Ace Catra

Coming out to my parents has been extremely difficult. My mom believes it's just a phase while my dad believes it's just some "liberal bs". Or that my sexuality is an extension of my mental health diagnoses of depression, anxiety, and PTSD.

Hey. it’s your girl, Laura. I’m an #Asexual, #Academic, #Amazigh, #exMuslim with anxiety. Try saying that three times fast. Even though I haven't been out of the closet that long, this is going to be a thread on my experience as an Ace.

While I have been in relationships in the past, being in a sexual relationship never suited my interests. I always wanted to talk academe or politics and just cuddle. Sex is weird to me. But, I never wanted to lose a partner because of this, yet sex seemed like a dealbreaker to many partners I had in the past. I lost any sense of boundaries and autonomy. I can’t articulate — maybe because it’s too painful — what it feels like to not have ownership over your body, simply because you feel it’s owed to someone else.

I walked away each time convinced something was wrong with me. Should I be dating women? Was gender dysphoria making it too difficult to be close to people? Was I just depressed? I honestly did not know this answer up until about a month ago after my latest relationship ended.

Coming out to my parents has been extremely difficult. My mom believes it's just a phase while my dad believes it's just some "liberal bs". Or that my sexuality is an extension of my mental health diagnoses of depression, anxiety, and PTSD.

For those who want to be allies to members of the Ace community: Sexuality is a spectrum and we all navigate within it in different ways. Asexual people also live their asexuality in an individual way. Each person is unique and you aren't entitled to have opinions on how they live their lives and express themselves. Do not alienate asexuals because of their identity. Ask questions. We're more than happy to educate people because asexuality is not as clear as some other orientations. Asexuality is a spectrum and we understand it can be confusing.

Being asexual as an American, I feel irrelevant to a culture which is all about coupling: how much of daily life (fashion, recreation, entertainment) is about attracting or pleasing a partner? I'm not averse to having a partner but feel excluded from the possibility because mainstream American culture relies heavily on sex appeal. The overwhelmingly negative and dismissive attitude that people have demonstrated when I have tried to tell them that I am Ace is extremely discouraging and will not help your friends who are Ace and struggling with coming to terms with their sexuality and accepting it. Saying "Oh, you just haven't met the right person yet," or "You're a prude then." will damage self-image and undermined confidence.