The Calm Before The Storm

every time i think i’ve figured it out the universe is like ;-) no baby

i just want to take a moment to congratulate the first week of november for somehow being the longest, and most compelling, part of the 500 years that has been 2020. what a ride.

stuck in the constant limbo between “really excited about my own writing” and “pretty sure I can’t actually write”

I really enjoy just existing in hotels. The long identical hallways. The soulless abstract art. The weird noises the air-conditioner makes. Strange city lights in the window. Six stories off the ground. Strangers chatting in the hall. Nothing in the dresser. No past, but an infinite present. 

the fact is that a book written almost a century and a half ago can change your life. despite them never knowing what you live, the world we know or who you are, the words of a passionate author can change everything about you. the way i figured out i didnt like men was while in the middle of a long term relationship with one, i began to read Anna Karenina. i ended up breaking down and sobbing once i finished the book, because I felt like the only way to escape my situation was Anna’s end. I was Anna, I had my Karenin, and my closest female friend was Vronsky. i was broken inside, because as i slowly read the book, i paralleled the story line to the exact dot. in my lowest time of my life, this plot marked where i was. and to be completely frank, I almost finished the plot on my end too, but i managed to see the book to its end and continue my own. ink on paper can change everything about you. it can see you through the darkest nights of your life. no event has ever impacted me the way that a publish from 1878 by a man i never met about people that dont exist from a country whose language dont speak has. that’s the beauty of it all.