Why Do We Exist

a blessing, a wish, a talisman

take it with you 🌈🐝✨

some people don’t deserve fanfics, much less for free.

also even if authors didn’t tag any specific warnings but they used the “creator chose not to use archive warnings” tag, then that is your warning.

•Colt is actually fluent in French. He took it all four years in highschool, then decided to minor in it in collage bc he wanted "at least one easy class every semester"

•Ryland and Jody are the only two people who actually know that Colt is bilingual. It's not that he's hiding it, it's more just that no one ever really asks. Honesty, no one really finds out until they like. Go to France to film a movie And Colt's the one handling all the interpreter stuff

•while still living with their father, Ryland and Colt shared the same room. After The Incident and they were adopted, their adoptive father put them in different rooms. Ryland and Colt *hated* this, and they would regularly sneak into each other's room at night well into high school

•after Ryland and Colt were born, Court would often stay awake at night just watching them sleep bc he was afraid that if he looked away they would stop breathing just like their mother did

•Colt ends up doing kind of the same thing after Jody gives birth to their twins. He feels a little ridiculous, sitting on the floor of the nursery watching his baby girls sleep, and he feels even more silly watching Jody sleep, but, well. It's hard to forget that his mother died giving birth to Colt and Ryland. Logically Colt knows everything is okay, that the hospital wouldn't have discharged Jody and the girls if there was something wrong, that his mother only died bc she didn't have proper medical care, but. He can't shake it. He can't shake that worry.

•Court answered every single one of Ryland and Colt's calls while he was in prison. He never said much, perfectly content to listen to his brothers ramble on, but he *always* answered

•it honestly broke his heart when he had to cut contact with them after he was pulled into the Sierra program. Court doesn't cry often, and this was one of the few times where he couldn't stop himself

•you know, I think Colt tried to give Simon a shovel talk when he and Ryland started dating, but Simon turned it around on him and ended up giving *Colt* the shovel talk bc "you have no idea how badly Ryland wants his brother back, do you?"

•that's probably the final kick in the pants Colt needed to actually work his shit out with Ryland

•mostly. They still, you know, have a Big Fight once Colt digs up Simon's sealed records

•Court made a cake every year for Ryland and Colt's birthday, and once he comes back into their lives he picks that tradition back up again

•Ryland, Colt, and Court all have matching fox tattoos. Kinda. Ryland and Colt got matching fox tattoos after Court "died", and Court got a tattoo of twin foxes after he had to cut all contact with his brothers. It was a happy accident (?)

Simon and his number one hater, Tofu the snake

No okay I love this actually bc you *know* Ryland's gotta take the snake home over the summer. He can pawn her off to his students during the school year, but over holiday breaks and shit?

Nah.

She's coming home with him.

And Simon is...listen. A happy and loving marriage is full of compromises.

•Grover Cleveland Middle and High School do a school fair every year in the fall around Halloween

•and every year, without fail, Ryland gets voluentold to work shifts on the dunk tank. He does not understand why, but sure, whatever, he'll do it. He tends to make the most money when he's on dunk tank duty. People will pay a crap ton of money to throw a baseball and dunk Mr. Grace in the tank, apparently

•(they put him in a white shirt and everything. Ryland doesn't really question it)

•Simon ends up volunteering at the fair once he and Ryland start dating. He mans the entrance to the corn maze. They dress him up as a scarecrow

•Ilyukhina absolutely came to the school fair to A.) dunk Ryland in the tank and B.) make fun of Simon even if he, admittedly, makes a very cute scarecrow

•she takes a picture of him and sends it to Ryland. Ryland sets it as his lock screen and refuses to change it

•Simon keeps some spare towels with him at the stand to the corn maze, so when Ryland's on his breaks he can dry off. He also will usually run off to grab a hot chocolate or something for Ryland too. All of Ryland's coworkers are kind of jealous tbh

•Ryland's students *flock* to the corn maze. It's the one time of the year they're guaranteed a Simon Sighting

•Rocky helps build a lot of the booths and stuff, and he'll usually hang around and help the kids fix their booths if it's needed

•Colt will stop by too if his schedule allows. He's *gotta* dunk his brother in the tank. It's like. His civic duty

•the first time Courtland volunteered at the fair it was bc Ryland guilt tripped him into it

•(he pretended to be dead for *years*. Ryland is absolutely gonna milk that for all it's worth)

•(and I mean. Claire also goes to school here now. And Court is trying to be the Normal Stay At Home Dad. He's *gotta* volunteer at the school fair)

•Courtland got stuck manning the hot chocolate stand. He also spent the entire fair with his own b-plot going on--some rouge mercenary found him, and Courtland spent the whole time trying to take care of That Guy while also running the hot chocolate stand. He ends the night just. Covered in blood spatter. Everyone assumes it's just a costume and that he "finally got in the spirit of things". Simon, who is far more familiar with the sight of blood than he cares to admit to, is the only one who Knows

I like to think that Ilyukhina has been treating Simon like a feral cat since the moment they met bc she wants to be friends with him So Bad but Simon is allergic to any sort of human affection apparently (except for Ryland, of course), so she's like, offering him snacks and blankets and stuff when they're in the hyperbolic chamber together in the hopes to try and lure him in and relax him enough to let his guard down, and then one day *he* offers *her* a pack of his fruit snacks and Ilyukhina, who is well aware of how weird Simon can get with food and his habit of not sharing it with anyone except for maybe Ryland on occasion, is like "I've finally done it. I've domesticated him. We are friends now :)"

I wonder if Rocky had heard mention of a dead older brother a handful of times and knew not to really bring it up, but then dude gets a phone call like a week after The Claire Incident thats just Ryland losing his shit.

Oh Rocky knows *all* about Courtland.

Ryland and Colt were eighteen when they 'buried' Courtland, and Ryland, this time, was the one who stayed strong and trudged on with life while Colt broke down and came horribly close to losing himself to his grief. So Courtland's loss is still very new when Ryland meets Rocky, and one night the grief finally catches up and Ryland just loses it.

Rocky sits with him while Ryland breaks down. He holds him when it becomes just a little too hard to breathe. He listens as Ryland tells him about his oldest brother, the good and the bad. And when Ryland has finally calmed enough to try and apologize for dumping that all on Rocky, Rocky pulls him into a hug and doesn't let go until Ryland stops trying to apologize.

Adrian knows as much about Courtland as Simon and Jody do, which is to say not a lot, but they know enough to know it's a wound that never quite healed right.

And when Rocky finds out Courtland is alive (bc Ryland absolutely called Rocky the same night he found out, and he was a sobbing blubbering mess the whole time) it's uh. Well.

You know.

I know Seb's is a jazz club.

However.

I do think it would be funny if Sebastian does like, karaoke/open mic night once a month and that's where Ryland and Rocky and The Gang go for karaoke night. You know. So Ryland can introduce his "cooler" older cousin to his friends.

Aw, thank you 💛

Simon and his mom would have been very close when he was younger (you know, despite everything going on with The Father). They were all they had. They were each other's whole world. And once she reaches back out it takes a long time for them to get close like that again.

It's really painful at first.

Simon holds a lot of...not resentment, not really, but there's anger there. Confusion. He never understood why his mother gave him up, and once he gets his answer it's...he feels bad thinking of it as anticlimactic, as being disappointed in it, but he is. It's about the closest answer he could get to the one that he actually wanted (that his mother didn't want to give him up, that she only did bc she felt like she had no other choice) but it just doesn't feel good enough anymore. Not now. Not when he's known unconditional love in the way Ryland and his friends give it to him.

His mother is understanding, doesn't blame him for the way he feels, and Simon doesn't know if that makes it better or worse.

After that first meeting it takes a while for Simon to be in the right head space to see her again.

But, you know. Even with that turbulence between them Simon still sings the songs she sang to him. He still tells the same stories she told him. He still makes food the way she does. Folds laundry how she taught him to. Hums while he ties his shoes because she would always hum when she tied his shoes for him.

She is still very much with him, even if they've drifted apart.

I like to think Simon invites his mother to his and Ryland's wedding. Things are not fixed between them yet, and a part of Simon still isn't ready to have her back in his life like that yet, but he knows he'll regret it if he doesn't ask her to go.

Like I imagine everyone's mostly settled down atp and their having a game night but it's one of those worse days and Courtland is very on edge and vigilant cause what if they do try to take someone he cares abt again? Clearly coercion is smth they're not concerned abt. Or what is someone he still has bad blood with tries to attack now that Courtland has finally settled. Just look at how badly things went when his only connection has Fitz and Claire. Now he has *so much* to lose and he doesn't know if he'd even be able to take it and he's lowkey spiraling when suddenly a loud crash happens just outside the apartment. A car crash most likely but Courtland is alr up and checking windows and the perimeters and its methodical and precise and hey when tf did he grab a knife. Everyone else is just watching him go full battle stance and Claire is also getting up to try to talk to him but Ryland and colt glance at each other as they both feel like they've just watched their older brother disappear and this soldier, to put it likely, just took his place.

Courtland eventually snaps out of it but when he looks back at the table he's met with the stares of his brothers and Simon, a mixture of concern, pity, and even fear on their faces and he hatess that they saw him like that, saw him act like the killer he was, and he just wants to lock himself in a room where no one can see him but instead just resorts to sliding down to the floor with his head between his knees and hands on the back of his neck, a grace family staple. He's lowkey spiraling with thoughts that he'll never be able to live a life without danger and attacks at every turn and he can't just be normal for the people he cares abt and he robs them of the chance at a simple life.

Claire is able to get him to finally respond but only after she calls him Six when countless "Courtland!"s didn't seem to get through. And Courtland hates that too. That Six is who he subconsciously truly views himself as, someone who's meant to kill, to harm. They're able to get everything calmed down eventually but being trained to be a weapon your whole life doesn't just go away after one night. And sure it's not the MOST common situation, calming down your older brother who also happens to be the best ghost agent for the CIA, but since when has anything been normal around the Grace's? And that's how Claire finally manages to get Courtland into therapy.

(Sorry for the long ask again! I just love this au sm I know I've said it before BUT ILL KEEP SAYING IT TY FOR MAKING IT)

Oooh no, I love all of this.

Like, of course Court slips back into Six on bad days. He tries not to. Jesus Christ he tries so hard, because he doesn't want to be Six anymore. But at the same time, how could he not? It was all he knew for so long. It was all he was told to be. And sometimes he's too tired to fight it. Sometimes it's just easier. Claire is good at coaxing him out of it. Ryland and Colt have quickly learned how to pull him back to them, because god forbid they're gonna let their older brother go again. And you know. I think, maybe, there are some days where Court gets so deep into it that the only one who understands it enough to bring him back out of it is Simon.

Bc, you know.

Being raised in a death cult is remarkably similar to being recruited and used as a shadow operative by the government. Especially when you had so much of your identity ripped away, when they made sure you had nothing left except to be this thing they've made you to be.

Like Sierra Six.