Ask Kiwi Gadget and Funny Bones

Funny: Thanks everypony for helping me with this transition in my life. I will no longer be taking advantage of Kiwi and will on my own once more. Of course, not much will change besides where I sleep.

Kiwi was surprised when they walked up to the place Funny said was his new home and shop. It was just so… normal. It sat on a corner with the shop front facing the main street. The paint was understated, the building itself being a sort of cream color. Kiwi looked to Snapdragon who seemed more concerned with dropping her load then where she actually was.

"Are we at the right place?" Kiwi asked while stepping to the side to look at the sign.

It was obviously Bones' shop, but it was just so very plain, so very unlike his friend. Kiwi shot his friend a concerned look. Bones grinned. Without answering, he followed a trotting Bones over to the door to the shop front. It opened with the jingle of a bell. Inside was dim with disuse. Three rows of double sided cases filled the large space that Charity flew over to get to the back room.

“Don’t you like it?” Bones asked.

"It's great, but..." Kiwi floundered for the right words, something that wasn't completely negative. "It doesn't really seem you."

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Bones stepped further into the shop and placed one hoof on the unpainted shelving. “It’s a blank slate. It’s new and unbroken. What about this place could be anypony else? Soon these shelves will be filled with jokes and laughter.”

"I see. I'm just a little confused, Bones. I would've expected at least a little more color in your shop, but if this is what you want, I'm happy for you. It might help to get some of your product on the shelf." Kiwi gave a half smile before turning around and going back to the door to retrieve supplies.

Bones followed after him, a skip in his step.

“Oi! Funny!” Came a call from around the corner.

Two large, bulky stallions came into view, both looking a little tired but otherwise happy to be there. One removed his flat cap with a wing and whipped the back of his hoof over his brow. He smiled and jerked his head back the way they’d come.

“Got your big furniture in the house. Want us to arrange it for ya?” His speech was a little broken, but warm in tone.

“No, no, that’s fine Bulk. Thank you two so much for your help! But you guys need to hang around! I want to get a picture with everypony who helped!” Bones swung a hoof over Pear Cobblers shoulders. “Just go inside and relax. I did get a few pears and other things if you’re hungry.”

“Thanks for helping me move guys!” Funny called back into the mostly empty shop. “Thankfully, Pear Cobbler and Bulk Mail moved my furniture, but it would’ve taken forever to get all this stock over to the new shop without you.”

“Yeah, whatever.” snapped Snapdragon. “Next time, you pull the cart.”

“So you got the new place all set?” Kiwi said from inside the shop.

“It’s got to be cleaned and organized, but otherwise, it’s all set to go!”

Funny stood in the doorway, levitating a few more boxes of merchandise into the cart. Kiwi sealed the last few and Charity flew around making sure everything had been taken off of shelves and out of the living areas. It wasn’t much longer that this place would be considered his, the demolition date being on Saturday, but it still felt wrong to leave it. Funny rose a hoof to run along the door frame. Even if he wanted to, a split foundation was just too dangerous to live on any longer. Not that he had been living here for a few months now, but still. It was going to be official once he locked up and took the keys over to city hall.

Funny: Aww... They don’t have Birthday Cake...

Kiwi: Pistachio please!

Funny: Welcome to this years Nightmare Night party! This year, we have commandeered the local noodle shop. The theme? Zelda!

Kiwi: Everyone’s costumes look amazing!

Once Funny saw Kiwi’s house loom ahead, he slung a foreleg around his friend’s neck and pulled him aside.

“Where did you find them?” He whisper-demanded.

“What?” Kiwi said, clearly puzzled.

“Them!” Funny gestured to the girls. “Where do you find them?”

“I don’t understand.”

Funny let out a frustrated sigh. “Obviously they aren’t from here, I got that part. I’m more concerned with how you found, let’s face it, they might as well be models, and how you convinced one to marry you.”

“Thanks?” Kiwi’s face scrunched as he probably tried to work out if that was an insult.

Funny let go of his friend and turned back to the girls chatting happily ahead. “I just don’t get it. I really don’t.”

“You don’t have to, cause I’m still a little in shock myself. But anyway,” Kiwi nudged him with a bump of his body, “make sure you’ve got your costume ready for tomorrow. You called and got Oodles reserved right?”

“Yeah, it’s all set. I’m actually supposed to head over and get Charity’s costume from Leaf, so I’ll see ya tomorrow?” Funny smiled.

Kiwi nodded and trotted over to the girls. They turned to look at him, so Funny raised a hoof and waved them off.

The station was packed full of ponies. Funny motioned that he’d wait outside by the tree and kiwi nodded. It was a nice enough day out thanks to the pegasi, so Funny didn’t mind a chance to breathe in the cool afternoon air. He loved fall and all its colors. What funny didn’t like was waiting, and, unfortunately, even the lovely fall day did nothing to change that.

As more and more ponies trickled out of the station and Kiwi was nowhere to be found, Funny began tapping a hoof. Was Kiwi too embarrassed to come out and explain that he really didn’t have a girlfriend? If he did, why was he making Funny wait so long?

When Kiwi finally came out, Funny was disappointed to see two mares on either side of him. It was obvious they were related from their multicolored manes to their dark fur. Certainly it was easier to see a resemblance with these two then with any of his family. Well, with the exception of his sister.

However, the closer they got, he started to notice something off about them. The way their tails moved and the sun caught the dark fur--

“Oh.” Funny said, craning his neck just enough to not be rude.

They had tails. Not tails like everypony else, more like a cows. Muscle and fur with hair at the end. Funny had never seen such a thing on a pony. He knew that Kiwi’s “girlfriend” was from “far away”, but he had pictured imaginary, not this.

“This is Bones--you know, my best friend.” Kiwi said.

Funny looked forward and away from the girls odd tails. He still couldn’t tell which one of the nodding girls was Star Glow, but he needed to be polite now that he knew they were real. He bowed with one for leg tucked up to his chest.

“Nice to meet you ladies. I’ve heard so much about one of you.” He straightened, grinning big. “My name is Funny Bones.”

The one to Kiwi’s left giggled. Now that he wasn’t staring at their tails, he was struck with how pretty they were. The one on that giggled introduced herself as Aurora, the younger of the sisters, and Funny didn’t listen any further.

Both of the girls were pretty to be sure, but something about Aurora stood out to him. It wasn’t the tail, as much as it had caught his attention earlier, but something else. Something he couldn’t quite put his hoof on.

“So just to make sure,” Kiwi said, raising a hoof to point at him, “You got all your stuff out of the bathroom?”

“Yes.” Funny grumbled.

“And the livingroom?”

“Yes.”

“What about--”

“Yes, yes, yes.” Funny snapped, stopping in his tracks. “I have moved out and back to my parents house.”

Kiwi looked back at him with a frown. Funny didn’t budge, instead sitting down in the road. A few towns ponies turned to see the commotion, but, on seeing his disgruntled face, moved on with their own business.

“Why are you so pissy?” Kiwi walked back to stand in front of him.

“You really should see a doctor about all those freckles.” Funny mumbled, poking at the legs before him. “You could be really sick and not know it.”

“Bones.”

“Your ‘girlfriend’,” he air quoted the word, “Won’t be happy if you die.”

“Bones.”

“That is, if you didn’t just make her up.” Funny paused to rub his chin. “Though, if she was, then she wouldn’t exist anymore…”

“Bones!” Kiwi stomped his hoof.

Funny looked up into Kiwi’s scrunched face.

“We talked about this. Heck, I t was your idea to stay at your parents house while the girls were here.”

“Cause you said you’d sleep in the workshop.” Funny pouted.

“Because I would. Happily!”

Funny scowled and crossed his fore legs. “But that would mean these ‘girls’ would share and I’d have your room. No way am I kicking you out of your own bed. Besides, if this mare exists, then you should want to cuddle up at night anyway.”

Funny waggled his brows as Kiwi slowly turned red. Well, as red as a green pony can.

“Well, what do you know? I thought it was Nightmare Night season, not Hearthswarming.”

“Bones, please just stand up and come with me to the station before we’re late.”

Funny: I’ll just...be over....there.

Funny: I don’t know who you guys are talking about...