— silver wing.

estel wants. isn’t it human, to want? she wanted, once, to be a hero like the storybooks. she wanted, then, to get revenge on the people who tore away her home. she wants, now, to be left alone. but she’s not allowed anything she wants.

what reason do they need? what reason are they even looking for? is it just her existence? estel hadn’t asked to be alive any more than they want her to be either. she had surrendered her life to her dearest friend and expected to die, knowing that even if the valiant heroes of her childhood stories weren’t real...well, maybe joachim, too kind and soft-hearted for his own good yet still brave when it mattered, might be as close as it got.

do they think she will stand in his way, if he seeks the light? then they do not understand her at all. she will only be glad that it finds one of them. that maybe his dream, even if never hers, might come true.

“what reasons could i possibly be giving you people? your lady was the one who approached me first. you were the one who bumped into me.” even joachim, when they met upon that scorched field, she had not sought out on her own. she hadn’t even known they were all here. she had come here to never see any of them again. “if i had it my way, all of us would just be enjoying the ball in peace. if it’s enough that i don’t agree with you, then why don’t you go tell the staff all about me already, then?”

Perhaps her upbringing in that secluded village cocooned her from the world's ills, surrounded as she was by Joachim and Micaela's love. Even now, Erma can sense a certain naivete in her words—the insistence that all of her choices were her own, even now that she was under Fenris's thrall. But that could not be further from the truth.

"If you had it your way, yes. But you do not. For as much as Fenris preaches of freedom, once you have entered the pact, you are entirely at her mercy. Anything the goddess of shadows orders you to do, you do. There is no true resistance, or say in the matter."

She remembers how Estel simply stood there in that dimly lit forest, and let Joachim strike her. That, of course, had been a very rare exception.

"...That is the fate of a shadow disciple."

If nothing else, Estel's own words reaffirm it. She regrets nothing she has done, or the choice she has made. Whatever innocence was there seemed to be gone now.

there’s a flash of pink in her eyes, there and gone so quickly that it might have been a trick of the light. of course, erma would know better—and estel does too.

kill her. kill her now, and you won’t have to deal with this.

it would be so easy to. the knight may not have her weapon, but estel doesn’t need hers to tear her apart.

she grits her teeth, takes two steps back to put distance between them. no, she won’t. estel doesn’t want to—it had never been what she wanted, but none of them understand that. was she looking for joachim? she had resigned herself to never seeing him or their teacher again. was she biding her time? what would she even bide her time for? no, of course not!

“i came here because my home is gone,” she snarls and doesn’t care who hears. “my home is gone, my family is dead, and you were the one who was too late to save it. and you want to ask me what i’m doing here? what are you?! if you’re that worried about fenris’ retainers, then you should be back in tournu hunting them down!”

while they’re here arguing circles in fódlan, what is happening back home? is there another village that won’t have a knight to save it? will someone just like her turn to the shadows in an attempt to protect their home? maybe they’ll be more successful than her. maybe their home won’t be burned down and their family won’t have to die.

Yet Erma will not step down to that level. She will not scream back, nor will she fold to the sniping and goading. There is truth in it...

But also falsity, twisted by emotion.

"I am here for the protection of my lady." She responds coolly, "And to protect him, as he resolves to walk the path of light. We travel together so that we might shed light on the darkness of the world, and save all that we are able. Judging by your presence, our being here is no mistake."

Yet, it was a conundrum. Estel was here, alive. She saw Joachim strike her—saw her die. His reason for seeking Naga's blessing was in great part due to his desire to bring her back.

...Here she stood. Eyes flashing viciously, still clouded with Fenris's influence. Surely, this is not the way he would have wanted to see her return.

"Failing to reach your village is a regret I shall carry for the rest of my days, as with every other person I have failed. And I am sorry that I, we, all of the holy knights, failed you all." Whatever softness had slipped into her expression at that apology soon hardens again. "But you have also made a choice, and with it comes certain consequences you will have to live with."

it’s better than being attacked, of course, but she wishes they would just leave her alone. they may not agree with her actions, but estel does not regret what she has done either. no matter what they say to try and convince her otherwise, she will never regret it.

“i was invited,” she answers, a little petulant. “i’m a student here—they invited all of us to the ethereal ball.”

obviously it’s not what erma is trying to ask, but she doesn’t know the answer to that question any more than the knight would. she should have been killed—she had been. the scar from it still throbs in pain some nights as though she needs a reminder of it.

and then she wasn’t dead. whether it was some miracle of light or shadow, it’s not like she can say. it’s a miracle too little, too late anyway.

A known shadow disciple, allowed to roam free amongst innocents? Everything in her—in what she's known, what she's been taught, what she's seen—could not abide by that. She could not let happen to this place, to any other place, what happened to her village. "I do wonder how inviting the staff would be once they learned of your affliction."

She was a victim of the Shadow, yes. Preyed upon by Fenris. Lady Yuni was correct in that. But she felt no remorse for what it caused, what it lost her. She huffs and exhales, like an impatient child angry about a scolding. As if her precious time was being wasted, when her mere presence here was a matter of life and death.

The knight would not be swayed by the act, or let her guard down.

"Fine, then."

Erma steps closer to Estel, their shoulders brushing again as she speaks close to the rabbit's ear. "What are your intentions here? Do you seek Joachim? Or are you biding time? The retainers of Fenris do not seem to be here at the moment, but if you have appeared, it is entirely possible for them to follow. Once they order you to maim and kill, you cannot resist—"

Memories of Erma's childhood friend flash in her mind. How she so brutally slaughtered neighbors, family, friends. And how she dazedly and innocently forgot it all. How it led her to lie about all of it.

[ SLIP-UP ]

The dark does not bother Erma.

Not in the sense that she lacks fear of what lurks inside it—for with Shadow, there is always something to be afraid of. For it was the den of monsters, criminals, murderers; those who hide their vile intentions, only to unleash them on the unsuspecting later.

It terrifies her.

But it does not stop her. The dark does not impede Erma's sight greatly, and thus she moves forward, no matter the obstacle. She follows whatever faint light she can latch onto, so that she might...

(The crowd is thick in the dim ballroom, and her shoulder brushes against another. An apology is uttered, gaze shifts towards the shadow, and rabbit ears are the first thing to enter her sight.)

...be a light for others to follow.

"You are..." Erma tenses, her hand inching towards her waist, only to remember—she hadn't brought her spear with her. "...Estel..."

children are warned to be careful of the dark. the shadows are where the monsters lurk, after all.

but even as a child, estel had never been afraid of it. no, she would face the darkness with her head held high and her bow at the ready, to protect all those who could not protect themselves from what lurked there. as all good heroes should.

she may be no hero now, but as it was then, as it is now. the rabbit weaves through the crowds with ease even in the dim lighting. her eyes may not be as good in the dark as joachim, but she can still see better than most fódlan folks if the numerous people who have almost or already tripped into her is any indication.

“coming through! ‘scuse me!” when her shoulder brushes another, the apology comes automatically—“oh, sorry!”—before she even turns to see who she’s bumped into.

and when she does, she jerks back immediately like she’s been burned.

frankly, estel hadn’t really thought that yuni would cause a scene in front of such a large crowd. like naga’s retainer had said: they were on a different continent, with different rules, and even a different goddess. she doubts her status would have done much to save her here if she chose to strike her down.

but her knight? in the darkness? doesn’t it seem like the perfect cover? the heel of her boot scuffs against the ballroom floor as she takes a half-step back, eyeing erma warily. she doesn’t appear to have her spear, though that doesn’t mean she can’t be concealing other weapons. how quickly could estel defend herself if the other tried to attack?

But she doesn't attack, for now. Merely questions.

"What I want does not matter. Why are you here?" Her voice is low, hushed. Though their staredown was obscured by the darkness of the room, she didn't wish to give any more reason to draw curious eyes. "You should have been..."

Was this why Lady Yuni had been reflecting on Estel all of a sudden? Had she seen her here?

    “Well, there's been a few people who have been chasing me. It doesn't look like they're looking for my blood though,” Joachim answers, voice low so as to not ruin the party atmosphere for anyone else around them. “I've been looking out for Fenris's retainers, but I think I'm the only wolf here tonight.”

He's been looking out for Estel too. He knows she's in this area at least, having met with her shortly after the Battle of the Eagle and Lion, but he's yet to know if Yuni or Erma know about her too. If they knew...

Joachim looks around at the smiling faces of all the patrons around them. Would these smiles disappear?

(Or perhaps Yuni and Erma wouldn't trust him for keeping that secret from them, for not wanting Estel's fate to be at anyone else's hands... not even his.)

At the mention of pestering, she hums, glancing around. "Oh, yes. I have heard of these... 'talent scouts'? I suppose it is natural none have approached me—I cannot possibly see what I could offer in the way of entertainment."

It is why her modus operandi has been hunting down Shadow disciples and eliminating them—it is why she had been so keen to talk to Estel to begin with, that perhaps she could complete her mission here too. Ultimately, she did not. And that is what inspires this line of questioning now. Whatever guilt she assigns their side, she carries herself.

"Maybe there's more to this war between Light and Shadow than we think. Maybe it goes beyond pointing fingers at which side is wrong and is more about the people we've lost and will continue to lose. Or maybe..."

Yuni's voice trails off, struggling to catch up with the endless wandering of her thoughts, eventually yielding with a sigh. The more she ponders on these questions, the fewer answers she will get. That is the nature of the mystery of good and evil—it is inextinguishable, and she would sooner fall into Shadow trying to pursue the exact explanation than discover it.

She closes her eyes briefly. Then spins to meet Erma for the first time since they began speaking to each other. Her green eyes are still cloudy with thought, but there is an earnest attempt to clear the haze. Beginning with a shift in conversation.

But Erma refrains from voicing that thought, not particularly finding anything false about what Yuni was saying either. Shadow disciples were murderers and criminals, but also victims in their own right—Erma could concede that. Estel had been a victim that they failed to protect, even if she felt no remorse in what she did; in the end, she had been able to stop herself long enough to not kill Joachim.

Even Erma could see that was not the action of one truly evil.

It was surprising, however, to see Yuni questioning their holy mission. She would have assumed Naga's kin to be the most resolved in what needed to be done—the teachings were clear, with very little room for doubt. Fortunately she did not seem to be dissuaded from their righteous path, yet... the bird couldn't help but wonder what inspired this pondering in the first place.

"...It is fine. You have also given me much to think about, Lady Yuni." Erma nods, "And... I suppose we do not. When the world is constantly plagued by shadow disciples, there is hardly any time for such frivolity. It is... an interesting feeling, to not have the threat be so present for once."

How, without revealing the truth of why she came to these doubts to begin with? For she is certain that Erma is more devoted to Naga's cause than she is, and she is certain that Erma would hesitate far less than she does right now. She doesn't know how much longer it will be until Estel's secret is discovered, but for now, it is something she holds to herself. Her lips pull themselves into a tight, thin frown.

"People like you and I, who represent the Light's holy mission on Earth, are responsible for the devotion that people have to Naga. We nourish it with our actions, inspire it with our cause, all to rally up the faithful in the war against Shadow."

That is the very core of her mission, and part of why she travels so much to begin with. A Naga disciple finds their home amongst the people they serve, just as a Fenris disciple finds their den within the dark, lonely forests that surround those bright hamlets.

"When we fail in our mission, Shadow has an opportunity to establish a foothold. I can't help but think... that someone like Estel would not have made a pact with Fenris if we had done something sooner."

Yet, that certainty falters slightly with Yuni's second point. Failure in completing their mission...

"A holy knight? I wish you had been here earlier! Then we might have protected the orphanage and saved the lives of the children..."

Estel's words echo in Erma's mind, as they did constantly—even now, she regrets not being able to reach that poor village in time. The holy knights were centered around the cities, or traveling throughout the country, much like herself. Perhaps if more were stationed out in the countryside, in the mountain towns...

"That... is true. Every person that makes a pact with Shadow is a failure on our part. Would that we were omniscient—for as great as Blessed Naga's power is, we servants cannot know everything, or be everywhere at once. We do what we must, but the forces of Shadow are overwhelming... more disciples are created each day because there is tragedy, or some weakness that is preyed upon."

She crosses her arms, "You told me yourself. Blessed Naga only imparts her power to those she deems truly worthy. To those who are upstanding, pure, and able to withstand it. But Fenris... all humans have doubts, worries, weaknesses in their soul. Fenris deliberately preys upon that."

Erma's mind drifts to the criminals she's faced in the past. To Estel. And to her own childhood friend. The girl who had slaughtered so many in their hometown. "Grief and vulnerability, or one's desire for power and greed... does that fault not also lie with the Demon Wolf? Or perhaps even those humans who have failed to heed the teachings, opting to feed their own desires instead?"

That does not stop her from accepting his flower, though.

"Still, I thank you. Though you might not wish to be here, I sincerely hope you find something about it to enjoy while you are." For the briefest of moments, she gives a faint smile. "I, for one, am glad to have spoken with you. In such a daunting setting, familiar faces are always comforting."

It is a somber truth, but one that Yuni carries with her well. Her travels across her homeland have shown her as much—these villages remain in squalor, these people remain in grief, and people like Estel remain angry at the cruelty of the world. The only difference now is the way she sees that truth. Where she might have once kept the tragic reality in her heart, accepting it as some sort of fact of life, now she stands in front of it with questions—with why's and how's and if so's. To carry the truth is not the same as investigating it, and she recognizes this with every step of her restless feet.

She does not stop pacing. But she does finally look towards Erma, her normally sharp gaze unfocused with the haziness of thought.

Micaela appeared to be a deeply pious woman, devoted to Blessed Naga's ways. And though Joachim had respectable intentions... there was the matter of his blood. He had lost his childhood friend; though she was his motivator now, it was possible she could become his downfall in the future.

How strong was the call of Fenris, and would he one day be forced to succumb to it? Erma was resolved to help him reach his goal, and yet, a part of her still worried.

"Us...?"

Naga's disciple paces around. The square footage was relatively small, so there's not much space for her to actually work out her nerves, but she enjoys the constant mindless walking too much to actually care.

"I've discovered something that disturbs me," Yuni tells Erma. As she continues her romp, her eyes wander in every corner of the room except for where Erma's are, "and I just want to talk with you to clear my mind."

Yuni stops walking. Her back is turned against Erma, and her wings are tucked tightly underneath her capelet.

"You certainly recall the happenings in Joachim's village, yes? The bandits, the destruction, the death..."

The divine retainer had always been so calm, so composed—rarely did that stature of hers break. That it does so now speaks to the gravity of her dilemma, and thus Erma resolves herself to do whatever in her power to help make it right. Assuming, of course, it was possible for a mere mortal such as herself.

"Joachim's village?" Erma's brow furrows. "Yes... the group of bandits that razed the town and slaughtered the villagers. Joachim and Micaela were the only survivors. The entire bandit group was torn apart. And..."

The third survivor. The shadow disciple, so driven by her rage and grief that she saw no other recourse but to turn to the shadows, and enact revenge on her village's butchers. Even now, the knight feels an ache in her heart when she thinks of the love and desperation exhibited between the three villagers.

A painful, tragic tale. As with many other lives tainted by the Demon Wolf.

If his attire was not obvious enough, then his dour attitude should make it clear that he is not here tonight in search of things like fun and whimsy. He would sooner return to his quiet corner and be ignored for the rest of the night, but that was proving rather hard to achieve.

He sighs and shakes his head. "Or, at least, I do not intended on joining, but I know a great many other in our company who would likely disagree with that decision." He should keep an eye out for blues and blondes.

The subject of Nanna though, that is something that finally manages to soften his expression. "I doubt it. My daughter is here with her fiancé. If she would dance with anyone, it would be with him."

"I see." At the subject of Finn's daughter, however, Erma's brow lifts with interest. Definitely not as young as she initially assumed. "Ah. Your daughter is to be wed, then? My congratulations to her."

The topic of the competition turns on Erma then, and she shakes her head. "No. I am accompanied by two..." She falters a moment, "Companions of mine. We travel together—at least, we did so before arriving at this monastery. I am mostly here to keep an eye on the both of them."

Her gaze drifts, and she spots an interaction out on the dance floor: two women exchange blooms from their bouquets, after what seemed to be a satisfactory dance.