Servant Heart

Depression does not always mean Beautiful girls shattering at the wrists A glorified, heroic battle for your sanity Or mothers that never got the chance to say good-bye Sometimes depression means Not getting out of bed for three days Because your feet refuse to believe That they will not shatter upon impact with the floor Sometimes depression means That summoning the willpower To go downstairs and do the laundry Is the most impressive thing you accomplish that week Sometimes depression means Lying on the floor staring at the ceiling for hours Because you cannot convince your body That it is capable of movement Sometimes depression means Not being able to write for weeks Because the only words you have to offer the world Are trapped and drowning and I swear to God I’m trying Sometimes depression means That every single bone in your body aches But you have to keep going through the motions Because you are not allowed to call in to work depressed Sometimes depression means Ignoring every phone call for an entire month Because yes, they have the right number But you’re not the person they’re looking for, not anymore

I hate people generally, but I like people individually.

I am constantly trying to communicate something incommunicable, to explain something inexplicable, to tell about something I only feel in my bones and which can only be experienced in those bones.

thing i would like to do:

Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.

Vincent Van Gogh used to eat yellow paint because he thought it would get the happiness inside him. Many people thought he was mad and stupid for doing so because the paint was toxic, never mind that it was obvious that eating paint couldn’t possibly have any direct correlation to one’s happiness, but I never saw that. If you were so unhappy that even the maddest ideas could possibly work, like painting the walls of your internal organs yellow, then you are going to do it. It’s really no different than falling in love or taking drugs. There is a greater risk of getting your heart broken or overdosing, but people still do it everyday because there was always that chance it could make things better. Everyone has their yellow paint.