ARIA GREY

@hclfgoddess

“i’m sorry. really, i am.” she knew she had messed up. it was a simple mistake, one that could have been easily avoided if she hadn’t been distracted by all the goings-on at seattle grace hospital. the silver scalpel had been in her hand. she had nearly cost a patient their life, and now she was begging for forgiveness. the other doctors in that room had nearly shoved her out of the way to fix the mess she’d created, and now she was probably going to pay the price by losing her job later.

she didn’t know what to do if she wasn’t a surgeon, if she wasn’t working alongside her sister and her friends. but the chief had fired people before for making mistakes, and she knew the department could do the same to her. remorse filled her eyes, as she tried to look anywhere but at the person she was talking to. “i don’t know what happened. one minute, everything was fine… and the next, he was bleeding out on the table.”

if you take a perfect piece of fine china and throw it to the ground as hard as you can, it would shatter into a multitude of tiny pieces. no matter how many times you apologize to the porcelain, it remains broken. the damage is done and it cannot be fixed by words, alone. 

“sorry doesn’t cut it.” meredith ripped her mask from her face, forcibly throwing it into the toxic waste bin, before whirling around to face the girl. the new intern looked horrified. good. she should be. the attending pointed toward the OR. “that man nearly died because of you. i don’t know what happened in there–i don’t really care–but it damn well is never going to happen again. you will not step foot in another operating room until you know how to hold a scalpel in your sleep.” 

people made mistakes. meredith of all people understood that. in this field, mistakes were fatal.

“when you step into that OR, everything outside of this washroom disappears. there is no world outside of there. do you understand? we need 100% of your focus.”

if she thought bailey’s speeches were intimidating, getting yelled at by meredith grey was downright terrifying. aria tried not to think of cruel things about her attendings, but her peers had been warning her earlier that day about scrubbing in with medusa. she’d been nervous, both about performing the actual surgery itself and about performing under the watchful eye of everyone else. she had tried, so hard, and now she felt like a failure.

“i understand — completely. i promise, i understand!” she tried to steady herself, but she felt like throwing up. “it won’t happen again. really — i’m so sorry.”

she wished so desperately that she could control her stammering, control the anxiety she felt swarming up inside of her. was the room spinning or was she just lightheaded? did she really feel like running to the bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach, or was she just sleep-deprived? all she knew was that a man nearly died because of her, she was not going to become a great surgeon anytime soon, and meredith grey probably hated her.

clothing style.

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concept of home and family. 

hobbies. 

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what calms your muse down after a bad day?

talk about one person your muse loves.

ways your muse says i love you.

describe your muse’s laugh. 

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the thing(s) your muse thinks about before falling asleep.

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hearing arizona’s apology was confusing at best. she hadn’t expected it, given the circumstances. but it reminded her a tiny bit of the arizona robbins she’d somewhat known before her marriage went downhill. she gave a sweet smile at first, eyes softening. “it’s okay. you’re upset, it happens to all of us.” she’d had a few of her own spirals in the past few years of being a doctor here. nobody blamed her for those dark times now, but she’d been the hawk singled out at that time.

arizona let her take the lead on talking to the parents — and it felt amazing. talking was something she was good at, when it was just facts and information. helping people, assuring their fears that their child would not be harmed during surgery, calming them down; it was what made her a good doctor. she formed emotional connections, and maybe got a bit too attached with some of her patients; but she was good at that part. when it came to discussing her own feelings, she could be awkward and clumsy, because there hadn’t been too many people who listened to what she had to say before. her mother dismissed her every chance she took, and meredith was the only person who’d ever paid attention to what she had to say — before seattle grace, but she’d grown up with half of their residents in the same ‘frat’ house.

as soon as arizona’s hand touched her, aria fought the urge not to flinch. for the brief few seconds she held it there, it was warm and comforting — almost as if arizona could read right through her mind and detect her nerves about the upcoming surgery. each time she needed to be the surgeon she was training to be, she feared that it would be a fail. losing a patient was hard, and they had all learned that the hard way. aria just didn’t want to go through the pain of losing one again, or feel guilt at her failures. she was so scared that she would mess up, and her attending would not be happy about it. she worried about it all morning, and then forced an uneasy grin onto her face: “i was born ready.” quite literally, she and meredith were popped out of the womb with the intent to become surgeons.

surgery had taken a few hours but everything had went to plan. in the end, she had even allowed aria to close up – knowing all too well the aspiring surgeon was ready. with the family informed of their son’s successful surgery, for the first time of the day arizona was properly smiling. it didn’t matter how much crap was going on in her life, saving little human lives reminded her that her problems were small compared to most. 

throughout the entire surgery, aria felt nervous that something would go wrong. she let out a relieved sigh when she had finished closing up. it was nerve-wracking, holding someone’s life in your hands. but it was also exciting to be able to save someone’s life. it gave her a rush of adrenaline, and she was on a high.

breezing through the halls with a giant grin on her face, she wasn’t prepared for arizona to ask her out. well — not technically out out, it wasn’t a date, as she had to constantly remind herself. it was just a friendly outing. just because her sister fell in love with an attending and her friends were beginning new relationships, that did not mean she had to pursue one as well. her fears on relationships were valid, and she was sure that she’d scare away anyone who even came close to wanting to date her. besides, arizona had just gotten out of a marriage. still, it was overwhelming to have the blonde ask that.

dr. grey sounded so formal. although, if aria was going through something like the older woman was, she assumed she would react similarly. she hadn’t actually found anyone she loved, despite all of her friends jumping into marriages and having children. they were all building lives together — and it probably sucked to think you had it all, and then to have it come crashing down. she did not support arizona’s cheating; but everyone else’s treatment of her since hadn’t been too nice.

as arizona began moving, aria followed hurriedly. arizona had accepted the coffee, but aria didn’t want to mess up again. instantly, responses began running through her head — no ass-kissing, got it! however, she felt joy at hearing that their case today would most likely be a good one. she was going to help a young patient in the process of getting the heart he’d been waiting for. she expected to be allowed to scrub in, but she still wanted to stay on arizona’s good side. “that sounds great! thank you.”

she didn’t want to come off as the bad kind of perky. she was usually a happy person, and she knew that arizona had been too. with all of the current chaos surrounding her attending of the week, she figured arizona was just as she said: not in the mood. widening her eyes, aria nodded quickly. “i’ll do it right after we talk to the parents — i promise!”

arizona hated this version of herself, the way she allowed the breakdown of her marriage to take a part of her with it too. stood outside their patients room, the blonde sighed. turning to face aria, she looked to her apologetically. “i’m sorry for being such a grump this morning. i do appreciate the coffee and your eagerness to learn. i’ll do better.” her words more of a promise to herself. she couldn’t carry on like this, it was unhealthy and exhausting. “now, lets tell thomas’ parents the good news.” she flashed a smile before turning back to reenter the room. the two had been with the family for about ten minutes, arizona allowing aria to take the lead and talk the parents through it all. 

the moment they left the room, arizona placed a reassuring touch to the brunettes forearm. “good job in there. i’ll see you in the OR soon.” hand dropping, the blonde surgeon went on to check up on some other patients before their big surgery. 

hearing arizona’s apology was confusing at best. she hadn’t expected it, given the circumstances. but it reminded her a tiny bit of the arizona robbins she’d somewhat known before her marriage went downhill. she gave a sweet smile at first, eyes softening. “it’s okay. you’re upset, it happens to all of us.” she’d had a few of her own spirals in the past few years of being a doctor here. nobody blamed her for those dark times now, but she’d been the hawk singled out at that time.

arizona let her take the lead on talking to the parents — and it felt amazing. talking was something she was good at, when it was just facts and information. helping people, assuring their fears that their child would not be harmed during surgery, calming them down; it was what made her a good doctor. she formed emotional connections, and maybe got a bit too attached with some of her patients; but she was good at that part. when it came to discussing her own feelings, she could be awkward and clumsy, because there hadn’t been too many people who listened to what she had to say before. her mother dismissed her every chance she took, and meredith was the only person who’d ever paid attention to what she had to say — before seattle grace, but she’d grown up with half of their residents in the same ‘frat’ house.

@musesinked

she knows who arizona robbins is. it isn’t some big secret about the bubbly sunshine pediatrics doctor. besides that, their group of friends and complicated dynamics were all tangled together. she’d been friends with alex since their first year as interns, and arizona had taken him under her wing almost immediately when she’d arrived. they were not strangers to each other. however, with the announcement of arizona and callie’s split, aria was hesitant around the blonde attending. she knew what it had felt like to be heartbroken and devastated, and have people constantly pushing her buttons. as an empath, a trait she couldn’t help but give in to, she was careful regarding arizona’s feelings.

“good morning, doctor robbins!” she smiled cheerfully, feeling her dimples poking through her skin. with one hand, she cradled the patient’s file she has been assigned. with the other, she offered the fresh paper cup of coffee to the other woman. being assigned to a pediatrics case wasn’t exactly her specialty — that would be general, because of her inability to make a major decision — but she enjoyed the chance to work with a kid for a change. “you look lovely today!” compliments were a sure way to someone’s good side; however, the only real difference between them was the slightly darker shade of scrubs. even she could hear the overly enthusiastic emphasis in her own voice, and she tried not to wince.

ever since callie decided to announce arizona’s betrayal in front of their friends, it felt like the entire hospital was constantly throwing her judgemental looks. she deserved it, of course she did but it was beginning to cause her to close herself off - and that wasn’t arizona robbins. 

dr. grey sounded so formal. although, if aria was going through something like the older woman was, she assumed she would react similarly. she hadn’t actually found anyone she loved, despite all of her friends jumping into marriages and having children. they were all building lives together — and it probably sucked to think you had it all, and then to have it come crashing down. she did not support arizona’s cheating; but everyone else’s treatment of her since hadn’t been too nice.

as arizona began moving, aria followed hurriedly. arizona had accepted the coffee, but aria didn’t want to mess up again. instantly, responses began running through her head — no ass-kissing, got it! however, she felt joy at hearing that their case today would most likely be a good one. she was going to help a young patient in the process of getting the heart he’d been waiting for. she expected to be allowed to scrub in, but she still wanted to stay on arizona’s good side. “that sounds great! thank you.”

although she had a toothbrush and some spare clothes at mark’s place, she’d never lived with anyone other than her sister. she’d never had a relationship that lasted this long, or evolved into something this serious. she’d never moved in with a boyfriend before, and it scared her a bit. hearing that mark wanted her to stay, to live in a bigger house with him; it opened up a bigger door of possibilities. “mark… i — i don’t know what to say.” she wanted to be honest with him. her heart was beating rapidly. how had they moved subjects so quickly? she always needed to talk things out, usually with meredith, before she did them. but this was supposed to be different, just the two of them. “you want me to stay?”

okay now he was panicking, had he gone too far? he could see the shock and surprise in her face and he immediately wish he could take back the suggestion and focus on the nursery. how did he go from showing her sofia’s room to asking her to move in with him?