the entrepreneur
Age 34
Brian was a rather stuffy Englishman who I soon discovered (and had to hear all about) had just suffered from the start up he had been working on folding two days before our date, but he âhad other projectsâ he was working on. Cool story bro.
Now since I had recently decided to give up on trying to find date-able dudes and simply get back on the (w)horse I amused myself by mocking his stern demeanour, drinking straight Nicaraguan rum and weighing his fuckability. He loosened up after a few beers and won me over with:
1. After a passing comment about causing trouble with the bouncers he said to me âYou look like you could take care of yourselfâ  Oooh flattering my ability to punch someone will get you everywhere good sir, especially in to my pants
2. When I was self deprecatingly mocking my tomboy nature he sort of cutely chimed in that beyond the physical thing, guys want to hang out with someone with similar interests, and that boys that need a girl to be into super feminine things are morons. Well that could have saved me from my last relationship Brian.
3. He bent over to pick something up and looked especially tasty.
At 10:30 I declared it time to go as I require sleep on a school night and outside he inquired when we would do this again.
Me - âWell thereâs two options â going home now and seeing each other a second time at a later date, OR not going home now but then probably not seeing each other a second timeâ
Him â âWell a second date then:
Me â âWell well, respect.â
I made motions to order an Uber and he cozied up beside me
Me â Ah would this be the part where you would like to physical affection me?â and arched what little I could of my botoxed eyebrow
He was a decent kisser. He then ordered an Uber for both of us.
It turned out he lived with three other people in an ancient house that had the sound proofing of a tent and a mattress with springs from the 1800s. And apparently he actually gave a fuck about them hearing stuff and literally requested I stay still in bed.
âShall I lie back and think of England?â
âPleaseâ
Iâm fairly certain my cackling at his absurdity was not quiet.
Luckily he had a sturdy, fairly not squeeky, desk I got him to bend me over instead, but I still couldnât get a proper spanking since apparently that was too loud. We repeated this stupid quiet feat once again in the morning for good measure.
Then I got to sneak in to the office early stinking of sex and grab my spare clothes from my desk and have a shower before any of my team arrived. Classy as ever.
 3/5 Will give him another go at my own properly insulated flat and hope he doesnât catch feels
