i chose me.

i'm halving my previous muse list. jackie, ruby, and ikki are being kept, while cordelia, cho and legolas are being dropped. unless we've already discussed otherwise privately, i'm also going to be auto-dropping all previous threads on here for all muses.

however, please reach out to me and let me know if you'd either like to keep any current ones for jackie or ruby (i'm open to keeping plotted threads as long as there's active interest shown in them), or figure out something new! if we're already mutuals but i dropped my muse from the fandom we had in common, i'd love to figure out a new crossover with you; however, no hard feelings if you'd rather unfollow.

this blog is semi-private now. this mostly means that it's not my first priority, the muse list may ebb and flow based on my current active partners' interest, and i'm mostly focused on writing within my muses' canon verses (though still open to crossovers).

@chasingtitans is going to stay my main priority blog for the foreseeable future, and i'll likely be both faster and more active there for anyone interested in writing more regularly together!

And a bit more childishly, she did want to get herself out of her family’s clutches. With her own career, influence, and money. She could, for the first time make her own choices, think her own thoughts, and not have to spend every waking moment pretending to be something else. Far be it to pretend that she wasn’t a completely heinous bitch, she was still self-serving and cruel at times. But at least now, she had matured a bit. “ I am well aware that you’d rather do this with anyone else, but regardless of what you may think. I am not the same person you remember. As I’m sure you are not the same person I knew in school. ”

She had been particularly horrid to Cho, which at the time, made perfect sense to her, she was horrible to a lot of people for a lot of different reasons, not justifiable, but it felt like that was the only way to have some kind of control. But later, she had realized why this girl had been such a thorn in her side. It was due to reasons that she always knew, at least in some part of her mind, but it took her years to be away from Hogwarts, and her family, to fully admit to herself.

Whether Cho truly was more mature than that remained to be seen, but this was bigger than them both. Cho had agreed to this interview for a reason. One that was important enough to keep her firmly planted in the same room as her former tormentor, much as a substantial piece of her still longed to turn around and storm right back out.

Instead, she only huffed, clenched jaw turning up and arms crossing tight over her chest. "Fine. Say I stay. Why should I trust that you won't just twist anything I give you to smear my name?" Could she really believe that Pansy had changed? And even if she had, was it enough of a change to trust her with something not only so deeply personal, but intended to go completely public?

it  pained  him  so.  her  soft  sobs  of  sorrow  accompanied  by  loneliness  hurt  him  more  than  she  could  realize.  what  could  he  do  to  take  away  her  pain?  hurt  those  that  have  reigned  it  upon  her,  his  mind  decided.  to  ensure  nothing  like  this  would  ever  happen  to  her  again  because,  angel  knew,  she  was  the  last  person  to  ever  deserve  such  a  violation.  he  held  her  close  without  hesitation,  his  arms  embracing  her  as  he  allowed  her  to  purge  herself  with  tears.  his  heart  broke  a  little  when  she  pulled  away  only  to  make  eye  contact.  he  subtly  admired  the  way  her  tears  would  glisten  in  her  eyes,  the  way  her  hair  fell  messily  over  her  face.  she  was  beautiful.  he  only  saw  beauty  when  he  looked  at  her.  his  face  fell  further  at  her  words,  a  part  of  him  knew  she  wasn't  entirely  wrong  and  he  also  knew  there  wasn't  much  he  could  do  to  change  that.     ❛     it  doesn't  have  to  all  fall  on  you,  cordy,  it  shouldn't.  we're  all  in  this  together.  we  help  who  we  can  as  much  as  we  can     ❜   he  replied,  placing  a  comforting  hand  on  her  knee  as  he  kept  soft  eye  contact.

She doesn't fight him on it now, though, especially not once the cool press of his fingers against her face strips any possible words right back off her tongue. Instead, Cordelia leans into the touch with a sniffle and a weary sigh, eyelids fluttering shut for but a moment.

I will never let anyone touch you again. Impossible of a promise as that is to keep, when he says it, she knows he means it. It's almost easy to believe him like this; almost easy to let everything haunt her slip away, if only for tonight.

It's even easier when Angel’s next line prompts a laugh, watery but true, out into the minuscule space left between them. "'If there's one?' She-who-slays-a-lot might want to have word with you on that one, y'know," she teases, careful even now to avoid naming the Buffy-shaped elephant in the room as she opens her eyes to look at him again. On some level, she does mean it. After all, of all people, she never could have imagined expected praise like this from Buffy Summers' ex even a single year ago.

But Angel is so much more to Cordelia than just Buffy's ex now. Ever since the first time he'd saved her in Los Angeles, he's gone from little more than salty goodness and an easy way to get under Buffy's skin to her best friend. The kind she's never had before, real and true; one that someone like Harmony, always waiting with a knife poised to stab Cordelia the moment she turned her back, never was.

He's saved her in so many other ways since, ones that he might never realize. (Some she doesn't even, either. Not yet.)

Expression softening, Cordelia sniffles again before speaking. "Thanks, though. You're right; I am Cordelia freakin' Chase." The assertion is mostly still bravado, but that old mask fits back on with comforting familiarity. Maybe just a little less of it isn't one, too, and maybe that's what matters most.