Minsan hindi ko na alam paano pa ako hinahandle nitong taong to. Paano nya ako napapagpasensyahan sa mga panahon na napakagago ko. Paano nya ako minamahal sa mga panahon na hindi ako kamahal mahal. Paano nya ako iniintindi sa mga panahon na hindi ko nacocontrol ang sarili ko. Paano nya nagagawang magstay at piliin ako sa mga panahon na ayoko sa sarili ko.

Sana'y akong lumalayo sa lahat kapag gusto kong ayusin yung sarili ko at sa tuwing naguguluhan ako sa sarili ko. Pero simula ng dumating ka, lagi mong pinaparamdam sakin at pinaparealize na minsan ok lang maging magulo at kaya kong ayusin ang sarili ko habang kasama ka at nang hindi na kailangan lumayo sa mga tao na nasa paligid ko.

Masaya yung puso ko kahit gulong gulo yung isip ko. Salamat!

Mahal kita!

🥺🥺🥺🥺

Dear 23 years old Pia,

You are the strongest person I know. You have a good heart. You know how to love deeply without asking for return. You are passionate. You have big dreams for yourself. You are jolly and a strong human being. Everything that happened in your life, molded you to the person you are today.

In every action you want to do, always think if this is the person you want to be. You are not the same person yesterday, last week, last month, 5 years ago. What they think about you, what they have about you, what they hold about you won't matter anymore. They cannot use it against you because it was Pia whom they want to remember.

Please always do what makes you happy, fuck what they think. Go where you will flourish. I hope you won't stop again in doing the things you love to do just because you're scared of what will people say.

Happy Birthday, Pia! I love you! You will succeed, you will be with the people who are meant to be with you. Fuck what they think, you do you!!!

Loving you,

Last moment that we're together after this Quarantine thing. I miss you so much!

MAY

Maraming nangyari ngayon buwan, maraming realizations anxiety, feelings and everything. But despite all of that, tumibay lang tayo, mas nakita ko at naramdaman ko gaano natin kamahal ang isa't isa (yes naman haha) and with that let me thank you 💌

------------------------------------------------------------------

Email sent: 5/29/2020 2:01 pm

Eto yung Buwan na sinabi mo sakin na gusto mo ako. Yieeeee hahahahha. Eto yung Buwan na nagpabago sa takbo ng buhay natin

Salamat, kasi dumating ka, nagparamdam ka hahahaha.

Salamat, kasi mahal na mahal mo yung Pia na matapang, maarte, pabebe, mahina, malungkot, at masaya.

Salamat, kasi walang wala yung sakit sa pagmamahal na binibigay mo.

Salamat sa pagpaparamdam na may kasama na ako sa ano man ibato ng buhay.

Salamat sa laging pagpapaalala na kaya ko.

Salamat sa assurance, validation, at comfort na binibigay mo.

Salamat sa pagsagip sa tuwing nalulunod ako sa buhay.

Salamat sa suporta, sa pagpush sakin, sa lagi mong pagsuporta sa mga idea ko para sa future ko (sana pati suporta sa lahat ng mga kalokohan, trip o kagaguhan ko hahahahah)

Salamat kasi nakilala ko yung Jorem na hindi kilala ng karamihan.

Mahal na mahal kita, ikaw na gusto kong makasama hanggang sa pagtanda. Magagaguhan tayo lagi, magaasaran, maghaharutan, maglalandian, magpipikunan, magiiyakan, magtatawanan, at lalagpasan lahat ng pagsubok na darating.

Sobrang saya ko na ikaw yung kasama ko, ikaw yung boyfriend ko. Salamat. Mahal na mahal na mahal kita papi!!!!!!!! Ikaw lang super super super sapat na, sobra pa nga ih hehe.

Belated Happy Monthsary 🌼

Ps: I should have sent this yesterday with cupcake but we gotta tipid coz alam mo na mga happenings lately hehehahahaahaha and I almost forgot that I made this letter hehe. Anyway, hope to see you very soon!!! I love you so much. 

Tangina kahit minsan wala akong kwenta, pinaparamdam mo pa rin sakin na mahal mo ako :((

Frustration. I feel frustrated that i cannot get what want. I feel frustrated that things do go on how I want it to be. I don't know if patience and resiliency will get me somewhere I really want to be.

Confused. Confused to who I really am. I don't know who I really am. I don't know what I want to be anymore. I don't know if I'm really tough. I don't know what is real and what do I fake. I don't know if I am real to myself. I don't know if I am me.

Lost. I don't know where I am. I don't know where to go. Should I stay still and wait or continue to move forward eventhough I don't know where will it leads me. I don't know what to do.

Not good enough. I don't feel good enough to the things I enjoy doing. I question myself if I am really good at these things. I don't feel happy anymore because I feel that I am not good at something I used to feel that I'm good at it and it sucks to be eaten by your thoughts.

I feel sad. I don't want to compare myself to others but I feel like I am not moving and growing. I feel like I don't have a destination. It sucks. It's eating me alive and I'm not doing anything about it. I don't feel motivated. Can't see the sun or the moon and the stars. I want to be alone. I don't know. I don't wanna move. I want to stay still and watch everything move :( Maybe this is one of my rainy days, it will be over soon. I know.

I know things will get better in time, I'll wait for that.

02.06.2020

I'm in a bad mood tonight, and he's here assuring me that I have him no matter what happen. Hayyyyyyyy Thank you, love! 😭😭😭

Pagpapalaya sa sakit, sa dating kaibigan, sa panget na nangyari, sa nawala, sa sarili na matagal mong kinulong. Palayain mo na, katulad ng pagiwan natin sa 2019. Iwan na natin lahat ng sakit, galit, lungkot sa 2019. Palayain natin yung sarili natin sa pagiisip kung anong nangyari, sa mga tanong na hindi magkakaroon ng sagot. Tama na. Bitawan mo na.

Hoping 2020 will be your year of redemption from yourself ✨