In a nut shell.

Me: I’m not feeling top notch. I feel like things are closing in around me and my mind is constantly racing. I can’t sleep. Instead of not being able to eat I overeat. I get paranoid. My heart races 24/7. I can’t calm down.

Doctor: Oh you’re perfectly healthy. You just have depression and anxiety.

Me: 🥴 thanks

Every time I listen to his albums I’m in my feels. He’s freaking amazing.

It’s been a while. I created this blog many many moons ago and then kind of forgot it. Well, I’m back baby. No one actually follows me or reads this, but I feel like this is a good space to put my thoughts out. So let’s start off with some about me, in the off chance that someone does see these and thinks I’d be cool to follow (imagine me winking and giving a thumbs up.)

My name: Ashley obviously. Why is my username Ashley Anxiety you may ask. Well, I literally have anxiety. Diagnosed and all, go me. I’m 28 turning 19, June 2022. I am happily married with 1 awesome child.

Background info: My sister (6), brother(3)and I(8) left Ohio with my mom after my dads abuse became too much for my mom to handle. We moved to Arizona 🌅 and my mom married my stepdad(who used to live in Ohio and had literally been around since we were babies). High school was…interesting, as it is for most teenagers. I joined the Navy when i was 17 after getting told by my stepdad that if I didn’t have a job when I turned 18 I would be getting kicked out. I left for boot camp 5 months after I turned 18 (November 21 2011). I graduated boot camp January 26th 2012 and also found out that day that my mom and younger sister(16) had gotten into a car accident on their way to said graduation, and my sister didn’t make it. So, not a great start into adulthood. I spent 2 weeks on emergency leave, depressed and confused and then went straight into Navy life. Obviously, I was not a happy camper. I was stationed on the other side of the world away from my family, on the East Coast. I developed anxiety and depression from the loss of my sister and from some situations that arose while in. I got pregnant with my child at 20, I was still in the military. Her father and I split and I was a single mom for many many years doing everything on my own while also active duty on an active sea going ship, so to say it was hard, is an understatement. In 2016 my stepdad died of stage 4 cancer, I was on duty on the ship when my mom called and told me. *cue more anxiety and depression here* In 2017 I started dating someone who I thought was amazing. We were friends before we started so I thought it would be perfect. Which it was, at first. Then that perfection turned sour and I experienced abuse (not physical thankfully and I’m sorry to anyone who has went through this. And I know some people will say mental/emotional abuse aren’t real but anyways) at the hands of someone I loved with all my being and I did the smart thing and left before it got worse, which was devastating. In 2018 a friend committed suicide on the ship in one of the spaces our department owned. In 2019 things got a little better because I started dating my now husband. I was introduced to a world of love and acceptance and happiness, which I hadn’t felt in a very long time. 2019 is when I also decided that I’d had enough of the military and not being there for my child and family. 2020 i got a new job and I also got engaged! April 2021 I got married. 2021 is also when I finally got my diagnosis of anxiety and depression, along with a slew of other things that combine to make me who I am. After 8 years of people telling me I was faking it and that I was fine and it was all in my head, it was amazing and a relief (Not that I am fucked up but) to finally have it in writing and official that I was telling the truth. Which brings us here to the present, 2022. I am still on the other side of the world away from Arizona, I’m happily married and my child is doing amazing and I just hit the 2 year mark of working at the same job. Obviously that’s a lot of condensing of the things I went through, but I’m sure I’ll make in depth posts later on. So, that’s who I am.