Been really drained emotionally the last 2 weeks. A lot of changes, chapter closures and cracks within my defences. I’m feeling a lot emotionally, it’s very unlike me, and it’s been hard to do my usual thing of numbing everything. Then, of course, I see this quote in a book i’m reading as if it was some kind of nod to the track I’m currently walking.
“People often mistake numbness for nothingness, but numbness isn't the absence of feelings; it's a response to being overwhelmed by too many feelings.”
I’ve been so drained emotionally, that physically i’m also absolutely dead. My entire body is heavy and sore. I’ve noticed that when I experience being mentally drained or overtired that these intrusive thoughts play in my head like a broken record. Knowing that has been amazing with combating it, and being able to flag that, “i’m over-tired, let’s call it a night”.
College is over i’m waiting on my last essay but I think i finished the year on a 2:1 which i’m pretty proud of considering the anxiety around covid.
Being back at work is awful. I’ve spent the last 3 days with tears in my eyes wanting to walk out, but I will have to stay for now. There are many positive and lovely things going on in my life, but there’s also a huge transitional period going on that i’m finding really difficult.
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