asevara

See, I resigned from my old position of two-plus years a while ago. After I told my boss I’d been considering resigning for some time, his response was to make the decision for me. I came in to work and my stuff was in a box; I grabbed it and my last paycheck and left. He called the next day and said he’d made a mistake, but… I’m not going back there.

The kind of work I was doing wasn’t very creative, and I was vastly underpaid. So while I appreciate the experience, I’ve moved on to better things… conceptual work, chucked l vehicle graphics, UI design, WordPress development, etc. And I really like that!

So, I'm not broken. But I feel like a pendulum, swinging between extremes.

Nearly debt-free. Paying stuff off feels great.

I'm back on HRT. Switched from injections to patches. From spiro to cypro. I get misgendered much less often.

I'm eating a bit better. Pizza for dinner doesn't scare me. I like cream cheese on toast. Calories aren't always bad.

I still purge on occasion. Like when I'm stressed out.

Moving again pretty soon.

My ex wants a baby and I just can't do it. I love them and all but fuck having kids.

I like what I do for a living.

Got fifty pounds to lose (cw: 145, gw: 95). I'm a size four, but my pants could be wrong. Regardless, I'm too big. I haven't exercised in months. I get a little winded at times. Swung to the other extreme to try and beat my anorexia and bulimia. Fucked up and now I kinda hate my body lol.

But it's fixable. I'll fix it.

I'm buying another bike soon. Going to ride like hell (at night when my fat is not so visible) on paths and old trails. When I drop some weight, I'll cycle to work. I need to be skinny and fit again.

I don't think I'm manic at the moment. Nor depressed. A little stressed and tired from quite a few long work days in succession. Stressed and tired from my failing and fracturing relationship. Keeping things together. I know what I want, I just have to go for it.

I'm eating leftover pizza right now because fuck it. It won't kill me, espesh with regular exercise. It's okay to indulge now and then. Not okay to gain weight... But okay to treat yourself, no? And realize that an extra slice is okay.