Well It's a Hell of a Good Day to Die

how am I supposed to go to the supermarket without cavalry support

im in the pussy like turmeric in tupperware

one day it'll happen to you. you will stay up a bit too late playing a video game and not get to bed on time. I've done it before, you'll think. I'll be fine. but no. you will make it through most of the next day and then at about 2pm you will feel like a reanimated corpse whose sim meters are all completely fucked and nothing hurts exactly but everything does feel very bad. and you'll think oh yeah. I'm not twenty anymore

one of my favorite bits in lord of the rings is something the movies didn't really try to do because it's entirely internal, but sam's carrying the ring and it starts trying to do its work on him, so he's having these intrusive visions of himself marching at the head of a vast and terrible army, and he just starts laughing because, me? samwise gamgee? sam gamgee the general sam gamgee the dark lord are you for real? man i just want to go home and do some gardening. and the ring gets frustrated and it starts trying to figure out other stuff that would actually tempt sam and it's finally like, okay, but hear me out: imagine if you could have...A REALLY REALLY BIG GARDEN

and then he's like, i don't know that sounds like a lot more work than a regular garden actually. why don't we just get on with finding mister frodo

some days are really hard and it can be difficult to understand why. but usually its probably because my blood is haunted

the doctor keeps refusing me saying "no one does bloodletting anymore" so i just go donate blood every now and then

the vivid sensory-memory of sucking water out of a washcloth as a child

After 13 years of this, it's still funny to me that detailing a full mental breakdown on tumblr is standard fare, but posting a nice selfie is a fraught decision.

this is the correct way around and every other social media site is wrong

these are the bottles that go in the machine that brings ghosts back to life in Casper (1995)

guys i have an idea for a movie it's about a musician ☺️ and it's a biopic 🤩 and it tells their story 🧐 because even though they were famous 🥳 they also had some struggles 😔 but also some good moments too 😊 don't you want to come relive their wikipedia page 🤗

Vampire girl explaining that vampires don’t necessarily have to kill someone to drink their blood, but she did kind of kill a lot of people back when she was all depressed pre-transition: “when I was an egg I ate four dozen lads”

We need sustainable farmlands to supply the cities with food!

Who needs to play management sims when we've got fuckin. Post.

Do you like the color of the cooperatively generated fictional map?