Prompt idea for K+P during their time in tigrisâ basement and neither can sleep so peeta asks why she kissed him in the tunnels?? (bonus points if the convo leads to them kissing again to try it) đđ
Though I know Finnick is awake keeping watch, it's so silent in Tigris's basement that you'd think everyone in the entire world is asleep. Everyone, that is, except me.
I don't sleep well anymore. Nightmares are nothing new, but ever since my time in the Capitol, my brain doesn't stop. There's no shutting it off. Between real memories and manufactured ones, the slideshow is perpetual and the loop is constant.
The pain and chafing from the handcuffs helps. It brings me back to the here and now. And, when that doesn't work, I've taken to pinching myself. If I can feel it, I'm here. If I can't, I need to do something to bring myself back.
The realest I've felt was just hours ago in the tunnels, when Katniss kissed me. I know, for a fact, that that was real. I can still feel her lips on mine, I can still see those gray eyes looking deep into mine. I can still hear her asking me to stay with her, and my own voice making her a promise - always.
Snow took me from her. He turned me into this awful, animalistic weapon not only to hurt her, but to kill her. Sometimes, I don't even feel human.
I don't deserve her anymore, if I ever did. That's the thought that crosses my mind when I have both feet planted on the ground. The ones that cross my mind when I'm hallucinating - those are much, much worse. I squeeze my eyes shut tight and will them away; the last thing I want is to let them infiltrate my mind as I'm trying to remember something good.
Kissing her. Her mouth on mine, her hands on my face. It was familiar - we've done it a lot. But there are two memories our most recent kiss brings up that are more visceral than any other. First, the cave. Then, the beach.
I can't walk myself through either memory chronologically yet. I just remember the setting and how I felt. In the cave, I felt the unbearable fluttering of a crush. On the beach, what I felt was much more powerful than that.
I run my hands over my face and sit up, blinking through the low light only to find Katniss's eyes on me. I flinch, having not expected that, and she looks away.
"Sorry," she mutters, staring at the floor.
We aren't too far apart. There's nothing between us except for a cold, hard, stone floor, but it might as well be a million miles of hot lava. I wonder if I should try to bridge the gap; I wonder if it's even possible. I wonder if it's even something she wants.
But she kissed me. That couldn't have been meaningless, could it?
"You kissed me," I state, voicing my thoughts aloud. I've found that I don't have much of a filter anymore. What I think becomes what I say, whether I want it to or not.
"Yeah," she says, wringing her hands.
She takes a deep breath and stares at the ground for a long time. The silence stretches on and on, so much so that I wonder if she plans on ignoring me. But, eventually, she says, "I don't know."
Then, we're quiet. I have too many thoughts in my head, too many for a single one to break through and become verbal. And I can't read her mind for the life of me.
But then, she breaks the silence. "I guess I do know," she whispers, then lifts her head. When her eyes meet mine, the expression she wears is soft, yet determined. "To bring you back," she says, keeping her voice low. This is a conversation meant just for us. "To bring you back to me."
I go rigid when she shifts onto her hands and knees and begins to close the distance between us. With every inch she covers, I grow more anxious. I want her near me more than anything, but it's also what I'm most afraid of.
I don't want to hurt her.
"Did it work?" she asks. She leans against the same wall that I'm leaning on and looks at my hands, still cuffed.
"I don't know," I murmur, trying to relax.
She inches a little closer, then tips her head up and kisses me while holding the side of my face. Her fingers are tentative and graceful on my cheek, and her lips are timid at first. Gentle, wondering, cautious. But then, as I return the gesture, she takes a deep breath and kisses me harder, like she's sure of what she's doing.
"I need you here," she says. She pulls out of the kiss but keeps her hand where it is, stroking my skin with her thumb. "I need you here with me."
"I'll try," I say, nodding shakily. "I'm trying."
She lifts her other hand to old my opposite cheek, then kisses me again. I close my eyes and melt into her as she melts into me, then allow myself to let lost in how it feels to kiss her. Something deep, deep inside me is reminiscent of the beach, something powerful and heady, something like need, something like want, something like love.
When our lips separate, she rests her forehead on mine and stays there. I can feel eyes on us throughout Tigris's basement, but I don't care. Let them watch. Let them know.
I'm here, I'm here with her, and I'm not going anywhere.