Murder the Canvas

part one: january - march apologies ahead of time for length! feel free to change pronouns if need be. warning for foul and dirty language, and capslock-implied yelling :)

“Am I okay? Maybe. Probably not though.”

“Well she deserves to look old.”

“Got spotted throwing it back…”

“I have never wanted to be someone else as badly as I want to be that bitch.”

“Should I be the most vampiric person in the Petsmart today?”

“Accidentally became a femboy again.”

“Femboys are a dime a dozen and simultaneously so rare.”

“MOTHERFUCKER CAN YOU LOOK?”

“Ooh, look at me, I answered a fucking question.”

“This is only proving that I either have a hyperfixation or a problem.”

“Ugh, it smells like a bathroom in here.”

“He scarred those poor people for life, and he’s my idol.”

“That man has never shotgunned anything in his life.”

“Okay, so I didn’t realize how midnight it was.”

“My teeth feel like there’s an Apple airpod in my mouth.”

“We can only commit crimes Tuesday to Thursday, after hours.”

“Ahh, Cheez-Its. My one true love.”

“Grease Lightning thought automatic cars were cool.”

“I was having loud reactions in my home. That were not voluntary.”

“I feel like a Waffle House that closed due to weather.”

“My humor is that of a roach.”

“I would Toot Canal him so hard.”

“Eat shit, lint-licker.”

“We all know ‘draw background’ killed your grandma.”

“Lo and behold, guess what you did boy. You died.”

“That man read Fifty Shades of Gray and thought it was based on a true story.”

“The way my arm just bent is NOT fictitious.”

“The things I’d do to be in a microwave right now.”

“Actually, YOU should shoot MY ass― That was bad, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not ACTUALLY meth because what the fuck, but it’s like meth’s goody two shoes cousin.”

“I have no defense but I also have no shame.”

“Wait a minute, I want free money just for being gay.”

“I CAN PISS LSD?”

“I was less depressed, but significantly higher.”

“No no, you have my permission to call me a slur.”

“You have the reaction time of a sandal.”

“Sorry, you’re saying I can’t think catboys are hot?”

“I used to have a last name, but she took that in the divorce too.”

“Oh, HA, the AI called the wrong person a Jew!”

“I don’t even lose an hour of sleep, I lose an hour of being awake.”

“Those are my brain cells. They are dying.”

“Deadass built like a Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 NPC.”

“I need to go home. I’m about to be so mean to an optician.”

“I need to eat my fucking keyboard, I’m so sick of these people.”

“The written language is a light switch and my ADHD is the Spongebob Nosferatu flickering the lights.”

“Violence isn’t an emotion, but it is now.”

“The worst part about dying is that I lost the spaghetti.”

“If it’s gay to be time-efficient, then I don’t wanna be straight.”

“I shat in it for flavor and then pissed to fill it up.”

“He got bitchified.”

“I’m ready to finally be a bitch.”

“Oh, so we’re seeing Star Wars characters now?”

“I wasn’t bullying you. You were just suffering in my regime.”

“Who needs art when I have infinite rizz?”

“He can’t tell you he likes you all the time? Lame.”

“Reason has left the chat.”

Uhhh…s’written on th’top, mate.

[yeah. Squinted down at them, unable to point, unable to do much to indicate which is which. But one says S, one says B, one is…unmarked….it’s not COMPLETELY clear but it’s…fine.]

It’s th’ one with the S. Fer strawberry. B is for b- brownie? Or…or banana split. Um.

[they both have chocolate on top so the clear lid isn’t good enough. Shit. Well.]

…they’re all good and not poisoned, so.

[doggo came up to the door at this point, sniffing at Miles’ feet and then barking at him. Got some kinda sense that Johnny is around here! Where he at fool! Where’s my main man!]

Oh.

[ That made sense. It takes him a hot second to spot the S Cup before carefully plucking it out from Luke’s arms. He does go to take a sip from it but then Luke says THAT which makes Miles stop dead in his tracks. Makes him glare at this one armed jokester. ]

…….Wow. Yeah, um, tha’s probably not the kinda thing you should joke about, all things considered, yeah?

[ Luckily for Luke, the doggo’s sudden appearance helps to alleviate some of the tension in the air. Setting the shake down on the table adjacent to the door, Miles bends down to give the dog some pets and attention. ] 

Luke proceeded to stand extremely tired and irritated as he had to continue holding two milkshakes he cannot drink. Why this. Miles pls. He brought these for YOU.

Johnny however was very pleased with Luke’s predicament. “Asshole, he KNOWS I’m right here.” Also pleased when Miles went to greet the dog. HI DOG YOU DO KINDA SCARE JOHNNY BUT YOU ARE ONE OF HIS FEW FRIENDS.

During Halloween night Johnny had been able to float around freely, but he’d felt pretty confined to Miles since then or he might get sucked back to that basement by the weird ghost laws or something. With Miles touching the dog though, he saw the opportunity to finally stretch his legs. Popped into the dog both to greet the dog and to just. Be there.

Weird sensation of letting Miles continue giving pets for a second (for the dog’s sake), before he turned on Luke with a growl. Gave a yap and then hopped onto hind legs to push against Miles’ legs to tell him to GO BACK INSIDE. This transaction is good and done let’s go back. Forget him.

“What DOES fill you with confidence? I think you have a confidence problem. Maybe you SHOULD have beaten Luke up yourself.” 

He was real close to saying something about the smoking, VERY CLOSE TO SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT DROPPING THE CIGARETTE OUTSIDE, but he didn’t. Let Miles stumble them into the house and down onto the couch. 

….suddenly this was very weird. But not as weird as getting in bed with somebody else would have been he guessed?? “…Okay, um. You sure you don’t want to eat first? Or….watch a movie?” 

Johnny doesn’t like sleeping. He’d really rather avoid it at all costs, even though he could feel how fucking tired Miles was. Just…they didn’t NEED to sleep, right? It’s fine, we can just..stay up. You’ll feel better eventually.

“Fuck off.” Not a lot and I absolutely do have confidence issues were the real answers, which, if Johnny were to find a way to poke around Mile’s mind, he would know, because Lord knows Miles would never admit it out loud.

Fine, fine. Tell them you can’t come because that’s your wedding day.

Let me talk to them.

“I wasn’t meaning to imply that I did save your life, I was just asking if I can later. I attacked him because he’s dangerous and I panicked.” 

Paused.

“…and because that’s what I do. But! I’ve been doing a lot better, right?”

He’s TRYING not to start wanton violence! He’s trying!

“Oh.”

Miles may have misinterpretation what Johnny had meant but even being corrected isn’t enough to quell the anger bubbling away just under the surface. Snuffing, he thinks for moment. Giving Johnny permission to take over, possibly without warning or his own consent, in exchange for his ‘life being saved’. Hmm. Yeah, that wasn’t something he needed to think particularly hard on.

“It don’t matter what situation m’in, yer not allowed t’pull that shit.” He doesn’t answer Johnny’s question. Miles, in all honesty, didn’t know if Johnny was better. Mostly because he didn’t know him whilst he was dealing with the Sickness, he had only heard for Luke and Worth what the skinny bastard used to be like. 

Pulling up outside his and Tea’s home, Miles parks up the car and kills the engine, though he doesn’t get. Not yet. Instead, he moves to riffle through the glove box, in search for his pack of emergency smokes. He would need one or ten before heading inside.

Instantly lost that thought as Miles started smoking. Ugh, really? Shit, Johnny could fucking taste it, what the FUCK. He barely suppressed his distaste, only avoiding a monologue about it because Miles’ subject was much more important. “Well, I don’t think it’s actually me physically, or- or spiritually, what have you. But I do believe the sickness got him. Which...I suppose was from me. But I don’t have the sickness anymore, so I’m probably not contagious anymore!” Probably!

Hm.

Ah. Didn’t cheer Miles up. Well….he tried. Therefore it’s no longer his responsibility! yeah. Good deal.

“Painfullest?” You’d think he was making fun of the fake word, but nah. He doesn’t give a shit. “How would you kick me out painfully? I can’t even feel anything. Except what you feel, sort of. Ohhh….do you mean emotionally painfullest? Fuck, Miles. Well. Does saving your life if your reaction time is bad count?”

“What?” That was… What? Miles’ entire face becomes taut in befuddlement.   How did Johnny even come to either of those conclusions? “No, I– you can feel what I feel??” No. No, he shakes his head, that was important but not what he wanted to tackle first. “I got a friend who deals with ghosts an’ shit. M’sure she’s got a way t’hurtcha.”

Paused.

“...and because that’s what I do. But! I’ve been doing a lot better, right?”