why were they like that. why.

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@ardisiacrenata
why were they like that. why.

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what is the point in discovering secrets if you can't tell anyone. it only makes me feel more alone.
hey i read that u dont read many fics anymore - but you did read a lot when u first came into the fandom - so i was wondering what were/are your favourites that are must-reads? What ones stuck with you? hope ur having a good day!
yeah, when I first got into the fandom (I wanna say sometime in late 2016), I read everyday - any fic I could get my hands on - before I ran out and decided to write my own lol. unfortunately I never utilized the bookmarking feature until I had been through all of the fics, but I wish I had been marking from the beginning. since it *has* been so long since I last read them, it’s hard to remember all of the ones I liked, bc I know it was a lot more than just these. but, in no particular order, here are some that I enjoyed:
Come And Go With Me by distinguished_like
Sound of Your Voice
Backwards Traveller by seutedeern
The Contract by jpgr1963 (and all of the other fics that occur in that universe)
James by jpgr1963 (this one has some good Dom!Paul, I completely forgot about it)
Now in Authentic Beetle Size! by sleeprettydarling (I don’t read a lot of crack fics, but this one is good)
Boy, You’ve Been A Naughty Girl by merseysidestory
Summer of Love by drearymondays
Lifting Latches and Sending Postcards by thinkpink20
the stars that shine by glimmerkeith
Dear Friend by sleeprettydarling
At Night series by sexysadie (some trigger warnings, beware)
i feel like people aren't getting how dire ai is. we are running out of drinkable water. our brains aren't engaging as much with what we see and hear. people near data centers don't get clean water and experience electricity blackouts. it's being used to make pornography of underaged people and women. it often just lies. it affirms everything. it lies. it has made people kill themselves. it lies for gods sake. and people act as if im dramatic for being staunchly against it. 'now i KNOOW you hate ai and whatever, but look at this cute video' this isn't me being a new age puritan about internet videos, this is about the fucking earth and our future living on this planet. people are suffering now, people will suffer more, and my friends and parents will roll their eyes and think im annoying for despising ai so explicitly. we need to wake up because we cannot live like this
And i'm not saying that you'll love me
I'm not saying anything

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tak jsem se podivala na eurovizi.. a ted chci ceskou verzi hadestown, kde bude daniel zizka jako orpheus... prosim prosim prosim, zaplatim zlatem
"i think he must have been fond of me, he let me have all the banana shakes i wanted"
well did you drink them with a straw, paul
something i wanna talk about. i read only some parts, along with the one concerning newt's death in the book (no, i didn't really read the books, sorry) but i don't like the way his character is written there. it might be the flare affecting him, but knowing how dashner tends to interchange characters' behaviours, i don't think it was intentional. to me, it feels like it's just supposed to serve the plot - newt goes from a strong-willed, no-nonsense albeit suicidal/depressed boy to "i'm not immune so i may as well die". the whole scene itself is built like this: "thomas really didn't want to shoot him, but like, what was he supposed to do", and we are supposed to feel sorry for thomas.
what was he supposed to do? i don't know, amything else? can you imagine, your friend tells you to kill them and you just... do it?
so no, i don't like the book scene, i feel like it was poorly done. i do like the movie one, though, even if it's so different. the suspense, the feeling of inevitability, the star-crossed vibe. "just a few more seconds, he could have lived." the weight is there.
and it's strange, i generally prefer books to movies, but not in this case.
Honestly if you haven't read the books idk why you're giving this take 😭 You're entitled to your opinion of course, but this doesn't come out of nowhere.
It's important to both themes of Newt's and Thomas's characters, with Thomas in particular it's about the guilt he feels that's never quite resolved, while for Newt it's about this very carefully built persona crumbling down and his true feelings coming to the surface. It's very interesting in my opinion. No, it's not healing, but neither is the scene in the movies.
Also uhm, it's not really 'I'm not immune so I might as well die'. Newt is already suicidal. He's attempted suicide before, and he specifically attempted because of how much he hated being trapped in the maze, which he brings up during his death scene in the books. Plus, in the books the flare heavily affects people's emotional regulation. Newt was already suicidal, so the flare just made those feelings even stronger.
Why does he specifically ask Thomas to kill him instead of just doing it himself? Kind of left up to interpretation... Could be that he's afraid of attempting and failing again, could be that he sees it as a fucked up way for Thomas to 'prove himself' to Newt now that he knows he's big part of the reason why he went through everything he went through ('if you've ever bee my friend, kill me'), could be a way to have someone he deems as guity of wronging him to carry the guilt of killing him, could be he just wanted to fuck with Thomas. Idk! Have fun with that one.
And also, I really don't blame Thomas for shooting Newt. Yeah, you could say 'well just don't shoot him', but first of all, Newt was being very violent towards him, at that point it wasn't just fulfilling Newt's request but also self defense. Also, something I find very appealing about this scene is that Thomas refuses to shoot Newt until Newt begs him when his eyes are lucid. Say what you want, I think this is very intentional characterization for Thomas. He doesn't want to just go along with a crazed request from Newt, but once he feels that Newt is genuienly begging, he does it out of mercy and also because Newt had explicitly told him that it's the only thing he can do to 'pay him back' for all that he feels Thomas owes him.
Obviously Thomas feels really guilty, but why is it wrong for it to be framed as something that's traumatizing and tragic for him? He's 16 and was under a lot of pressure, felt a lot of guilt and was also being violently attacked, it would be very hard for him to get Newt to just cooperate with him. Sure, you could say that when Newt asked him to just fuck off then was the right moment for Thomas to just leave and let Newt keep going insane with the cranks until they figure something out or whatever, but like, that's not interesting.
Sure, the scene is extremely dark and obviously not healthy, but this isn't out of line for the TMR books. I mean, Alby's death in the books is really violent as well, the whole scene with the tunnels in TST, what happens to Winston, the whole lighting storm thing... It's honestly really violent for a series that's aimed mostly at tweens and teens LOL.
Newt and Thomas's relationship in the books is more complicated and strained than the one they have in the movies. Thomas really likes Newt in the books, thinks of him as the nicest, most reliable person around, and therefore always defaults to him for support. I think Thomas sees Newt as a source of stability, which is why it hits so much harder when in TDC, all the qualities Thomas admires Newt for start fading.
But Newt doesn't see Thomas the same way. Sure, he's on Thomas's side during the 1st and 2nd books, but I feel like sometimes people exaggerate just how trusting he is of Thomas. During most of the first book he's honestly really suspicious of Thomas and usually always argues against his plans at first, even though he eventually gives in. But also, something that's very easy to gather even in the 1st book is that Newt sees Thomas as a source of instability. That's why he and Alby always question him first when something goes wrong, even though both of them later admit they don't actually believe Thomas is to blame for everything, which Newt later walks back on during TDC death scene, which is obviously supposed to be understood as irrational but still being his genuine feelings.
Uhhh whatever I kind of went off topic here. I find Newt and Thomas's relationship in the books to be really interesting specifically because it's really troubled. My point with this ramble was more so that all taken into account, Newt's death scene is impactful because you know the whole tragectory these characters have been through. Anything in a vacuum won't be as impactful as it is in it's full context. I personally don't enjoy Newt's death scene in the movies because I just don't like that they don't allow neither Newt nor Thomas to be kind of messy and terrible. And I also just don't enjoy that the cranks in the movies are just zombies, as opposed as in the books where even when the most 'gone' they're still capable of organizing and communicating. I also just like how deranged Newt is during his death scene in the books, which is kind of lost in the movies because well, it's just a zombie.
Obviously, this is just my opinion, but it is a very strong one I have as a Movie Newt's Death Scene disliker and a Book Crank Newt enjoyer.
Also sorry if this is kind of messy and incoherent, I was just rambling!
Thank you for this take. It was really interesting to read. Looks like something you're passionate about.
So in the books, how would you describe Newt's approach to finding out he's not immune?
Also, Thomas having the whole emotional journey is interesting. I just feel there maybe should have been more passages detailing Thomas' thoughts on this, you know? Between "please, Tommy, please" and "with his heart..."... It feels too incomplete. Maybe that's the intention, too?
something i wanna talk about. i read only some parts, along with the one concerning newt's death in the book (no, i didn't really read the books, sorry) but i don't like the way his character is written there. it might be the flare affecting him, but knowing how dashner tends to interchange characters' behaviours, i don't think it was intentional. to me, it feels like it's just supposed to serve the plot - newt goes from a strong-willed, no-nonsense albeit suicidal/depressed boy to "i'm not immune so i may as well die". the whole scene itself is built like this: "thomas really didn't want to shoot him, but like, what was he supposed to do", and we are supposed to feel sorry for thomas.
what was he supposed to do? i don't know, amything else? can you imagine, your friend tells you to kill them and you just... do it?
so no, i don't like the book scene, i feel like it was poorly done. i do like the movie one, though, even if it's so different. the suspense, the feeling of inevitability, the star-crossed vibe. "just a few more seconds, he could have lived." the weight is there.
and it's strange, i generally prefer books to movies, but not in this case.
nooo april come back you're so hot

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I come bearing gifts (chapter 4 is out).
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
for the next halloween, i'm considering dressing up as either november 5 or page 250. let's see how many people i can scare off.
the white space between free will and determinism. between quantum mechanics and the theory of relativity. between you and other people
vs
music, love and art intertwining everything. bringing people, moments, thoughts, feelings together. weaving a fabric.
i'm sure someone said this before, but the fact that newt is named after isaac newton, and he tried to kill himself by jumping from a wall, is making me sick. it was gravity what took him from thomas the second time too, by the way. it only felt final after he fell. and thomas went with him.
i was in genova this weekend. beautiful city, so many places to see. the second day, i saw the lanterna (the lighthouse). there's a really interesting museum next to it. the first thing i saw there was the oldest depiction of the lanterna - a sort of simplified drawing on an account parchment. 14th century. someone was doing accounts and they got bored, or they were waiting, or they just liked to draw. i imagined them sitting in the lighthouse after a long day, a few candles on the table, a winecup next to it, doodling on a piece of parchment they found. the museum put the drawing on a big screen and they had the whole room dedicated to it. you could read "this is the first known portrayal of the lanterna" in big, bold letters.
my point is - if there needs to be a point - keep doing your art, alright?

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i had a dream thomas brodie-sangster was my english teacher, and i didn't study for a test, and i knew i was gonna fail, and i was ashamed 'cause i've always been naturally good at english (in this dream) and i was angry at myself, and - okay, maybe i do need help
do you think if thomas didn't turn around, newt wouldn't have succumbed to it? he would have survived? if thomas didn't turn around? like - oh god, i'm gonna be sick