neighhh

Ponyboy was picking at the bed of his nails. He felt crazy, sitting alone on his shared bed in a small room. For the past 4 weeks, he had heard, felt- seen Johnny! No, it couldn’t be real.. Johnny cade was dead and had been 7 months, but every time he had one of these hallucinations, he started to question if that was really true. Pony pushed himself up from the bed and headed to the washroom. He needed to snap himself out of this. Ponyboy would look over his shoulder at every sound made around the house, a buzzing fly, a creek from the window, a car driving by. That paranoia was exactly what he needed to fix. When he stepped through the doorframe he felt a shiver run through his body. He didn’t acknowledge the figure trailing behind him.

In the mirror, pony looked a mess. Tangled, un-greased hair curling around his face and features, dark circles and worst of all, puffy eyes from his babyish crying. Everything was so overwhelming, Pony couldn’t help but cry from the stress of it. His brothers didn’t know though.

He brought his cupped hands up to his face to splash himself with warm water. Ponyboy made sure to keep the water away from his nose and mouth.

He was supposed to be better by now, and he had been before Johnny came back. He wasn’t one for being mushy with emotions to begin with, so Pony potentially being sick in the head, seeing things? He wouldn’t dare to express it. No, no, no. he can handle this on his own. Pony lifted his head from his hands, and saw Johnny looking back at him, standing next to him in the mirror.

“..Johnny?” He turned to look him in the eyes.

“Pony…. Finally you’re talking to me.”

It was the same welcoming smile that Johnny had before and for a moment he was glad to be able to remember what it looked like. “Oh thank god, man I thought for a while you still couldn’t see me!… But, uh.. how’re ya doin’?”

Pony looked down and turned to the doorway, but could still see Johnny standing behind him in the mirror. He pushed himself forward back out into the hallway, he shouldn’t entertain hallucinations, and that’s all Johnny was.. Right? Of course. Ponyboy wouldn’t let himself be fooled and broken again by his own mind. But as he walked away, he could feel the footsteps of his friend trailing close behind him.

“Hey, man, why aren’t you looking at me?…”

He’s not real.

“Pony- I thought you’d be excited , or at least a bit happy to see me again.”

It’s not Johnny.

“Please, talk to me- look at me! Anything?”

Johnny’s dead- “Get out of my head!” Pony raised his hands to his head shouted it out to the living room in-front of him, assuming he was alone.

“What the-? Pony? You’re home today?” Twobit peeked up from the couch, hungover.

Oh right, how could he forget. Two had been out by Bucks, drinkin’ his body weight and fooling around. He and Buck had become something between friends and trauma bonded widows. Pony thought they probably liked having someone to talk to, about.. well, you know. Along with Buck, Two talked with Tim Shepard more now. Tim would also be found in the curtis house a little more often than he ever had been, but he’d always act coldy to the brothers, pony especially. Anyway, Pony wasn’t in the mood to chat, not in his current state and especially not with a very hungover Two-bit. He turned back towards the hallway- Johnny.

“Leavin’ so soon? Alright, ponykid. You make sure not to smoke more than a pack or two, Superman wanted me to tell ya… Huh, that makes a lot more sense now..”

Slumping back down into the couch, Two went on rambling and Pony opened the door to his bedroom, pulling Johnny along behind him. He gave up on ignoring him, if his visions wanted to talk so badly, he’d get it over with so he could finally relax.

Pony sat sideways in his desk chair, facing Johnny who was sat cross-legged on his bed. He looked strange with wings curling out from his back and a ring of gold lighting his head. For a long while they sat in silence as Ponyboy examined every brushstroke that made his friend’s face, details that he couldn’t even recall clearly anymore. It all must have been kept in his subconscious somewhere. They stayed still, suspended in the silence, until Johnny spoke again.

“…So, uhm.”

Pony looked up from his lips back to his eyes. Cheeks flushing lightly in embarrassment. No matter, his brow remained furrowed and determined.

“Did you…I mean, were you plannin’ on talking to me?” Johnny hesitated with each word and fidgeted with his fingers in his lap.

“Uhm… N-not really..” He felt gutted talking to the vision of Johnny cade. Pony never would have to have had this conversation if his brain could just get itself in order, but this was his last resort. He whispered to himself “He’s not real.” Then braving to speak again, “Why, uh, are you here?…”

“…To visit you.”

Ponyboy couldn’t help but soften his expression into a small frown. He didn’t want to do this, it made him feel terrible. It made Johnny feel real.

There was another silence between them.

“Um…..Dally said he was gonna wait a bit until he tried to come down, said he was gonna see how this went.”

So either Dallas is secretly a saint, or the afterlife is one conclusive realm-! No, no, it’s not real, he ain’t really Johnny and he hasn’t talk to Dally. Pony started picking harder at his nails than before.

“Pony, I thought I told you to stop that, it ain’t good for you, man.” He was talking sweetly, something Johnny learned from Pony’s mama, and something he used to tell pony to take care of himself. Ponyboy couldn’t take it.

Hot tears and soft sobs quickly raked through his body after holding them in for so long, and even though his mind was focused on other things, Johnny was still there. In the room with him.