There have been a lot of brave people coming forward recently about abuse, rape, and sexual assault they experienced at the hands of popular men in the MA hc scene (especially WMass, Merrimack Valley, Quincy, and the South Shore). I'm a survivor myself and have been through similar call-outs in the past. I've also been booking shows with a focus on safety--constantly learning as I went about what "safety" means in the context of hardcore punbk shows and how to navigate the egos of men who call me "PC F*gg*t" on the popular hc message board we all used to frequent ;) I feel like we still have a lot to learn as a community about how to support one another and keep each other safe. So I wrote this extremely brief thing for Twitter and realized quickly that it would never fit there and I didn't want to spend all night figuring out my character limits. I'm not in any way presenting myself as an expert, I won't list all of my credentials here -- but please know that support and transformative justice work have been a huge part of my life for many years and I am posting this in an earnest attempt to share and to learn. // I understand the sentiment of being super fed-up with complicit behavior in the hc scene. I am too. But as a survivor, I want to express that not every person who has been harmed (by SA, rape, or abuse) will benefit from you loudly cutting their abuser out of your life or threatening them with violence on her behalf. (Actually, in general, please don’t do this unless the survivor asks you to. Seriously. Especially if you’ve never met her. That’s just weird.) These things don’t always keep someone safe/anonymous; it’s not always wanted. Every situation is different. Navigate this moment with the survivor's wishes and safety in mind. If you're a man in a very male-dominated hc scene, consider the power you have to see accountability through in a way that us women and other survivors may not. Are you in this person’s band or are they on your label? Maybe this person does not need to be going on tour or benefitting socially or financially from this project going forward. Check in with the survivor (or those supporting the survivor directly) before making statements that might be specific to them. If you have been close with the person who was abusive or committed this harm, can you recommend programming or help them find a decent therapist? Can you talk through some behavior you've personally witnessed from them, and talk about how that behavior can be corrected in the future? On a larger scale, can you organize a larger discussion among the men in your life to talk through what these callouts are bringing up for you as well as what you can do to make our scene safe(r) for everyone? Deplatforming is so, so important. I don't believe abusive men should continue to take the stage, book shows, and continue to hold the influence that allows them to get away with enacting violence in our community. But I also know that there's always another scene they will run to if their (our) friends don't start to do the work. I've seen it happen time and time again. I also know that when I was in an abusive relationship, I was made to feel as though I was my partner's only outlet. The only person who supported him. When I began to name his behavior and tried to set boundaries, his friends were nowhere to be found. He felt he had no one but me and nowhere to go but to come back to force his way into my apartment. I'm not saying this to take away from the stories or wishes of the women coming forward right now, but to highlight the varied experiences and needs of survivors and go deeper into how the men in our lives could be doing this work that has all too often fallen on the shoulders of women who are already dealing with our own trauma. TLDR; There is no one-size-fits-all for supporting survivors, other than to LISTEN to us and BELIEVE us. Here are some readings: Support NY Reading List Creative Interventions Toolkit: A Practical Guide to Stop Interpersonal Violence We Are All Survivors, We Are All Perpetrators / What To Do When... (Most of these deal with "radical communities" or whatever but that's who has largely been producing the info for forever. It still applies!) (If you have any specific things you're looking for readings on, or actual books/whatever, feel free to contact me PLEASE. I have resources and also want to produce some eventually, but this is already way too long) Please feel free to DM me if you would like some help organizing a discussion about shows/safe(r) space stuff. As an Old, I'm not tryna center myself in such a discussion but would definitely be down to be part of it in some way. xxx kimberly