That's enough.

Do you really think I’m some kind of statue without any feelings? Do you really think that my heart doesn’t break everytime you dissapear? 

And then you come back knowing that I will be here waiting for you. It’s my fault, I realize, you know I won’t go anywhere because I care about you. 

And I forget about it very fast and I restart repairing my damaged heart. And when all is perfect, when there are no problems in sight, you dissapear again. 

I don’t know what we are. Are we a couple? Are we dating? Or are you trying to have someone in your life so you don’t feel alone? We are weird, I know. We are not like your brother and his girlfriend or my friend with her partner.

You don’t talk a lot. I always ask you a lot of questions but I don’t know if you know anything about me. I know you like me because I care about you. But do you care about me?

I’m very sad at the most weirdest times. I care a lot about how others perceive me. And you know that I cry when I feel overwhelmed because I think nobody likes me. You know I cry when I feel that I’m hurting somebody. And I’m clumsy so I hurt people a lot. You know I feel awkward when I’m around other people.

Sometimes you just dissapear for days. I see you online but you don’t talk to me (or anyone else). And then you come back and apologize ‘cause you know I have been crying my eyes out because I didn’t know if you were angry with me or if I was being too clingy, too annoying, too much.

And I beg you: “Please, let me know when this happens, this triggers me so much” and your only answer is: “I’m like this”. 

That’s not entirely true and I’m over simplifying things. You try. And with this pandemic and not being able to go out and see other people, I understand that you feel sad too. But I ask you for a minute of your time and you can’t give me that.

You are not a bad person. And I like you. You are trying to figure out who you are and I’m happy for you. You tell me you don’t know that you like or what do you want to do. And I’m here to support you in everything. You are funny, witty, kind, very smart, sweet and I really like you, and I love being with you.

But I wonder if you would be better without me; I feel like I’m just a burden; or, alternatively, I feel like you are using me (kind of) to feel less alone. I don’t know if you care about me.