the thing is, a lot of art focused around religious trauma stems from the mischaracterisation of God and Jesus, the twisting of the Bible and certain old verses in order to justify hate.
i am frightened more by the very nature of God and the death of Jesus. dear god. this is it. one being decides everything. it doesn’t start and end when you leave the church. God is everywhere, every single thing you do is being weighed. there is no defying, there is no other option. this is it. and Jesus, don’t get me started on Jesus. God, part of the trinity, brought down into a human body. nobody talks about whether it was horrifying. imagine looking at yourself and seeing a body after being an omnipresent, heavenly being for all of time. imagine learning to become human and then being brutally, brutally killed by your children. your siblings. truly, forsaken by God. your father. dear god. imagine knowing Judas will betray you, imagine knowing this was all part of the plan. Imagine knowing. What could He have done? Thy will be done. imagine going back to omnipresent being, forever changed. forever humanised. you can’t get rid of it, this fusion of creator and subject. this melting together. it’s so huge. it is larger than anything ever. Larger than myself and i must find my place, because this is it. even if i decided i didn’t believe it, there would be no way of knowing. nobody KNOWS what happens after death. but that inkling, once planted, can never, ever be removed. The only way to not be consumed by this is to be rejected entirely by it. To burn. Forever. forever! do you know how long eternity is? this is so much larger than anything, anything ever. I am terrified.
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