Aremm🦎

"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes only to turn around and to your horror: the pot.

i do love that you can name pets pretty much anything. with children you have to be reasonable but with pets you can just do anything. you can name your tortoise panopticon

well i guess im not allowed back at the shooting range because the woke dipshits that own the place kept getting complaints that it was "concerning" and "uncomfortable" when i would tape a poster-sized photograph of my own face onto the target and land every single shot perfectly between the eyes

and i know people mean well when they give employment advice but god damn some of them its like "did you try submitting your resume to a place that is hiring" fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck no kidding. shit. ive just been printing them out and eating them. yeah thanks i'll try that

bitch this is all you’re gonna get. this life, this face, this body. you better not ‘maybe in another universe’ your way out of everything. sit your ass down and face this. go make tea and have a picnic and read a goddamn book. kiss your loved ones, send that damn text, and hug your siblings. this is all you’re gonna get.

On my local weather channel theres this small 20 somethings guy who does the minor weather and my family is so enchanted by him. He wears the most egregious suits and ties that make my grandparents go off the rails. Sometimes he blends in with the green screen and my grandparents go farther off the rails. My entire family calls him "sheldon" because any skinny white geeky guy is Sheldon Cooper to them. There is currently a huge tornado on the way and they sent Sheldon to go check it out. Sheldon sounds like he's crying in the middle of this horrible rain and my grandparents are so upset about it. Sheldon could die out there. Why did they have to sacrifice him? Sacrificing their young. My grandmother has started a grudge against the main weather man for abusing poor poor Sheldon. I will update if Sheldon survives.

Having a much older, much more experienced person tell you you're doing well in your shared hobby is better than crack, especially when the hobby tends to be 80% retired ppl. Like, hell yeah I'm gonna get a good grade in birdwatching and I'm not even 50. Child prodigy moment

Everyone should be entitled to a free little treat once per day when they leave the house. A hot beverage, a cookie, whatever. You should have government issued daily tokens and you should be able to go into a shop or a cafe and pick what you like and take it to the counter and hand them your token and say "this is my free little daily treat" and then you don't have to pay for it. please vote for me as your local mp in the next general election.

“If you have time to watch Netflix you have time for a side hustle” my side hustle is relaxing so that my body and brain can heal from by this nose-to-the-grindstone bullshit. I refuse to feel guilty for being a human with the need to relax sometimes. my side hustle is no.

bitch this is all you’re gonna get. this life, this face, this body. you better not ‘maybe in another universe’ your way out of everything. sit your ass down and face this. go make tea and have a picnic and read a goddamn book. kiss your loved ones, send that damn text, and hug your siblings. this is all you’re gonna get.

where’s the rupaul tweet about stop constantly crucifying yourself we could use the wood…… did unfortunately scalp the shit out of me with that

I still think it’s objectively fucked how the world is built for morning people and if you wake up later than everyone else you’re seen as a malicious aberration of some sort. I am that but it’s not because I wake up at 11 fuck yourself