The Artful Dodger

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Spiteful-Dodger (fanfiction) || 18+

Artful-Fartful-Dodger (Art Stuffs) || Rated Teen.

Ao3

Why can The Flash run out of water?

ONCE HE ENTERS A BODY OF WATER! HE SHOULD BE IMMOBILIZED!! MOST HE COULD DO IS SUPERHEAT THE WATER!!!!

Sure he can swim, that’s fine. (His endurance should suffer but I’ll get to that)

But why can he WALK out of the DEPTHS of the water like it’s stairs???

And yea, he could propel himself out of it. But he can’t land to walk on it? There’s no equalization happening, the water tension would be split right through!

He could kick real hard and try to become an airboat but those are different muscles from running!

Folks forget that the incident just gave him super speed. It didn’t advance all his muscles to peak performance!—*I* forget this sometimes!

If he doesn’t use it, he should have to lose it!

If he can heal fast, he should be able to regress just as fast!

So it’s obvious that WATER should be his greatest weakness! It’s a whole other way of moving, something he is very much unaccustomed!

Water and psychological torture should be his *main* weaknesses!

Because Flash *is* physicality. But he isn’t *all* physicality. He has the potential to become like a devastating god that can traverse whatever, but he shouldn’t have this power. Why? Because he doesn’t use all the modes of motion every day! He doesn’t activate every muscle!!!

I mean, LOOK at the guy! He’s a long distance runner!!!!

SQUISH HIM!!! HE’D BE DEAD!!!

—also it should *matter* that he knows how long to vibrate his atoms through an object so that he has to know what he’s phasing through. Also it should matter that he *jumps* through it so not to phase through the floor!

If he doesn’t know/do these things. There should be grave consequences! He could be cut in half!!!!!

Idk. I think the Flash should have major ramifications and I see nothing.

Now I feel dumb because I thought that was awesome. A *really* good superhero who’s known for making everyone love him and being a shining beacon of hope—and his father could be a murderer???? And not only that but murdered his mother?

THAT’S DOPE AS HELL!

Bru. It’s so lame that they just bootstrap theory the reverse flash in. It could be so scary if Eobard is just a product of Barry’s worst nightmare—his father. And Barry’s recounting of that night.

It would be so awesome… it would be so cool.

Now I’m gonna write a hypothetical about it, but I’m sad it has like -100 basis in comics.

IT WOULD JUST BE SO COOOOOOL!!

I think the Flash is 10x cooler when his villains and his arcs become psychological. Because the only thing you can’t outrun is your mind.

Being a god of speed is cool and all. But what happens when you falter?

Honestly, if Barry Allen’s storylines took the route of a Batman Psychological deep dive but with the added stress of being a metahuman and the responsibility of it all. *That* would make him for me.

I like him, I mean, he’s the Flash and has a cool ass character design. (I have a weakness for red and gold) but he has very little substance from what I see.

Just a lot of preaching about “what’s right” which honestly his character has no basis in doing because he doesn’t come from anything to give him the perspective. Why would I take the advice from someone who never made the mistake?

Like, I would trust Captain America but that’s because he fucks up all the time and bounces back swinging.

Flash just, idk, has a dead wife sometimes. Sucks at dating. Runs fast.

One of his villains is *the thinker* and very little folks thought to trap The Flash in a battle of wills? Rather than a physical fight, take away his speed by rendering his mind useless.

If you beat the beacon of hope *so bad,* can he still run for what’s right?

—I’mgonnamakeasuperhotolderBarryAllen

What.

Why is he dragged around by Patty like a purse dog after they “start dating.”

Patty and Iris are friends! That’s cool!

WHY DID IRIS BRING UP THE FACT THAT THEY’RE NEWLY DATING??! AND WHY DID BOTH OF THEM POINT OUT HOW RED BARRY IS AND LAUGH!??

Barry Allen let me take you away from this place, what have you gotten yourself *into.*

*

Slightly related,

Is it controversial to say even Iris and Barry in CWFlash is weird as hell?

Why can’t he have any good canon romances???? What is this??? I need him to love like Ethan Winters so I can have some foundation in fics but like, all Barry does is yearn and be late?

I just get more powerful.

I can feel the evil seeping into my veins.

I will write these fuckin’ fanfics man. I’LL DO IT!

I’LL BECOME THE VERY BEST! THAT NO ONE EVER WAS!

Leon: “look Ethan, a shooting star. Did you make a wish?”

Ethan: “Oh, I didn’t have time.”

Leon: “then there is something you wish for?

What did you wish?”

Ethan: “I was wishing that we were two other people.”

-and then it flashes to another ship that actually has screen time.-

“Two people that need not say goodbye.”

-second scene of that other ship but it’s them in battle or smthn. Idk. All I know is that I’m making this one about HalBarry—

——-

P.S.

MY LETHAN BREAK MY HEAAART!!!

I can’t stop thinking about them in the context of like, those Hello Kitty films? The ones where they’re acting in a play and Tuxedo Sam is hopelessly in love with Hello Kitty and Hello Kitty just thinks it’s funny.

Because, against all odds and determinations, for one striking afternoon they COULD BE together.

But it would never happen. It’s not meant to be—it’s not the franchise for it.

Except in my slice of life fanfics that I’ve yet to publish. Where they clock off of trauma-ville and get to just sit on a couch. Recover and enjoy that the worst is better with someone else. Especially when that someone *doesn’t* know all the shitty gritty details off the bat. Where they don’t look at you like you’re already dead or hellbent on it. No, they don’t know you, and they don’t give a damn about any of that shit anyway. They only care in ways that matter, the ways about you specifically.

Besides, you’re all too tired for it. And another person’s smile makes it better.

And sometimes they have Rose.

WHITE BOY HAS SPICE AN NO ONE TOLD ME!????

I should’ve known, he dresses like he works long hours and drinks modelo…. Fuck, it’s genius.

Bartholomew “Juego De Vida” Allen….

AND NO ONE HAS A FIC WHERE BARRY INVITES ANYONE TO HIS SECOND CHILDHOOD HOME AND THEY DO HOUSEWORK AND SHIT!?????

—Barry Allen cooking peppers to perfection with his hands because his Tita spotted early on that Barry was shy and needed an avenue to talk to others so she hoarded that boy in the kitchen till he grew thick skin on his fingers and could cook corn tortilla straight on the stove.

Manuel promising Barry that he could come to college with him one day just so Barry could be his personal cook. And young Barry just nodding enthusiastically because he felt wanted.

The young Barry who made getting into college his goal just so he could be with his best friend and then Manuel started getting into MORE shit after his dad died and Barry was forced to keep the dream because Tita was gonna have at least one boy go to *a* college.

Tita and Manuel being at odds and Barry feeling guilty because he’s the odd man out here technically.

Manuel’s dad and Barry standing on the outskirts of another argument and Barry is taught about Manuel’s dad’s fixation with martial arts and specifically Bruce Lee. (Not canon but… inspired by life)

Barry Allen’s nickname being “Fresito” because he was shy and “too good” to do things. (It really was just because he was shy) but also because… he’s white… and would have a good credit score—

CANCEL ME IF YOU MUST! YOU KNOW IT’D BE PAINFULLY TRUE!

We have been missing OUT on Mexican Barry Allen. JFC!!!!

Comic books, somehow, for the win.

Even if Patty Spivot is fucking weird for telling Barry that Manuel isn’t family anymore and that the police force is his family. (He would realistically still have his Tita and the cousins?? Nieces? Nephews??? Even if Manny is set out to kill Barry/The Flash as Mob Rule... Barry HAS family. Shit, he even has DARRYL!

Also Yes. Darryl Frye, his OFFICIAL adoptive dad. But Flash: Move Forward makes it seem like he also grew up alongside Manuel and grew very close to his Tita.

So I imagine that when Darryl was very busy with police work, Barry would go over and hang out at his best friend’s house. And his “adoptive-mother.” (No official adoption. Just, familial.)