My first attack on titan fic!
I’ve skewed details to better fit what I wanted to write, so it’s non cannon to the story, and the timeline is wack, but it follows closely!
There will be more parts with Levi x Iris coming next
Hope you enjoy 💚🪽
Part Two is here
Part Three is here
Part Four is here
Part Five is here
Part Six is here
Part Seven is here
Part Eight is here
Part Nine is here
Part Ten is here
18+ only MDNI
Tw: smut, consensual loss of virginity, creampie, first time, time jump, death, gore, attack on titan
Word Count: 9,000
The sun seems brighter today than normal; the very air around being thick with the humidity of summer. Beads of sweat slip down my jaw off of the point of my chin as I chop wooden logs. My parents are older, and having either of them do this just doesn't sit right with me. I'm plenty capable, it's just damn miserable beneath the blazing sky.
My shirt is sticking to my dewy skin, and I bring the hem of it up to wipe the sweat from my eyes and forehead. The amount of logs I have seems to be adequate enough for at least a few more days. It doesn't take many to light the fire in our stove or chimney. I stack the logs into two different sets, tightly wrapping twine around each to secure them.
I lug them back the short walk to my home, glancing at the wall surrounding Trost to make sure it's still intact and standing tall. It's been four months since wall Maria was breached by the armored and colossal titans, setting everyone here within wall Rose at great unease.
Trost seems crowded now with all of the refugees from Shiganshina residing here, but it isn't nearly as crowded as it should be. A staggering amount of innocent people lost their lives within wall Maria, and titans scratch at our outer walls every day.
I've never seen a titan, except for the illustrations in history books. I have this recurring nightmare of wall Rose tumbling down, with this armored titan standing tall in front of its own destruction. It still confuses me how it even accomplished such a feat. I've always been taught that titans were just mindless monsters whose main food source was humans. How could one be intelligent enough to break through a wall? And why is its body so well protected?
Apparently, the colossal titan made wall Maria look like nothing more than a stepping stool. It's hard to believe the rumors that people from Shiganshina carried into Trost, but who am I to discredit them? Maybe the titan seemed bigger due to their fear, and the memory of it only enhanced its stature.
Regardless, I'm always paranoid of those walls collapsing. To be honest, I'm not sure what I would do if that did happen. My parents have assured me time and time again that it won't happen to wall Rose, and that the scout regimen has everything perfectly under control.
I bring the logs inside my house, setting them down beside the fireplace.
"Thank you, Iris," my mother smiles, the slight wrinkles in her cheeks deepening. "I grabbed water from the well. I knew you'd be thirsty when you got back."
I take the glass from her, chugging the cool water down greedily. Some of it spills onto my chin, dribbling onto the top of my shirt.
She chuckles, taking my empty glass. "I'll grab more."
"Thanks, mom," I laugh wryly, my ear perking up when I hear a knock on the door. "I'll get it."
My feet pad across the floor, pulling open the wooden door to see our neighbor, Reiner, smiling faintly at me.
"Oh, hi, Reiner," I answer somewhat bashfully.
Reiner moved in a few houses down after wall Maria fell, being the only surviving member of his family. He's a few years older than me, blond, with piercing hazel eyes that make me feel rather nervous. Of course I'm going to react with that buzzing sensation deep within my abdomen. I'm fifteen, and he's the first boy I've ever really spoken to. The boys at school don't come close to being as alluring as Reiner Braun.
"Hey, Iris," Reiner smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Are you busy later?"
My heart leaps into my throat. "Later? No, I already did my chores for the day."
"Would you be able to let Roscoe out for me in a few hours? I have to run into town for some things."
The disappointment spreads within my chest like poison, sitting dryly on my tongue. "Oh, of course."
Why did I think he was going to ask to hang out? Or even maybe a date? He's seventeen and I'm fifteen. What would a seventeen year old ever want with me?
"Thank you." His eyes look at my shirt. "Were you training to be in the scouts?"
I shift my gaze down to my sweat-dampened shirt, feeling my cheeks warm. "Oh—uh, no. Just chopping wood for my parents."
He nods. "I see." Reiner pokes his head in. "Hi, Mrs. Berry."
"Hi, Reiner, dear!" my mother calls back. "Did you want to come in for some lunch? I've just began to make some chicken stew."
"Thank you, but I have somewhere I have to be."
My mom nods. "You're welcome any time."
Reiner nods, his expression still that barely visible smile. "Thank you." He turns to me. "And thank you again, Iris. I wouldn't trust anybody else with Roscoe more than you. He loves you."
I laugh, my face hotter than when I was chopping wood. "I love animals."
He smiles a bit broader, but then it falls, his eyes shifting to the floor. "Goodbye, Iris."
"Goodbye."
****
"Good boy, Roscoe!" I encourage the young tan and white dog before me, his tail wagging in response.
I open the back door of Reiner's home, turning Roscoe loose into the tall grass in the backyard. A few of Reiner's next door neighbors are outside gardening, waving over to me. I wave back, watching as their tools dig into the dirt, their hands having darkened from being stuck in the soil.
It's less hot out now than it was this afternoon, the day stretching towards dusk; the sun beginning its descent below the horizon. A sound makes me perk up my ears. One of—rumbling.
Roscoe pauses his sniffing, ears raised and sniffing in the direction of the wall. A flash of bright yellow lightning dances across the sky, followed by another immediately after. I whip around, peeking around the corner of Reiner's house to see a face gazing over the wall.
My body freezes, eyes widening and jaw dropping as I take in the sight of a massive titan whose bones, teeth, and muscles are exposed. There isn't any skin on the beasts head, and its entire body emits steam higher than any chimney could.
"Oh, my god," I whisper to myself, tears filling my eyes.
A crashing sound sends me stumbling back into the grass, my eyes incapable of separating from the sight of the fleshless titan that peers over the wall. Its hand grips the top of the wall, pulling at the fixture as if it were nothing, and tossing the sturdy material into Trost.
Screams erupt around me, and I feel frozen where I lay in the grass. Roscoe's body is cowering beside me, and my arm instinctively wraps around him, holding him tightly to me. The titan chucks more pieces of the wall, seeing it barreling in my direction.
I grab Roscoe, lifting him and sprinting in the opposite direction of the boulder-sized pieces. Everyone is clamoring and screaming, seeing legs sticking out from beneath fallen debris. More earth-shaking rumbling begins, and the unmistakable sight of several titans are streaming in through the broken wall.
My body halts as I come to a cross section, a tall shadow blocking the sun from above me. I slowly turn my head up, locking eyes with what can only be the armored titan. Roscoe wiggles in my arms, his weight making it difficult to keep carrying him, but I only hold on tighter.
The titan's sculpted flesh-colored face tips down to me, and all I can do is stand cemented in place. My legs shake as the titan hovers above me, my head tipping back to entirely take it in.
"Oh, god," I mutter through a tremble, tears slipping down my cheeks.
A different titan turns the corner, this one looking like an overinflated human with a large belly. Its feet are crooked, and it begins charging at me at full speed. I finally run, spinning around and moving my legs as quickly as I can towards home.
Smoke rises from small fires coming from the crushed homes that had lit hearths, making my vision increasingly less effective. My heartbeat is in my ears, my lungs burning as I pant, my crying becoming hysterical as I fly down the road.
The sight before me is one I've dreamt of, but only in a nightmare. The home that I spent the last fifteen years in, has crumbled to the ground with a large boulder having demolished it.
"No!" I cry, falling to my knees.
I grip Roscoe to my chest, my arms burning from having him in my arms for so long. Not a single piece of my home remains, the piece of wall being even bigger than the house itself.
"Mom! Dad!" My throat aches as I call out to them, but I hear nothing but screams from others around me.
Loud, slow, heavy footsteps approach me from behind, and I swallow harshly, slowly turning my head to see a titan smiling wide at me. It has far too many teeth in its mouth, and its eyes are too big for its massive head. I scream, knowing that this is the last image I'm going to see before I die.
My life seems to play in slow motion before me, my grip beginning to loosen on Roscoe in hopes that he's able to save himself and live out the rest of his life. My parents are gone, and I have no family left in this world. What is there to live for?
The titan bends down, its hand reaching toward me and I squeeze my eyes shut, bracing myself for death. A deafening crash sends my eyes flying up, and my arms tightening back around Roscoe. The titan is falling on top of the houses across from me, the armored titan having knocked it down.
Was it a coincidence? Did it knock into it?
My head turns up to the armored titan again, its physique much more defined than any of the other titans that are running around aimlessly. It seems almost—intelligent. How could it be intelligent?
I rise from the ground, my eyes never leaving the glowing ones of the titan. I'm huffing from crying, feeling Roscoe shaking in my arms. The titan raises its hand, pointing at something behind me. Cautiously, I turn, seeing a horse at the end of my road, flailing as it tries to break free of its reins that are connected to an unbroken fence.
Without looking back to the titan, I run as quickly as I can, keeping Roscoe close to my chest. I can't bear to look at my decimated home where my parents lie dead. I can't see their bodies. I won't leave if I see them. They would want me to live.
The horse is panicked, its brown eyes bloodshot from stress. It's neighing loudly, tugging on its reins that are hooked in its mouth.
"Shhh," I calm it, reaching an arm out and keeping Roscoe in the other. "Hey, it's okay. I'll get you out of here." My hand strokes the snout of the brown horse.
It breathes out, slowly settling the more I speak to it. I'm panicked, my gaze shifting around constantly to keep my guard up for an incoming titan. The horse relaxes and I untether it from the fence, the house that it was stationed in front of being flattened much like my own.
I place Roscoe on top of the horse, seeing him wiggling with his eyes blown wide and his balance faltering. I step onto the post the horse was tied to, being able to boost myself up onto its saddle. My one arm wraps around Roscoe while the other grabs the rein, my feet settling into the stirrups.
"Let's go!" I command, my heel kicking into the horse's back leg.
We turn the corner, my eyes shifting back to take a short, fearful glance at the intelligent titan that towers in the center of my ruined neighborhood. My hair is whipping behind my back as I ride towards Ehrmich in wall Sina, my mind and body all focused on surviving.
Several screams erupt out, seeing people being picked up and eaten like cattle in the mouths of wolves. I gasp, watching the blood trickle down the chins of the hideous beasts that devour them.
There's several military police stationed outside of Ehrmich, the gate just beginning to open. People are gathered around in a mob, all shouting at the stoic men who guard the gate.
"Let us in!" one shouts.
"You're taking too long. We're all gonna die!" cries another.
I pull on the reins, the horse easing up and going to a standstill. People are all shoving each other, toppling over one another as the gate eases open more. The chains rattle as the heavy door slides up, bodies filing in to the entrance like water through a spout.
My horse stays put near the back of the crowd, not wanting the poor animal to be frightened again. I turn my attention back to wall Rose, seeing the gap the armored and colossal titans left, but not seeing either titan.
How did they—disappear? The rest of the titans that came through the broken wall are still devouring the town. Our population is dwindling the longer we wait to get inside of the gate.
The hiss of the scout's ODM gear makes me flinch, seeing them whizzing by overhead and fearlessly targeting the remaining titans. I watch with quiet shock and fear as they slice them at the nape, the large monsters collapsing to the ground with a ground-shaking roar.
I finally make my way into the gate, weaving away from the crowd to find a quieter place for the horse and Roscoe. There's a small barn several blocks away from the entrance, and I dismount the horse, pushing open the door and finding another horse occupying the space. A few pigs snort as I stride in, setting Roscoe down once all three of us are inside. I bar the door behind myself, seeing three cows in the far back corner of the humid, musty barn.
Roscoe runs around carelessly, seemingly forgetting the entire moment we just went through. But I can't. A support beam is set directly in the center of the barn, reaching all the way up to the apex of the ceiling. My back presses against it, sliding down and replaying the moment in my head.
I feel numb, weak, and exhausted all at once. So many thoughts flash through my mind: my crushed home, the lifeless bodies beneath debris, the screams of those whose last sight was that of a titan's mouth, and the armored titan who directed me toward the horse as an escape.
I watch as she drinks from a trough of water, her silky black tail flicking every so often. For being such a petrified horse when I found her, I'm happy to see her drinking and acting as if nothing happened, just as Roscoe is.
My mind flips to Reiner, and the dread consumes me again. There's no way he made it out of there alive. Downtown where he was, was even closer to where the armored titan broke the wall down. He was most likely trampled by the intelligent titan himself.
What an odd thing it was, though. How can all of the other titans seem so human-like in appearance, but so animalistic in character? Then the armored and colossal titans seem so human-like in character, and so other-worldly in appearance? What makes them different? Were they some of the first titans out there? Are they in charge of breeding to make more titans?
Everything I've ever learned about titans seems to be untrue, except for slicing them at the nape of their neck kills them. I saw the scout regiment take them down with ease, and it was more impressive than it was scary.
I can't get over how quickly the colossal and armored titans disappeared. It's as if they vanished into thin air, almost like I imagined it ever happening.
My eyes blur with tears as I begin to softly sob, wondering if my parents suffered or even knew that it was their time. Did they hear the titans crashing down the wall? Did they feel the rumbling of the earth beneath their feet the same as I did?
I have no one. The only other person who I spoke to is most likely dead and gone as well, leaving me an orphan and pathetic excuse of a human.
The barn door rattles, and I jump up with a gasp, picturing a titan on the other side trying to break through.
"Iris?" A man's muffled voice is on the other side.
I approach the door with trepidation, a shaky hand pressing against it. "Reiner?"
"Yes, it's me," he breathes out, sounding like he's panting. "Can you open the door?"
Quickly, I push the lock, pulling the door open and seeing a disheveled, dirtied Reiner before me. Roscoe books it towards him, nearly jumping into his arms.
"You're alive?" I ask, unable to hold back my tears. "But you were so close to the gate when—"
"I got lucky," he interrupts, closing the barn door behind himself. "I saw you heading for wall Sina. I tried calling out to you, but you couldn't hear me. I got caught in the crowd."
Without thinking, I hug him, my body nearly collapsing against his. I'm wailing into his chest, the sight of my crushed house flashing in my mind once again.
"They're gone," I sob, my back heaving. "My house, my parents—everything."
Reiner's hands gently press to my back, seeming reluctant to return the embrace. "I'm—sorry," he replies slowly, his voice mournful. "Iris, there's something I have to tell you."
My head tips back, gazing up at him with bleary eyes. "What is it? What's wrong?"
"I'm joining the scouts. I have to take down the titans that are running rampant through Trost and Shiganshina."
I shake my head in disbelief. "Reiner, you're all I have."
He gives me a faint smirk. "That's not true. Roscoe's right here with you." His eyes shift down to his dog. "Thanks for saving him. He'd be dead if it wasn't for you."
"Of course. I wasn't going to leave him behind. It wasn't even a thought."
Reiner nods slowly, his hazel eyes filled with melancholy. "I know."
My gaze flicks between his, my arms still wrapped around him. "What will I do?"
"You'll make friends here." Reiner's eyes float around. "And I don't just mean with the animals."
I faintly giggle, tears rolling down my cheeks. "Nobody is going to want to be friends with the orphan from Trost."
His jaw hardens a bit. "You're more than that." His hand moves up and cups my face, his thumb brushing away a tear. "I have to go."
"When will I see you again?"
Reiner's eyes close, watching his jaw flex. "I don't know. I'll—I'll find you. I promise."
He removes his hand from my face and I release the hug I had him in, crying softly as he pets Roscoe on the head, giving him a chaste kiss between his eyes. Reiner spares me a short, brief glance before he leaves, closing the door of the barn behind himself.
My chest aches as I sob, carrying my hollow frame back over to the beam, and falling to the floor.
Why did this have to happen?
***
5 years later
My body stretches as I sit up in bed, letting out a yawn as I run a steady hand through my tangled hair. Roscoe stretches at my feet, my face splitting with a grin as I give him a kiss on his nose.
"Good morning, sweet boy," I tell him gently, throwing my legs over the side of the bed.
I comb through my hair, throwing on long, flared pants and a long shirt. Winter is approaching faster than I'd like, and I'm down to my last few logs for the fireplace. I eye my axe after sliding on my boots, patting Roscoe on the head before heading outside with him to the garden. I'll chop wood tomorrow.
Luckily, the people whose barn I broke in to were kind enough to let me stay in their son's home who went to join the scout regiment. Unfortunately, they were informed a year ago that he died in combat. His parents were devastated, and it was a blow for me too, even though I had never met him. It brought back the memories of Trost being invaded, and my parents being crushed beneath a chunk of the wall.
I make my living by gathering wood for myself and them, and I help them care for the animals in their farm. The horse, Rain, who I rode away from Trost, stays here with me in the gated backyard. She has plenty of room to graze and run, and I take her out around town any time I need to head into the market for something.
Food is incredibly limited here, so I took up the necessary hobby of gardening. I've successfully grown tomatoes, carrots, cabbage, and potatoes. Any extra produce I have after I gather, I give to the owners of the barn, and then to my neighbor.
Life has been quiet for the last five years in regard to titan attacks, but the paper has a new terrifying headline every week. The last article I stumbled across said there are human titans within our walls. It didn't exactly come as a surprise to me since the armored and colossal titan displayed such obvious intelligence.
It only makes sense that someone who is half human half titan would be able to display such understanding. So, the rest of the titans aren't humans then? How do humans even breed with titans? There's so many unanswered questions that I have, and nobody to ask.
I never wanted to join the scouts or military police. Fighting isn't something that I feel I'd be good at. Even though my parents were killed by the human titans in Trost, I have no urgency to seek out revenge. My parents would've wanted me to stay safe. They never wanted me to be in harm's way, and that's precisely what joining any sort of military is.
"Hey, Iris," the familiar hum of my neighbor, Zane, calls out to me. "Digging in the dirt again?"
I laugh, Roscoe running to the gate to greet Zane excitedly. "Digging in the dirt is what brings you extra food."
Zane opens the gate, petting Roscoe as he strides towards me. "Hey, I wasn't complaining. You grow the best carrots in all of Paradis."
My eyes meet his from beneath my sun hat, giving him a small smirk. "Only the carrots?"
"Fine. The best produce in general." Zane laughs lightly, and the sound fills me with such indescribable happiness.
Zane is a couple of years older than me. I met him about a year ago, and we've had our flirtatious exchanges ever since. He's tall with black hair and light brown skin. His eyes are almost honey colored, sprinkled with a bit of brown. He has a stunning smile that could give my plants the shine they need to grow. I enjoy his presence just as much as I enjoy looking at him. He really is beautiful.
"And how is my famous stew recipe coming along? It smells lovely." My smile doesn't falter as the scent brings me back to my mother's cooking.
The recipe was hers, after all.
"Well, it seems I may have made too much." His hands stuff into his front pockets. "Would you care to join me for dinner and help me eat some?"
I giggle as I nod, my cheeks heating regardless of the chill in the air. "I'd love to." My eyes flick to Roscoe. "But only if he can come, too."
"Oh, of course. You know Roscoe is always welcome." Zane looks out into my yard. "You too, Rain."
"I just baked some bread last night. I'll bring a loaf over."
"Ooo," he coos. "It's been too long since I've had good bread."
I rise from the ground, rubbing my dirty fingers against my pants. "You're right. You haven't ever had my bread."
Zane flashes me a sly grin, stepping closer. "I'm sure it's delicious."
My eyes briefly flick to his lips, then back to his eyes. "Are you flirting with me, Mr. Sinead?"
His grin deepens. "Don't I always?"
Our eyes are locked, the palpable tension climbing higher than wall Sina. I'm briefly mesmerized by the way he gazes at me, Roscoe's barking ripping me from my daydreaming.
I turn my head, seeing a strong blond man standing at my fence's gate. Roscoe's jumping against the wood, the man reaching down and petting him between his ears.
"What? Don't you recognize me?" he asks him.
His voice. The hair. His chiseled jaw.
It can't be.
"Reiner?" I call out hesitantly, my voice shaking a bit. "Is that really you?"
That all-too-familiar smile that doesn't reach his eyes flashes at me, and I now know for a fact that it's him. I cross the yard, opening the gate and wrapping my arms around the back of his neck, pulling him in tightly. He hugs me firmly—much different than the last hug I gave him before he left for the scouts.
He looks different now. His hair is a bit longer, and his facial hair is unshaven. His body is fuller with more muscle, and he's gotten so tall.
"You look—different," I tell him as I pull away, taking in the new appearance.
"I could say the same for you, Iris. How long has it been?"
My gaze stares unshaken into his. "Five years."
Reiner shakes his head, our bodies parting. "Feels longer."
His hazel eyes carry a deep sorrow, almost like he's having a hard time holding eye contact with me. It fills me with melancholy. I can't even begin to comprehend the horrors he's seen outside of the walls, or what has happened in the last five years.
"Are you staying with someone?" I ask him, cutting in to my own morbid thoughts.
Reiner shakes his head. "I just got back into town today. Asked around for where you might be staying." He shifts. "I'm only back for a week."
"I have room," I nod, my eyes softening at his face. "You're more than welcome to stay with me."
Zane saunters over, tossing his arm around my shoulders. "A scout? You must be pretty badass, then."
Reiner eyes Zane's arm slung across me, his serious gaze focused onto his face. "I keep Paradis safe. That's all I really care about."
"How many titans have you killed?" Zane's voice is pitched up with excitement.
His jaw flexes, his eyes narrowing a bit. "More than enough."
"Did you meet any human titans? Were they really bred with titans?"
Reiner's eyes shift to me, looking exasperated. "I'll be inside, if you don't mind."
"Oh, of course not. I'll be right in."
My eyes follow Reiner as he walks away, sliding out of Zane's domineering embrace. I cross my arms over my chest, tossing him a glare of disapproval.
He chuckles lightly. "I'm sorry, Iris. I just wanted you to feel protected."
"You were trying to mark your territory, but I'm not even yours, Zane. We're neighbors who flirt on occasion. It's never progressed past that."
His eyes soften with a hint of sadness. "Did you not want it to?"
"I did until you pulled that shit," I sigh. "Reiner is an old friend of mine. Roscoe is his dog that I kept safe when I escaped from Trost."
My mind replays the horrific day, a chill sliding up my spine to the nape of my neck.
"I'm sorry," he quickly apologizes, slowly approaching me.
I back away, shaking my head. "I'll see you tomorrow."
My body spins around, whistling for Roscoe and guiding him in to the house with me. Reiner is standing in front of a mirror in the dining room, his fingers stroking the hair on his jaw.
"I look unkempt," he says, examining himself. "Haven't exactly been concerned about grooming myself these last few years."
"I think it looks nice," I tell him shyly, turning towards the kitchen. "Makes you look older."
"I am older." His eyes go bleary. "Too old."
"You're only twenty-two, aren't you?"
Reiner turns to me, his gaze hard. "Yeah, I am."
"That's not old." I pull a cast iron pot from beside my stove, placing it on top. "I'm making stew tonight. Just vegetables that I grew in the garden. Meat is hard to come by here."
He chuckles dryly. "I'm used to not having meat. It's been a few years since I've had any."
"I've gotten used to it, too. I don't have the heart to slaughter any cattle, even if I was able to afford some."
Reiner laughs, his smile growing. "That sounds exactly right." Roscoe paws at his pant leg, and he bends down to scratch his head. "I knew you were the best person to leave him with."
My cheeks warm to his compliment as I begin to slice potatoes. "I've needed him more than I ever realized I would. He really has been the greatest companion."
I hear him striding up behind me, my heartbeat rising, feeling it against the side of my neck. His presence is overwhelming, feeling it looming behind me as if he were a titan himself. My fingers settle the knife down, my body turning to face him.
His eyes are glossy, whether it's fatigue or emotion, I'm not entirely sure. What could be on his mind to cause him to look at me like that?
"I'm happy that you're here, Iris," his deep voice burrs gently. "I thought of you a lot during my time away."
My chest crackles with excitement, trying to simmer the glee his statement brings me. "You did? Why?"
"You've always been so kind," his voice breaks a bit, and he puts space between us, turning away. "I'm sorry."
I reach my hand out, sliding it up the muscle in his bicep. "What are you sorry for? It's okay to cry. I know that you've been through so much."
His head shakes side to side, his hands on his hips. "I can't tell you the things I've done. You'll hate me forever."
My eyes soften, my fingers threading into the back of his hair as my hand rounds his body, gazing up into his glistening eyes. "You don't have to tell me anything. I'd never ask that of you."
"I'm not a good man, Iris. I've killed so many."
"You had to," my lip quivers, my left hand sliding up his other arm. "It's the unfortunate part of war. We're at war with the titans. We have been for a hundred years."
"You hold me and console me without having any idea as to what I've done. Why?" His voice wavers, his teary gaze finally hitting mine. "I can't do it anymore. I'm so—tired."
He falls against me, his back trembling as he cries into the fabric of my shirt against my shoulder. Tears fill my eyes as I hold him, my hand sliding gingerly up and down his back. I've never seen a man breakdown like this before, and it's absolutely gut wrenching.
Reiner has always been so stoic. To see him exerting such an extreme emotion just ensures the fact that he did things no human should ever have to do.
"Come on," I tell him gently. "Let me take you to my bedroom to lie down. I'll make dinner in a bit."
We walk to my room, Reiner falling back onto the neatly made bed. My brows are pinched together with empathy, wishing I could erase every ill memory he has from outside of the walls. His head hits the pillow, his legs kicking up onto the duvet. I pull off his boots, setting them near my door.
"Your neighbor," he begins, his voice low and raspy, "are you two—?"
"No," I tell him softly. "I already scolded him for trying to assert dominance in front of you just because you're a man."
Reiner gives me a faint grin. "You should see the way he looks at you."
"Zane can look at me any way he wants," I dismiss the conversation. "Do you want to talk about what happened? You never have to, Reiner. I hope you know that."
"I can't," his tone tightens. "You—"
I sit down on the edge of the bed, gazing down at him. "I what?"
He shakes his head, seeming to brush off my question. "Tell me what you've done these last five years."
***
The stew bowls are cleared and set beside the stove, Reiner still perched at the dining room table, petting Roscoe. I take him in, admiring the defined stubble-lined upper lip and jaw that has only gotten sharper and wider over time. His body has grown substantially in physique and height, and I can't help but to think he's painfully beautiful.
His head turns, hazel eyes sparkling in the candlelight on the table. "What?"
My head shakes, a soft grin on my face. "Nothing. It's just really nice to see you again."
He smiles gently, but his eyes stay darkened with whatever it is that he isn't saying. "I feel the same way about you." Reiner rises from his chair, wood squeaking against wood. "I'm happy that life for you has been pretty uneventful. You deserve to have a peaceful, quiet existence."
"So do you," I reply, stalking closer to where he stands. "No matter what you've done, I'll think that."
His eyes shift between mine, his hand reaching up to cup my jaw, stroking my cheek with his thumb just as he did when he left all those years ago. Our foreheads press together, and for a moment everything around me melts away into nothing.
Reiner hasn't left my mind these last five years, especially not our moment in the barn. Looking back, I thought it was just a silly teenage crush, but I couldn't have been more wrong. He makes my heart race unlike anybody ever has, and I've never felt more safe within someone's embrace.
My chin lifts, connecting my eyes to his. "I didn't tell you that I thought of you, too."
His lips twitch up. "I'm sure it was hard not to, given that you and Roscoe are inseparable."
I laugh, my hands sliding up his thick arms. "Even if he wasn't here, I still would've."
"Iris." He whispers my name like a prayer. "What I've done—"
My finger presses against his lips, feeling their warm softness on my skin. "It won't change how I feel about you."
His strong hand grips my hip, pulling me closer against him. "How do you feel about me?"
I'm practically trembling, my nerves making it difficult to decipher what it is I want to say. "Like I don't know if I can be without you anymore."
Reiner lets out a sigh, almost like a relief. He pulls my face to his, his soft lips sealing tentatively to mine. My body liquifies, my hands traveling to the back of his hair, lacing my fingers into the length of it that has grown out.
In the last twenty years, I've only kissed one man. He was one of the military police who delivered the tragic news about the son whose house I live in. We were all devastated, and he showed such intense empathy. The kiss I gave him was one of gratitude, and didn't exceed more than two seconds. I was so wrapped up in the moment, that I did it without sparing a second to think.
This is far different.
Reiner's hands move to my lower back, pushing me tighter to his hard body. I'm unskilled and unprepared for the way he's kissing me, his tongue slipping between my lips coming as an unexpected yet welcomed surprise.
A moan emits from the depths of my throat, the feeling that is overtaking me being one I've never felt. The way Zane made me feel doesn't even scratch the surface of how my body is reacting to Reiner's searing kiss.
He's walking me backwards towards my bedroom, and I feel as if my heartbeat is echoing off the walls. I'm tugging at his hair, wishing I could somehow get even closer to him.
"Iris," he breathes as he pulls away, his eyes flashing with a look I've never seen from anyone. "Is this what you want?"
I'm confused. Breathless. "This? Kissing you?"
"More. Do you want more from me?"
I hesitate, feeling foolish at my lack of knowledge. "Reiner, I don't know what you're asking me."
He sighs sharply, giving me a swift kiss. "You haven't been with a man?"
My brows ruffle. "No. Never."
"Nobody has ever felt you beneath your clothes?"
A sharp pang of desire coils within the pit of my abdomen. "No."
"Do you want me to?"
Slowly, I nod, unable to look him in the eyes any longer. "Yes."
Reiner slowly falls to his knees, and I slightly gasp, admiring the intense hunger in his gaze. His hands dip into the sides of my pants, shimmying them down and leaving me utterly exposed. My face heats, turning away from the sight of him before me.
His fingers drag up the backs of my thighs, caressing my ass and kneading it gingerly. I'm groaning quietly from the feel of his strong hands gripping me in such a way. I feel his tongue press between my legs, the sensation making me gasp and nearly jump away.
"You taste better than I imagined," he rasps, his voice deep and laced with famine. "I've thought of this for years, Iris."
My chin dips down, watching his face press to me again, and feeling the slick swipe of his greedy tongue. My fingers grip at his hair, my jaw slack as my thighs shake from the pleasure. He flicks a sensitive point at the top of my slit, making me cry out towards the ceiling. He groans deeply against me, the sound reverberating throughout my entire body.
Reiner pulls away, my head tipping back down when he does. "How have you kept this all to yourself?"
"Kept what?" I pant, eyes low.
"This." He kisses that sensitive spot again. "Your taste."
I breathe out in a sigh, my eyes lulling shut as his tongue works against me again. "I haven't—I haven't thought of it. I was n-never told."
He hums against me, his lips closing around where he's licked before pulling away again. "You were never taught about sex?"
"No," I reply, my voice small. "I know that it's how you multiply, but I don't know details."
"Were you ever told how good it feels?" His eyes are locked to mine, watching his tongue stick out to slide between me. "Ever told how to cum?"
My eyebrows pinch together, cooing at the feel of him. "No. Neither."
Reiner moves his hands up between my legs, his thumb replacing his tongue. He rubs me in circles, nearly making my knees give out. "This is your clit. It's sensitive, isn't it?"
"Y-yes," I shake, eyes pinching shut. "It aches."
"A good ache?" His voice is hoarse, his lips slick from being between my legs.
"Yes, very." My head lulls back, a moan leaving me. "I want more."
"More?" There's a grin in his tone. "I'm starving for you, Iris. All I want is to give you more."
My eyes follow him as he rises from the ground, but his fingers stay against me, rubbing me in tight, firm circles. His lips seal to mine, the taste of his tongue being different than before, and unfamiliar.
That taste is me.
Reiner sits on the edge of the bed, sliding his shirt off over his head. I expect to see healed scars from battle, but he's without a flaw. His body is thick and defined, his muscles etched into his skin. His thumbs hook into either side of his pants, watching him slide them down and pull them off of his legs.
I've never seen a man naked before, but the sight is glorious. My eyes go between his legs, seeing the weighty length that stiffly hangs there. Numbly, I pull off my shirt, tossing it aside. Reiner swallows harshly, watching his throat bob as his eyes go to my chest. His eyes meet mine again, his hands reaching out to grip my hips.
"I'll guide you," he says softly, almost sounding winded.
Reiner lays back on the bed, his head gently hitting the pillow. My body follows his, straddling his hips with my knees on either side like I'm mounting a horse.
He stares up at me, my heart thrumming in my ears as I peer down between our bodies. Reiner has himself gripped in his right hand, the other one still on my hip. I raise myself up, watching as he guides himself to where I've been tightly clenched with arousal.
The thick tip of his cock spreads me, making my jaw hang loose as pain prickles up my spine to my scalp.
"It hurts!" I whine, but I have no intention of stopping.
Reiner releases a sharp breath, almost as if it pains him too. "Easy," he says gently. "We have time. Slowly."
My fingers grip his hair-sprinkled chest that's firm with muscles, holding back tears as I try to take the entirety of him inside of me. The stretch nearly makes my head spin. I've never felt so full and relieved at the same time.
I finally settle down to the base, simultaneously releasing the breath that had expanded my lungs to their capacity.
"Iris, you—" Reiner hums out, eyes pinched shut, "fuck. You're so goddamn tight." He looks to me, the hazel of his eyes glazed over like glass. "Are you okay?"
I nod, unable to speak.
His fingers move to my clit, my body falling forward against him. My face is in the crook of his neck, my hands still beneath me on his chest. His hips pull away shallowly, pushing back up against me.
"It's—so much," I finally breathe out. "Reiner."
He emits a broken moan, one that makes me flex around him. "I don't deserve to have you moaning my name like that." His hand picks up against my clit, making me release a long, whimpering cry into his neck. "I've—fuck."
My lips press gently to his neck, hoping that I'm able to press any negative thought from his head. How could he be so wrapped up in his own self hate, when he feels this incredible? His thrusts grow a bit quicker, moaning against him as a feeling blooms within my abdomen that I've never even dreamt of feeling.
"Reiner, I—"
It hits me like lightning, zapping me to my core as the sensation causes my walls to flutter around his thick cock. I'm crying out and convulsing, Reiner's fingers never ceasing as the feeling overwhelms every cell in my body—blinding me.
My teeth sink in to his shoulder, tears filling my eyes from the sheer euphoria of it all.
"So wet, Iris. Felt good to cum on me, hm?"
I nod, releasing my bite. "Yes," I whine, brows pinching together, "I've never felt anything better."
He groans, his pace quickening. "More."
"More?"
"Praise me, baby. Please," he begs, voice breaking.
I lean away from him, my body feeling weakened from the intensity of whatever it is that just washed over me. My eyes are low as I gaze down at Reiner, seeing sweat forming at his hairline.
"I wanted to wait," I say with my voice low, hardly able to speak. "You were the only one I wanted to be like this with."
He groans, his head lulling back and his eyes rolling into his skull. "More."
I moan, trying to focus my thoughts. "You're so big. Your body, your muscles—your cock."
"Oh, my god," he trembles, his fingers bruising my hips. "More, Iris. Please."
"I'll never find anyone to please me better than you. Nobody could even come close."
His chest heaves, his cock slamming up into me now. I'm screaming out, unable to utter another word. I'm being beautifully wrecked from beneath, and I've never felt so wholly at someone else's mercy.
Reiner's groans falter as he cries out, feeling his cock throbbing inside of me. A warmth begins to fill me, spilling out of him and painting me within. I moan from the pleasurable, foreign feeling, unsheathing my nails from his chest.
He's panting, eyes closed as his fingers slowly begin to release my flesh from his grip. My weary body falls against him gently again, his hands running up my back, following the curve of it.
"Are you hurt?" he asks quietly, hardly able to hear him.
I shake my head. "No. I feel perfect."
There's an unshakable smile fitted onto my face, my eyes lulling shut as I let out a hum of contentment. I've never felt more safe than I do right now; the warmth and vastness of Reiner's body encasing me. I don't ever want to leave from this spot. I only want to lie here with him soft and nestled inside of me, and my head on his sturdy chest.
"I'm sorry I finished so fast," he tells me bashfully. "It's been a few years, and, well, it's you."
I laugh lightly, tilting my head up to look at him. "Fast? Is it supposed to last longer?"
"I think it should. Especially for someone's first time."
I hum, beaming at him. "I feel thoroughly satisfied. But we do have the next week to experiment, don't we?"
He chuckles, and for once, it reaches his eyes. "We do."
My face moves above his, kissing him tenderly against his fluffy, beautiful lips. I'm enthralled in the moment, still beaming like a fool. A loud, pounding knock comes to my front door, startling both Reiner and I. He's quick to set me beside him on the bed, leaping out of it and scurrying to find his clothes.
I rise from the mattress on achy, wobbling legs, scrambling for my clothes, as well. "Reiner? Who is it? Why do you look so panicked?"
He fastens his pants, pulling his shirt from the ground and sliding it on. "Iris, I need to leave, but I promise I'll be back."
Another knock slams against my front door.
"Please don't tell them I was here." His eyes are pleading with me, that familiar sadness in them striking me with immense guilt.
"What's going on? I'm confused." My eyes are frantically searching his for an answer. "Reiner—"
He kisses me deeply, our tongues touching briefly before he parts it. "I'll come back. I promise."
I watch as he opens my bedroom window, effortlessly bounding out of it as his tall, shadowy figure disappears into the night.
I'm shaky as I finish pulling on my clothes, my legs still feeling as if they aren't working properly. With an uneven breath out, I answer the front door, seeing a few members of the scout regiment in their green cloaks.
The one in the middle is shorter than the rest, but his eyes are low with a steady confidence. His black hair is parted down the middle, the rest hanging straight on the sides of his head.
"You're Iris?" the man coughs out a sarcastic laugh. "You’re the girl he wouldn’t shut up about."
I ignore his comment. "I'm sorry. What's going on?"
"I'm Captain Levi of the scout regiment. We're looking for Reiner Braun. By how much he spoke of you to a few of our fellow comrades, we assumed this would be the first place he stopped."
I shake my head, still confused. "I still don't understand. Why are you looking for Reiner?"
Levi exchanges a knowing glance to the man who stands to his left. "You were in Trost when it fell five years ago, right?"
My body hugs the ajar door, the memory making a shiver trickle up my neck. "Yes, but what does that have to do with Reiner?"
"That bastard is the armored titan. He's a traitor, and he needs to be found immediately to face prosecution for his crimes."
The world feels like it's spiraling out of control, my grip tightening on my front door. Reiner is the armored titan? My Reiner?
"That can't be true," I reply, my voice breaking. "Please tell me you're lying."
"Sorry to break the news so suddenly," Levi tells me matter of fact. "But I'm hoping the truth will have you lead us to him. So? Where is he?"
I'm too dazed to form a proper reply, simply saying. "I don't know."
"He hasn't stopped by?"
Tears well in my eyes, my hands shaking. "He did, but he left after dinner. I don't know where he went."
Levi's eyes shift between mine, their hard expression never faltering. "I believe you. He'll be back, though. I'm sure of it."
"What do you want me to do if he returns?" My voice is broken and full of agony.
His head tips casually to the side. "I'm going to storm your neighbor's house and hope they let us stay until Reiner returns. What's your neighbor's name?"
I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. "Zane."
"Zane," Levi echoes, looking to his house. "I'll be back later."
My eyes follow him as he and his two comrades leave. The bliss that I felt when Reiner was here has turned bitter on my tongue. How could he do this to me? How could he lie? Why would he kill thousands of innocent people? What's his purpose in doing so?
I've been given too much information and not enough context. Why would Reiner lie to me? Why would he wreak havoc on our town, and harbor intimate feelings for me? Was he simply using me?
My arms wrap around myself as I begin to cry, feeling like I may vomit from the thoughts that run through my head. I don't like to recall that day in Trost, but I'm remembering the way the armored titan pointed to Rain to guide me away from the town. And how it knocked down that other titan that was dead-set on consuming me.
Would it make sense for it to be Reiner? He's the only other person I knew at the time that would want to keep me safe. The armored titan does have blond hair atop its red, fleshy appearance. Why the fuck does Reiner want people to die?
I feel sick with betrayal, my chest aching just as much as my legs. Knowing that the man I just had such an intimate moment with is a murderer, liar, and a titan, makes me wish I never met him at all.
Reiner is the reason my parents are dead—he's the reason that several are dead. It's because of him and the colossal titan that wall Maria and Rose are decimated.
I'm inconsolable as I curl up on my bedroom floor, not wanting to lie in a bed that smells of Reiner’s embrace. I don't want to be reminded of the pleasure he brought me. The memory has been tarnished by the truth.
Reiner is the armored titan, and he deserves to be punished for what he did.
I didn't think I'd ever be the one who sought revenge on the human titans that did this. But that was when I didn't realize it was someone so close to me; someone that used me for my body, and has thousands of dead ones piled in his wake.
I’ve been pacing for hours, seemingly unable to calm myself enough to sleep—or even just sit. Reiner hasn’t been back, and I’m prepared to tackle him whenever he arrives. The longer I’ve been given to think about it, the more infuriated I become.
My eyes are on a window at the side of my home that faces Zane’s, watching as they turn the last bit of flickering candlelight out. Do they really think Reiner isn’t aware that they aren’t lurking in Zane’s house? He’s highly trained and a titan, for Christ’s sake. Doesn’t that give him special abilities?
There’s a quiet sliding that I hear coming from my bedroom, and I arm myself with my ax that’s tucked against the fireplace. I raise it beside me, the blade shining off of the candlelight that burns low on the table.
I cross the threshold of my opened bedroom door, seeing Reiner’s large, but nimble body easing back through my window.
“Don’t fucking move,” I say firmly, my voice even. “How could you, Reiner?”
His face fixes with worry, his eyes vast. “Iris, please let me explain.”
“Explain? Explain what? How you’ve killed thousands of people including my parents?”
He licks his lips, running a hand through his blond hair with exasperation. “I’m sorry.”
I guffaw, my eyes wide. “You’re sorry? That’s all you have to say is that you’re sorry?”
“If you’d let me explain—”
“No,” I cut him off, moving closer with the ax. “Fuck your explanations. There’s no excuse for murder.”
“And what are you going to do with that ax, huh?” His voice falters, his body moving opposite of mine. “That would make you a murderer, too.”
“It would make me a hero.” My swollen eyes blur, feeling my lip quiver. “I thought you cared about me. All of these years, and the only person I ever felt—” I shake my head, closing my eyes. “No. You don’t deserve to hear me utter another sound.”
My arms swing forward, slashing at him with the ax, but he quickly moves out of its path. His hands reach out to easily disarm me, making me hot with fury. He tosses the ax onto my bed, my hand coming down and landing hard across his face. Reiner could’ve stopped me, but I could see it in his eyes that he had no intention to.
“You fucking used me,” I mutter, bleary eyes flicking between his. “I hate you.”
His hazel eyes are heavy as they line with tears, his head nodding back to me. “I knew you would, Iris. I’m sorry.” His large hands have my wrists gripped in them now, restraining me. “And I’d never use you.”
I gather some saliva in my mouth, lurching forward and spitting onto his face. Reiner simply turns his head, a scowl set into the frown lines beside his mouth. I break down into sobs, hating the look he has on his face. He isn’t fighting me, he’s not disagreeing—he thinks he deserves this. I despise that he’s made me so aggressive. I’m not an angry, combative person.
He’s brought out my worst.
My front door flings open, Levi and the other two scout members nearly busting it down. They instantly see me standing in the doorframe wrapped up with Reiner’s hands around my wrists.
The scouts charge at him, Levi unsheathing the swords on his hip. Reiner holds me tight against him, backing away towards the window with my back to his chest.
“Can’t carve me up when there’s a hostage in the way, Captain Levi,” Reiner says, feeling his heart racing against my back.
Levi’s eyes are deadly as they stay focused on Reiner, watching his every move like a bird of prey stalking a mouse. “You’d use your girlfriend as a shield? Damn, Reiner. You really are a coward.”
“Would you rather me turn Titan and kill everyone within the surrounding houses?”
“People dying has never stopped you before,” I bite out a rebuttal, wriggling in his hold. “Just kill me! As long as you get to him, I’ll willingly sacrifice myself. I don’t care.”
“Not an option,” Levi answers dismissively. “Stop being so dramatic.”
My foot leans back and kicks Reiner in the shin, but he has little reaction.
“Let go of me!” I fight against his brute strength, coming up on the losing side of the battle. “Fucking bastard!”
In an instant, I’m being thrown towards the captain, his swords immediately being tossed aside to accept my crash landing. He’s surprisingly sturdy, only faltering slightly in his step as his arms wrap around me.
“Follow him!” Levi shouts above me to the others, my eyes wide with a nauseating numbness.
My body feels weak, Levi supporting nearly all of my weight. I can feel my legs giving out, my bottom lip quivering as a chill overcomes me from the opened bedroom window.
“R-Roscoe?” I shiver, walking back blindly as Captain Levi sits me on the edge of my bed.
“Still safe at Zane’s.”
Rain neighs loudly, hearing the clopping of her hooves bounding past my bedroom window.
“No!” I call out, leaping from my bed. My head ducks out into the night, seeing Reiner’s shadow disappearing atop Rain. “Reiner! Please don’t take her!”
The other two scouts are chasing him on foot, trailing behind more and more as Reiner picks up his speed. My vision blurs, turning towards the man who stands in the center of my bedroom, looking perfectly unbothered.
“Please, Captain Levi,” I begin, voice faltering, “please don’t let him take Rain. She’s the reason I escaped Trost. I love her.”
Levi’s mouth falls into a straight line. “Horses are the least of our concern.” His eyes shift out the window. “Go to your neighbor’s house for the night to stay safe. I’ll return in the morning.”
The captain is quick to leave, rushing out of my house without bothering to even shut the front door all the way. On wobbling legs, I sulk over to Zane’s, knocking on the door to which he immediately swings open. Roscoe is quick to greet me, pawing at my shins as my sobs echo into Zane’s house.
He immediately wraps me into his arms, hugging me tightly. “I’m so sorry, Iris. The scouts told me everything.”
“I want to sleep. I don’t want to talk,” I cry, sniffing against him. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
Zane shushes me gently, his hand running down my hair. “You don’t have to apologize. You and Roscoe go lay in my bed. I’ll stay in the living room.”
I shake my head. “No. Lay with me, please.”
He pulls away, eyes flicking between mine. “Are you sure?”
“I can’t be alone right now.”
He nods, his wide yet tired eyes softening. “Of course, Iris.” His arm hooks into mine. “Let’s go lay down. You’ve had a rough day.”
Zane’s bed isn’t made, looking as if he had attempted to rest at some point tonight. He slides in first, Roscoe quickly jumping up to lay near the foot of the bed as he normally does. My cold, exhausted frame tucks beside Zane, pulling the duvet up beneath my chin. I turn, resting my head on his chest with my arm slung across his stomach.
“Is this okay?” I ask, voice hushed from the amount of crying I’ve done.
“Yeah,” he replies gently, his arm wrapping around me. “Good night, Iris.”
“Good night, Zane.”
****
