It’s not OK to do it only in front of other white people, either. (Again, substitute the N-word here. How does that play out at the dinner table?) 

In the great mysteries of life, one can never know why certain things happen: where we come from, if there’s life after death, and why some things get tons of likes and others don’t. In my day job as a media strategist, I’ve learned that Facebook’s algorithm on what it shows to which people is the Great Black Box of our time. There’s a good chance that due to timing, whatever else was hot at the moment, the wording of your post– anything, really– that not that many people saw it. Thus, I would say, hate on your white friends with a grain of salt here. They might not have even seen it.

Those that did see it, well, this whole thing might not resonate with them for whatever reason. I may sound like a jerk. They may not like my hairdo. The questions asked so far may seem like too much or too little. Who knows!

Now, after all the generous benefitting of doubt, let’s look at why white people may not like or share content about race that directly addresses or affects them. 

It’s great that you’re already intentionally seeking out journalists of color to read– and yeah, it can feel weird when you’re in those positions where you don’t necessarily have infinite cosmic power. I’m in Berlin at the moment, and decided to ask one of my best (white) friends, Juliane Leopold, who is an editor and journalist, how she would answer this question. Meet Juliane!

Ooooo this is a good one. Good looking out for your son!

I’m glad you clarified what you think is racist about it, that it’s fetishizing other races/ethnicities. It feels that way to me, too. But this can go either way, you know? It’s also good that your son acknowledges and celebrates differences and isn’t going down the colorblind path. 

There are a lot of ways to deal with injustice in the world– any of the ways activists tackle problems on their own may or may not be effective, so having a lot of tactics to deploy is smart strategy. Some activists focus on lobbying legislators; some focus on researching policy solutions, and some create public protest to get the word out.

When it comes to public interruptions, the benefit of those protests are getting attention to issues that otherwise are not getting mainstream attention. The inconvenience of those stuck in traffic, for example, is weighed into the decision to block. I like how this column from the Washington Post describes it:

Block a highway, and you upend the economic life of a city, as well as the spatial logic that has long allowed people to pass through them without encountering their poverty or problems. Block a highway, and you command a lot more attention than would a rally outside a church or city hall — from traffic helicopters, immobile commuters, alarmed officials.

The whole article is great, make sure you check it out.

There are couple of different concepts here that we should look at. The first one is bias or prejudice: “inclination or prejudice for or against one person or group, especially in a way considered to be unfair.” Anybody can be biased or prejudiced. Yay! Now that’s America: land of equal opportunity.

But racism, the second concept, is a little different. That’s when bias or prejudice becomes institutionalized and structuralized, giving people of different races advantages or disadvantages in society as a whole. Systemic and systematic bias creates, for example, the phenomenon of redlining, where banks won’t make loans to people of color in certain neighborhoods, creating massive housing disparities.

Thus, there isn’t really a phenomenon that can be called reverse-racism. White people are not systematically discriminated against in a way that holds them back as an entire race. Certainly other factors like class and gender come into play, but the Man doesn’t hold white people down.

Ahhhh, yes! This is a common question among white people, I think. The problem with “colorblind” in a racial sense is that no one wants their identity actually erased. What many folks are working towards is to have their identities lifted up and celebrated, as least as much as white ethnicities are. 

One of the things I’ve noticed in my own adventure being a racial justice ally is that it’s often hard to find a shallow part of the justice water to wade into if you’re white and have questions, or care, about race in America.

Why the focus on white people? A couple of reasons.