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[1x02 starters]

“I don’t need anything from you”

“You’re making a mistake”

“You couldn’t live with yourself for committing murder”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I think you’re starting to agree with me”

“You stayed true to your word”

“Thanks for being super-cryptic in a really unhelpful way"

“Every single part of that sentence horrifies me"

“I wish I’d never met you”

“I’ve got nothing to say”

“Someone stole my identity a few years back”

“What happened to the plan?”

“Just give me a few more minutes…please…”

“If we’re going to do this, I need some coffee first. I’m half dead right now.”

“I refuse to get out of my pajamas and off of this couch.”

“You can take a nap with me. Nap time, like nap-hang-out time.”

“I’m starting to see the world blurry. I’ve been up for two days…”

“Let me wake up…Wait, it’s 2AM. Why are you waking me up?”

“It’s too early in the waking-up process for you to talk to me…Gimme a few minutes to let the world make sense again.”

“I need to have a long meeting with my blanket and pillows. You probably should, too.”

“You look tired. When was the last time you slept?”

“Guess what I got you!”

“That looks cute on you.”

“Sorry I worked late today. Want to do something?”

“I just want to run my fingers through your hair.”

“I’m exhausted. Want to just cuddle?”

“Calm down. It’s okay. No one was hurt.”

“It’s a beautiful day. Want to have a picnic?”

“Want to marathon something on Netflix?”

“Care to dance?”

“That was a nice surprise. What’s the occasion?”

“You are so adorable!”

“There’s a festival this weekend. Want to check it out?”

“Does this look silly?”

“Plenty of room under the blankets…”

“Let me help you with that.”

“Can we just stay in today?”

“I cleared my schedule to spend all day with you.”

“How did you like the flowers?”

Memes about motherhood, having babies, and parenting. Some borderline NSFW and mildly offensive. Includes adoption!

Pregnancy& Motherhood

“But you’re hardly showing!”

“You are really big now!”

“Maybe it’s time to shop for something more flattering?”

“Maternity wear. You. You’ve gone without it for too long.”

“Did you hear the baby’s heartbeat?”

“How far along are you?”

“So when are you due?”

“Do you have nursery themes picked out?”

“Are you having a little boy or a little girl?”

“I know you went to get the ultrasound done.”

“You have to tell me if pregnancy sex is as kinky as I’ve heard it is!” 

“Just consider gender neutral colors for a second. Hear me out.”

“I’m just saying gendered colors are not as evil as people make them out to be.”

“You’re certain the baby isn’t someone else’s right?” 

“You can’t clean the cat box. There’s other stuff you can’t do while pregnant, either.”

“If you get put on bedrest, your entire house will fall apart and you know it.”

“So I guess you’ll go straight back to work after this?”

“Goodbye working world, hello stay-at-home-mommy! Right?”

“Your feet have got to be killing you!”

“Your boobs are gonna get so huge!” 

“You know you’ll be sore from breastfeeding, right?”

“So I guess you’re gonna pick a side in that breastfeeding and bottlefeeding thing, right?”

“I hope you’re not afraid to accept some help. You’ll need it.”

“I hope s/he is going to be pitching in more?”

Adoption

“You’re not gonna keep it, right? I mean face it, you’re not parenthood material!”

”I understand you don’t want to keep the baby and I support whatever you want to do.”

“You’re giving up your baby to great parents. That’s not selfish.”

“That’s so selfish of you to not even think of your baby. Of course they want to know you more than two strangers just raising them!”

“Wait, so you’re adopting a baby?”

“I don’t think I’d be able to love a child that isn’t my blood.”

“You already love them so much. It’s obviously meant to be.”

“How much does a baby cost, anyway? Can’t you just buy a dog and call it even?”

“Are you afraid your paperwork will get rejected?”

“Does traveling to get your baby scare you?”

“Will you change their name?”

“Did something happen to the parents?”

“I’m certain you’re strong enough to answer their questions when they’re old enough to ask them.”

“You shouldn’t keep secrets about their life. Don’t lie to them about being adopted.”

“I wouldn’t call it lying. I would call it being selective. They don’t have to know they didn’t come out of your womb, right?”

Childrearing

“Once you have a kid, you lose everything. Your sex life, your party life, your quiet life. It’s gone.” 

“Those eighteen years go too fast.” 

“So what’s more exciting? The poopie Picassos at 3am or the green bean Van Goghs at dinner?”

“I guess you haven’t heard a modern music station in the past year. I guess you’ve memorized the soundtrack to the latest cartoon musical!”

“So is the sugary cereal for them or are you happy you get an excuse to eat it again?”

“Be honest. You play with your kid’s toys more than they do.”

“When they call for you, you feel like a superhero because you are their super hero.”

“When you accept that a toddler is just a tiny drunk college student having a meltdown, you start to feel better.”

“If I have to sit through the Wiggles one more time…”

“I like hanging out with you more than my child-free friends. You have food. You have ice pops. You also have Disney movies.”

“Lego bombs. Oh my god, lego bombs in the carpet..”

“The minivan was probably the sensible purchase.”

“I had no idea a baby could fart that loud!”

“Dressing baby girls is fun. Then they age three years and the boys get the better, tasteful clothing. Girls? No they get the glitter bombs from hell.”

“We must help you get over it, then,” he suggested, grinning. “It just won’t do.”

My affiliate as of late has been bombarded with questions concerning underage smut and I myself have covered the topic briefly in the past, but because it is apparently a very confusing issue for most people, I hope this post will put your questions to rest.

First, I need to address the fact that a lot of minors feel offended when people of age refuse to roleplay with them because they are underage. This often leads to people who are underage to lying about their age to be able to roleplay with people who are 18+. I think it’s important to address that in doing this, you can cause someone to be labeled a sex offender for the rest of their lives.

Think it’s not possible? In this day and age, it is. 

Speaking about Tumblr, specifically, its run under United States laws. Therefore, even if in your country it is okay to roleplay smut underage, if you’re roleplaying smut with someone underage who lives in the United States, it can get them in trouble regardless.

To quote the actual Department of Justice on the section of child pornography, “Additionally, the age of consent for sexual activity in a given state is irrelevant; any depiction of a minor under 18 years of age engaging in sexually explicit conduct is illegal.” [x]

This means that even if the age of consent in your state is 16, and the person you’re smutting with in another states age of consent is 18, they can still get into serious legal trouble.

Also, minors smutting with minors is also illegal. It is mostly relative to ‘sexting’ and the laws vary per state, but in most states, regardless of your age, you can be charged and convicted if found guilty. You can find information about your state [here], but regardless, it is safer and you keep not only yourself out of trouble, but your partner as well.

If the parents of a partner of yours who happens to be underage finds the logs of your roleplay, they can call the police and have it investigated and you could be charged. It is a very real thing that DOES happen and is capable of happening to you or your partner. Do not underestimate the power of the law through the internet. If someone feels that something is fishy, they can have it monitored if they think that their child is being exploited. It can fall under child exploitation laws.

It’s not about being able to consent between people. It’s not about being mature enough to handle such content. It is a legal problem. If you are underage, you don’t need to be smutting. You need to use ‘fade to black’ which is a term in the roleplay community that is defined as:  Often used within sexual scenes where the players end/skip a scene, though the actions are thought to be played out despite not being typed, and the scene picks back up after the skipped scene would have ended.

This means that none of the sexual acts are actually written out and you avoid any legal misconduct or issues because of this.

Writing out smut is not necessary. It is not necessary especially when in doubt of the other party and their age. If you feel that your partner is a minor, then you don’t need to smut with them. If you know, 100% that your partner is of legal age (eighteen) and you yourself are also of legal age, then smut is fine. 

Protect yourself. This goes for both people of age and people who are underage. 

It’s not worth it. It’s not worth to write erotica with someone with the result possibly ending with someone being a registered sex offender for the rest of their lives. 

Again, the age of consent in your state is 100% irrelevant when it comes to smut. You can still become charged by smutting with a minor if you’re of age OR if you’re underage as well. Smut when you’re eighteen. Period. Only smut. When you’re eighteen. Until then, don’t do it/use fade to black. 

Hopefully this covers everything, and I’ll update it if I’ve missed something.