A Severe Case of Wanderlust

I never imagined what Christmas would feel like without family. Without the beating sun on my face. Without seafood for dinner and playing board games and just generally spending time with one another. It's lonely. They are so close yet so far away. I liken homesickness to grieving. You want to hug/kiss/talk to someone but you are then sharply reminded you can't. Because they are not there. Its sad. The worst part is that I will grieve for the friends I have made here. More so then they will ever understand. They became my family. I live in a world where I have friends all over, and whilst there are people who would call this a superficial complaint, it's more of a statement about how much I love the people I have met. And how much they have impacted my life. And how much they will be missed when I can't drop around for a cup of tea. Or go to work where I feel safe and loved. I have been spoilt. I am grateful. I am sad. I am lonely.

I knew that coming here I would be working. I knew that. But i didn't realise that by working here I would lose the essence of my identity. I've been on camp before. With harsher living conditions. But this environment does not allow for us to have any moment of peace or solitude. I want to be alone for a couple of days. But I can't.

The amount of cream cheese was ridiculous but 'twas delicious.

First New York coffee... well it's a mochacino but still

So I arrived safe and sound to New York. Woo. Took the subway. Partially woo. My bed is comfy. Sleepy woo. Had American maccas. Very full woo. So arrived into JFK got through security and customs no worries, even with my stowing of milo and Vegemite. Same can't be said for the travel buddy I met at the airport. The airplane may or may not have lost his bag in Hong Kong causing it to miss its connection. It will be delivered straight to camp though so that is good at least. Our adventures continued with us braving the subway system and failing a little bit... The original plan was to get off and get on a connecting train at 59th and Colombus Circle but being so tired we decided to stay on the same train so we wouldn't get lost then just walk a bit further. Little did we know how far we would walk. Turns out the train we were on was an express and went 16 blocks past our stop. Always looking on the bright side at least I got to walk through Manhattan a little bit. Saw two yellow school buses, a few NYPD cars and many yellow taxis (a few even beeped us to see if we wanted a lift). After our adventure we arrive at the hostel. The hostel is lovely. The people are nice. The beds are comfy. Only downside is that I can't work out how the hot water works in the shower so I had an icy bird bath when I got to the hostel. At least it woke me up. As I was packing up to go downstairs another roommate turns up unpacks and sees if I want to go for tea. So we venture out in search of a burger, which was surprisingly hard to find. Ended up asking someone in the street, who pointed us to maccas on Broadway (wasn't close to the theatre part). It was very different to the McDonald's in Australia but not bad different. Went up and ordered a double quarter pounder in a large meal, cause I was hungry and why not. Turns out they aren't kidding with the word large. The chip packet was double the size of the Australian large and the drink I'm still trying to get through more than 8hrs later. Still ate it all because I hadn't eaten since... I have no idea when but I'm pretty sure it was like 6am New York time so about 12 hours on an empty stomach running all over New York. You betcha I ate the whole thing. I'm probably going to get lunch there before I leave too. It's seriously addicting. So I hit the hay really early tossed and turned because I think the heater is on. Don't even need my sleeping bag it's that warm. Ended up waking at 4am, which brings us to the reason I'm now writing... Jet lag sucks and I should really try and go back to sleep. I really can do this.

Firstly, time zones suck... Changed my watch to New Yorks time when I got on the the plane. And I just witnessed sunset at 4am... Slightly disturbing because you don't realise how attuned to sunset/sunrise people are. Ok going back to the start: It was really hard to say good bye to my puppy dog; many tears. As I checked in I made contact with someone going to Frenchwoods with me so now I have a travelling buddy. Arrived at the airport with a giant convoy of my friends who wouldn't take no for an answer. It was a nice distraction though as I waited to go through security. But eventually came the time to leave and it was unbelievably difficult to walk away from my parents. Even had a little panic attack. The tears continued through the airport. As I boarded airplane I was surprised how confined the space felt. My seat partner was extremely nice about the number of times I needed to run to the bathroom. It was the only way to relieve the panic that kept arising within me. It was horrid. The transfer was fairly easy just following signs, but man is Hong Kong airport large. All I know is that there are more than 500 gates! I boarded my connection and discovered that the seat next to me was free! So much room for activities (aka sleeping). I think I've made progress to my adjusting myself to the time zone (though I'm writing this at 5am :/ ). The in flight entertainment system is pretty good, the airplane even has a camera on the bottom of it which I can watch. This is all I can think of at the moment, which I think is pretty comprehensive considering I have a blinding headache and have no idea what time it is.

I feel quite strange sitting here waiting to board my first flight out of the country alone. It was really hard to leave my parents, even now that they have left I'm still finding it hard to keep a level head. I want to burst into tears so bad. If I'm going to do this for a career though, I'm going to have to get over it. No time like the present. I can do this. I think part of the reason it's so hard to focus on arriving is the fact I'm actually not that excited yet. I'm absolutely terrified. And I can't pin that feeling on one area either it's just so many different aspects which leave me feeling horrid. While is all sounds horrid, I do want to go. It's just hard. I just want to hug my mum.

So as my mum was doing my hair (bonding thing; don't judge) my family's puppy attacked my dog, viciously. So I'm having my reoccurring nightmare that my dog will be severely injured while I'm on the other side of the globe. So... Woo?

Last night was my going away party, huge success I feel. There was wood fired pizza, music, games, cake and chocolate fountain :3 I got to catch up with everyone and clear up the confusions with my trip. New York - South Carolina - Leeds - {vague travel} - Amsterdam - home :) Packing wise, I thought I was super organised but apparently not because the amount of stuff I am taking is insane. Not only that but it caused much panic to arise within my body, to the extent that I had many little cries on my mother's shoulder. It is never about leaving its just forgetting something. Too many people have told me "don't worry just buy it over there, everything is so cheap". This is true but cheap still requires some money... To which I am in possession of very little. It's ok though I'm going to have such an awesome time. My nephew is actually staying the night with me tonight which is really nice cause I get to spend some extra time with him before I go. Still terrified he'll forget me but I'll just have to win his little heart back when I come home... Eventually (sorry mum) Mum has threatened me with physical harm should I not come home from my travels. This is mostly due to the fact I have expressed many times that this is where my career is headed. A friend of mine is interested is joining up with me after I finish studying which is great and ever more exciting. Hoping we'll go do super touristy things together and pile on the Aussie accent. So tomorrow is the day

After a roller coaster of a semester my body has just been hit with a wave of emotions and feels (including: sudden nausea). I don't know how not to be busy. Lucky I've only got three days of relaxation. Does feel good knowing that I don't necessarily have to be up anytime early. Feels extremely good knowing I don't have anymore exams; practical or theory. Just some portfolios which are kinda fun to do anyway. I'm actually shaking right now thinking about going away. Still doesn't feel real.

Shit... This time next week I'll be in another country, continent, hemisphere... Pick on; up to you. No matter what it is terrifying. The worst part, it doesn't feel real. I'm trying so hard not to sound conceited but I really thought my family and friends would be making a much bigger fuss about me leaving. Like yes I have been taken out to dessert but I think I said one thing about my excitement/terror etc etc. I came home from uni late today and my mum wasn't even fussed. Tbh seeing this in writing I can see how whiney this all sounds, but I still would like to know they'll miss me?

This is a huge question, and I have no idea what I should do about it. The backpack is easier to carry around but the suitcase holds more stuff. But is more stuff better? Arrrrg I didn't watch all those packing tutorials on YouTube for nothing. There were promises of a carry on for two months travel. I could deal with two months worth of clothing. This is the worst.

Minor freak out/crisis/earth-shatteringly-scary-event averted: I thought I'd lost my passport but I didn't. Just left it in the scanner. So that was scary. What's more scary is the fact I'm leaving so soon. I'm not even excited anymore just purely terrified. It's not that I don't want to go it's just really scary. I've been told this doesn't go away until you arrive and even then it's still scary. Arrrrrrgggggggg Ok I can do this

Having your friends say they want to see you off at the airport even though it's at like midnight.

Its getting ridiculously close now and I'm freaking out just a little

So remember how excited I was about having my passport after much hoo ha, well it's gone again... Luckily I knew that it would happen in advance. The U.S. Embassy have it for a week while they process my visa, which is fair enough. Funny thing is that the only visa I have ever applied for before was one in Indonesia, and let me tell you that their visa process is so rigorous that you literally turn up to the airport in Indonesia on arrival and say "please may I have a visa" and then the visa officer looks at you and says "give me $25USD (which isn't even their currency) and you can have one"*. So as you can tell the US method wasn't as hard core with their process of metal detectors and no bags and different levels in a lift which require keycards and an escort. I couldn't even take a book with me for the wait... Maybe the US should look at employing a system like the secure system of the Indonesian government.